Trust
“You think someone in the government is testing Superman?” It was hard to keep his voice neutral.
Clark stared at Lois, his heart pounding in his throat as he watched her taking a sip of water. It seemed to take forever until she swallowed and nodded. That simple motion of her head had a devastating effect. To Clark, it felt like the world had suddenly stopped turning. Only his head was still spinning, making him dizzy.
The world around him was muted to the pounding of his heart. He felt detached, as if someone had violently ripped him from the warm summer afternoon and thrown him into a dark abyss. Only his body was still sitting on that blanket in Centennial Park, where he’d been enjoying a picnic with Lois. His skin vaguely registered the sun’s caress.
His insides were frozen.
He’d known for a while now that he was being tested. It really couldn’t have been anything else. All those explosions in abandoned buildings, lately. He’d tried to tell himself that it was just another group of criminals or pyromaniacs who enjoyed destruction.
Of course, the various kinds of explosives and other chemical compounds he’d found at the scenes should have sufficed to convince him otherwise. Only, he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge the fact that people were still afraid of him, even after so many months of getting to know Superman.
He’d been living in a dream world: finally able to use his powers openly, finally living a fairly normal life, finally finding that special someone, the woman he loved and who loved him back.
He’d been leading himself on. He’d been stupid enough to forget that he was an alien, if just for a short while of blissful happiness.
Well, the ugly truth was that people were far from welcoming him, or even accepting his presence.
The government was testing him.
“I’ve done some digging,” Lois continued, seeming oblivious of the change in Clark. “There is no way the average criminal could come across even half the stuff the police found at the explosion sites. My best guess is military.”
She looked at him expectantly, waiting for his input. But Clark couldn’t reply. HIs mind was still reeling with the revelation that Superman wasn’t as welcome on this Planet as he’d hoped.
“I’m sorry, Clark.” There was a small, rueful twitch of Lois’ lips. “I know this is supposed to be our day off and we just wanted to spend some time together.” She bit her lip as if there was more she wanted to say.
And just several minutes ago, he’d have hoped that she would finally repeat her declaration of love in front of Clark. But now, he wasn’t sure he would be able to handle that. What if she loved Clark, but deep down would be unable to trust his Superman side? And given that a relationship with him would require a deeper level of trust than anything Superman usually did…
His stomach clenched into a tight knot.
“It’s okay,” Clark hastened to reassure. her. He still felt too numb inside to say anything else.
“I just needed to talk to you about this, and I didn’t want to do it at work,” Lois added, squirming.
“Really, it’s okay, Lois.” He swallowed past the lump in his throat.
And his heart did a painful twist. She looked so adorable, when she was embarrassed. It was just overwhelming how much he loved that woman, even when she started to talk about work during their day off, even when she’d just turned his world upside down. And for a moment, he was hard pressed not to close the distance between them and kiss her.
He’d been aching to do that ever since she’d confessed her love for him during her interview with Superman. But since she still hadn’t told him officially, he didn’t want to assume. He didn’t want to confuse his heart even more than it already was.
A smile spread across her lips. “So, what do you think? Why are they doing it?”
He blinked, thrown for a loop as she reminded him that she was expecting his opinion on the matter. The fall from his temporary floating on cloud nine back to the ugly reality of his alienness was rather hard.
Clark’s stomach tightened even more.
His voice was hoarse, refusing to work properly. “They’re afraid of Superman, I guess.”
Lois pursed her lips. “But why? So far, he’s done nothing but help people. I’ll admit that I wasn’t his biggest fan, when he first appeared. But I guess his actions speak for themselves, don’t you think?”
A surge of gratefulness flooded him. And his naive heart fluttered in renewed hope. Perhaps, she could accept him after all, perhaps…He tried to nod, to tell her he was thinking the same thing. But how could he? He ended up shrugging.
He couldn’t know what Lois would think about his being Superman before he told her. But he did know what the government thought about him. And given what he’d just learned, he shouldn’t be getting his hopes up to high.
Despair was taking hold of him. He’d known that someone as powerful as him would have to work hard to earn the trust of people. Ever since he’d become Superman, he’d done everything in his powers to deserve that trust.
But he had to realize that it wasn’t enough, that maybe it would never be enough.
