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Joined: Jun 2003
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Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 814 |
Well, let me know what you think.
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 411
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 411 |
I'm trying to make a habit out of posting fdk, and this story has got me really intrigued. I thought I had to let you know  I started out only skimming through the first couple of parts; the last three, though, I've read thouroughly and I'm really enjoying the ride, and dying to know where you're going with it. You keep making turns I didn't expect at all. And since I believe in the kindness and good, waffy heart of FolCs, I'm sure you're driving us towards a happy end... I mean, right? You wouldn't possibly put Lois through all that to have her lose Clark all over again, would you?  Great story. Keep it up 
Cris
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great part!  “No,” Lois said, irritated. “Just learning ball room dancing from a Nigerian princess.”
Clark’s expression froze, and he pulled away from her. “How did you know about that? Even my parents don’t know.”
Confused, Lois looked at Clark. “I didn’t think you did that until after you started traveling the world.”
“I went to England this summer. I met Amadi there. She was ten.” Clark scowled. “There’s no way you could know that.” Lois is changing their life.  “Who are you, and why have you been following me? Who do you work for?”
The anxiety in Clark’s voice was mixed with anger. For the first time Lois wished the darkness would come and carry her away, but it didn’t. Tell him everything thing already change in their life. 
Maria D. Ferdez.
---
Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,018
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,018 |
Delightful. Well done. I like that younger Lois is creating problems. no, no, no. At this point she has warned him about Luthor. Now enlist him to warn Superman. She does not know he will become Superman. But she knows things about Superman that Clark does not know. Lois needs to brush aside his questions and tell Clark her main mission. To save Superman from Lex Luthor so he can stop Nightfall and save the Earth. She can tell Clark about a flying man, named "Kal El", who will arrive in a few years from a planet called Krypton. She needs to tell him it is not important that he believe her now but that he remember so he can save Superman in the future. Then have her blank out and replaced by young Lois who does not know him. Clark can tell by her heartbeat that both versions of Lois are telling him the truth. Not knowing Clark is Superman will give her words added weight!
Framework4
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 104
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 104 |
I'm LOVING this story! It amazed Lois to think that she’d sat here for this same game the first time, and had never known that one of the players on the field was going to have such an impact on her life. It's so interesting to think how many opportunities we miss...how many times we are this close to meeting a person who can change us completely, and never actually do. Great addition to the story here! As far as she could tell, her alter ego hadn’t continued her newspaper career. What are you doing, young Lois???? This could be problematic. Idly, Lois wondered about the effects of 17 year old hormones on a 28 year old mind. He looked really good. I don't think you can blame this one on 17 year old hormones, Lois! LOL! There were so many things she needed to tell him…not just about what he was going to have to watch out for, but about how she felt. She felt an urge to open herself up, release all the guilt and grief and pain that had been her whole existence for so long.
She couldn’t, of course. It was going to be hard enough for him to remember the things he needed to hear without listening to the ramblings of what seemed to be a love sick school girl. How hard this must be for Lois--to never have told him, and to have lived with the grief for so long. Nice writing here. “Who are you, and why have you been following me? Who do you work for?”
The anxiety in Clark’s voice was mixed with anger. Now this should be interesting! Finally, Lois needs to write a note to her younger self to try and get her on the right path. She needs some guidance...and fast! I look forward to the next part! PS--Nice dig on "New Coke" in the last chapter--I hated that stuff! LOL
"Women frustrate men because they're too complicated. Men frustrate women because they're not complicated enough."
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 53
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 53 |
I'm confused. When Lois "blacks out", does she remember things from (what will be) the future? Because I thought she didn't (which is why she didn't recognize Clark at the end of part 4), but if she doesn't, then how does she know which teams are going to win?
I can't wait to see where this story goes!
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
I take back all my previous theories. John Templeton? A bitter guy inventing time travel? Looking forward to the rest of this roller-coaster! PJ
"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."
--Stardust, Caroline K
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3 |
Me, I've given up trying to guess where this story is going. It looks like young Lois has access to some of older Lois's memories (hence the inflated bank account and the spooked bookie), but if that's true, why is she behaving in such an irresponsible manner? Why just events she can bet on? Why not read her older self's memories and build a career to be proud of even sooner than Lois actually did?
