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#297707 10/06/23 03:32 PM
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How was the reveal? Do you all think it was effective? I never know how these things will land with readers.
Thanks as always for your comments! I really appeciate them.


"I hope this little incident hasn't put you off of flying. Statistically speaking, it's still the safest way to travel."
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Pulitzer
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I liked how you described Lois' jealousy and Clark handling it. I'm glad Lori finally came clean and I'm curious for the next chapter. How will Clark deal with the Merpeople and this crazy scientists?

Can't wait for the next chapter.


It's never too dark to be cool. cool
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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The story is really cool! Only two problems: Cannot imagine Lois' behaving this way after she and Clark are married. She has grown past Mad Dog Lane behavior. Cannot dream of Clark not telling Lois about Lori's unique background, he respects her too much for that.

Nonetheless, I can hardly wait to see what happens next. Yay!

Last edited by Morgana; 10/13/23 03:41 PM.

Morgana

A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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I think the reveal worked really effectively!

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He was pretty sure that their last dinner party had ended in attempted murder. But it wasn’t their fault that their dinner guests were actually assassins contracted to kill them.
Of course they were assassins - this is such a 'Lois & Clark' thing to have happen to them! lol

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As long as she’s no Lana Lang, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
Fun reference! Ever since she went universe hopping, she will never let this go! I wouldn't either!

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Lori seemed to catch on and tried to smooth things over by injecting a little humor. “Well, don’t just stand there, you too! Someone’s got to grab the chair and it’s not gonna be me.”
Lois quickly put her finger on her nose and yelled, “Not it!” Lori did the same.
Clark, of course, was holding Lori, so he was out of luck.
Dinner with your partner's ex (or ex's current wife) is seriously awkward, even if you are all basically emotionally stable, nice people. I like that you let the women sort of diffuse this together, and let them gang up on Clark a little, too.

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From then on, dinner went off without a hitch.
Well, almost without a hitch.
Fun! Love the way you used this rhetoric device.

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Her wheelchair had printed its treadmarks in a wet trail on the carpet. He knew those treadmarks. He’d seen them on the floor of Dr. Timaeus’ lab, the day after the break-in.
I though that the water pitcher break was a really heightened, clever way to do this. smile1

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“I wonder what it is this time,” she groaned.
Authentic! Spoken like a true city-dwelling car owner!

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“Sometimes, the truth isn’t good for them. You would know, Superman.”
jawdrop SUCH a GASP moment!

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...you’d gelled your hair into oblivion.
I laughed out loud at this!

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Lori chuckled. “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to swim.”
I love the mermaid laughing at Superman. So very fun!

I liked the way that Lori and Clark level with each other. It really makes them feel like old friends.


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