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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
Love the flashback. It's funny, for one, but also it adds a haunting poignancy. They wanted him to kill his wife. Nice echo of "Dead Lois Walking" And now Lucy, too! More and more curious. I am glad you included the perspectives of Martha and Sam. It adds a lot to the story. Also I get the impression that they may be doing a better job of holding on to their hope than Clark is. Nice moments with Martha and Clark. I loved this chapter, Hasini.
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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Features Writer
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Features Writer
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I love the premise to this, so I'm anxious to see what happens when Lois wakes up. Keep writing...and quickly!
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,512 Likes: 29 |
Wow, what a touching chapter Hasini. I'm totally drawn to your story. The flashback was really nice, and so Lois. Hehe, first asking him to get a new wife and than giving him a hard time for it. For we all know that Clark probably wouldn't survive Lois' death. You pointed that out just amazingly. I hope you will have her wake up soon, seeing Clark so miserable makes me wanna cry 
It's never too dark to be cool. 
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Kerth
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Kerth
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Nicely done thus far. Well written and disturbing enough that I scrolled back after reading this section thinking I must have missed a wham warning. Well done. I had forgotten the Challenge, glad you included links to it and the prologue. This being my first fic EVER, I promised myself I wouldn't post till I got at least five chapters written, but my muse is on strike and I need to do something crazy. I don't know where you are in your A plot but may I suggest that you have Clark, Jimmy, Ron, and dozens of folks have bits of the answer but not able to see the links between the bits so they are unable complete the whole. Your Lois is going to need something to remind her of her skill set, her ability, so I suggest she needs to be the one who see how the parts relate. Moreover may I suggest that you have it be that the only reason Lois pre-bomb had not put it all together is the distraction of her family. “I hope you haven’t dragged me here to tell me more fairy tales. I’m nearly missing my daughters’ school nativity play as it is.” I'm looking forward to more of this, if you live up to the challenge this could be quite long. 
Framework4
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
Hmmm, Hasini. I've just made a spectacle of myself again elsewhere on these boards, going on about Lois deathfics, and here you are posting something that's looking remarkably like something that could become.... Okay, I honestly think that if you are going to kill Lois here, it won't happen now, or soon. I can imagine Lois being an angst-inducing comatose presence in that hospital for many more chapters to come. Well, if you do decide to kill her off eventually, will you please, please slip me a private mail and warn me first? I don't expect to hear anything from you right away, because I don't foresee the imminent demise of Lois anyway. (And to tell you the truth, your story doesn't really, really, really feel like a Lois deathfic to me.) In any case, if you do tell me something in private about your story, I promise not to tell the others!  Well, now for some comments on the story.... “Hey.” She smiled languorously down at him through half-drooped eyelids, her lips swollen and her cheeks flushed. She looked so scrumptious that he felt a decisive inclination to ravish her. He unceremoniously flipped her onto her back, eliciting a squeal from her.
Under the sheets, a few minutes of playful wrestling ensued, punctuated by feminine giggles and lustful growling. Finally, he pinned her arms firmly above her head and watched her squirm futilely beneath him. He leaned over her victoriously as she grudgingly accepted defeat, and rewarded her with a very thorough kiss. He pulled away for a moment, letting himself drown in the large pools of liquid laughter that were her eyes. Oh, so deliciously sweet and erotic. And this is in the gfic folder, too!  “Okay what?” Lois sounded nonplussed. And Lois just knew that he wouldn't say that.... so she doesn't understand what he's saying. “Okay, I’ll find someone else then.”
“You would?” Her words were laced with skepticism. “Really?” Now uncertain and tentative, like a child prodding a loose tooth to see whether it would actually fall off.
“Sure.” The little devil on Clark’s shoulder was having fun this morning. “Somebody as smart as you are, only a little different so she won’t remind me of you too much. Preferably blonde this time.”
“What!” Lois’ indignant screech startled a sparrow off the front porch. Yes, after Clark made that "blonde" comment, I can just hear Lois's sparrow-repelling screech! He was as caught off guard as everybody else in the newsroom when on his way out from the morning meeting, he found himself unceremoniously yanked around by the knot of his tie and pushed up against the wall. Lois trapped him there with her small body, glaring up at him with a fierce expression on her face that reminded him of a vicious Jack Russell terrier.
