Lois & Clark Fanfic Message Boards
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,441
Likes: 1
Top Banana
OP Offline
Top Banana
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,441
Likes: 1
I hope this isn't the first time I'm posting feedback on this.. if so I'm hugely sorry frown

I must confess I have a love-hate relationship with this story (its prequel too). I usually don't like LC' or L'C pairings, but your terrific writing and story-plot draws me in everytime!!!!

Each part, I am intrigued and pulled in.. then I remember "hey this is the story where Lois is with Lex and Lex is probably good"... but I simply can't resist reading this story.

So even if Lois and Clark don't end up together (although there is still a faint hopeful ray).. I'll absolutely read this superb fic smile So thanks thumbsup thumbsup thumbsup

So I like how you hint towards Lois' taking her powers for granted so much that she's sort of substituting emotional strength with physical... so fitting to her character cool


If she had to move heaven and Earth, perhaps come back to haunt Perry and explain the story after they'd killed her, she would do it.

Waking a Miracle by Aria
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,947
Likes: 28
Boards Chief Administrator
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Offline
Boards Chief Administrator
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,947
Likes: 28
Quote
“Of course, my darling Lex. I hope you don’t arrive early with the lovely – and professional – Miss Lane.”
Ok, double insult. ACL just implied certain innuendo in regards to Lex. And she called Lois a call girl. Nice.

Quote
“No! He has – someone else to do.”
Shouldn't that be *something* else? laugh

Quote
She did, and she wanted nothing to do with the reporter. The woman had lived through the sinking of the gun-running freighter and the bombing at LexLabs. Her life was charmed, and the last thing Beth-Ann wanted was to tangle with Lois Lane, or maybe even Superman.
A wise assassin. Wow.

Terry, I know you warned us about relationship stuff in the beginning, but what is this "raincheck till Christmas"-business? Lois isn't actually considering *shivers* doing stuff, is she?

Michael


Join us on the #loisclark Discord server! We talk about fanfic, our favorite show, life, and more! (It’s almost like the IRC days of old again!)

I go by Michael on the Archives.
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
T
TOC Offline
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Offline
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
T
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Quote
I must confess I have a love-hate relationship with this story (its prequel too). I usually don't like LC' or L'C pairings, but your terrific writing and story-plot draws me in everytime!!!!
I have to echo AnKS here. I'm not sure that I always like what you are doing with Lois and Clark in this story, but the quality of the writing is superb.

Consider this:

Quote
She and Clark had both been irritated by the lack of any progress on the stakeout when he'd driven her back to her apartment. His car, rented from a company improbably but appropriately called Lease-A-Lemon, had rattled to a stop beside the curb. They had both exited the vehicle and slammed their respective doors when Lex had stood up from his vantage point across the street from her building and meandered closer.

“Lois? Are you well?” The tone of his voice had seemed to indicate that he might have believed that Clark had been less than a perfect gentleman towards her.

“Oh, yeah, Lex, I'm just peachy,” she'd replied. “I'm as fine as I can be after wasting an entire night on a story about nothing!”

With that, she'd turned and kicked the front fender of the car hard enough to dent it. “Lois!” her partner had shouted. “That'll come out of my deposit!”

“Oh, yeah, you'll lose what, fifty cents or so?”

“It's the principle of the thing!”

“Well, then, principally I'm mad about wasting my time!”

“Don't take it out on me! You want to smash cars, go beat on your Jeep!”

“I'd rather kick the car that stuck me in the back with a broken spring for six or seven hours!”

“It's not my fault the tip didn't pan out!”

“Oh, yeah? Then whose fault is it? Santa Claus? Or maybe the Easter Bunny?”

They had been standing nose to nose in front of the decrepit wheezer by this time, shouting in ever-increasing volume, when they'd heard a deep guffaw from the other side of the street.

They had both turned to discover the source of the laughter, and they'd seen Lex leaning on the hood of his black limo, laughing at them.
Okay... I'm not sure I like seeing Lois and Clark behaving this way towards one another. For all of that, it's a funny exchange and very well-written. It is perfect that Lex starts to laugh at them, and that they laugh at themselves because he laughs at them.

