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Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
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Hey it's back!!  ~Liz
Lois: Can I go?
Clark: No.
Lois: Oh come on, Clark, why do we go through this? We both know I’m going to go.
Clark: Then why do you ask?
Lois: I’m trying to be nice.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Hi, Great part.
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Features Writer
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Features Writer
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Taivas,
I'm glad you are posing again
don't wait so long next time
great part
merry
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Taivas, this just gets better and better! I really love what you're doing with this scenario. Apart from the differences between Lois and Clark here and the way they were in the series, I love the way you're making subtle changes to the Pilot. That conversation between Lois and Clark after meeting Baines is a perfect example. Now, Clark's comment about hre age and attractiveness makes sense! I adored the Clark/Lucy/Lois scenes. Just terrific!  And overall... well, I just want MORE!!  Wendy 
Just a fly-by! *waves*
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Taivas An excellent part! I can't wait to read the next part. Please post it soon. Tricia 
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
You know I love this, Taivas. Especially the beautiful and very funny dialogue. And you certainly packed a lot into this segment. Witty, poignant in places, Lucy-interruptus <g> just as Lois might figure it out, and some great character development along the way. And this: "Did you find an escort to the ball tonight? Because if you didn't I have..."
"Is there some rule that says I can't go by myself," Lois interrupted, clearly upset. "Why is it all right for a man to go stag to these things, but it's a sin if a woman does?"
"I didn't say..."
"If I want to go by myself, I will. I don’t need to drag some stranger along just for the sake of appearances. Do I?"
Perry looked duly chastised. "I'm sorry, honey, I didn't mean to ruffle your feathers. It doesn't bother me at all if you want to go alone."
"Fine. Well, we better get going. Clark is going to need some time to find a tux."
Perry gave her a confused look. "Why does Kent need a tux?"
"Oh, Clark is my escort tonight. See you at two, Chief." She then whirled around before Perry could respond and took off out of the office.  Yup, that's our Lois, all right. Superb! LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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Kerth
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Kerth
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It's back, let's have fun nd the inability to find a stopping place (i.e. it's a long post I don't think many people complain  Lucy is cool!! I love Lucy  So if you don't like him, can I have him?" 
"Practice up your shielding spells...and remember to duck if you see green light coming your way." Harry Potter to Wizengamot in OotP trial A Bad Week in the Wizengamot
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Blogger
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Blogger
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Thank you all for sharing with me your comments. I wasn't sure if my "elseworld" rewrite would be well received or not. I want to give special thanks to Labrat who catches all of my grammatical mistakes, and points out to me when there are holes in my plot. If you have any suggestions on the story, I will love to hear them. I'm sorry if it took to long. I am working on Part 9 now. A final question: was the post too long? Should I have broken it up into two posts, or is this fine? -- Taivas
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
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Taivas, this story continues to entertain with it's slight twists on the events of the pilot. I tend not to favor episode rewrites because there can be too much 'been there done that' especially with something like the pilot, but you continue to give us these little twists and turns as we flow along. It makes it fun to see where next you'll diverge.
As I mentioned before I really like the modified reversal of emotional attractions between Lois and Clark. Yet you keep their feelings in character.
As far as instalment length... a gentle reader will never tell you that one is too long. It's only too long if it won't fit in a message board post.
We could get into a long discussion here as to the 'optimal' place to end a story part but this is not the venue for that discussion. Let's just say that you should be comfortable with where you leave your story as it 'goes to commercial break' and where you leave your readers until you can come back again.
This has continued to be a fun story.
Tank (who thinks it would be okay for Taivas to discontinue his real life until he has built up a nice posting buffer in this story)
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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This is awesome! I don't know how I missed this before, but I just spent my afternoon reading Parts 1 - 8. To paraphrase Sally Fields, "I like this! I *really* like this!" You are a very gifted writer. You had me laughing out loud at parts, and close to tears at others. Very, very well written. As to your concerns about length - no, I do not find your posts too long. Each posts holds the reader's interest from start to finish. Please post more! Soon!! - Vicki 
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Great part, Taivas! I wouldn't worry too much about the lengths of the posts. I, for one, like the long ones, especially after long waits between parts. Lucy's a fun character. She's incredulous that somebody is working with Lois and hasn't run screaming in the other direction. Plus, she seems to have the ability to make Lois see what her own feelings are, even using a bit of jealousy to bring them out. Lois, fortunately, isn't damaged so she isn't freaked out that Clark spent the night at her apartment. She even winds up liking it. More soon!
-- Roger
"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself." -- Benjamin Franklin
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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This story has become better and better. I am eagerly waiting for more. a gentle reader will never tell you that one is too long Yes! And the other important matter is post *soon*.
Gabriele
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Hi, Where are you, Taivas? You said you wore working on part 9. MAF 
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Joined: Apr 2003
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Blogger
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Blogger
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I wrote Chapter 9, reread it to myself, and tossed the whole thing. I had the idea of the plot line, but it just didn't work when I got it down on paper, so I'm rewriting it right now. I'll get it out as soon as I can.
Taivas
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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MAF
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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