“Now you listen to me, Kent,” she hissed at him. “You ever even think of looking at another woman ever again, and I swear to you I will rise up from my grave if need be and make you rue the day you were born! Understood?” Hmmmm... so... maybe some flirting will be what the doctor should have ordered when Lois won't wake up from her coma? Maybe there's going to be nothing like some good old-fashioned jealousy to shake Lois out of her unconsciousness? Of course, I don't feel altogether happy about such a solution myself. What if Clark sits by Lois's bedside and starts kissing another woman, thereby waking Lois up? Can he and Lois be happy after Lois has found him red-handed and kiss-lipped like that? “You think any woman besides me in her right mind is going to put up with having an alarm go off in her ear at six o’clock in the morning ever single Saturday? Dream on, farmboy! And if you have even an itty-bitty, microcosmic vestige of a notion of so much as looking at another woman again in this lifetime, you’d better snap out of it, lunkhead! Because I’m not going anywhere, so you’re stuck with me for life! And that’s a promise! Got that, Kent?” Lois’ eyes glinted dangerously, daring him to disagree. Oh, so Lois. I love it! And Lois, whether you are comatose or not, remember that a promise is a promise. “Okay,” he said as nonchalantly as was possible while his wife had him mashed up against the conference room wall by his tie.
“Good!”
Yanking his head down to hers, she proceeded to devour his mouth in a furious, earth-shattering kiss in front of all their gaping colleagues.  “I’m not going anywhere, so you’re stuck with me for life!”
Clark traced the outline of his wife’s motionless figure against the glass window of the hospital room.
For your life or for mine? He wondered. He wished he’d thought to ask her.
“You’re stuck with me for life, and that’s a promise!”
You promised me, Lois. Oh, so sad. “How much chance do you mean by ‘not much chance’, doctor?” asked Clark, fixing his eyes upon Lois’ bruised, blue-veined eyelids. Her lashes were so long, kissing the baby-soft skin of her cheek, the way he had always loved to do. The mantra that had been running through his head for the last three weeks began chanting anew, in his head.
Wake up, Lois! Open your eyes! Come back to me! Wake up, Lois! Wake up! How beautiful... “I mean….virtually none, Clark,” said Dr. Sanders, slipping back into the familiar address. In truth, they had dispensed with the formalities by the second week. “We’ve been keeping her on artificial respiration for too long. Her vital organs have already begun shutting down. It’s virtually unheard of for a patient to come out of coma at this stage.” Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh... but... this is Lois Lane we're talking about. So what if it is virtually unheard of for a patient to come out of a coma at this stage, if the patient in this case is Lois Lane? At best, given the extensive brain damage she’s suffered, I’d predict some very severe psychological complications.” Gaaaah!!! Groan! Okay, so no kissing another woman by Lois's bedside then, Clark. Remember your bedside manners. The picture of Lois’ fragile figure swathed in white sheets and hooked up on tubes and wires that snaked around her, like a firefly trapped in a spider’s web, seemed imprinted behind his eyelids. He fancied her opening her eyes and breaking free of them, a living ball of energy once again. What lovely imagery. He missed her eyes, so much. He loved her eyes, full of love and tenderness and warmth and fire, just for him. He wanted to drown in them, whenever he saw them. They were soft and doe-brown with an elusive sparkle within them. When she was pensive, it was like sunlight upon ripples of water. When she was angry or excited, it was fire kindling from the depths of the earth. He missed that spark in her eyes like a physical pain.
And they wanted him to put it out, like snuffing the flame from a tallow candle.
They wanted him to kill his wife. “I’m saying it may soon be taken out of your hands,” said Dr. Sanders, before resignedly walking away.
No. Lois could not die. The idea was ridiculous.
She would not leave him.