This, however, is what elevates the scene into pure genius:

Quote
Lois and Clark had looked at each other, then had smiled at almost the same time. Lois had walked across the street to Lex, taken his arm, and said, “Okay, Mr. Very Patient Man, come on up for a few minutes, but us people with real jobs have to go to work soon, so you can't stay long.”

A weary male voice had drifted over from across the street and a few floors up. “Shaddap and take it inside already! We gotta go to work soon too!”

A woman's screechy voice had answered from the adjoining window. “Let "em alone! It's romantic!”

“Like you'd know!”

“Can it, Earl, or you won't be able to remember what romantic means before I feel romantic again!”

“Oh, sure, like that's a horrible threat! I'd have to check my diary to – “

“Check your diary? When did you learn to read and write?”

Another woman's voice, slightly deeper and somewhat younger, had snarled from a different window, “Hey! I already dialed the nine and the one! Do I push "one' again or does everybody shut up and go back to sleep?”

Two windows had slammed almost immediately, and a third had slid shut a few moments later. Clark had stifled a laugh and waved "goodnight' to Lois before driving away in his groaning rented Yugo. And Lex had climbed the five flights of steps to Lois's front door beside her as they'd shared muted giggles.
Isn't it brilliant? Suddenly all those other people are watching and listening and commenting - it's like we were at a theater, and suddenly the people watching - some of them bored out of their skulls and wanting nothing more than being allowed to go home and being left in peace - get to comment on what is going on! And it is so funny! And brilliant! And the whole thing comes just so amazingly alive. Suddenly, this fic steps out of the realm of fanfic and into something that is so much more vibrant and alive.

This, too, had me laughing almost hysterically, and I could almost hear Clark laughing in tandem with me:

Quote
Perry walked away, wondering how Clark would react to the printed speculation that Superman and Ultra Woman might be married, might be siblings, might be clones of each other
Superman and Ultra Woman might be clones of each other???? rotflol rotflol rotflol

This made me suck in my breath:

Quote
ACL Enterprises, based in Aruba. A holding company whose sole owner was shielded behind the little country's banking laws.

Money flowed from New Troy and several neighboring states to the accounts ACL held, and then it disappeared. It appeared to be a classic money-laundering operation, one that protected the criminal owner or owners of the company from investigation and prosecution. Clark wished that there were more Federal laws which could be brought to bear on such situations, but since there were none, he'd have to step in and do some real legwork.

There was a short list of names attached by a paper clip to the back of the page, something else for Jimmy to check out when he returned from the holiday. He didn't recognize the first seven, but his eyes bugged out when he saw the last two.

Nigel St. John and Alex Winfield. Finally! A tie to LuthorCorp and criminal activity!
Nigel St. John and Alex Winfield, who might just possibly be the Mr Hyde of this Lex Luthor, are members of the board of ACL Enterprises? Arianna Carlin Luthor Enterprises? shock

I did not feel too comfortable and untroubled when Lois challenged and humiliated Arianna Carlin at the end of this part!

I was so glad to see this:

Quote
Put together with what he knew that Jimmy didn't know, the notebook spoke volumes to him. This was bad, he thought. This was very bad. He'd thought that girl had had so much potential, so much talent. Now this – whatever "this' was – was threatening not just her career but her entire life. She was in deep trouble and it was going to impact the paper, he just knew it. If only she'd ask for some help, he'd gladly give it. Nuts, he thought. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

A knock on the door brought him out of his funk. “Come in!”

The door opened and Cat Grant stepped into the office. “Chief? I – I think we need to have a long talk.”

He nodded slowly and looked into her eyes. Maybe this little filly was thirsty after all.
I assume that Cat is coming clean with Perry. Yay to that!!!

I found the "little filly" reference vaguely sexist. Admittedly, though, far more than sexist it was just pure Perry. So I forgive him, and you, because despite his colorful language he is no sexist. Now I'm looking forward to what Cat is going to tell him about what sort of nasty business she has been up to!

Ann

Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
Offline
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Hi,

Great part! hyper


Maria D. Ferdez.
---
Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864
E
Merriwether
Offline
Merriwether
E
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864
The longer the story goes the yuckier Lois' relationship with Lex gets. Sorry if her comments about a raincheck weren't intended as sexual inuendo, but it came across that way to me. While I know that you promised to take us further on down the road, I must say that I didn't realize the path headed this way.

