|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 484
Beat Reporter
|
OP
Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 484 |
A mixture of A and B plots. What d'you think?
Chris
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 699
Columnist
|
|
Columnist
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 699 |
I thought this was great, Krissie! Good job! Woohoo - nice kissing interlude, and love the dialogue about breaking and entering.
Looking forward to more,
Irene
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 442
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 442 |
Wow, Chris, what a great section! And  I loved Lois discovering that CJ's skills as a lawyer aren't that all that different from her own investigative abilities, and CJ's appalled horror at just how *experienced* Lois was at what she was doing. I was a bit surprised that CJ didn't offer to X-ray the information rather than picking the lot, but Lois probably wouldn't have had the patience to wait for it, anyway. I was taken aback when I reached the end of the post. It was going so smoothly I wasn't expecting the "TBC." I can't wait to see what happens next! One little suggestion: "Then I guess that makes us quits, because I don't want to know how to pick locks!" I never correct UK prose, because that would be rude.  But since CJ is American, he would see "makes us even" rather than "quits." Of course, you can argue that this alt-world uses UK-isms...  Looking forward to MORE! Hazel
Lois: You know the deal.
Clark: Superman gets the guys in capes, Lois and Clark get the guys in suits.
-- Action Comics 827
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great part. 
Maria D. Ferdez.
---
Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
Ooh, another good installment, Chris! The investigation is progressing nicely, and I loved the idea of a make-out session in the hall! Definitely a good way to spend some time... I'm with Hazel on the B-plot question, btw I enjoy a good spot of angst, but sometimes I really prefer the stories where the main conflict comes from something *other* than mutual lunkheadedness Anyway, this is great! Write more! PJ
"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."
--Stardust, Caroline K
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 767
Features Writer
|
|
Features Writer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 767 |
Another great part Chris
can't wait for more
soon please
merry
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,999
Merriwether
|
|
Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,999 |
Another well written, well constructed instalment.
Like the others have enjoyed the late night B*E with Lois and CJ, and I even got a chuckle out fo the security guard, though I think they were extremely lucky to find such an understanding one.
I do have one concern, though. Things are going much, much too smoothly. I too am not overly fond of angst for angst sake but I do like a good wham now and again (I know you find that hard to believe but it's true!). So how about a little death and destruction, just for a slight twist in the action.
Tank (who knows that most of the gentle readers will find it hard to believe that he likes to see a wham now and then, but sometimes things aren't always what they seem)
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 148
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 148 |
Chris, My favorite parts have already been quoted so I just wanted to mention that I agree with everyone about everything. (Well, except Tank's comments - I can live just fine without a wham. ) Great A-plot development and the B-plot was fun to read. One nit-pick: "Can you made a note of any other meetings between Benton and Carnes? Then I'll check them against the court diary when we get back to the Planet." I think that should be "make". Keep writing!  Avia
"I get it, you're a ghost. You're dead. Big accomplishment, move on. You see a light anywhere? Go towards it okay?"
Cordelia in 'Rm w/a Vu' - Angel episode 1x05
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,992
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,992 |
Chris WOW! This is excellent. I'm thoroughly enjoying this and can't wait to read the next part. Tricia 
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 543
Columnist
|
|
Columnist
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 543 |
Great mix of A and B plots here, Chris. I'm also enjoying reading how Lois and CJ's relationship is developing. What makes this story works so well is that Lois and CJ are working so well. They're in sync and they're learning more and more about each other.
Write on!
gerry
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 197
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 197 |
Chris -- another GREAT part, the mixture of A & B plots made it very enjoyable to read!!! )
"Well, let's see, so far I've been given a glimpse of ritual crop worship, treated as your girlfriend, and I insulted your parents. No, I couldn't have planned this. Mmm, mmm." -- Lois to Clark, 'Green, Green Glow of Home'
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 484
Beat Reporter
|
|
OP
Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 484 |
Irene: thank you. Glad you liked the kissing, and I hope that will last you for a while. Lois and CJ are going to be a little too busy to do much more for a few chapters! Hazel: I was a bit surprised that CJ didn't offer to X-ray the information rather than picking the lot, but Lois probably wouldn't have had the patience to wait for it, anyway. H'm. I don't think I even thought about that... Okay, so my answer here is simply that CJ has the powers, but he hasn't had them long enough to be all that used to using them. Also, I did put some limits on CJ's vision powers in that when he went to Tessa's apartment, he couldn't see in the dark. Yes, he can see through the walls, but if there is no light, he can't see anything. I'm sure that's not canon... but it is CJ. (In other words, I don't think he'd be able to see in anything in a locked filing cabinet.) Thanks for the 'quits' thing. I've changed my master copy. Appreciated. Also appreciated are the reassuring comments posted by both yourself, Pam and RetroRose about angst-free B plots. Tank: I know I keep promising you whams, and I know you haven't seem much evidence that I am going to deliver. All I'll say for now is that you might enjoy part twenty-two. Avia: thanks for the comments, and for spotting the typo. Again, correction made to the master, if not to the version posted here. Tricia, Gerry, Merry, Maria and Irene: thank you for your comments, too. Chris
|
|
|
|