And that hurt, hurt so badly that he wanted to scream.
Suddenly, even the open space of Centennial park felt awfully confining. He couldn’t breathe. Here he was sitting with the woman of his dreams, the one other person beside his Mom, who he could even imagine telling about his feelings. But he knew that he couldn’t share what was really going on inside of him because she didn’t know about his superpowers.
And simple Clark Kent couldn’t afford to let his true emotions show, not ever.
A voice saved him from having to find a reply that would be suitable for Clark to give. “Hey, Lois, what a nice surprise.”
Lois turned her attention from Clark to the man, who had approached them. “Daddy! What are you doing here?”
Clark looked up at the older man, who stood next to their picnic blanket, his arms crossed in front of his chest. He was startled that he hadn’t even noticed him before now.
“Clark, this is my father, Sam Lane.” Lois introduced them. “Dad, this is Clark. My partner at the Daily Planet, and a good friend.”
Clark got up to shake the man’s hand. He already knew Lois’ father, but of course he couldn’t say so. Superman had met General Lane once or twice, however, Clark hadn’t. After what Lois and he had just talked about, Clark found Sam Lane’s presence quite unnerving. He purposefully took deep breaths to bring his spiraling emotions back under control.
“Nice to meet you,” he said, forcing a smile on his lips.
“Nice to meet you,” General Lane replied politely. He wasn’t very good at covering up his impatience, though. After a moment of meeting Clark’s gaze, his attention darted back to his daughter. “May I have a word with you, Lois? In private?”
Lois shot Clark an apologetic look before she followed her father. For a moment, Clark watched them. Then he knelt down and started packing up the food that was left over. The picnic was over, so much was certain. He couldn’t imagine going back to the companionable atmosphere they had enjoyed before.
Clark studiously avoided listening in on their conversation or even watching them. It seemed like an odd coincidence that Lois’ father should show up just now. Clark knew he was the head of the DoD. If the government was indeed testing him, it was likely that Sam Lane knew about it.
“You’ve been tracking me?” Lois’ outraged voice slipped through his barriers.
Clark tried to shut his hearing back off, but found that he couldn’t.
”I wanted to talk to you without anyone else overhearing,” Sam Lane explained. ”You’ve got to stop this investigation, Lois. This is a question of National Security.”
”So, it’s been you testing Superman?” She sounded as if she couldn’t really believe her father was capable of doing what he’d just confirmed was happening.
”Of course we did,” he said, his voice simmering with anger. ”We need to know if there’s any way to stop Superman, if the need ever arises.”
”He’s done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment, Dad.” Lois growled. ”What if you find a way to harm him? Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? You can’t go out there and punish him for a crime that he may never commit.
”I can’t sit idly and wait how history will play out, Lois,” he chided, sounding like an impatient teacher talking to a dumb child. “My job is to protect the people of this country. Superman may be a good person, but he may also be the biggest threat humankind has ever faced. We need to be prepared.”
Clark shut his hearing off. His hands were working on auto-pilot as he gathered the last remnants of the picnic and folded the blanket. Each of his motions was meticulously controlled, lest he accidentally turned the blanket into shreds. He’d known that some people were afraid of Superman, of the things he could do. Actually hearing someone say it, almost to his face, was something else.
And it didn’t help in the least that the person saying it was the father of the woman he was desperately in love with. The man, who’d become his father-in-law, if he ever worked up the courage to tell Lois about his secret and ask her to marry him.
Once again, Clark felt the overwhelming need to scream.
It had been so much easier to push his feelings for Lois to the back of his mind, before she’d told her friend that she was in love with Clark Kent. He hadn’t been supposed to hear that. And now he wished that he really hadn’t. Because that longing for a life with her had become so much more intense, ever since he’d learned that there was indeed hope for a future with her, that she thought, at least about Clark, in that way.
“Sorry about that, Clark.” Lois’ voice pulled him from his musings. Her lips had become a tight line. “My Dad just killed our investigation. He practically confirmed my suspicions. But apparently, this is a question of National Security, and he’ll have our heads if we print any of this.”
“I guess that was to be expected,” Clark stated flatly.
He couldn’t bring himself to really look at her. Right now, his emotions were running so high, he was afraid it wouldn’t take much to see right through his flimsy disguise. But even so, he wasn’t able to fool Lois.
