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Blogger
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OP
Blogger
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Oops. Put my reply with the post. My bad. Sorry. Here's what I meant to do & say:
This line says it all!
quote:
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"Your job isn't going to be worth the sweat off an Elvis imitator if you're dead,” Perry responded.
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Wow! That's worse than pocket lint in a lawyer's pocket!
And I loved this exchange:
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“Want to watch a movie?” Clark asked.
“What did you have in mind?”
“I think HBO is running Princess Bride.”
“With the R.U.S.es?”
“Rats of Unusual Size? Yeah.”
“The hero saves the day?”
“Naturally.”
“Smoothies and popcorn?”
“Of course.”
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This sounds like a cure for pretty much anything, although I think it is "rodents" rather than "rats" -- I'll have to pop in the DVD to check. Smoothies and popcorn with a great movie & your best friend? As good as it gets.
Kermtzu
Two wrongs don't make a right. But three lefts do.
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864 |
Don't have a lot of time for feedback, but I wanted you to know I'm still reading.
It was a nice solid part, but I have to admit that you normally spoil us a bit more than this. You're the queen of the episode rewrite, and yet this one stuck closer to the script than you normally do.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate your twists. It's a very different story with Clark not being a super-powered bodyguard. Also, the ending is very different, without Superman to save the day. However, since there was so much dialogue that matched the show, it didn't feel like those differences were emphasized.
Elisabeth
who still likes the story and your writing very much--you just keep the bar for yourself raised pretty high
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
“Sebastian Finn, I presume,” Henderson said.
“So... why'd you kill Dr. Winninger?” Lois asked.
“His Rosencrantz was atrocious,” Finn stated.
“But why come after me?” Lois asked.
“You could identify me,” Finn said. He sounded surprised that she would need to ask his motives.
“No, I couldn't,” Lois said.
Finn shrugged. “Well, that's the way it goes sometimes.”
“How does Barbara Trevino fit into this?” Lois asked.
Finn shook his head. “You can't make me talk… Superman may have been the Man of Steel, but I have a will of iron.”
“I hate actors,” Lois groused. Henderson just chuckled. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.jeannearnold.com/images/rosencrantz_2006_s_01.jpg) His Rosencrantz is so bad he qualifies for federal aid!  This may be taken straight from the episode - it probably is - but I loved it nonetheless. (And I don't necessarily share Lois's hatred of actors.  ) “I guess I'd just feel better if I could...” She looked over at the sofa.
“Stay here tonight?” Clark said, guessing her meaning.
She nodded and he pulled her into a hug. His heartbeat was slow and even and comforting and her head fit perfectly in the hollow of his shoulder.
"I live by three rules,” she had told Clark soon after they'd met. "Never get involved in your stories, never let anyone else get there first, and never sleep with anyone you work with.' Granted, she later confessed to him she had, at one time or another, broken each of those self-imposed rules. And now it looked she might just be breaking them again. The story had gotten her involved. And it very warm and safe in Clark's arms right now.
She knew he had feelings for her – a simple friend or co-worker wouldn't have shielded her body with his own as he had. But she was afraid of what would happen if she raised her head and kissed him. They had a comfortable relationship at the moment. They were friends – best friends. And she could destroy that in a moment if she had misread his feelings. Especially when she wasn't really sure of hers.
She had thought that Superman was the love of her life. But Superman was dead and gone. Clark was alive and here. I so hope she will break her rules with Clark! Dandello, you shouldn't have told us about that Ivory Tower episode, where the two lead characters give in and make love. (Yeah, yeah, their writers made them do it... and guess what I hope that Lois and Clark's current writer, you, will make them do....) “Now you know why I don't ride busses,” Lois muttered to Clark. He chuckled.
“Your elitism is showing,” he told her as the bus stopped next to the Daily Planet building. Yeah, I try to avoid them too... I mean, I've got my bike!!! ![[Linked Image]](http://www.freefoto.com/images/1351/14/1351_14_54---Bicycle--The-Latin-Quarter--Paris--France_web.jpg) Not my bicycle, but I like that it looks so normal and ordinary.... Lois looked around. Except for a cleaning woman, there was no one left in the newsroom besides her, Clark, and Jimmy. No one is there, except for the cleaning woman, and she can't be a threat, of course... even though a woman, Barbara Trevino, is threatening Lois! :rolleyes: “I'll be back to pick you up in a little while,” Clark told her. Then he was gone and room felt cold. I love that! Lois does love him now! Lois grabbed Clark's arm and smiled at him. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?” he asked.
“I thought you might take me home,” she said, giving him a cheeky grin.
“I thought you didn't need a bodyguard?”