She had promised. Yes, Lois, remember your promise! Clark stared fiercely at her face, white and cool as the sheets upon which she lay. Lois, I never told you that day because I thought you already knew. I’d lose myself forever if you left me. There will never be another woman. There’s never been anyone else. It’ll only ever be you, just like I promised. Now it’s time for you to keep your end of the bargain. But you should have told her, Clark. “The fire which has been raging for at least four hours now, is reported to be contained at last with the combined efforts of Superman and the fire department,” said the newscaster. “At least 30 casualties have been reported so far and many more are anticipated. The fire chief has declined to comment on whether it could have been arson or not as yet…” So horrible for Martha and the kids. Lois is comatose in the hospital, and Clark is rescuing people from a terrible fire - however, he was unable to save at least thirty victims, and now he will have to deal with the guilt and the horror of that. The rain splattered against the glass of the apartment windows, the icy sleet washing away the intricate lace of the frost coating the panes. It seemed to beat in time to the pounding at his temples, foreboding the beginnings of a painful headache. Are you sure this hasn't been taken out of Rachel's fic, Hasini? No. Whatever the police had to say on the subject, Sam knew someone must have abducted Lucy. It was the instinct of a father from deep inside his gut. Quite separate from the fact that she had been reported missing mere hours after Lois had nearly been murdered was far too monstrous a co-incidence to contemplate. This is almost unbearable. And if their daughter had been anyone other than Lois they would by now had accepted the inevitable – that she may as well have been lying in a coffin. But no one who really knew Lois Lane would ever imagine that she would give in to mere trifles like medical impossibilities and not seize every last atom of a chance she had to keep alive. Lois was nothing if not a survivor. I love the way he's clinging to hope, and to his faith in his daughter. The filthy smog clung to Superman’s body as he flew away from the smoking remains of what had once been a slum shelter. He was exhausted, more emotionally than physically, as he tried to banish the memory of a man and a small child keening over the blackened body of the woman he had carried out of the burning rubble. He had been too late. Just as he had been too late for Lois three weeks ago. Fate had been kinder to him, though. Bloodied and battered as he had found her in the hospital, Lois had at least been alive. He had to count his mercies, as small as they were. Unlike that unfortunate man whose screams he could still hear inside his head, Clark was not a widower.
Not yet. Sorry for returning to my musings on deathfic, Hasini. In your story, Clark had been too late to save Lois from her attackers. He has been too late to save her in quite a few other Lois deathfics, too. However, in the stories where Clark has been in mortal danger - with the exception of TOGOM rewrites, which aren't true deathfics - Lois the non-superpowered human has rarely been too late to save Clark. Is that strange or what? She saves him better than he saves her! Does she just care for him more than he cares for her? Superman’s mind felt heavier and wearier than ever as he flew as though the clamor and squalor of the uncaring city were lacing putrid fingers through his senses and dragging his very soul down to earth. For one of the few times of his life, he couldn’t comprehend living in a place like this where so many people called out to him, picking apart pieces of his heart, his strength and his mind even while he clung to every atom of them himself to help him cope with the tumult in his own life. He felt a great pull to the west, one that was almost physical. He wanted to fly and fly inland away from the tall spires of corporate empires and tall city lights that blocked out the winking stars. He wanted to see the rocky hills and timberlands meld into one vast expanse of tranquil fields, where the fertile earth slept under the pristine mantle of snow, awaiting the touch of spring. The memories of his childhood were scattered there, eager and innocent as the young stalks of wheat and corn that danced in the spring, away from the confusion of his adult life. All of this is so beautifully written. He wanted to seek out the solitary gravestone that nestled unobtrusively beneath the poplars of his parents’ farmhouse. It had been standing there for the past two years, but it was still where he felt his father’s presence most strongly, surrounded by the fields he had lovingly tilled for forty years. He wanted to kneel on the wet soil there and seek comfort in the company of the man who had never failed to be the anchor to his drifting soul. So Jonathan is dead. Well, seeing that this story is set ten years into Clark and Lois's marriage, that isn't very surprising. It's a beautiful paragraph, by the way. He was glad, though. If he couldn’t seek healing in his wife’s warm embrace, Asha’s faux acerbic conversation was a good alternative. She’d probably annoy him out of his gloom in five minutes. Hmmm. Asha reminds him of Lois. Maybe he could fall in mock-love with her and shake Lois out of her coma by making her jealous? Just don't overdo it, Clark. For a moment, he was six years old again, without the responsibilities of a hero, husband and father. The world was full of frightening possibilities and unanswered riddles, and he cowered from them in the shelter of his mother’s arms. His fears seemed to melt away in that warm embrace. It transported him to a time when unconditional love smelt like lavender and honey. Like his Mom. And he was her special boy. Oh, so beautiful. “Clark?” Martha touched his arm and turned him back toward her. Her eyes were moist. “You know what your Dad would say if he were here, don’t you?”
His breath hitched in his throat and he swallowed.
“Yeah.” He nodded.
When mother and son embraced this time, he wasn’t sure who was giving comfort and who was receiving it. He held his mother against him tightly.
