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#50154 03/01/08 12:20 PM
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Ok, here it is. The Fidelity feedback thread is open for business.

Nice, Beth. I particularly enjoyed the Supernova pin-up bit. Now there's a mental image I can work with. wink

Looking forward to more, but now I'm off to bed.


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#50155 03/01/08 12:55 PM
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Great part, Beth!

Kaylie's brother sounds like he has a lot up his sleeve, so this is all pretty interesting, and just a big RAFO right now!

JD


"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
#50156 03/01/08 01:29 PM
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I had a feeling that her brother was going to be important - and a sneaking suspicion he'll end up with Jon's sister, whose name I forget.


Marcus L. Rowland
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#50157 03/01/08 03:13 PM
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Hmm... Ellie and her brother, that's an interesting idea...

I love this Beth!!! Poor Kaylie and Jon - always interrupted wink . Eternally teased isn't it? Though they're not quite to that point yet. Not until they have to travel through time on their wedding night...

I too enjoyed the whole Supernova pinup thing - poor Jon!!! And with someone he knew in the picture too!!

Didn't Lois have a talk with them yet about checking the house?!?!

Am intrigued by her brother.

So this wasn't quite a week between postings was it?

Which means part 3 tomorrow?
Carol

#50158 03/01/08 05:06 PM
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So, this will be brief as I'm writing this from an airport lounge and my flight is going to board any minute. But I have had such limited internet access thus far on this trip that I didn't want to wait for my return.

I think (hope) I mentioned this the first time I read it, but in case not - the pin-up flashback is one of my favorite parts of anything you've written (and I'm a big fan of it all). In just a few paragraphs you manage to convey so many things. The scene is funny and sad at the same time. It must be so hard for Jon to be Supernova and a typical college kid. His experiences are so different than Clark who was dealing with not being "normal" at this age, but was not yet an international hero.

Second part of this chapter I love is Jay. He's just so well drawn, I can really imagine him even though he's only played a bit part before now.

Really brilliant work, Beth!

#50159 03/01/08 05:16 PM
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Me too, Beth. This was really good. I like the glimpse into Jon's recent past and his thoughts on dealing with the dual identity conundrum, and also dealing with the reaction people (especially women) are having to Supernova. And the smoochus interruptus is so very L&C that if there wasn't any, we'd have to insert it.

I'm not so sure about Jay and Ellie getting together. There's a lot more going on with him than meets the eye. Maybe the "Fidelity" emphasis in this story will center around Kaylie's family instead of her relationship with Jon.

And I, also, was surprised at Jon's quick revelation to Jay, but it makes sense in the story. Jay is NIA, which means that he's not just used to keeping secrets from others, he's used to keeping secrets from himself. I foresee no danger that he'll spill the beans - unless, of course, the quandary he's gotten himself into puts him in some impossible no-win situation.

This is gonna be good, Beth. Not that it isn't already. I'm glad about the quick proposal, and I'm not surprised that Jon and Kaylie can't keep their hands and lips off each other. And it's quite natural to be distracted by the woman you love and not x-ray her apartment for intruders. (I find myself doing that all the time.)

Waiting eagerly for the next chapter.


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#50160 03/03/08 12:20 AM
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I don’t like Kay’s brother, there I said it! I don’t like him knowing about the Kent’s secret! They could have made up that they were having an affair like Jay had suspected, what’s the big deal, as long as Jon knows the truth.

I don’t think that Jon knows about how dangerous it is, not only to him, but also to his family, to tell people about his secret identity. I’m he told Amanda, that was her name, wasn’t it? He was much cautious about it with Kaylie, and now he simply confides on her brother without even knowing the guy!!!

I’m anxious to know what will happen next…

#50161 03/03/08 10:17 AM
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Thanks guys for all the great feedback!

The whole Supernova pin-up thing was partially inspired by the episode Sex, Lies, and Videotape where someone fakes a pic of Superman and Lois kissing with advanced software. I got to thinking one day about how a lot of that type of software is now available to people at home and how that might inspire certain... works of art. laugh Glad to give people a good mental image after the aging Clark thing.

And you guys are right, Jay definitely has something going on. And we'll see more of it later.

Dede, I'm sorry to hear you don't like Jay, and perhaps it was a little rash for Jon and Kaylie to tell him the truth. However, Jay's a pretty intuitive guy and I think if they had lied to him, he would've noticed that there was something strange about the situation anyway.

Terry:

Quote
Maybe the "Fidelity" emphasis in this story will center around Kaylie's family instead of her relationship with Jon.
Ooo, yes! Very true. There are many different interpretations of fidelity that I'm planning on playing with in this story.

Quote
the pin-up flashback is one of my favorite parts of anything you've written
Wow, thanks Nancy! blush I had a lot of fun writing it.

Thanks everyone for letting me know what you think!

#50162 03/04/08 09:06 PM
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I thought having the proposal right at the beginning was a great start!!
thumbsup

Jim is awesome - its strange yet so natural to think of him as the editor. Is he married? does he have kids?

I think ellie seems really cute. Id like to find out more about her although i don't think I would like her to get with Jay. Maybe with Jimmy's son?

Angst is always nice (well terrible but u know) but please please don't have Jon be naughty with Amanda.

Anyway, i am completely hooked to this story now and I don't usualy like 1st person stories.
Cheers and happy writing
Em
Em


Lois: Clark, you don't have to be embarrassed. That's what friends are for. Just tell me how much.
Clark: Lois, I want you to go out with me!
#50163 03/05/08 09:23 AM
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[Alisha is a little out of breath as she rushes to catch up...]

Great part. And a big ditto to what's been said before, I loved the pin-up scene and I am slightly concerned about Jay learning the Kents' secret so soon, especially when he's hiding things from his sister.

You can post part 3 now. wink

#50164 03/05/08 04:19 PM
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Thanks Em and Alisha!

Alisha, I can definitely see how Jay would worry you when there's so much he's hiding from Kaylie (and therefore from us!). You'll get to see inside him a bit more in the next few chapters, so hopefull this will help put the concerned readers at rest.

Em, I had never really pictured Jim being married or having kids in this story, and I'm not really sure why. Maybe because I never really had any serious plans for him in this universe. But who knows, maybe he'll acquire a family somewhere down the road as I finish planning this story.

On another note, I always find that first person stories help draw me into a character better. And I felt that when I started writing Honesty, I needed to have that draw in order to make readers more interested in a character that starts out as being completely disconnected from anything from canon.

I'm glad you like story, even though you don't usually like this narrative style.


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