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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great part.  She shuddered and grabbed the thin, knitted blanket to wrap around herself. The fabric was futile, though, wasn't it? It couldn't ward off the sort of cold that had settled inside her.
They wanted her to go back tomorrow. OMG! 
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
Wow, Sara, this is brilliant! It must be one of my favorite chapters ever of this great story. It's so emotional. Take Lois's musings. You manage to infuse them with so much hopefulness. But there is something even better here: I think you make us feel how Lois is slowly being taken over by an incredible love for Clark, but she doesn't yet realize that she actually loves him at all! Yes, she knows that she needs him, but I don't think she really knows that she loves him. That's so brilliantly done. The way she observes him, notes the faint smile on his sleeping face, his mussed hair and flushed cheeks. There is such tenderness here when Lois watches him, but she doesn't seem to notice that tenderness herself. And when she considers his awesome strength, and realizes how his strength is about so, so much more than just his muscles, then she is really so awed by him, but again she doesn't really see how much he blows her away. She realizes there is an absolutely incredible connection between them, so that she can actually feel his pain, but she alternates between taking this connection in her stride and being confused and bewildered by it. Just imagine what it must be like to start realizing the absolutely amazing love that has to be there for this connection to establish itself at all. She remains in turn matter-of-fact and bewildered about her future with Clark, but there is, at the bottom of her soul, an overwhelming joy inexorably rising upwards, and she just hasn't discovered it yet. (But when she does...!) I'm not going to quote much, sorry, but I love this paragraph: Her gaze turned to the window and the brilliant rays of sunlight being cast through it. A handful of trees were visible from where she was sitting. There must have been a light breeze out because the leaves were swaying to a delicate rhythm. Funny, that everything seemed so... cheery. So right. The bad guy was dead. There was a finality to that she could almost feel. Someone was supposed to cue the orchestra for the denouement. Yes, Lois, nature itself is celebrating with you! Or else it's just you, your own happiness, you know? Reminds me of a beautiful Swedish poem about a man walking home from meeting his loved one. The weather is as bad as can be, with sleet, snow and howling winds. Yet when this man is walking home, he notices how everyone he meets is smiling and looking so happy... yeah right!!! Is this guy in love, or is he in love? And then there is Pete. Well, he's the one who has interested me the least in you story so far, which is not your fault, Sara, believe me.... But I found myself empathizing with him so incredibly when you said that he was burning hot, all of him except his left foot, which was freezing. Somehow I found the idea of it so painful and yet also a little bit funny. It just got to me, believe me! And then there was the agonizing part with Elle. It was just brilliant, and excruciatingly painful too, the way you made us share her fear, her vulnerability, her loneliness and paranoia. I don't know if it's such a good idea to quote, because I may have to quote pretty much all of it, but I loved this (well, the black humour gets to me, you know): Better yet, they might just revoke her citizenship. Extradite her back to Ireland. Mam and Dad would be so proud. She wouldn't have to worry about the New Troy death penalty; her parents would murder her for sure. Wonderful, Sara. Absolutely great. What a ride your story has been. I'm impatiently looking forward to the rest of it! Ann
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,085 Likes: 40
Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
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Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,085 Likes: 40 |
I just have to say, Ann, that your feedback blows me away.  I'm at a bit of a loss for words, really.  But I did want to point this out: There is such tenderness here when Lois watches him, but she doesn't seem to notice that tenderness herself. I LOVE that you picked up on the tenderness! If there was one emotion I was trying to get across in this scene, that was it. Thank you for all you touching observations on this scene.  And I'll take it as a high compliment that I've got you sympathizing with Pete and Elle.  And, Maria, don't worry *too* much about Elle...  Thank you both for the wonderful feedback!  Part 32 up soon! Sara
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 451
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 451 |
Wow... Ann said it all!!!! She really did!!!! BUT.... I have to, still, point out a few of my favorite moments in this powerful, emotional, *fantastic* section. The emotional connection had been startling enough, but this was more. Weaker, but more... frightening? She wasn't sure how she felt about it. Unbalanced, maybe. Like getting used to a new pair of shoes or something. It just took time to adjust to. Hopefully.
She wondered if Clark could feel her pain. You do such a wonderful job showing Lois's unsettled feelings toward this connection they clearly have. You can almost see her defences going up, but the fact that she's rationalizing to herself that it will just take time to get used to and looking at him, wondering if he feels it too... the fact that she's *not* running scared in another direction, shows that while this is alarming and new and yes, a little unsettling (like a pair of new shoes ), it's even a little soothing. That you manage to get so many emotions across in such a quick moment is just so.... so.... wow. And just this whole part.... She'd seen him differently, though.
He'd been weak and hardly standing, yet he'd managed to cross half a warehouse to dive in front of her...
She'd had her doubts until that moment. Now there was no more fear, no more worrying that he hadn't meant what he'd said. That *she* was the one he wanted. The one he needed.
Like she needed him.
And instead of feeling suffocating, the thought was liberating.
She smiled, still watching him. OH! Yay!! No more fear! As Ann said, Lois's introspection, her realization, of the strength in Clark that no one really sees is just wonderful, brilliant. I love her musings here, and just her moment of complete honesty, in which she realizes his feelings... and her own. This is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful! And lastly.... This whole nightmare. More than three years of her life, it'd been. Well, she was through being a victim now. It would only be a little while longer before she could close the book on this chapter of her life and start a new one...
Hopefully with Clark at her side. Yes!!!!! Wonderful! This is such a great moment, her thinking about everything, feeling overwhelmed by it all, knowing it's not yet fully behind her, but so ready for it to be. You can feel her anxiety, her longing to be able to start fresh and be happy... with Clark. Fantastic, stuff, Sara! Now to read the rest... <g> ~Nicole
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