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#32289 08/31/06 03:33 AM
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Oh, goody, I get to be first. I don't have time for lots of feedback, but this was an absolutely beautiful part.


And it just begs for a steamy sequel....

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I drop my hand down to her back and stroke it lightly. Her body shivers slightly at the contact.
Please?

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I interrupt her by pressing my lips to hers. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. I part her lips with my tongue and discover her thoroughly and intimately for the first time. Her body, rigid at first, soon softens and relaxes into my arms. I pull her body to me tighter and hold her, never wanting to let go. I drink in the softness of her lips and delight in the urgency of her tender draws against my mouth.


~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
#32290 08/31/06 05:15 AM
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oh I love the ending where she tells him she needs Clark. Brought me to tears. Great revelation and great conversation and totally waffy.

I love this story and if you want to blame DJ for killing Lana, it was my idea in my story.

I am rooting for a sequel!!! laugh

#32291 08/31/06 05:17 AM
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Awww so sweet! I love it!


Superman: I hear you've been looking for me.
Lois: All my life.
#32292 08/31/06 05:41 AM
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I'll just put in a big ditto to all the previous posters! Loved the ending.

This was great!

Julie

#32293 08/31/06 07:10 AM
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Oh nice job very sweet and romantic. Laura


Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”

Caroline's "Stardust"
#32294 08/31/06 07:26 AM
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Oh! Wow! I loove it! [Linked Image]
I'm a little sad though to see it end. I vote for a sequel.
I just love everything about it. [Linked Image]
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.. I feel the warmth of her breath against my shoulder, and the soft touch of her hands as she rubs them against my back. She’s a balm to my soul,..
Sigh, I LOVE this. [Linked Image]
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“No,” she replies as she places her hands on my chest, pulling my shirt back together and adjusting my tie. “I need you, Clark.” She flashes a timid smile at me that sends a tingle through my body.
I love that Lois said she need Clark. [Linked Image]

[Linked Image] I'm off to bed with this great story on my mind.
Thanks DJ for a lovely [Linked Image] read.


You're the icing on my cake.
What's that?
Chocolate, of course.
--
#32295 08/31/06 08:51 AM
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Sequel? Hmmm, I don't know... where would a sequel go? I mean given time I'm sure I could think of something, I just hadn't planned for one...

But WOW! Thanks! I guess that means you all really did like the story if so many of you are clammoring for a sequel. blush

Nancy - thanks... I suppose if I were to do a sequel you'd be expecting it to go in the *n* folder huh? <DJ shakes her head, smiling>


Tahu -

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I love this story and if you want to blame DJ for killing Lana, it was my idea in my story.

I am rooting for a sequel!!!
Thanks! I'm so glad you loved it. And don't think the idea hadn't crossed my mind to point my finger at you and say "it was her - she made me do it" Hee hee - even though that wasn't the truth...

There's that word again - sequel

Thanks Jackie! So glad you liked it - I got them together, just like you were hoping I would. :-)

Julie - Thank you! Glad you loved it.

Thanks Laura! Thanks for the fdk!

SPark --

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Oh! Wow! I loove it!
I'm a little sad though to see it end. I vote for a sequel.
I just love everything about it.
Awwww! "Sad to see it end" - how sweet of you to say! Thank you! "Love everything about it" - blush

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Thanks DJ for a lovely read.
You are so very welcome!

Thank you for all the comments on this story - it's what I live for. As my beta said one time - it's my drug! Thank you to all of you who stuck with me through it - even through that awful cliffhanger! (Thanks again for the button by the way -- tee hee).

I don't know about the "sequel" - I'll file it away for future thought. I've got 2 other fics I'm working on right now. But thank you for liking it so much that you'd ask for a sequel - that was... wow... thanks.