I appreciate Clark's noble efforts to expose Lex for what he truly is. I just hope it isn't too little too late.

I also hope that Cat is telling Perry the full truth, for everybody's sakes.


Elisabeth

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145
Likes: 3
T
Pulitzer
Offline
Pulitzer
T
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145
Likes: 3
Ann, you wrote:
Quote
I found the "little filly" reference vaguely sexist.
I don't understand why. That was a continuation of the "lead a horse to water" metaphor he was thinking about earlier. He wasn't calling the Planet's resident feline an equine.

But thanks for all the great feedback. I, too, have a "love-hate" relationship with this story. I never intended for it to grow into the beast which it has become, but it just kept on growing and growing and growing. I took out enough stuff for another six parts or so because it didn't move the story forward. Some of it may show up in another story later on.

Michael, when Arianna said Lex had to do "someone" else, she was making a crude comment about Lois and venting her own anger. But at least we now know why so many of Lex's previous relationships didn't work out.

AnKS, I'm glad you're reading, and I'm glad you like the narrative even if you're not crazy about the direction of the story. I ask you to hang in there, because things will change soon. Of course, you might not like that change either! And if Lois is considering cashing that rain check - well, we'll see what happens.

Maria, you always draw great conclusions from the clues in these stories. Without revealing too much, I can confirm that ACL Enterprises was Arianna's business in the series when she popped up just after Luthor died (the first time). And your question about Nigel and Arianna using Luthor's name for criminal business - well, I'm wondering if you've been peeking at my hard drive.

Elisabeth, that "rain check" was indeed some serious flirting. And I tried to show that Lois, despite her growing feelings for Lex, was unsure about cashing that check. We'll see how Clark and Lex get along together before the end of the story.

Thanks for reading and commenting, everyone!


Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.

- Stephen King, from On Writing
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,947
Likes: 28
Boards Chief Administrator
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Offline
Boards Chief Administrator
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,947
Likes: 28
Quote
Originally posted by Terry Leatherwood:
Michael, when Arianna said Lex had to do "someone" else, she was making a crude comment about Lois and venting her own anger. But at least we now know why so many of Lex's previous relationships didn't work out.
Terry, hm, I think that may not have gotten across in its entirety. My remark was meant as a gag to your play on words.

Michael


Join us on the #loisclark Discord server! We talk about fanfic, our favorite show, life, and more! (It’s almost like the IRC days of old again!)

I go by Michael on the Archives.
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
T
TOC Offline
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Offline
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
T
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Quote
I don't understand why. That was a continuation of the "lead a horse to water" metaphor he was thinking about earlier. He wasn't calling the Planet's resident feline an equine.
Okay, Terry, I get it! laugh

[Linked Image]

These two are not the same, are they? wink

Ann

Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 397
Likes: 1
Beat Reporter
Offline
Beat Reporter
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 397
Likes: 1
Whoo! Another part!

Lex's laughing fit was great. No, Lex, you didn't understand the relationship between Lois and Clark. But how could you? They don't. ;-)

A rain check, eh? That seems very like this Lois. But so does the less-than-ideal treatment of the criminals, unfortunately. That behavior is going to have to change.

Clark is still going out with Rebecca? ...Why?

Cat is asking for help! Finally! I wasn't sure if she would have the courage. Lois and Clark may be alive, but hundreds of other people are dead, in part because of her actions.

Arianna shows her (apparently big-nosed) face! Is she behind everything, or is she just a rogue?

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864
E
Merriwether
Offline
Merriwether
E
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864
Just to clarify, I don't think the story is yucky, even though Lois' and Lex's relationship is yucky. I haven't missed a part and unless something bizarre happens in RL I probably will read every part through to the very end. (Just promise me it won't be a bitter end. You know, where Lois doesn't have to change her monogram after getting married and they live happily ever after.)

Elisabeth

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 700
Columnist
Offline
Columnist
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 700
Ooo, I'm excited to see what Arianna has in store for Lois. Especially now that Lois has powers.

Another interesting part Terry! I can't wait for the next one.


Moderated by  Kaylle, SuperBek 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5