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#43366 06/09/07 05:25 PM
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ShayneT Offline OP
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Well, here's part 2. Thanks for all the feedback on the first part!

#43367 06/10/07 01:59 AM
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After the first chapter, i felt as if I was swimming in deep water, having absolutely no idea where I was or where the heck I was going. Now, thanks to the feedback on chapter one, I feel as if I have been caught by a strong current, and I can imagine the shore it is taking me to. I have never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but Buffy's designation, the Vampire Slayer, is certainly enough to give me a few ideas.

Lois the Vampire Slayer?

If that is what she is, then she may have her work cut out for her:

Quote
Lois frowned. “Somebody stabbed them with something blunt?”

“I found this in the back of one man's eye socket.” Angelica turned to a nearby drawer and pulled out a clearly labeled evidence bag.

Inside was a single, broken red fingernail.

“Someone dropped that in while they were burying the bodies?” Clark asked.

Angelica shook her head. “It was buried in the back of the eye socket.”
Gaaaah. I didn't know vampires did that. Then again, I'm not much into horror and the occult.

Quote
This was something Lois was capable of doing. As she hadn't, it meant that she wasn't the only person to have changed.
Double-gaaaahh!!! Lois the Vampire Slayer to the rescue? By killing vampires? Ehhh... all I know about vampires is that they don't like garlic, or silver, or crucifixes, or sunlight, or wooden stakes through their hearts. Hmmm, Lois, you need to add a few items to your shopping list....

[Linked Image]

No, not those items... (And in case you can't see the image, which is a distinct possibility, it's a cartoon showing a Granny shopping with her grandchild and reading from her shopping list: "We need nappies for you and nappies for me.")

Quote
She didn't wonder why Clark had the same look of sick realization on his face as she did.
Clark looks as stricken as Lois is feeling. Does he know anything about the vampires, or is he just generally horrified at all the gruesome deaths?

Let me return to the beginning of this chapter:

Quote
It felt good to be angry. Anger was a familiar emotion, one she'd had a great deal of experience channeling into positive outcomes.

It had only failed her once. Lois suppressed a shudder, and then stopped as she came to the rental.
Gaaaah. Did Lois once kill? Did she tear apart the men who were going to kill her, just before she found her, well, slayer strength?

Quote
Someone had parked barely a foot away from the front bumper, and someone else had parked almost as close from the back. There was no way she was ever going to be able to squeeze out of the parking space as it was. Worse, Perry had already read her the riot act about damaging rentals, after a few unfortunate incidents involving car chases.

People were so rude. It had always irritated her, but the longer she stood and stared at it, the angrier it made her.
I, too, can feel how totally annoying this is. But I can also sense that Lois seems to be a little bit angrier than she usually would have been.

Quote
She glanced over at the business the car was parked in front of. The beat of loud music played from inside, and there was some sort of cheesy gothic design on the front sign.
When i first read this, I didn't really pay much attention to the music from the store and the gothic design of the sign outside. Now I'm wondering, though... Loud music? Gothic design? Is this supposed to signal that something evil is going on inside that store, whose evil influence may be connected to that annoyingly rudely parked car?

Quote
Slipping her keys into a front pocket, Lois reached down and grabbed the rear bumper of the car in front of her. Although she'd seen some of what her strength could do, she had never really tested it.

The rear of the car came up, and a moment later, the tires came up as well. It was a strain, but Lois didn't feel as though she was hurting anything important.
eek

[Linked Image]

Now Lois is doing this, pretty much!

Quote
Lois smirked as she stared in the rear view mirror. She'd called to report a car parked out in the middle of the street, and the tow truck had already arrived. It was petty of her, but somehow she felt a little better.
Hmmm. I wonder. Was the owner of the car guilty of nothing more than rudeness and boorishness? Or was he or she actually connected to the deeper evil going on here, and to the vampires? And if so, will Lois have challenged the vampires by making sure that one of their cars was towed away? Or was Lois really just pettier than usual because her patience is worn thin by her vampire slayer status?

Quote
Lois smirked as she stared in the rear view mirror. She'd called to report a car parked out in the middle of the street, and the tow truck had already arrived. It was petty of her, but somehow she felt a little better.
*shudders* (But I can't believe that Lois has really become evil. And since I have begun to suspect that the Cortez family may not only be leading the fight against the vampires, but that they may be "mystically" connected to the forces of goodness and life, I choose to believe that Senor Cortez would have "sensed" that Lois was evil, if that had really been the case.)