“Clark, are you all right?” she asked, concerned. “You don’t look too good.”
“I’m fine,” he said through gritted teeth. “Just a headache coming on.” He rubbed his temples as if to prove his words. “Look, I really enjoyed our afternoon, but perhaps I’ll better get home now and rest before the headache gets any worse.”
He hated even that small lie. But he couldn’t stay another moment. His emotions were such a jumble and it took every ounce of strength he possessed just to stay put long enough to brush his lips against her cheek.
“I’m sorry, Lois,” he said softly. “See you later.”
His throat was so tight that he couldn’t breathe. He felt her gaze on him as he turned to leave.
“Okay, you feel better.”
He could hear the confusion in her voice, the hurt and just a tad of anger that he wouldn’t be there to listen to her rant. It tore at his heart, but he had to get away from it all. The walk out of the park seemed endless. Every cell in his body screamed at him to just shoot up into the sky and vanish from the face of this earth.
It was liberating, when he finally found a secluded spot to take off.
***
When Clark reached his Fortress of Solitude, the angry scream finally ripped from his lungs. What was left of the picnic, burst into a million small pieces as he smashed it against the icy wall. The rest was combusted in a blast of heat vision for good measure. Clark was breathing heavily as hot tears of frustration streamed down his cheeks.
“Kal, what is going on?” His father’s hologram asked.
“They’re testing me,” Clark growled. “They’re looking for something to hurt me. After all these months, after everything I did, the people of this Earth still don’t trust me.”
“We knew, it would take time, Kal,” his father said softly. “You’re powerful, even more powerful than I imagined you’d become. Remember, when you were still scared of yourself. You can’t blame them that they’re scared of you.”
Clark took deep calming breaths. “It just hurts so much, father,” he admitted quietly. “And now, just when I had led myself to believe that I had finally found a home here. That I had finally found lo..” He broke off before he actually said the word, because admitting aloud how he felt about Lois would make it so much more painful.
“Are you talking about this Earth woman you mentioned?” his father sounded worried. “Is she the one not trusting you?”
Clark shook his head. “No, fortunately, she does not seem to be afraid of Superman. It’s her father. He’s a high ranking military officer, the Head of the US Department of Defense.” He hung his head. “What am I going to do? I have nowhere else to go. I need people to trust me. And if I can’t gain his trust, how am I going to find a future for me and Lois? How can I hope she will trust me with her life, if her Dad’s not even trusting me an inch?”
With a start, he realized that he’d actually said that aloud. A furious blush crept across his cheeks. Though his birth father was nothing but a hologram, Clark felt awfully embarrassed. What if his father didn’t approve of his choice - or worse even - thought that he shouldn’t give his heart to an Earth woman?
But Jor El’s voice was sympathetic rather than angry. “You feel that strongly about her?”
“I do,” Clark replied quietly. “But that may be pointless now, anyway.”
It was silent for a while, before Jor El spoke again. “Trust has to go both ways, Kal. Maybe, you need to show this man that you trust him, before he can trust you?”
“But how?” Clark frowned. “What could I possibly do to make him trust me?”
“Kryptonite.” Jor El’s voice seemed to ring in Clark’s ears. “If he’s so desperate to get a means to defy you, maybe you should offer it up to him. There’s no better way to prove that you mean no harm.”
Clark gulped. “There’s also no better way to get myself killed.”
His breath quickened as he remembered the few times he'd stumbled upon the crystal. The pain and helplessness that had washed over him. The first time had been a close call, and he supposed he wouldn't be here, if his Dad, Jonathan Kent, hadn't found him in time.
"I'm not sure this is a good idea." He pinched the bridge of his nose.
Jor El watched him thoughtfully. "You think he would use it against you without provocation?"
Clark let out a breath. "No, I don't think Sam Lane would do that. He seems like a decent man, who really wants to protect his people. But what if the existence of kryptonite becomes common knowledge? There are many criminals who would just love that piece of information."
Jor El raised his brows. "You can't assume that you can keep its existence a secret forever, Kal. So many of Krypton's fragments landed on Earth. Sooner or later, someone's going to find a piece and recognize its significance."
