|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great part.  Clark is trying to impress Lois. Just before the knife came forward, she executed a perfect front snap kick, hitting him in a place that would question his ability with women for some time to come. He dropped the knife, and doubled over.
Lois immediately made a run for it, heading for the parking lot exit. She was halfway there when she tripped on a piece of debris, and fell to her knees.
She got up quickly, and had started toward the exit again when she was tackled by her assailant from behind. He landed on her heavily, knocking all of the wind out of her. He flipped her over, and wrapped both of his hands around her neck, cutting off all of her air. She struggled, but in this position had no leverage over the much bigger man. She slowly started to lose consciousness, as he continued to choke the life out of her.  Superman where are you? More soon, ASAP. Please.  MAF 
Maria D. Ferdez.
---
Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,047
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,047 |
That was a great, meaty part 6! Lots of stuff in there and what a cliffhanger! Can't wait to find out how Superman saves the day...er..night! Keep it coming, we all want MORE! ~Liz
Lois: Can I go?
Clark: No.
Lois: Oh come on, Clark, why do we go through this? We both know I’m going to go.
Clark: Then why do you ask?
Lois: I’m trying to be nice.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,217
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,217 |
Long post, a good mix A-plot-B-plot, and an evil cliffhanger, not bad for your first fic (I think) :p You're learning fast evil habits Post part seven soon!!! 
"Practice up your shielding spells...and remember to duck if you see green light coming your way." Harry Potter to Wizengamot in OotP trial A Bad Week in the Wizengamot
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,992
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,992 |
Taivas WOW! A wonderful part! Their banter is great. I love how they have developed a natural acceptance of each other.  Hopefully Clark will be able to open up to Lois about his past.  What a place to stop!!  Please post the next part ASAP! Tricia 
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 106
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 106 |
Oh no... what a cliffhanger  Come on clark.. where are you??? More please soon Meni
Is it a bird?" "Is it a plane?" "No, it's just a guy in tights and a cape!"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058 |
AHHH OK Where is Superman when you need him. More soon. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,999
Merriwether
|
|
Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,999 |
Okay, I've finally managed to get caught up with this story. Taivas, this is really an excellant, well-written story. I like the subtle reversal of roles between Lois and Clark, and how even though it's Clark who was hurt and thus the more defensive one, he still can't help being 'drawn' to Lois Lane. As I've said in the past. Often rewrites of episodes bore me when they stay too close to the actual action of the TV series, and the pilot has been redone a lot in recent times. Still, your version is anything but boring. Your coming at this from such a different angle lends all sorts of interesting twists to the action as it takes place. By this time, we see a much less 'armored' Lois indulging in a little flirtatious verbal sparring with this good looking new 'partner' of hers. It will be interesting to see how Lois goes about trying to break down Clark's defensive barriers... That is, if she lives.  Tank (who has to say that this instalment ended with an excellant cliff hanger... he wonders if it will actually turn into a wham?)
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 44
Blogger
|
|
Blogger
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 44 |
Thank you for your feedback.
I would be interested in getting feedback about the following:
Was the last part too long? Is the pacing too slow?
Thanks again to anybody who is reading this story from a novice writer.
-- Taivas
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 139
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 139 |
Yep, you finally managed it I can`t wait to read more, and hopefully soon  And no, I don`t think that part was too long I like it when you have something to read and aren`t already finished after five minutes sunshine
A friend is somebody that knows everything about you and still likes you
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,206
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,206 |
Hi, Taivas. I haven't had a lot of time to comment on stories lately since I'm expecting a baby in 3 days. I would like to say this is probably one of the most interesting rewrites of the pilot that I've come across lately. I'm really enjoying the story. It's a fresh approach to switching roles between Clark and Lois, with Clark being the damaged one and Lois being the pursuer (sort of). As for the pace, I think it's just fine, and I love long segments. My preference is always to read long stories all at once, rather than broken up into many pieces. But, of course, there are too many good stories on the message boards to ignore the WIPs. Don't change a thing about what you're doing right now (except if you can write faster ). It's a great story! [EDIT], to Taivas' comment about my wife having the baby two posts down. I'll just have to smack myself on the forehead for that one.  Yes, I am not personally delivering a baby. And it's actually 2 days (Friday morning by planned C-section). My excuse is that I've been operating on 3 hours or less sleep per night for the last three or four weeks due to work and other matters.