I have faith, Dad. So beautiful. Well, great chapter, Hasini! (And I'll be checking my mailbox for bad news about Lois's health....  ) Ann
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Today, however, the unfortunate research assistant found herself narrowly escaping being incinerated as Lois treated her to an entire elevator ride’s worth of a patented Lane death glare. Worse, she didn’t fail to transfer her displeasure onto him as well, which he thought was distinctly unfair. The green headed monster has reared its head. But the truth is, you may soon have no choice. Even if she were to wake up now, it’s more than probable she’ll remain in a vegetative state for the rest of her life. At best, given the extensive brain damage she’s suffered, I’d predict some very severe psychological complications.” Oh, dear! “Do you seriously expect me to take her off life support, Andy?” Oh, poor Clark! What a horrible decision to be faced with! “Grandma, no! The woven’s burning!” Ah, kid speech... She glared at the blackened dinner, as though it was on behalf of the turkey that the cosmos were aligning themselves against her. Cajun style! As small and scared as they were, they were all so strong. After the first panic and clinging terror of losing their Mommy, the children had rallied around him, as though they had organized their own little support system for him. Awww.... They are worried about their daddy! For a moment, he was six years old again, without the responsibilities of a hero, husband and father. The world was full of frightening possibilities and unanswered riddles, and he cowered from them in the shelter of his mother’s arms. His fears seemed to melt away in that warm embrace. It transported him to a time when unconditional love smelt like lavender and honey. Like his Mom. And he was her special boy. I love this imagery. Sometimes we would all like to be six years old again, wouldn’t we? The poor child I have cursed with the name Elroy (Lucy’s son in this story) is actually named after Silver Age Lois’s pet cat. I wondered where you got that name! I remember rolling my eyes when I beta-ed. Great chapter, girl!
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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I'm captivated and enthralled. You have me hooked.  I can;t wait to see where you go with this. Such a sad story so far though. I can tell this will be a tear jerker.
Angry Clark: CLARK SMASH!
Lois: Ork!
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
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I too loved the flash backs. I'm looking forward to next Saturday and I hope then I can offer longer feedback. Excellent
I've converted to lurk-ism... hopefully only temporary.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Dynamite story, Hasini! I'm hooked. I want to know what happens when Lois wakes up. I want to know where Lucy is and whether or not her disappearance is linked to the attempt on Lois. I want to see Asha jar Clark out of his mood. And I want to know who the dead body by the phone was in the prologue.
You've presented a very intricate, very believable plot so far. I, too an eager to see what happens in the next chapter.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Our whole existence has no precedence. After everything we’ve overcome, everything we’ve faced, I’m not going to accept this, Andy. This line in particular was just insightful and dynamite. It's just one more thing they're going through... I'll be tuning in next Saturday! <g> JD
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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There’s something thoroughly exhilarating about waking up early in the morning to a round of delicious reviews! Ye, I’ve definitely found my vocation in life…  Lisa – I’m glad you liked the revised version, and hope it wasn’t too spoiled for you by your accidental sneak preview. Although, considering it’s the latter part of the former chapter 1 that I’ve changed very little, that should be the one that’s really spoiled for you. I can’t wait to post it though! Now, don’t you give anything away… Yes, after Clark made that "blonde" comment, I can just hear Lois's sparrow-repelling screech! Yes, she is rather sensitive to blondes in general, is she not? But then, she has cause to. I mean look at Toni Baines, Toni Taylor, Linda King, Mayson Drake, Bonnie Parker, Tiffany with and ‘I’, Lana Lang…am I sensing a theme here? Hmmmm... so... maybe some flirting will be what the doctor should have ordered when Lois won't wake up from her coma? Maybe there's going to be nothing like some good old-fashioned jealousy to shake Lois out of her unconsciousness? Of course, I don't feel altogether happy about such a solution myself. What if Clark sits by Lois's bedside and starts kissing another woman, thereby waking Lois up? Can he and Lois be happy after Lois has found him red-handed and kiss-lipped like that?  Hasini
“Is he dead, Lois?”
“No! But I was really mad and I wanted to kick him between the legs and pull his nose off and put out his eyes with a freshly sharpened pencil and disembowel him with a dull letter opener and strangle him with his own intestines but I stopped myself just in time!”
- Further Down The Road by Terry Leatherwood.
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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And more reviewers! Sorry guys, didn’t see you there. Hasini. (who is clearly tipsy on FDK)
“Is he dead, Lois?”