Smile and the world smiles with you ... frown and you're just giving yourself wrinkles.
#32296 08/31/06 09:37 AM
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Brava MetroRhodes! Nice ending to a great story. I really appreciate the revelations where Lois doesn't get quite so mad. peep

Plese write again soon! hail


I'm a firm believer in the fact that God doesn't put any more on us than we can bear. He does however make us come to Jesus every so often.
#32297 08/31/06 10:59 AM
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Hi Sheila! Thanks so much for the comments!

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I really appreciate the revelations where Lois doesn't get quite so mad.
Yeah, well I figured he came clean with her pretty much right from the start, so how could she be *that* upset with him???

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Plese write again soon!
Thanks! I'm working on another one right now. The first part has already been sent to Sue for beta... but it'll be a while before I'm ready to post. blush


Smile and the world smiles with you ... frown and you're just giving yourself wrinkles.
#32298 08/31/06 11:49 AM
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It's horrible to say, but I am glad you killed Lana. If she had lived after that wreck there is just no way Clark would have been able to go to Lois, at least not very soon. And I was wrong before, you did tie it up quite nicely.

The whole revelation scene was lovely. You have written a grown-up Lois: she comforted him about Lana and accepted Clark's secret so well. And then...

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“I need you, Clark.”
Aaah! That line made my day.

Can we please, please have a sequel? Maybe even an nfic sequel? wink We will promise to love you forever... we promise! smile

Thank you, DJ, for a great story.


lisa in the sky with diamonds
#32299 08/31/06 12:48 PM
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Everything's happy! At first the familiar Superman scene came to play, and I was just like, if this ends on a Superman note, and Lois and Clark don't have a conversation...I should have had more faith. smile1

Jen


"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
#32300 08/31/06 12:56 PM
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Hi,

Great story. hyper


Maria D. Ferdez.
---
Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
#32301 08/31/06 01:15 PM
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notworthy notworthy Nicely done.

Now could you have them elope? Quick before anything can go wrong?
peep


Framework4
#32302 08/31/06 01:32 PM
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Loved the story. smile Although I 'm just a little perplexed about something Lois said:

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It's okay that you didn't make it there in time. It would be impossible for you to be everywhere, save everyone.
I'm all for the fact that Superman can't be everywhere all the time and that whatever he can do at best is enough. I said perplexing since I think Lois could've better worded the first sentence instead of it coming out as if someone else's death, or Lana's in this case, is really of no significance or holds no importance. She WAS Clark's girlfriend. I would have maybe suggested she told Clark somewhere along the lines of " You shouldn't blame yourself..." or " You must understand that you're only one man..."

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What you did that day was enough. You saved the lives of all those people, and you saved my life. I've always believed that we all have a chance to make a difference. Never have I believed in that more than I do right now.
Again, would've preferred if it was said in the collective.

But hey, I'm just a reader not a writer. smile I'm not at all a Lana fan- never have been. razz And I agree that Lana and Clark weren't meant to be - no dispute on that. wink So her character being written off is no big deal. All the more reason for Lois and Clark to have a happily ever after. I was just pointing out how Lois came off to me with her choice of words in this particular scene.

#32303 08/31/06 01:48 PM
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Oooh! The comments keep coming! Thank you everyone!

Lisa --

I agree that Mr. Imaboyscouthavetodotherightthing might not have left her as easily after the accident, if she had been okay. The guilt would have gotten to him.

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And I was wrong before, you did tie it up quite nicely.
Oh WOW! Thank you Lisa!

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Can we please, please have a sequel? Maybe even an nfic sequel? We will promise to love you forever... we promise!
Eeeeh hee hee! Okay, since there are so many of you out there clammering for this... no promises... and only if I can come up with something believeable and not "smut for smut's sake". I'll think on it and see what I can come up with.

Jen --

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I should have had more faith.
Yes, have a little faith... wink

Thanks Jen!

Maria --

Thank you for the fdk and for following the story - I was glad to have you along for the ride!