Clark felt his gut clench at the prospect of people attacking him with kryptonite. He ran a weary hand through his hair.
"I guess, you're right," he muttered. "It's better if I tell General Lane about kryptonite, than to wait until he finds it and tests it on me. At least, this way, I'd have some semblance of control."
Jor El nodded thoughtfully. “You don’t have to decide about that now, Kal. Take your time. I know it can’t be easy to make yourself vulnerable like that. But as you said, you need people to trust you, if you want to find a place in this society.”
***
A few hours later, Superman was darting back to Metropolis. In his hands, he held a lead box that he kept firmly closed. After his talk with Jor El, he'd debated with himself whether he should tell his Mom about his plan to hand over the kryptonite.
But he knew what she'd have to say to that. She wouldn’t like the idea. If he was completely honest with himself, he felt exactly the same way.
But he’d come to the conclusion that his father was right. If he expected General Lane to trust Superman, perhaps Superman had to go ahead and show him that he trusted the General.
And truth be told, no matter how well his Mom usually understood him, she had no idea how much he depended on the trust of people. She didn’t know how much of a fight it was to keep his emotions under control, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.
He knew that his eyes would glow, whenever anger took hold of him. And sometimes, it was just too difficult to keep his emotions under the tight lid. He was painfully aware of the fact that just one moment of weakness could be enough to destroy whatever trust he'd gained. It couldn’t hurt if he could gain some credit of trust to draw from in times of trouble.
When the DoD came into view, Clark took a deep breath to brace himself for what was to come. When he x-rayed the building, he quickly spotted General Lane talking to a few other soldiers.
"Any results of our latest test?" He asked.
The soldier shook his head. "A small dent in his energy signature, for all of 0.01 seconds." He heaved a sigh. "We'd need a lot more to have any significant effect."
Superman landed next to them. "You could as well stop these tests, they're not going to lead you anywhere." He squared his jaw. "May I have a word with you, General Lane? Only you and me."
He heard the clicking noise of several soldiers releasing the safety of their weapons. He didn't need to look at them to know that those weapons would be firmly trained on him.
"Superman," General Lane said in the sternest voice he could probably muster. But the slight trembling didn’t escape Clark’s notice. The General was quite obviously just as nervous as he was.
"Tell them to lower their weapons," Superman replied grimly. "They don't work on me, anyway. And I wouldn't want you to die from a stray bullet that bounced off my chest. I'm not here to harm you, General."
Sam Lane raised his chin defiantly. "Then what do you want?"
"I want to talk to you, General Lane,” Superman softened his voice somewhat. “Alone! And trust me, you'll be interested in what I'm going to tell you."
Now it was his own voice trembling slightly. He gripped the box in his hands even tighter.
The general furrowed his brows. "Okay, let's talk." He threw a quick glance at the soldiers. "Lower your weapons."
Superman could almost feel the reluctance radiating off the soldiers, but they followed the command. One after the other took his weapon down and clicked the safety back on. Even so, Clark’s heart rate spiked. He hadn’t been afraid of the weapons.
Lois’ father gestured for Superman to follow him. With a deep, steadying breath, Clark fell in step behind him, though his instincts screamed at him to turn on his heels and stop this insanity. But he suppressed the urge to run and, together, they went into General Lane's office.
When they were inside, Lois’ father turned to look at him. His expression was wary and he crossed his arms in front of his chest. “So, what do you want to talk about, Superman?”
Superman gritted his teeth. "Lock the door and turn off the cameras."
The General's eyes widened. "Forget about that."
"Then forget about this conversation," Superman said tightly. "It happens on my terms, or it doesn't happen at all. And then we both don't get what we want."
“And what do you want?” General Lane eyed him suspiciously. "You realize it's a serious crime to kill a military officer."
Superman pursed his lips. "It's a serious crime to kill any other person. If I wanted to kill you, I could have done so several minutes ago. And there wouldn't have been a thing you could have done to stop me."
He paused for a moment to let that sink in. Sam Lane’s gaze nervously flickered from Superman’s face toward the still open door and back again.
Superman heaved a sigh. "What I want is your trust. And one of us has to make the first step. Since you don't seem to be very forthcoming in that department, that someone will have to be me. Now lock that door and turn off the cameras, before I change my mind."
