|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883
Merriwether
|
OP
Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
Laura, I am glad you decided to post this on the boards! That's a great intro for Lois. You can really feel her irritation with her father, not to mention the underlying thought that she really would like it if he was more concerned about her well being and his family in general. And her imagination running wild is spot on - I've checked my back seat for insane rapists when driving on lonely dark roads too! I already hate Jeff. It's outrageous to think of someone being so cruel to a person as kind as Clark. But I will take comfort in the thought that what goes around comes around. Her eyes were tightly squeezed shut, afraid to open them and see heaven’s gates and white clouds. She counted to ten and opened them. She was staring into a pair of curious, gorgeous deep brown eyes.
Oh crap she was in heaven. They didn’t make eyes like that down on earth. This is sweet and funny all at once. Great chapter, Laura! 
lisa in the sky with diamonds
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,006
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,006 |
Sorry, was I supposed to make a FDK thread? Still a little new at this posting thing. Hoping I'll get the hang of it soon!
Thanks to CapeFetish for the awesome icon.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883
Merriwether
|
|
OP
Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
No, you don't have to. Occasionally authors do, but usually it's started by someone else.
lisa in the sky with diamonds
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,441 Likes: 1
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,441 Likes: 1 |
If she had to move heaven and Earth, perhaps come back to haunt Perry and explain the story after they'd killed her, she would do it.
Waking a Miracle by Aria
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 364
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 364 |
Ummm awesome?  More soon and I will give better comments when it is not 2am for me ~Lois Lane Wanna Be
"Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen Hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Continue to learn.
Appreciate your friends.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is."
~Mary Anne Radmacher
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,662
Merriwether
|
|
Merriwether
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,662 |
Hey Laura, welcome. I read your story on FF.net but as for this part, I think you paint a lovely portrayal of what a teenage Lois would be like.
I think, therefore, I get bananas.
When in doubt, think about time travel conundrums. You'll confuse yourself so you can forget what you were in doubt about.
What's the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambivalence?
I don't know and I don't care one way or the other.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
Welcome, Laura! This is a great story you are writing. It's a splendid idea to have Clark and Lois meet at such an early age. I'm sure looking forward to the rest of it!
Ann
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,356
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,356 |
Welcome Laura!  I've read your story on FF.net just tonight and I love it!  You're picturing a wonderful and caring young Lois, I love how her fire and stubboness are tempered by a tender heart, and I'm happy to see that her family' problems don't make her a bitter person. Clark is the Clark we love, quite mature for his years but still capable to be a reckless and eager teenager! I'm looking forward to see your next posts! Simona
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,363
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,363 |
Very nicely done! A new approach to our favorite couple. I am definitely interested and am anxiously waiting for the next part.
I'm a firm believer in the fact that God doesn't put any more on us than we can bear. He does however make us come to Jesus every so often.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3 |
This is an excellent beginning, Laura. It's too bad that Clark accidentally hurt Jeff, but it's also too bad that Jeff's parents handed down a mindset to him that anyone who's that different shouldn't be treated as an equal. It's the same wrong attitude that creates racism in people, and while I deplore it, I also think it fits in your story. It will give you a great handle to help Lois relate to Clark, and help both of them to grow personally.
Of course Clark ran out to help whoever was in trouble. Even now, he's a compulsive do-gooder. Maybe Lois will learn that there are still people around who can be trusted.
And I echo the previous posters who like your portrayal of the seventeen-year-old Lois. Even now, she's showing the symptoms of mad-doggedness that plagued the older Lois in the series. And her reaction to Clark's sudden appearance, and then to his deep brown eyes (wish I had eyes like that *deep envious grunting guy-type sigh*) was also so very Lois.
Sam Lane giving Lois a map and enough money to make the trip was typical, too. Some people think you can solve a personal problem by throwing money at it. Never works, of course, but Sam has never learned that particular lesson.
If the rest of the story lives up to the beginning, it'll be a great ride. Keep posting!
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
Great start, Laura! I love elseworlds stories, anyway, and you've got a good handle on the characters' basic, um, characters <g> I can totally see Sam Lane handing over car keys, money & a map. It's a shame about Jeff. I hope Clark gets to mend that friendship a little bit. PJ
"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."
--Stardust, Caroline K
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 544
Columnist
|
|
Columnist
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 544 |
Welcome! Very nice beginning, definately has me intrigued. Oh crap she was in heaven. They didn’t make eyes like that down on earth. No, only on Krypton! Like everyone else, I thought you did a great job at showing Lois and Clark's characters shine through in their youth. I'm looking forward to the next part!
Silence is golden.
Duct tape is silver.
~Saw it on a T-Shirt.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 144
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 144 |
That´s a beautiful story. I immediately went over to ff.net after reading the first part here and read the rest, and I really like it! When will you post the last two chapter here or over there? I´m waiting'!!! 
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,006
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,006 |
Thank you everyone for the helpful and insightful reviews! I'm really glad you enjoyed the first chapter, and for those who went to ff.net and read the rest that I have posted, that as well. I'll definitely post again tomorrow but... I just wanted to say that your reviews have been amazing and made me feel right at home. Thank you, especially since I've admired a lot of your work from afar for a very, very long time.
Thanks to CapeFetish for the awesome icon.
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,065
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,065 |
Angry Clark: CLARK SMASH!
Lois: Ork!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 402
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 402 |
Welcome to the boards, Laura! I'm still fairly new here myself, and I can tell you that it's a wonderful and welcoming group. I'm glad Lisa was able to coax you out of lurkdom . You have a lovely beginning here. Lois and Clark are both recognizable as young versions of themselves. I like them both already and hurt for them, too, for each having to deal with things that teenagers really shouldn't have to deal with. Both have too much responsibility for young shoulders to bear - Clark with his powers and Lois with her absentee parents. What if someone had climbed in her trunk at that last stop at McDonalds!? Or if someone was in her backseat right now? That really got to me because it's one of my own personal nightmares. It's never actually happened, thank goodness, but it's one of the things that just completely creeps me out, and every time I get into my car at night, I can't help peeking in the back seat just to make sure no one's actually there. So I really could relate to how Lois felt! Will look forward to updates, and once again, welcome! Caroline
|
|
|
|