“Who said anything about a bodyguard?” she asked, grabbing her coat. I was almost wondering if this was the end of your fic. It felt a bit final. But surely it can't be, because the title of the chapter is A World Without Superman 10/?, which surely suggests that there is more to come. And you definitely owe us a lot more about what is going to happen to Lois and non-powered Clark! Well, you know what I want them to do together! Apart from Clark and Lois both finding out that Clark used to be Superman, of course. And it looks to me as if Clark is slowly regaining some of his "super" stuff, because he seems to heal pretty fast. The B-plot potential of this story is really, really great! Ann
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Posts: 113
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 113 |
I am loving this story.  I wasn't expecting it to stick so closely with the actual episode either, but since I haven't seen the episode in over a decade, no complaints! I like how Clark was able to still save the day without his superpowers. When the bullet hurt him, I was surprised though. I figured his powers were starting to come back but he hadn't noticed. Then again, it's probably better this way. I mean, he'd *have* to notice that his powers were coming back. Super-hearing doesn't just turn on and off, at least not totally. In the show, I think he said he had to learn to focus it or something. Can't really remember. But at any rate, I'd think he'd notice if he started suddenly feeling more "super". Maybe he'd do what he did as a teenager: accidently start fires/see through walls. Wouldn't *that* be a trippy way to find out that you're Superman! Anyway, can't wait for the next part!
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864 |
I'm totally with Mercy. I figured he just hadn't noticed and was completely caught off guard by the bullet. Then again, time seems to pass differently when you're reading in parts than it does when you're reading an entire chapter in one sitting, so it's possible that it wouldn't feel that way if I wasn't reading it as a WIP.
Elisabeth
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Sep 2006
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Well, I was afraid this section needed more work and I was right. I repost it when it's a better - there were also some previous loose ends that needed Lois's attention.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Sep 2006
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The edited version has been posted - see A World Without Superman 10/? edited
Last edited by Dandello; 08/06/15 03:08 PM. Reason: changed link
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864 |
I definately like the part about the second letter. The whole thing makes sense. Martha and Jonathon don't tell Clark the contents, but we do know where the letter went to. Also, both Lois and Clark are now dying of curiosity.
Nicely done.
Elisabeth
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
I liked the edited version, too. I loved the addition of Superman's letter to Clark's parents, and the fact that - as Elisabeth pointed out - both Clark and Lois are now dying of curiosity. There was another little thing that seemed like a change to me: Lois nodded in Clark's direction just as he walked straight into the corner of a desk. She watched as he winced, rubbing his thigh. He was going to have a nasty bruise.
“Oh, brother,” Perry muttered. “Well, you be careful.”
He started toward the elevator again. “Good night,” he said as he stepped inside the elevator.
Lois nodded and went back to her work. She wondered a little at Clark's clumsiness. He had won awards as a high school and college quarterback. Clumsy people didn't do that. Clark's clumsiness - could that signal that his powers are coming back? He doesn't know how strong he is. Good part. I liked it. Ann
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 113 |
Hmm, I don't know about the letter bit. I mean, I automatically assumed the second letter was to Martha and Jonathon, but wouldn't it get sent to the farm? Why would Superman give Murray instructions to find the Kents at Clark's apartment? I figured we wouldn't hear about that letter again until the Kents went home. Also, I wanted to throw in that I liked Cat's appearance in this section. I was surprised that she'd basically admit her jealousy towards Lois (or at least her ability to attract guys), but it's cool that we get to see her perspective on Lois' career. Kind of a "what could have been" for Cat's own career. Also, I like how Jimmy helps save the day when Lois is trapped with Trevino. He doesn't get to play hero often, and he definitely rose to the occasion! 
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Joined: Sep 2006
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,483 |
Hmm, I don't know about the letter bit. I mean, I automatically assumed the second letter was to Martha and Jonathon, but wouldn't it get sent to the farm? Why would Superman give Murray instructions to find the Kents at Clark's apartment? I figured we wouldn't hear about that letter again until the Kents went home. Not to give anything away - Superman's instructions to Murray would have been to check Clark's place first - since if he didn't come back he knew his parents would show up in Metropolis to check on him and/or pack up his belongings. OR, Murray's instructions were to hand deliver it and before he headed to Kansas, he checked on the whereabouts of Jonathan and Martha - calling the farm, getting an answering machine, and then calling Clark's apartment.
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 113 |
Originally posted by Dandello: Hmm, I don't know about the letter bit. I mean, I automatically assumed the second letter was to Martha and Jonathon, but wouldn't it get sent to the farm? Why would Superman give Murray instructions to find the Kents at Clark's apartment? I figured we wouldn't hear about that letter again until the Kents went home. Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks for clearing things up. Can't wait for the next part (nudge nudge)!
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