Framework4 --

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Now could you have them elope? Quick before anything can go wrong?
Ha ha! rotflol

mmprincess --

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But hey, I'm just a reader not a writer.
Yes, but sometimes that can be a good thing. You readers out there catch so many boo-boos that the writers may not catch. See as we proof our stories, we read them so many times that we eventually go cross-eyed. And I'm not just speaking from personal experience. One of the writers I beta for tells me all the time that she's "looked at a part so many times that she's just sick of it".

So we can miss things.

That's the great thing about these boards. We can post our stuff here and you guys get to take a look at it and tell us what we can improve on. That makes us better writers.

So thank you for that. I'll definitely give that part a second look before posting the story to the archive.

I'm glad you liked the story though and appreciate your fdk.


Thanks so much everyone!!! You made my evening!


Smile and the world smiles with you ... frown and you're just giving yourself wrinkles.
#32304 08/31/06 05:57 PM
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Okay, time for some mini-feedback....

I already knew that Lana was going to die, because DJ had gracefully told me, so I can't pretend to be upset. I think, to be honest, that it is a little sad that Lana would have to die so that Clark could be free of her. Couldn't he just have said, "Lana, it's over?" All right, he should have put it a little more nicely, but still.... One of the most talked-about criminal cases in Sweden in recent years involved an admittedly horny pastor who couldn't say "It's over" to the woman he was currently involved with when he wanted to move on. The details of what happened to his first wife are murky, and there was never enough evidence to charge the pastor with her murder, but he was found guilty of talking his ex-mistress into murdering his second wife while he was having an affair with the woman he wanted to marry next (not his ex-mistress, a fourth one). Ah, well... he didn't know how to break up with them, you know?

I'm glad, anyway, that Lana's crash was so bad that Clark couldn't have saved her even if he had gotten there faster. He shouldn't have to feel he was that guilty of her death.

I love it that Clark needed to talk to Lois afterwards. So, he chose to go to her as Superman:

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I start to lower myself down to the ground below so I can change into my street clothes, but I hesitate. A part of me wants to visit her first as Superman. She would be glad to see him; she isn’t upset with Superman.
I thought this Lois was really very nice to Clark and not bitchy at all. Would she really have been that upset with Clark? I would have liked it better if he had seen her straight away as Clark. Of course, admittedly, if he had we would have missed that scene between Lois and Superman, and that was a really good addition to the story.

So Clark says a few words to Lois in his Superman suit, and then he flies off:
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“I’ll be seeing you, Lois,” I assure her. Yeah, sooner than you think, too. And with that I take off, flying out the open window. I hear her soft sigh and her words ‘Hope so’, as I go. I hope she’ll still want to talk to me as Clark.
So, eh, what was that little stunt about? He wanted to impress her, right? He was testing her? He wanted to see if she would throw Clark away now that she had had a whiff of Superman? I mean, if he wanted her company, seeing her as Superman really wasn't a good idea.

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“What are you doing here?” she asks me.

“I...” Her question takes me by surprise. Is she sorry to see me? Maybe it was a mistake to come. “Something’s happened and I’m going to stay with Chad for a little while. I came up to make some arrangements with him.”

“No, not why are you here in Metropolis, why are you *here*?”

I’m taken aback. She really doesn’t know? “I needed to talk to you. I shouldn’t have left the way I did... Are you busy?”
Okay, good. He is being somewhat honest with her.

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“No, I was, but not now. You just missed Superman; I’m sure you’ve heard about him.”

“Yeah,” I confirm for her.

“I got the first interview he’s given,” she tells me, sounding just a little smug.

“Congratulations.” I can feel the slightest stirrings of irritation beginning. Why am I annoyed by this?
Clark.... razz
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“Sounds like he made quite an impression on you,” I interrupt her, my frustration growing. Why am I upset about this? She’s talking about me!

“He did... Why? Are you jealous?” She must have picked up on my reaction.

“Of Superman? Should I be?”
No, you shouldn't. First of all she really liked you when she only knew you as Clark. Second, if she is so impressed with Superman, why don't you just tell her that you are him?

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“No. You shouldn’t,” she says with a resigned sounding sigh.