“No! But I was really mad and I wanted to kick him between the legs and pull his nose off and put out his eyes with a freshly sharpened pencil and disembowel him with a dull letter opener and strangle him with his own intestines but I stopped myself just in time!”
- Further Down The Road by Terry Leatherwood.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Clark: Lois, you saved me! This mysteriously counter-balances the ten to the power of twenty ratio between the times you have rescued me and I have rescued you. You are so brave! I’m so sorry I went all sanctimonious, over-protective, egotistical lunkhead on you! I deserve to be tortured! Will you forgive me?
Lois: Will you also wear my “women- are- equal- to- supermen” t-shirt in public? Seeing as you are so de-lunkheaded and properly repentant?
Clark: Yes!
Lois: Oh, Clark! I forgive you!
*kiss*
THE END HAH! Have you ever considered writing a badfic? This is perfect material.  JD
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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But to be fair, the number of instances that Clark is required to save Lois is significantly higher than the ones where Lois has to rush to his rescue. Usually, Clark fails to save Lois in the beginning or middle of such stories so if he does manage to save her, there would be no story. Half the fanfics would run something like this:
Criminal: *points gun* You’re coming with me, lady!
Lois: SUPERMAN!
Criminal:*BANG*
Superman: *catches bullet and crushes it* Lois, are you alright?
And then, depending on the time frame in which the story is set, it could go in either of these ways:
1. Lois (before marriage): You’re my hero! *kiss*
THE END.
2. Lois (after marriage): *irritated* I’m fine! Quit fussing already! Now drop that guy off at the precinct and don’t forget to pick up the dry-cleaning on your way home.
THE END.
Not exactly a gripping read.
However, Lois-to-the-rescue fics usually introduce that development as the climatic moment at the very end of the story, after the writer has finished sufficiently torturing Clark. In which case the fic tends to end in this manner:
Clark: Lois, you saved me! This mysteriously counter-balances the ten to the power of twenty ratio between the times you have rescued me and I have rescued you. You are so brave! I’m so sorry I went all sanctimonious, over-protective, egotistical lunkhead on you! I deserve to be tortured! Will you forgive me?
Lois: Will you also wear my “women- are- equal- to- supermen” t-shirt in public? Seeing as you are so de-lunkheaded and properly repentant?
Clark: Yes!
Lois: Oh, Clark! I forgive you!
*kiss*
THE END
Which is far more satisfying to the largely feminst female demographic of this fandom.  Well, what can I say? You are so right, Hasini!!! Except... I have a point, too. Look at it like this. Before Lois met Clark, she must have been in danger many times, because she was already a famous investigative reporter. She had undoubtedly been using her normal reckless methods well before she met Clark. And she had survived on her own up until then. (Perhaps she started taking even crazier risks after she met Superman, just so she could yell for him and make him come to her and save her? Because, you know, he might just fall in love with her if she made him come to her a sufficient number of times? And afterwards, when she and Clark were married, perhaps she just had this habit of putting herself in danger and expecting Clark to come to the rescue?) Clark, on the other hand, had not adopted his Superman persona before he met Lois. He had not put himself on the line in the same way before he became Superman. Also, before he had gone public as a superhero, nobody knew that Kryptonite could kill him. Put differently, Clark had rarely needed anybody to save his life before he met Lois. Now, though, he sometimes does need someone, and Lois is almost always up to the task! Hmmmm. Those deathfics writers really must have greater confidence in Lois's life-saving abilities than in Clark's. And those who don't write deathfic probably just get such a kick out of seeing Lois save Clark!!! I know I do!!! Anyway, thanks for these hilarious rescue situations, Hasini! Ann (Oh... and I much appreciate that this isn't going to be a deathfic! Thank you!!!!)
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Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
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This is a great start to the story. So sad but realistic at the same time. I can't wait to see the next part.
-Em
"But my experience is that as soon as people are old enough to know better, they don't know anything at all."