Quote
She hesitated, and then asked, “How does your family know Mr. Kent?”

“He saved the life of my granddaughter,” the older man said. “In my culture, we do not forget such things.”

“How did he…?” Lois frowned. She hadn't pegged Clark Kent as the physically brave type.

“He was a drifter…he found work with us on the ranch. When Anna went missing, lost in the hills, he found her and brought her back after she'd been bitten by a snake.”
Hmmm. The child had been bitten by a snake. Snakes are strongly associated with forces of evil and darkness. Did the vampires have anything to do with Anna's disappearance? And did Clark have to fight vampires to save the girl?

Quote
So he had just been part of the rescue effort. It didn't help much in getting a better picture of who her partner was.
Yeah, right... Clark isn't very impressive, is he, Lois?

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“Anna thought he was an angel come to take her.” The older man chuckled. “She was delirious at the time. It was a miracle that he even found her in the first place. She was miles away from where any of the rest of us thought to look.”
Eh. Maybe he is impressive after all.

Quote
“Thank you, Mr. Cortez.” Lois hesitated. “Do you know anything about Sunnydale?”

The old man spat on the ground. “La Boca del Infierno. The Spanish always had sense enough to avoid that place. Only the gringos were stupid enough to move there.”
I don't know what La Boca means, but Infierno... that must mean Hell. Sunnydale was Hell? Or an outpost of Hell? And only white people were stupid enough to live there?

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“There was something wrong with it?” Lois asked. She'd felt something the first time she'd seen the crater, a sense of slowly fading evil, but she'd dismissed it as jet lag.
Lois herself had felt something, a sense of evil, the first time she saw the crater. Does that mean that she herself can "sense" if people are vampires now?

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The old man extinguished the cigar with a small brass device from his pocket. “I'm going to bed. If you know what's good for you, you will as well. Things escaped when the city collapsed, and the hills aren't as safe as they once were.”
*shudders*

Quote
California as a whole was racially diverse. Latinos, Asians, African Americans…it was an ethnic and cultural melting pot, more so than in most parts of the country. Only half the population was Caucasian.

Sunnydale had been almost ninety eight percent Caucasian. Lois frowned. Something definitely wasn't right here, especially as housing prices in Sunnydale were a third of the price anywhere else in the state. Those prices had kept dropping over a period of several years even as the rest of the state had skyrocketing property prices.
Everybody but some thirty thousand white people knew this place was cursed?

Quote
Cursed. It was how she had been feeling about herself since she'd begun changing.
Poor Lois. mecry

Quote
“How did you get the aerial photo?” she asked, not looking at her partner. He'd certainly come through professionally, but she was still angry about being ditched.

Clark Kent coughed and said “I have a friend who is a helicopter pilot.”

He was lying. Lois wasn't sure why, but she filed it away for another time. There would be time enough o teach him the error of his ways.
I'm glad she knows that he is lying. And the rest of us knows how he got that aerial photo, of course!

[Linked Image]

Hmmmm.

Quote
“I know the Assistant Coroner,” Clark said. He stared at the road and didn't look at her.

So there were reasons Perry had sent Clark on this assignment. He knew the area, he had connections. Lois was beginning to feel like the third wheel. She hoped she didn't have to get between the man and his ego.

“So we won't be using her name in the story.”

It was a shot in the dark, but his slight flinch told her she was correct. Lois pursed her lips. She should have known that a man who looked like her partner would have a checkered past.
There really have been a few Lois and Clark stories where Clark has been around the block a few times, or at least once. But I doubt this is one of them.

And the Cortez family again. I really think they are important in the fight against the vampires.

Quote
“You never wrote for any major paper?”

“The London Times, the New York Times…I've written a few things for the AP. Mostly I did freelance work for smaller papers. I did an article for the Borneo Gazette about the mating habits of…”
Right, there was this article for The Times of London, and this article for The New York Times, and the article about the mating habits of geckos for the Borneo Gazette.

And Lois and Clark meet the Assistant Coroner, Angela Cortez. I don't know if the names of the Cortez women are at all significant because they are so common, but so far we have met Maria, named after the mother of God, Anna, who was the mother of Mary according to the apocryphic gospel of Jacob, and Angela, the angel. Appropriate names for females who want to fight the evil of vampires.