-- Roger
"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself." -- Benjamin Franklin
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362
Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
You already know I love this segment, Taivas. I can only agree with those who've commented on how much the changes you've started with have breathed new life into the rewrite theme. I love the dialogue in this segment - it's not only natural but funny and insightful and your characters are engaging. So a huge from this reader. Just get the next part in my mailbox soon before I have no fingernails left. <g> Hope Clark was listening as he left!! LabRat 
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 44
Blogger
|
|
Blogger
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 44 |
Originally posted by RL: Hi, Taivas.
I haven't had a lot of time to comment on stories lately since I'm expecting a baby in 3 days.
I would like to say this is probably one of the most interesting rewrites of the pilot that I've come across lately. I'm really enjoying the story. It's a fresh approach to switching roles between Clark and Lois, with Clark being the damaged one and Lois being the pursuer (sort of).
As for the pace, I think it's just fine, and I love long segments. My preference is always to read long stories all at once, rather than broken up into many pieces. But, of course, there are too many good stories on the message boards to ignore the WIPs. Don't change a thing about what you're doing right now (except if you can write faster ). It's a great story! Thanks for the comment. And I assume that it's your *wife* who is expecting the baby <g>, so good luck and I hope everything goes smoothly. (I personally have four children, and still have the finger marks on my arm my wife made during her last delivery <BG>). Part seven is in the works. I do promise to finish this project, because when I was lurking I always hated when a long story was started but never finished. Besides, if I don't finish, my BR will send her hoards of trained commando rodents to the U.S. to hunt me down <mg>. Thanks again all, Taivas
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362
Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
Besides, if I don't finish, my BR will send her hoards of trained commando rodents to the U.S. to hunt me down <mg>. Bet on it! LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 767
Features Writer
|
|
Features Writer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 767 |
Taivis,
great part
well done
now Superman can save the day
more soon please
merry
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 397
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 397 |
Absolutely loving this story, Taivas! You have a way of bringing a fresh new approach to a familiar story that has me totally hooked! I loved the Lois rant about the coffee and how Clark found himself flying all over the earth to please her... Their chemistry is wonderful!! Excellent work!!! Missy (who loves the long posts)
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi Taivas, Where are you? Where is my dose of "Reflections"? MAF
Maria D. Ferdez.
---
Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362
Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
Yeah, I was just thinking that myself yesterday. My mailbox is getting lonely, Taivas... LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 442
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 442 |
Oh, wow. How did I miss this section? Thanks, Labbie, for bumping this up to the top of the mbs so I could discover I had another part of Reflections to read! Loved it, as always. Some really great lines, but this one literally had me laughing out loud: She reached into the refrigerator, and retrieved a bag marked 'Touch these and die' on the outside. If that's not Lois, I don't know what is. 
Lois: You know the deal.
Clark: Superman gets the guys in capes, Lois and Clark get the guys in suits.
-- Action Comics 827
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362
Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
Well, I've just heard from Taivas to say that he's still busily working on the next segment but that RL (burst water pipes - eep!) has got in the way of his writing time lately. Guess we'll just have to wait patiently to find out what happens next. LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 44
Blogger
|
|
Blogger
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 44 |
Thanks to my BR for posting what happened. Yes I did have a burst pipe in a wall last week, and I've been repairing the damage ever since. Luckily most American Dads/Husbands have X-Ray vision to find leaks and super strength to pull the plasterboard walls off when something like this happens. :rolleyes: Now that the floods have subsided, I am sitting down today and trying to finish Chapter 7 and get it off to Labrat. Thanks all for your patience
-Taivas
|
|
|
|