What? Did I hear her right? “Lois, I...”

“Clark, I’m sorry.” She finally gets up out of her chair and moves towards me. I’m speechless when she wraps her arms around me in an embrace.
Ah! Clark has been so lunkheaded ever since he refused to tell Lois his secret. I love it that she is giving him what he was craving for here, acceptance. And love!

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“For what?” I enfold her in my arms. The warmth from her body seeps into mine, filling the empty void that I’ve carried the past several days. I lay my head down against her shoulder and just enjoy her support and the feeling of her hands as she rubs them across my back. No, it’s good that I came.
And this is adorably sweet.... Thank you.

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She turns her face toward mine and whispers in my ear. “I’m sorry for how we left things before, and I’m sorry about... Lana.”

I pull back from her and look into her face, my body tensing. She knew about Lana? How?

“Chad,” she says softly, answering my unspoken question. “Chad sent me a copy of the Smallville Post with the article you had written about her death.” She pointed towards the newspaper lying on her desk. So that’s what she had been reading when I first came in as Superman. “He told me that you were taking it pretty hard and you were coming up to stay with him for a while.”
I'm really glad that Lois knows and understands about Lana, and about Clark's feelings of guilt and sorrow right now.

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I’m quiet; my body seems to have gone numb again. I had of course planned to tell her what had happened, eventually, but she’s caught me off guard and I don’t know what to say.

“I understand if you don’t want to talk about it,” she tells me. “It’s okay. I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” I finally respond. “She was coming up here to see me when she had her accident.” I hadn’t wanted to talk about it, with anyone. I had avoided talking about it as much as possible, but with Lois it feels right, with her I can let go.
I love it! This is such a sweet Lois. Surely you can see that you can trust her, Clark? You should have seen that long ago.

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We’re both quiet for a moment. This is it. This is the time to tell her. I made the mistake of not letting Lana know who I really am, and now I can never correct that mistake. She had loved me to the best of her ability without that knowledge. I won’t make the same mistake with Lois. I don’t care what happens, what she does with the information. I have to take that risk. I have to tell her the truth.
Finally, lunkhead.

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“Lois, I did love her, but I kept a secret from her, too. The same one I haven’t shared with you. It’s too late to share it with Lana, but it’s not too late to share it with you. I...” I pause, is it too soon? No, I’m laying bare my soul to her tonight. “I want to be with you. I care about you, Lois, a lot. I want to be completely honest with you and I trust you enough to share this with you.”
Yes... yes....

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The phone at her desk starts to ring. Without her questioning eyes ever leaving mine, she moves her hand down to answer it.
Noooo!!!!

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No, don’t pick it up. If I don’t tell you this now, I might never work up the nerve again.
Exactly, Lois. You see, you are dealing with Mister Red, Blue and Yellow.

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I reach out and take her hand in mine, keeping her from answering the phone. I bring our hands up to my chest and part my shirt where I had intentionally left it unbuttoned behind my tie; and I slide her hand inside. Her eyes widen as her fingertips feel the slick spandex of the suit and the ridges of the crest.
Oh, good, good, good! Yes!!!!

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She brings her other hand up and rips my shirt apart further. She stands gaping at the exposed red and yellow crest in front of her. Her hand goes up to her mouth and she backs up and sits down hard in her chair. She looks up at me with wide, inquiring eyes.
I like the ripping of his shirt!

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“Superman?”

I nod my head.

“Clark?”

I nod my head again.
Good. Finally. Finally. Yes.

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“*This* is the other *thing* you hadn’t told me?”

I feel like a monk, but I simply nod my head again at her.

“Why couldn’t you tell me before? Before you left me to go back to Smallville? Why didn’t you tell me that day on the shuttle?”

I finally find my voice. “I was afraid.”
Yup. Mister Red, Blue and Yellow.

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And now you’re not?” Her voice seems like it is just a little bit too high. What is she thinking? I wish I could see inside her mind.