Well, very interesting, Shayne! I want to see how Lois deals with her "change" and what it will mean to her to see more of Clark. Lois feels cursed now. Can Clark save her? And can they defeat the vampires together?

Ann

#43368 06/10/07 02:18 AM
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Kerth
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There's a lot I love about this story, but it's going to be a bumpy ride for Lois, Clark, and reades unfamiliar with the Buffyverse - I took the same approach for a Stargate crossover a couple of years ago, beginning with that same mass grave; the characters at first assumed that it was a Jaffa invasion gone horribly wrong, and were wondering about replicators for a while before someone filled them in a little.

BTW, shouldn't the bodies be wearing chain mail?

TOC, if you want to post graphics into a comment it would help if you resized them first - I'm reading this on a 1024x768 screen and that Superman Returns picture is twice the screeen width, and screwing up the formatting of the text, everything's off the screen to the right.


Marcus L. Rowland
Forgotten Futures, The Scientific Romance Role Playing Game
#43369 06/10/07 02:34 AM
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Things are getting intersting!!

One note--those bodies couldn't be vampires, they turn to dust when they are "killed" so there wouldn't be whole ones left. So, therefore, this isn't the burial pit of a really efective slayer. But then, who did it and what were they? Maybe the victums of vampires or other demonic individuals?

More soon!!!

Vonceil


Johnny was a chemist,
Now Johnny is no more,
For what he thought was H two O
Was really H two S O four.
--Lab safety limrick--
#43370 06/10/07 02:43 AM
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Well this is an awesome story so far.

I'm going to keep this as short as possible, though, because the sidescroll is very annoying

The mass grave -- these must be the crusader victims of Glory (Glorificus), the Hell God, right? (I agree about the chain mail).

As for Lois, I love how confused she is by her
newfound strength and how she is still typically Lois, but I do have one question: isn't it too late for her? Aren't Potentials only called as teenagers?

Nevermind the details, though, they're not all-important. This is quite fun so far.

#43371 06/10/07 04:08 AM
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Sorry about posting a too-large picture, people. I've exchanged it for something smaller.

Ann

#43372 06/10/07 05:49 AM
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The bit about Lois moving the car reminds me of the episode where Clark shoved Lois's jeep sideways into a space he couldn't have parked in because the vehicles on either side were not centered in their spaces ("When Irish Eyes Are Killing" I think). And, like Ann, I think that the Gothic flavor of the shop has much to do with the upcoming plot.

For those who aren't Buffy-literate or who don't speak Spanish, "La Boca del Infierno" literally translates to "The Mouth of Hell" or Hellmouth, which has massive significance in the Buffy-verse. (I only wish I knew just what that was.) It calls to my mind an image of Hell slurping down its victims wholesale, and Sunnyvale seemed to be a place where that happened a lot.

Marcus is right that non-Buffy readers (like me) will have to learn on the job, as it were. But don't let that stop you, Shayne. I'm getting everything fine right now, and you're still so very good at leaving us drooling for more.


Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.

- Stephen King, from On Writing
#43373 06/10/07 08:56 AM
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Kerth
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Hmm, I can't help but wonder. Which roles do Jimmy and Clark play in Lois' Scooby Gang? Who is supposed to be her Watcher, who'll be a witch? What other allies (with which qualifications) will she have? Questions after questions. I'm intrigued.

Mellie


The only known quantity that moves faster than
light is the office grapevine. (from Nan's fabulous Home series)
#43374 06/10/07 12:51 PM
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In the Buffyverse a Hellmouth is an area of weakness between dimentional barriers, literally a mouth into Hell (one of several Hell or Demon dimenions). The mystic energy radiating from the Hellmouth attracts demons and other supernatural creatures. The irony of Sunndydale as a name is intentional, as it was founded by a human who somehow gained the ability not to age, and who was striving to ascend to a full demon form (a lot of season three is based on this concept). At the end of the series we learned that Sunnydale was only the major Hellmouth, with several smaller ones throughout the world. The next largest one is located in Cleveland, Ohio.

