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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
Sara, this is brilliant. Lois's inner monologue, her inner turmoil, her shock and horror at finding Clark dead and then getting him back, only to realize that her lovely Clark may be irrevocably lost and replaced by the cold Superman. The mystery and question of where Clark has gone (has he returned as Clark at all?). And the question of where Lois is going, what sort of danger she is putting herself in, and who, at the end of this chapter, she just met. Then there are all these amazing little jewels and gems of imagery, of an amazing flow of fantastic inner monologue that makes me stop and gasp again and again. I see you before me as an old-time sower, spreading glittering pieces of gold-dust over your text-fields. I bend down and pick up one brilliant jewel at random to examine it, and this is what I find: Maybe that was everybody's problem, maybe that was the very root of everybody's problem, not being there for somebody when somebody needed them, not knowing when somebody was mad at them, not knowing what to do or say when somebody cried. And maybe Somebody was the troublemaker. If she ever met Somebody, she'd sure give him or her a piece of her mind. But I'm scared of getting too involved in your story, Sara. I'm scared it will hurt me. You say that this is the story that made David cry. That scares me a bit. I noticed that David told Catherine, after she had written Betrayal of Justice, that her story didn't make him cry. Yours did. So for all my admiration of your story, I can't let myself be totally carried away by it. Not yet, not until I know that it won't drown me. For now, I'll just sort of peek and be prepared to take cover. Ann
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 108
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 108 |
Well I'm weak Ann. Weak enough not to fight against this story because it's AMAZING. I. Love. It. The flow, the imagery, the humour, the tenderness. Here's a folc who really gets to the heart of her character and thinks about the motivation behind the actions she's going to inflict upon them. So, let's quote shall we? (settle in, cuz it's gonna be a while): But what didn't remind her, now? What didn't? From the scent of freshly brewed coffee to the tang of sugar as it connected with her bottom lip from a doughnut to the lyrics of a particularly manufactured teenage pop anthem currently rocketing its way around Metropolis's main radio stations - all of them made her turn and start conversations with thin air.
Would you like a highly fattening, artery-clogging, nutritionally worthless snack item, Clark? Isn't it amazing what somebody with a bellybutton ring and a voice box can do these days, Clark? Can I get you a high-sugar, high-saturated-fat, fully-caffeinated cup of coffee, Clark? You realise at this rate you're going to develop diabetes before you're thirty, right, Clark? One, love how the thoughts stay in her voice. 2) Love the pop music reference b/c it's plausible but not explicitly from the show 3) Love how I can just see her turning, these thoughts already forming in her mind, halfway to her lips, to talk to thin air b/c it's just so natural to think that he would be there. By her side, b/c that's just the way it is in her world. LOVE. IT. and then... She was walking, jogging, sprinting, saying his name into the air and not worrying about how crazy she was or how she looked or who might see. Now Lois has willingly done some seemingly crazy things before it's true, but when she's running into the arms of a person she can't see but somehow recognizes, yelling the name of her dead partner, you just have to see the love there. And she threw herself forward into his arms, wonderfully solid, hugging her as only Clark could hug her and he was there right in front of her and he wasn't a ghost, wasn't made out of mist, he was hers and he was there and he was alive, oh *Clark*...She was sobbing wildly as she hung onto him, as she ran her hands over his shoulders, glorying in the breadth and warmth of him. Clark, her strength, her life, her Clark, there in front of her, and the feel of his... *As only Clark could hug her...he was hers...her strength, her life, her Clark* AWWWWW! she gasped in a strangled breath at the familiar crest - the red and the yellow, the symbol of all that was good, the thing that made her hate him so.
"No!" And then: "Why?" She yelled, she screamed hoarsely, and she pounded a fist against the centre of his chest, against that thing that made him not-Clark. "*Why*? First you don't save him, the most *powerful* thing on the... and now... how could you make me think..." I. LOVE. THIS. I have always wondered what Lois would say to Superman if she saw him before he came back as Clark, wanted to write a fic about it but Sara has taken the thought right out of my head and made the moment SO MUCH BETTER! "Lois..." His deep voice a distant mocking mumble in her ears. "Don't you understand? This is what you wanted, this is what you asked for..."
"No!" she shrieked, horrified, stunned into submission at the dazzling candid unfairness of that. "I didn't want this! I don't want this, I don't want *you*, I want... I want..."
<...Clark...> BEAUTY, people, has just been put down on paper. Love this moment of realization. You can just see cogs snapping into place in Lois' head, the horrified guilt and sudden awareness of her own feelings just crashing over her. LOVE IT! And these hilarious moments... Some people think living on the edge is fun. There's a whole group of them somewhere, they're called the People Who Think Living On The Edge Is Fun. Poor lunatics... Lois's Sense of Timing still holidaying by a sparkling aquamarine pool, sipping cocktails along with Lois's Rational Thoughts and Lois's Patience. So what if he wasn't like that? He could make an exception, couldn’t he? He could behave completely out of character for one night so that she wouldn't have to be so alone. She wouldn't have to be Wet Miserable Lonely Lois; she could be Lois and her Aggrieved Sense of Betrayal instead.
Or Lois and her Righteous Anger. Or Lois and her Sleazy Womanising Best Friend. Sigh. I love Lois. She's insane, and like Clark, we love her because and not in spite of this. Thank you for so clearly portraying that delightful and beloved mix of craziness, belligerent child, and confused woman in love. All the little things he did for her spoke for themselves. Unspoken avowals of love in the cups of coffee, the jelly doughnuts, the supportive hand on her shoulder as she pounded the keys of the computer in a desperate effort to squeeze the story in before deadline. The look in his eyes when she made him laugh, that warm sparkling appreciative... thing...