This is an excellent mystery/SF yarn/relationship tale. And Clark's curiosity about who Lois really is will, I think, eventually damage her credibility with him, especially since she's been gambling so much. That makes me wonder if she's tanking her classes and whether she's on academic probation. If so, wouldn't that make her relationship with her family even more strained than it was before? And make Clark run the other way at super-speed?
Keep this one going! I like it! Yay!
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
The thing that is most obvious to me is that Lois isn't in control of what is happening in her life. She keeps blacking out, and when she comes to thing have happened that she can't explain. So how can she do the right thing when she isn't in command of her life? I felt the urgency when Lois was talking to Clark. What if she suddenly loses consciousness again? What if she hasn't had time to warn him and she wakes up without knowing where he is? What if he dies again because she didn't warn him? These were my two favorite parts from this chapter: the way he moved was poetry in motion Wonderfully put. Looking up into his eyes, Lois said “What if I told you that I’d known you in another life.”
“I’d say it sounded a little kooky,” Clark said. He leaned against the car as well, invading her personal space a little. Lois didn’t move away. “Then I’d ask what we were to each other.”
“Best friends,” Lois said. She hesitated, then said, “More, maybe.” How do you tell the boy who will later grow into the man who'll die before he has become the husband that you so bitterly wishes he could have been, what he has meant to you? What he is going to mean to you? And how do you tell him that you have come to him to save his life? Shayne, you totally made me feel the intensity of the unbelievable situation here. And the only thing Lois could offer Clark was the truth. Wow. Ann
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 144
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 144 |
Louie was a nice guy, sort of. The people he worked for weren’t.
Grimacing, Lois tried not to think about the money hidden away in her bank account. That money was going to be hard to explain away to the IRS. Five thousand dollars could have been gifts, or summer working money. Thirty five thousand dollars was going to raise some flags She should stop that before she gets into real trouble. Perhaps she has to wait until she´s 18, and then start investing small amounts into the right shares. Not too big amounts, that would be suspicious. That´s the way I would do it. It wasn’t long before the game started, and Lois finally appreciated Clark Kent’s athletic side. He was just a little faster an more agile than the best of them, but the way he moved was poetry in motion. *Starts drooling*  “The idea that I would be competing for the sort of girl that Lex Luthor dates is flattering, but I’m just a farm boy from Kansas. The sort of women Lex Luthor would date would be way out of my league. The next thing you know, you’ll be telling me that I’ll be going out with a supermodel.” Yeah, you´re just a farmboy from Kansas.  And I´m a supermodel!
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 111
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 111 |
Hi Shayne, I'm really enjoying this! And I really liked this line for some reason: Her younger self was an idiot. This was something that should have been apparent from the romantic choices she’d made back in the day. A teenage Lois Lane would never call herself an idiot and an adult LL wouldn't either, but I can see an adult LL calling her teenage self an idiot. I hope that makes sense? Looking forward to more!
Avatar: Michael Clarke, awesome Aussie cricket player
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Joined: Aug 2006
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Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 795 |
Hi Shayne, I'm really enjoying your story! Barb, who's waiting for the next part
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,441 Likes: 1
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,441 Likes: 1 |
 Poor Lois 
If she had to move heaven and Earth, perhaps come back to haunt Perry and explain the story after they'd killed her, she would do it.
Waking a Miracle by Aria
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,065 |
I could have sworn I gave FDK on this but I must have imagined it. You keep throwing me for a loop Shayne. I think it is gonna go one way and you take it in a totally opposite direction that I didn't even expect. It has been one hell of a fun rollercoaster ride so far. I can't wait for more!
Angry Clark: CLARK SMASH!
Lois: Ork!
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,702 |
Another great part, Shayne. Can't wait for more.
Jackie
Superman: I hear you've been looking for me.
Lois: All my life.
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
Still following avidly, Shayne!
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 151
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 151 |
I'm been lurking, but I just had to delurk to say that it's been a fantastic ride so far, and the story's only just begun. Looking forward to Part 7, and many more...  metwin1
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Joined: May 2005
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,662 |
Is there a Jekyll and Hyde thing going on here?
Shayne, you are utilicing aspects of the show's dialogue and time travel brilliantly. Keep it up.
I think, therefore, I get bananas.
When in doubt, think about time travel conundrums. You'll confuse yourself so you can forget what you were in doubt about.
What's the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambivalence?
I don't know and I don't care one way or the other.
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