Honesty, Clark, remember, honesty. “No, I’m still afraid. But I was even more afraid of not telling you, of losing you because of hiding from you.”
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“Why were you afraid?” Her voice came a little softer, a little lower in pitch this time.
Very good question....

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“I didn’t know how you would react for one thing. And I didn’t know what you might choose to do with the information.” The admission pours from my lips. I should have told her the truth before. Before I left to go back to Smallville. I had no idea it would feel like this – like it was cleansing my soul.
There have been a few suggestions in some fanfics that Clark might just possibly be a Catholic boy - well, whether he is or not, you are hereby named his Mother Confessor, Lois.

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“What? Like I’m going to write an article revealing you to the whole world? I’m a reporter, Clark. Not a tabloid journalist.” I hear the edge in her voice and feel the regret in my heart.

“I’m sorry, Lois. I know you’re not, and I know I can trust you. That’s why I came here tonight. Why I shared this with you.
Yes, you should be ashamed, Clark.

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She turns her face away from me and looks back down at the paper lying next to her on her desk. “So what happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“I watched you save a shuttle full of people, Clark. I watched you eat a bomb, for crying out loud. What happened with Lana? Why couldn’t you save her?”
Oh, horrible question.

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Her words almost bring me to my knees. Does she know how many times I’d asked myself just that question? I feel the familiar ache in my heart beginning to return. What could I say? I fumble for words and can’t seem to find them. “I couldn’t save her because I was saving you.”
Her question brings him to his knees and he replies that he more or less killed Lana by choosing Lois over her.... DJ, this is heavy.

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I try again. “She had her car accident right after I saved the shuttle and brought you back here to the Planet. I was on my way back to Smallville when I heard the crash. I flew as fast as I could, but it didn’t matter. It was too late. I couldn’t save her.”
Okay. Lois will understand this better.

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“So she didn’t know... about you?” she asks me.

“No,” I whisper softly. “Not until that night... when it was too late to matter and she died in my arms.”

Lois rises from her chair and comes to me, embracing me again. I just stand there and let her hold me for a while. I feel the warmth of her breath against my shoulder, and the soft touch of her hands as she rubs them against my back. She’s a balm to my soul, as is my confession.
I love how she embraces and comforts him.

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“It’s okay, you know,” she tells me.

What is?

“It’s okay that you didn’t make it there in time. It would be impossible for you to be everywhere, save everyone. What you did that day was enough. You saved the lives of all those people, and you saved my life. I’ve always believed that we all have a chance to make our mark on this world, to make a difference. Never have I believed in that more than I do right now.”
Good, Lois! What you said is so true, and he so needed to hear it.

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After a few moments of quietly holding one another, she breaks the silence. “So are you coming back to Metropolis, to stay?” Her head shifts against my shoulder and I can feel the warmth of her breath on my neck. It sends a shiver through me. “I saw your editor’s note in the paper where you said goodbye to your readers.”
This is so, so sweet, and.... Guess what? I said this would be some mini-feedback. Guess how late I am by now?

Gotta stop here, DJ. I really, really liked the story. I, too, wouldn't mind a sequel.... (You know what I mean. wink )

Ann

#32305 08/31/06 07:33 PM
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Nancy - thanks... I suppose if I were to do a sequel you'd be expecting it to go in the *n* folder huh? <DJ shakes her head, smiling>
Well, DJ, it could be pretty steamy and still stay in the PG folder. You know what they say about imagination... nfic would be good, too...

In a way, I hated to see Lana die, but the way you did it was wonderful. I liked that Clark wasn't wracked (sp?) with guilt.

Oh, I like this - cute... Might make an interesting little story.

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Now could you have them elope? Quick before anything can go wrong?
I love this...

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See as we proof our stories, we read them so many times that we eventually go cross-eyed. And I'm not just speaking from personal experience.
I love that you do this. (I do, too.) I've said this before, but I hate trying to read a fic when the author hasn't even taken the time re-read it and it's absolutely full of misspellings and bad grammar. Yes, sometimes we do go cross-eyed proofing and will always miss some things, but you can tell when someone has taken time with their story. That means a lot to me and shows that you care.