In Buffy, a vampire is considered an animated corpse that has all the memories of the human, but its body is inhabited by a demon. There are two known exceptions with the characters of Angel/Angelus and Spike. Angelus was cursed with a soul by a Gypsey tribe after he killed a young Gypsey girl (the souled vampire is known as Angel), and Spike sought out his soul because he was in love with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

The typical weapons such as stakes (or any piece of sharp wood inprovised from broken furniture, pool sticks, etc), Holy Water, decapitation, religious symbols, and garlic are effective (though according to Spike the garlic isn't really so as he would eat spicey and garlicky buffalo wings. In all cases, a vampire turns to dust when it dies. If a vampire is tricked into drinking Holy water it will dust (Buffy season three episode "Helpless").

As for the people not knowing what was going on, it was a kind of running joke in Buffy that everyone was oblivious, except for a few individuals. The people would shrug off or ignore what can't be explained.

I'm not sure how legal this is, but it's a site where you can stream tv show episodes - they have quite a few Buffy episodes for anyone interested.


From Pheremone, My Lovely:

Clark: Lois! Please! Get a grip!
Lois: Believe me, I’d love to!
#43375 06/10/07 02:47 PM
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I forgot to add that in the last episode of Buffy, "Chosen," the Hellmouth was collapsed in on itself due to a mystical amulet worn by Spike (souled vampire who searched to regain his soul because he wanted Buffy to love him). Thus, the entire town collapsed in on itself. None of the residents were aware of the evil of the town on a conscious level, but they all knew to get out of town whether they realized why or not. That's the crater that's spoken of in the story.

In order for the good guys to defeat the bad guys all potential slayers had to be "chosen" by a spell. In the show, the history is something like, "Into every generation, a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One, one with the strength and skill to hunt the vampires, to stop the spread of their evil ways, to cease their destructive manners, to prevent the end of the world. When one Slayer dies, the next one is called." To stop the overwhelming forces of evil that they were fighting, Buffy came up with the plan to awaken every potential slayer (in each generation many potential slayers are born, but only one will become a slayer when the previous one dies - it's a mystical thing, no one knows how the next slayer is chosen). Lois is one of the potential slayers, one who would most likely never have been called had it not been for the spell performed by Willow Rosenburg. Slayers were normally called at an average age of 15 (when the slayers were created waaaayyyy back in the day, the average life expectancy was maybe 40 years, so 15 was pretty much an adult).


From Pheremone, My Lovely:

Clark: Lois! Please! Get a grip!
Lois: Believe me, I’d love to!
#43376 06/10/07 05:18 PM
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Hm, a very creepy and suspenseful couple of parts! I'm completely Buffy-illiterate, but that doesn't even register as a deterrent for me. It still reads as an intriguingly unraveling story...

JD


"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
#43377 06/10/07 09:50 PM
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Hack from Nowheresville
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hmmmm ... so far this story is very interesting and I'm very curious on the following parts.

what makes me wonder at the moment is the slayer thing: Lois has blood on her hands and she wonders when and how and why and everything in general. Ok, but ... what has she done? Is she really a slayer? But then I'm asking: whom has she killed because Vampires don't bleed. Well, and so I'm wondering if it's not possible that she is a Vampire? I must confess that I haven't worked out the thing with the sun at the moment, but at the moment that's what I'm thinking ... huh


"Superman is what I can do. Clark is who I am."
#43378 06/11/07 05:18 PM
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ShayneT Offline OP
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Thanks for all the feedback!

As always, I love your comments, Ann. In response to one specific question, as to why Clark also seems uneasy, think of it from his perspective.

He doesn't know anything is unusual with Lois. All he knows is that someone with Superhuman strength committed murder.

He has to wonder....is he really the only Kryptonian to have made it to earth? What happens if the other one is a monster, a serial killer?

Thanks again to everyone for continuing to follow, and comment on this story.

I'm thankful.

As for Marcus...I loved your Key to Byzantium story, and I'm glad to see you've started it again. It's another example of a story that takes the time to develop things, thus making for a much better crossover.

Of course, I'd been reading and admiring your writing since before you came over to this fandom...

#43379 06/13/07 04:15 AM
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Just read this last night. Wooo Hooo! Lois the Slayer. Clark's a guy who can handle that. Keep it up!
cool
Artemis


History is easy once you've lived it. - Duncan MacLeod
Writing history is easy once you've lived it. - Artemis

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