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Joined: Jul 2006
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
I saw this and actually said, "ooooohh!" - very pleased to see it. Back with FDK later!
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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Joined: Apr 2003
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
Oh, this is a train wreck waiting to happen... fascinating, really. So Jon told his prior girlfriend and she took it really badly... or, rather, he tried to fix a faltering relationship by telling her about his disappearing act, only to find out that the relationship was fundamentally flawed? And it seems like Kaylie's got her own "heros with secret identities" family, which is a really interesting counterpoint to the Kents. If those two could ever get past all their security and personal issues, they'd get along like a house afire. Maybe they could double-date with Jay and Ellie!  Right at the moment, that strikes me as hilariously funny. PJ
"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."
--Stardust, Caroline K
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,956 Likes: 28
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,956 Likes: 28 |
Uuuh, so Kaylie is with the NIA. Hm, I guess i was wrong on the Batgirl approach. I do wonder though, is there a reason that it's just Kaylie, and Jason, and Dad? Did Jimmy join the family business someday down the road? Questions above questions to be answered further down the road. Which means of course that part 7 is eagerly awaited in this part of town. Not that I expect a revelation, but still, more honesty is always a good thing  Michael
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
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Hmmmmmm! All I can say is RAFO! Things are just really, really, interesting...
JD
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 244 |
Oh.My.God.
I smell explosives. Nuclear grade bomb threat.
I'm sorry for Jon. That he had a not-so-good relationship with Amanda. This will make him very hesitant to be honest with Kaylie... unfortunately.
I'm sad for Kaylie. That she will try to keep part of herself forever hidden from Jon.
I'm sad there was no Jon-Kaylie interaction in this part. But at least I got some more insight into Kaylie's secret. (yay!) and into Jon's past (yay!)
More soon please!
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Feb 2007
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"I think my tomatoes are bruised." Lol. I love a good euphemism. The plot thickens...  Work is sucking the life out of me at the moment, so thanks for putting a little sparkle in my day, Beth. 
When Life Gives You Green Velvet Curtains, Make a Green Velvet Dress.
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Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 78 |
This part is great! I’ haven’t left you feedback, but I am following the story! It is just that I’ve been loaded with college work, and it’s been pretty stressful at work too… But hey, this is amazingly good! I love a good mystery. “And Clark or Ellie couldn’t have handled it because…?” Jon bristled. Oh, I hate her already! She sounds like Lana to me, too pushy. True, he couldn’t just ignore the mugging that had happened right under his nose, but he didn’t have to personally escort the perpetrator to the police station, and although he tried to give the police detailed reports whenever possible, he could’ve come back to the station the next day. The truth was, he had been stalling. He wanted to come late, and that both worried him and made him squirm with guilt. I don’t know why, but I think he wasn’t in the mood for going out with Amanda. I can’t wait for next part, Kaylie is such an interesting character, and so is Jon. I want more! 
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Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 700 |
Thanks everyone for the great feedback! I don't have much time right now to reply properly, but I'll came back later.
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Aug 2007
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OK, I'm back now with some more time! PJ, thanks for your comments. I'm glad your enjoying the irony in my title! You and Sira are both right, things will eventually explode for this couple. But not before their relatioship grows more and we learn more about them. Sira you wrote: I'm sad there was no Jon-Kaylie interaction in this part. But at least I got some more insight into Kaylie's secret. (yay!) and into Jon's past (yay!) I actually had a lot of fun writing this part because I could make Jon and Amanda be so mean to each other. The nasty dialogue just seemed to flow out of me. In contrast, I had a difficult time writing Jon and Kaylie's first date in the previous chapter. DO you think that's indicative of some kind of psychological condition? dedecasale, I have first hand experience with how crazy college can get. Thanks for taking the time to leave feedback. I'm glad you're liking my story so far (especially my made up characters of Kaylie and Jon). I hope that Amanda didn't come across as too much of a b*tch. Jon was just as nasty to her, and she has every right to be upset with a boyfriend who'd rather catch up on paperwork than spend time with her. Thanks JD, Michael, and gr8shadesofElvis for your comments too! You guesses are very interesting to read Michael, I'm glad I still have you curious. And gr8shadesofElivs I'll always be happy to put some sparkle in your day!
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,956 Likes: 28
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,956 Likes: 28 |
Originally posted by Beth S.:
You guesses are very interesting to read Michael, I'm glad I still have you curious. Always, Beth. A good guess is half the fun. And the mind's got something to when winding down for the break between parts. Michael
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Joined: Jul 2006
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Merriwether
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OP
Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
I can't believe it took me ten days to come back with FDK.  Sorry, Beth! Amanda and Jon clearly weren't meant to be together, but I have some sympathy for her. We can't expect every woman to be like Lois Lane. Most woman can't share their men with the world. I certainly couldn't. “Dad taught me too, Kaylie. We’re both trained to operate in the same way.” So it's a family affair. Verrry intersting. If someone ever found out what you really do then your whole life would be torn apart. You’d have to be undercover for the rest of your life.
and
It was rule number one that had been drilled into our heads since the very first day. Never tell anyone the truth. Ever. I love the parallels we're seeing between Kaylie's life and those of the Kent family. I hope when that when we learn the truth, it's something worthy of all the secrets. Lisa
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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