-Oscar Wilde, "Lady Windermere's Fan"
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Columnist
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Columnist
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Hi, Just a short post to say I've really enjoyed the beginning of this story. It's very emotional and at this point a tear jerker. However, I'm assuming your story is going to concentrate on Lois waking up... and it has an intriguing A-plot. Just the kind of story I appreciate. Not sure I can keep posting fdk on a regular basis, or that I will actually read this at the present, due to the story I've started writing myself. But I promise I will be reading it in time. Yours Jenni
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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I’m an hour away from my mid-semester exam (pre-calculus!*quivers*) and I’m here reading my FDK thread. That’s how bad it’s gotten.  JD – a badfic? Now that you mention it, I do feel like trying my hand at a bit of humour. All this angst is bogging me down. I don’t think I can stand any more angst for another two weeks at least, but that is a futile dream…I should have just written a farce. I love farce. Ann – that’s a whole lot of rolling heads! And I do know you have a point; I was just in a very silly mood. Personally, I always thought it was because Superman’s arrival was followed by the creation of a brand of super-villains and criminals who made themselves powerful enough to oppose him, thereby upping the stakes and risks of Lois’ misadventures. Or maybe Superman is just another manifestation of the famous Lane luck. You know, she’s always managed to get herself into the tightest of jams and still escape by a hair’s breadth every time. Maybe the cosmic order of the universe decreed Superman should henceforth be her back-up plan because they were running out of ingenuity. As for Lois being up to the task when Clark is in trouble, well as you pointed out, she has a lot more experience at getting herself in and out of jams without the use of superpowers. Kind of like the Chloe/ Clark interaction in Smallville… Okay, so I’m STILL in a silly mood and not up for debate. The main reason I don’t like Lois deathfic is because of all the angst, the angst, the angst that gets shoved in your face over and over – you must love angst, you must love angst, you must love angst!!  Well, don’t get me wrong. I do love angst usually – I wouldn’t be in this fandom otherwise. Heck, look at the newest chapter on my own story! *eyes chapter unhappily* It’s just that I’m completely overdosed on it now. I need a break. Which is why the story is going to set off at a gallop in the next few chapters, with a minimum of that ingredient we were just talking about. Hi eminN! Thanks for taking the time to drop me a line to let me know you’re still reading! Such a gesture is invaluable to my FDK post count and consequently to me! Oh. My. God. Jenni Debbage is reading this! Wheee!!! I want you to know Jenni, that the backstory for this fic was largely inspired by Suffer The Little Children right after I read it two years ago. I love your Kent Family series! And there’s a certain character here who is modeled after Paula Raines….*walks away whistling* 
“Is he dead, Lois?”
“No! But I was really mad and I wanted to kick him between the legs and pull his nose off and put out his eyes with a freshly sharpened pencil and disembowel him with a dull letter opener and strangle him with his own intestines but I stopped myself just in time!”
- Further Down The Road by Terry Leatherwood.
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 234 |
Hasini, I have to admit something to you. I saw that your chapter was posted last Saturday, and despite chaos, a test (on Saturday!), tons of homework, and a surprise birthday party, and a neighborhood tragedy . . . I pushed everything aside and absolutely devoured your chapter. I feel guilty, because I want to reply to all my most amazing reviews that I've gotten for this last chapter, butI honestly haven't even had time to work on my next chapter . . . at all. It will be a miracle if I can get it out on time. But your pm to me today made me realize that I *had* to drop you a quick note, even if it wasn't near the scale of the review I'd like to leave. First of all . . . I am dedicating this particular chapter to Smirky the Raven, in honour of her birthday (and the much-awaited *ahem* in Darkest Dreams! ). Hope you had a grand ole’ time celebrating, Smirkster! Thanks, Hasini! I really, really, really appreciate it. What a birthday present! This chapter was aaaammaaaazzzingggg!! Now onward. I still have a paper to write for tomorrow . . . (curse how college takes over our lives! <shakes fist>) . . . Like I mentioned in my review of the prologue, your imagery and capture of characters' emotions is phenomenal. The flashback at the beginning was both touching and a wonderful insight into both the joys of Lois and Clark's mutual love and a perfect example of how the mind works in grief. Clark doesn't know what to do. He's helpless, and all he has is memories of Lois to keep him going, though they may be painful and bring regrets. Take care of him, m'lady! “I’m not going anywhere, so you’re stuck with me for life!”
Clark traced the outline of his wife’s motionless figure against the glass window of the hospital room.