Ann noted..

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There have been a few suggestions in some fanfics that Clark might just possibly be a Catholic boy - well, whether he is or not, you are hereby named his Mother Confessor, Lois.
Clark a Catholic boy? Nah, I don't see it, but then we all bring our personal experiences to a story and I'm not Catholic. I've never heard this one before, but I do see him being raised in a Christian household.


~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
#32306 08/31/06 07:53 PM
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Hi,

I've only just read the last sgment. It is moing, sunny and very well written.

You just have to love the way Lois babbles.

I really liked the way that she finally put two plus two and made four!

I'm putting in my request with the other... More please!?!!!!!!
party
Regards,

SNL

#32307 09/01/06 01:04 AM
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Ann --

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I already knew that Lana was going to die, because DJ had gracefully told me, so I can't pretend to be upset.
Yes, no getting mad at me - I warned you in advance. laugh

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So, eh, what was that little stunt about? He wanted to impress her, right? He was testing her? He wanted to see if she would throw Clark away now that she had had a whiff of Superman? I mean, if he wanted her company, seeing her as Superman really wasn't a good idea.
True... but Clark *IS* a lunkhead sometimes. And after everything he'd been through, he wanted to be able to talk with her first as someone she wasn't upset with. He needed a little *lift* and he knew she'd talk to him as Superman. Plus, as you said, it was a nice little lead in to his visit to her as Clark - I took literary liberty here. wink

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Finally, lunkhead.
See you admit too that he's a lunkhead. Hee hee.

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Her question brings him to his kness and he replies that he more or less killed Lana by choosing Lois over her.... DJ, this is heavy.
Thank you - I'll take that as a compliment.

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Gotta stop here, DJ. I really, really liked the story. I, too, wouldn't mind a sequel.... (You know what I mean. )
See my answer at the bottom of this post...

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Well, DJ, it could be pretty steamy and still stay in the PG folder. You know what they say about imagination... nfic would be good, too...
Again... see my answer below...


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I love this...


quote:
-------------------------------
See as we proof our stories, we read them so many times that we eventually go cross-eyed. And I'm not just speaking from personal experience.

--------------------------------

I love that you do this. (I do, too.) I've said this before, but I hate trying to read a fic when the author hasn't even taken the time re-read it and it's absolutely full of misspellings and bad grammar. Yes, sometimes we do go cross-eyed proofing and will always miss some things, but you can tell when someone has taken time with their story. That means a lot to me and shows that you care.
Thanks Nancy. Yes, I do care. In fact, I usually re-read it at least once even after I post... and usually still manage to catch at least one more thing that I'd like to change and so I have to go in and edit my post. blush

Thanks for the feedback SNL! More?

Okay, now my response:

For those of you (Nancy, Tahu, SPark, Lisa, Ann, SNL...) who suggested there should be a sequel or more or whatever... I have written an epilogue for you. (Lisa said "we promise to love you forever" - how could I refuse?)

Last night my husband had a few guy friends over and they watched football. I hung out in my bedroom of sanctuary, watched a good movie, and wrote an epilogue.

I wish it was done - I really wanted to post it this morning as the final, final edition to the Breakfast Club - but it's not done quite yet - close (and then I as told Nancy, there will be all those read throughs and corrections to make).

Anyway, it's 7 pages so far blush and all WAFF. However, it can't be posted on the PG boards. So you'll have to look for it in the nfic. I hope to have it posted at least before bedtime tonight. Hubby's going to be gone tonight so that should allow me to finish it.

Love you all for your wonderful comments and naggings for a follow-up... the squeaky wheel gets the grease remember...

Thanks!!!


Smile and the world smiles with you ... frown and you're just giving yourself wrinkles.
#32308 09/01/06 01:33 AM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883
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I have written an epilogue for you.
Yea! /me very excited.

party


lisa in the sky with diamonds
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