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Joined: Jun 2003
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Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 814 |
Well, this is an idea I've been toying with. Is it worth considering?
How will Lois react when she sees a super strong man appear in the news, able to set fires with his eyes?
What do you all think?
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Sep 2006
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I think Superman/Clark will wish he'd never, ever visited that club. 
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2006
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ooh - I like the idea! I realized it was kryptonite all along in the bracelet, but it didn't occur to me it was red, hehe! Nice one.  I'd love to see both Lois's reaction - and Clark's to this. He's bound to flip out something rare. I hope you write that so we find out!!
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 544
Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 544 |
 You have to keep writing this!  Maybe this little guy will encourage you!  I knew the stones in the bracelet were red K fairly early on, but only because I've been playing around with the idea of writing a story with red k in it. They could have done so much more with it in the series, IMO. I really hope you continue this, I can't wait to read more!
Silence is golden.
Duct tape is silver.
~Saw it on a T-Shirt.
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 910
Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2006
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Oh I love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Perhaps I'm too repetitive, but this was such a tantalizing snippet. More please!!
alcyone
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
Shayne, I don't have time to comment now, but I love it! Love it! Love it! (Hmmmm... did Alcyone just say that? If so, I just need to repeat it!)
Even if you don't write more, I'll love this snippet to bits, but I do so hope that you will write more!
Ann
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,018 |
Originally posted by ShayneT:
How will Lois react when she sees a super strong man appear in the news, able to set fires with his eyes? Lois was 16 plus the 13 years means she is 29. In the show they gave Lois a dob in 1967 "TEMPUS, ANYONE?" A gravestone. And chiselled on it: LOIS LANE, 1967 - 1993. 1967 +16 +13 = 29 = 1996 So Superman is 3 years late and nightfall and such have already happen. So where is Clark? And did he have a Red K and Alcohol blackout or is he longing after a Lois Lane he met once??? Did he stop nightfall without inventing Superman or ???
Framework4
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2007
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All I can say is . . . Oh Wow!  Write more PLEASE  Vonceil
Johnny was a chemist,
Now Johnny is no more,
For what he thought was H two O
Was really H two S O four.
--Lab safety limrick--
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
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This is great, Shayne. I know you have more in you, let's have it!
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
Ooooooooh. The others are right, Shayne - this is just begging to be continued. Wonderful and very intriguing! More? Please? LabRat PS - Lisa - ROTFL'd at your sig line. One of my favourite comedy series, although you remind me I haven't watched any in ages. (Something to be sorted, obviously). That was one of Baldrick's finest moments of misunderstanding, I always thought. (Only slightly superceded by him carving his name on his bullets so that the 'bullet with your name on it' would never hit him.) LOL!
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Aug 2006
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Ditto... this begs for more!!! Please!
Jo
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 266 |
You definitely have to continue this! It looks like the beginning of a really interesting story!
Tara
Rose: You're NOT keeping the horse!
Doctor Who: I let you keep Mickey, now lets go!
Doctor Who, The Girl in the Fireplace
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
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Wow am I dense even after the daughter saw the red K bracelet I was still wondering how Clark managed doing that with the green one LOL. Ok I am a little slow but finally I understand red K. 13 yrs later so she is 29. So when do they meet already? Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Blogger
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Blogger
Joined: Mar 2004
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Continue writing this? Heck yeah!! I am completely intrigued with this set of circumstances and am dying to know how this will play out. Pleaseohplease write more. Soon. Very soon.
Hutch
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3 |
Shayne, I have to agree with the previous posters. This is a story which is begging to be filled out. Like, how Lois's education was thrown completely off track by her unexpected pregnancy, how her guilt about never finding that hot young man and telling him he was a father, about her battles with her parents over whether or not to keep Lisa and how she'd raise a child when she wasn't able to support herself and how often she cried herself to sleep because she'd screwed her life up so irrevocably, about her struggles to get an education and find a job that paid enough to live on and -
And what about Clark, who doesn't even know that he has a daughter who's inherited his special abilities, who has no relationship with her and who will have to walk over coals of superheated Kryptonite when they finally find each other in order to make up for his not being there for either of them, who may or may not be Superman (I think he's not, since Lois hasn't made the connection with him yet) and who may have married someone else (like Rachel Harris, or ick, Lana! or double-ick, Mayson!) and might even have a family with that woman and -
You get the idea. I've been through this situation as a parent (like Sam and Ellen), and if you need to hear the horror stories, just shoot me a message. Both Lois and Clark have done tremendous damage to themselves and to each other. And together they've done a horrible thing to their daughter. And the tragic part is, none of the three of them really knows how bad the situation really is.
I know they didn't mean to, they weren't planning on having a baby, they weren't even in total control of themselves when they conceived this child, but blast it, they're responsible! And I want to see them fight through thirteen years of not knowing, not communicating, not fulfilling each other and living separate lives and having put down roots apart from each other. You think TOGOM (and all its variants) was full of angst? Hah! Not a patch on what this story could be.
Sorry to rant, Shayne, because this is a beautifully crafted vignette. Your writing is so economical and powerful, conveying the maximum impact with the fewest possible words. I like everything you write and reading anything you've written is always a treat, including this story. But there's just so much that you left out! Please, please consider fleshing out the story. In fact, this could stand as the prologue of a wonderful journey of mutual exploration and acceptance and learning for all three of them. Besides, how else will Superman come to be? And how else will Lisa learn of her heritage?
I look forward to the next posting on this story. Hi ho, chapter one is on the way!
Right?
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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All I can say is . . . Oh Wow!
Write more PLEASE
***********************************************
I'll second this!!
thanks!
rkn
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Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 86 |
Seeing her daughter pick up the three hundred pound couch easily and carry it through the back yard convinced her that it was finally time to face the truth.
Her daughter wasn’t completely human. *snort* pmsl  Would love to see this one continue.
All right... all right... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order... what have the Romans done for us?
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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You MUST continue this!
It has immediately gone to the top of my must-read list.
It was wonderful.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,441 Likes: 1 |
“I’m sorry,” Lisa stared up at Lois, and for a moment she reminded Lois of the sweet child she’d once been, before she’d entered this rebellious phase. Wow another superb premise,Shayne!!! (I love this line about the sweet child... ) 
If she had to move heaven and Earth, perhaps come back to haunt Perry and explain the story after they'd killed her, she would do it.
Waking a Miracle by Aria
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