For your life or for mine? He wondered. He wished he’d thought to ask her. This passage gave me the chills. A very good question, Clark, and not exactly a happy one. Again, amazing. Sorry this is so rushed and a bit rambling, but I really need to write this paper, and I'm trying to squeeze in a sentence or two of Darkest Dreams while I'm at it. Good luck on your next chapter. I promise I'm keeping an eye out for it! Thank you thank you thank you for sharing! SmirkyRaven
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 234
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 234 |
Ann wrote: Are you sure this hasn't been taken out of Rachel's fic, Hasini? What can I say? Great minds think alike. So I'm looking forward to those parts that you mentioned on DD's FDK for chapter 41, Hasini! I think I just got lucky to get them out first! Hasini wrote: Rachel and I seem to share so many similar tastes that it’s getting almost freaky. One of them is our mutual love of rain. However, in Smirky’s fic, the rain is always friendly, cleansing and sympathetic and creates the perfect ambience for a cozy snuggle on the couch. In this particular instance of mine, I’m referring to winter rain, the idea of which I find quite unbearable. As any creature of the tropics, I can’t bear cold and the thought alone of driving sheets of freezing water being poured down in already bitingly cold weather is enough to give me an earache. So the rain here is cold, cruel and merciless. Hehee. See, I live in the mountains where we get the extremes of all weathers, and I also live in the desert, so rain is rare enough that it doesn't get obnoxious. So most of the time I absolutely love rain. I'm one of those crazy people who will be studying inside when it starts raining, drop her bookbags, and darts outside to run around whooping at the top of her lungs despite the odd looks of passersby (in fact, I did exactly that not three days past Hehee . . . ). Soccer games were never better when there was mud, lots of rain, and preferrably a good deal of thunder, too. There's nothing--no movie, no book, no music--that can match the grandeur of a storm, late at night, with lightning darting over the sky and against the mountains, as that darkest echo of thunder that seems to frame the black sky with that growl of a note that can't help but make your heart just shiver in awe. Of course, I'm also an avid skier, so cold rain is usually good, as long as it means some nice snow in the mountains. So, yes--I love rain, even when it is melancholy, because (obviously) I love that sort of thing, as Hasini clearly does as well . The darkest part of night is my favorite time of day. It seems that everything else is clearer--there's less clutter in both your mind and in the world--when it rains, or in those late hours of the night. Those late hours also do very well to loosen the fingers, so that you can blab on and on and on completely off-topic about things that nobody cares about, but you just don't have the energy to go through and stop. So back on subject. . . Hasini, I, like Ann, love your rain imagery. I'll agree with your point--cold rain is no good, and is infinitely colder than snow, because it just soaks through you and chills you deeper than the bone. It certainly holds a feeling of hopelessness and depression that is most marvelously harnessed in your writing. Oh, but something I found before I go . . . (I really need to get myself away from here--NOW! <looks around> Oh, well . . . ) However, Lois-to-the-rescue fics usually introduce that development as the climatic moment at the very end of the story, after the writer has finished sufficiently torturing Clark. In which case the fic tends to end in this manner:
Clark: Lois, you saved me! This mysteriously counter-balances the ten to the power of twenty ratio between the times you have rescued me and I have rescued you. You are so brave! I’m so sorry I went all sanctimonious, over-protective, egotistical lunkhead on you! I deserve to be tortured! Will you forgive me?
Lois: Will you also wear my “women- are- equal- to- supermen” t-shirt in public? Seeing as you are so de-lunkheaded and properly repentant?
Clark: Yes!
Lois: Oh, Clark! I forgive you!
*kiss*
THE END
Which is far more satisfying to the largely feminst female demographic of this fandom. lol! Rachel
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 910
Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 910 |
Now, I didn't get a chance to see the Paris part in the craziness of the weekend, but it was really great. I have even more (!) questions in my head about this tangled web you're spinning. That's a really, really great thing, since I'm awaiting all the twists and turns this is going to take. I'll be waiting patiently for later developments. Now I mentioned this on my beta, but this is one part that gets me everytime: For a moment, he was six years old again, without the responsibilities of a hero, husband and father. The world was full of frightening possibilities and unanswered riddles, and he cowered from them in the shelter of his mother’s arms. His fears seemed to melt away in that warm embrace. It transported him to a time when unconditional love smelt like lavender and honey. Like his Mom. And he was her special boy. And you know even though I'm an adult and all that I still feel that when I hug my mom. I can't imaging what a soothing experience it must be when you're juggling a possible death of a spouse and the safety of a city (world) on your shoulders. I'm a big fan of anything that humanizes Supes and this does the job in an achingly poignant way, which sets up the importance of his family. Get back to work Hasini! alcyone
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