The general's eyes widened even more, but it seemed like he'd finally understood that he was going to learn something important.
Superman's breath caught in anticipation as he watched Lois' father lock the door. His pulse was racing and he eyed the cameras carefully, as one tiny red light after the other went out. There was a prickling in the back of his neck that warned him not to believe he really was no longer being watched. He x-rayed the walls, finding another camera that was hidden well. With a quick blast of heat vision, he made sure that there would be no footage of this incident.
“You said you wouldn’t harm me,” General Lane protested.
“I’m not going to,” Superman growled. “And I’ll pay for the replacement, if you insist.”
Clark closed his eyes, knowing that it was either now or never. He took a deep breath. He could do this, he needed to do this, if he didn’t want the whole world to guess that even the US government perceived him as a threat.
His hands were trembling slightly as he put the lead box on the desk that was sitting in the middle of the room. “This is what you’re looking for.”
Lois’ father blinked. “What are you talking about?”
Superman pointed at the lead box. “I know you’re looking for something that can hurt me. It’s in that box. Green Kryptonite, a part of my home planet that is poisonous to me. If I’m exposed to it long enough, it can kill me. It’s harmless to humans, though.”
Sam Lane’s gaze darted back and forth between Superman and the box that was sitting on his table. “And you’re expecting me to just believe that? You could fake a reaction.”
“Believe me, I won’t be faking anything.” Superman let out a sigh and rolled up his sleeve, exposing his forearm. “Take the crystal and cut me with the sharp edge, then you’ll see for yourself that it works.”
He bit back the plea to make it quick.
It took every ounce of self-control to keep his breathing even as he watched the General step forward. His hands closed around the box. His gaze darted back to Superman, checking for his reaction, perhaps wondering if he’d find Superman’s eyes flashing red. Clark did his best to keep his expression impassive, even as the General opened the box and the familiar wave of intense pain washed over him.
A part of him wished that he’d sat down before allowing the General to use the Kryptonite on him. But he couldn’t back out now, and he refused to let the man see just how much he was hurting already. There were limits to what he was willing to divulge. So Clark kept his jaw set and tried to lock his knees underneath himself as General Lane’s hand closed around the crystal.
As he brought it closer to Clark, the waves of pain became less easy to hide. He resisted the urge to pull his arm back. Lois’ father was studying him carefully, as his hand inched closer to Clark’s forearm.
“What are you waiting for?”Superman grumbled. “Do it!”
He winced as the crystal finally pierced his skin, tearing it apart in an agonizing wave of pain. Clark was helpless as his knees buckled underneath him, forcing him to the ground. He felt his blood spill out of the cut and clutched his arm to his chest. His vision was blurring and it became hard to focus on the man towering over him and still holding the glowing crystal in his hand.
“Now that you’ve seen what you wanted, put that stuff back into the box and close the lid,” Clark ground out.
His vision was graying on the edges. He knew it wouldn’t be long before he lost consciousness. Such a close contact was doing quite a number on him. He fought to stay awake, knowing that he didn’t have much time left to save himself with a blast of heat vision. But if did that, everything he’d done so far would have been pointless.
Finally, the pain ebbed away. Clark heard the slight thud of the closing lid. Then he felt his strength return and he picked himself up from the floor. The wound in his arm was healing quickly.
He gave Sam Lane a stern look. “I trust you have seen what you wanted to see.”
The General nodded, dumbfounded. His voice was hoarse as he spoke. “Indeed, I did. You took a huge risk showing me this. Why?”
“Because I have nowhere else to go, General,” Superman said quietly. “And I need your trust, if I want to stay. I do see why you find it hard to believe that I mean no harm. I guess, really only time will prove that. Until then, you have to trust me not to hurt people, and I’ll have to trust you not to kill me, when I turn my back on you.”
“I’m not going to kill you, unless you give me reason to,” Lois’ father promised.
“Then I better not give you a reason,” Superman said with a tight nod. “You can keep the kryptonite. There is plenty of that stuff all around the world. Though, as you’ve seen, one piece of that size is enough to bring me to my knees.”
Superman strode toward the door and unlocked it. Then he darted out, leaving a shocked General in his wake.
Last edited by bakasi; 09/03/22 03:23 AM.