And then the big things - the unspoken understanding that flitted between them, the shirts she'd ruined with mascara after a particularly poignant scene in whatever movie she'd forced him to sit through, the way he'd tried to teach her how to cook, the way he hadn't strangled her when she'd nearly burnt his kitchen down Imagery here is so sweet. We know they hang out together, and every thing here is so very possible that we can just see it happening and it makes us want to laugh and cry b/c they would be SO CUTE doing these scenes, so very cute together... If she'd died right there, right alongside him, it would have been fine. When he was taken and she left, the very fact of her existence had destroyed her. It had been incomprehensible that she could breathe without him, impossible to contemplate living without him. This is so beautiful and so true of Lois and Clark. You just know that for both of them the very thought of living after losing the other is like speaking to someone in a language even Clark doesn't know. It's indescribable how little sense it makes, b/c it doesn't make ANY to them. No Clark? No *Clark*? You can just see Lois's mental self screwing up her forehead and tilting her head, raising her eyebrows at the thought as if somehow it will suddenly become clear how that idea is supposed to make sense. And the panic attack: Beautifully done. Followed by a simply amazing scene of love. When Lois is up and running, thinking all sorts of crazy thoughts about what could have happened/could be happening/could happen in mere seconds to Clark in the dark dangerous world, you just have to smile. Her desire to protect him is so automatic, her fear so strong that in her mind it's bigger than the fact that Clark is a big, strong, intelligent man not likely to wander into a den of thieves at one in the morning (though, being Superman...) I love how that doesn't even matter to her; the fact that she's shorter and he's stronger doesn't even make a difference. All she can think is "Clark is in trouble" and all she knows is her love for him is the mnost powerful thing she's ever known and if anything can save him it's that. AMAZING. So delicious, I'll take as many servings as you got and even skip dessert.
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 776
Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 776 |
So this is a six boxes of doughnuts story is it?
"I'm red-eyed, tired and drunk" Teri Hatcher
"Fun will now commence" 7of9
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,202
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,202 |
Oh, Sara! You did manage to work more on this story! I recognised the first scene... and my heart jumped to see it posted here. Meaning it's in the finishing stages! And it only got better since I saw it last... Very promesing too. Poignant. I want to see more posted soon, you hear me?  But does your dear, friendly and sick nagger get a peek sooner? <g> And Ann, Sara usually writes very emotional stories. But unless she's being evil (Yes, you, Sara  ), they always end happy. So I, for one, can't wait to plunge right in and get involved. Saskia 
I tawt I taw a puddy cat!
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 457
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 457 |
I'll be back later with proper fdk. Damn work.  But... Originally posted by TOC:
But I'm scared of getting too involved in your story, Sara. I'm scared it will hurt me. You say that this is the story that made David cry. That scares me a bit. I noticed that David told Catherine, after she had written Betrayal of Justice, that her story didn't made him cry. Yours did. Don't worry - if you managed to get through the first chapter then you're golden. <g> Sorcha just has this wonderful way of twisting words and creating atmosphere and breaking my heart and it's brilliant, absolutely. I'm always a little swept away by her writing, but this time... I didn't make it through the second page.  Dave (doing the 'Yay-this-story-is-dedicated-to-me-and-I'm-happy-even-though-someone-told-the-whole-fandom-that-I-cried- :p ' dance)
'I just kind of died for you;
You just kind of stared at me'
- Aurora, Foo Fighters
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 77
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 77 |
I absolutely love this! You have such as lovely way with words. I have to highlight some of my favorite lines: Lois's Sense of Timing still holidaying by a sparkling aquamarine pool, sipping cocktails along with Lois's Rational Thoughts and Lois's Patience. The last was long gone, anyway That was a total gem! Maybe that was everybody's problem, maybe that was the very root of everybody's problem, not being there for somebody when somebody needed them, not knowing when somebody was mad at them, not knowing what to do or say when somebody cried. And maybe Somebody was the troublemaker. If she ever met Somebody, she'd sure give him or her a piece of her mind. That is such an incisive observation on the human condition. I also love the bit of dark humor in giving somebody a piece of her mind.
"But my experience is that as soon as people are old enough to know better, they don't know anything at all."
-Oscar Wilde, "Lady Windermere's Fan"
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 833
Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 833 |
Originally posted by Dave7: Originally posted by TOC:
[b]But I'm scared of getting too involved in your story, Sara. I'm scared it will hurt me. You say that this is the story that made David cry. That scares me a bit. I noticed that David told Catherine, after she had written Betrayal of Justice, that her story didn't made him cry. Yours did.
[/b]See? You don't needa be an evil killer to make another person cry. You could just be a better writer. Oh! Sorcha! I am SO happy this is posted! And GASP!! Does this mean I getta finally see what happens?? *bounces excitedly* And oh! You know I love this! Lovelovelove! :hug:
Mmm cheese.
I vid, therefor I am.
The hardest lesson is that love can be so fair to some, and so cruel to others. Even those who would be gods.
Anne Shirley: I'm glad you spell your name with a "K." Katherine with a "K" is so much more alluring than Catherine with a "C." A "C" always looks so smug.
Me: *cries*
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,992
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,992 |
Sara WOW! This is excellent.  Tricia 
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 377
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 377 |
Raw emotions. you have something nice going on here Sorcha. Can I get you a high-sugar, high-saturated-fat, fully-caffeinated cup of coffee, Clark? You realise at this rate you're going to develop diabetes before you're thirty, right, Clark? Just the right touch. How *dare* he? How dare he be not-home, when it had taken so much effort for her to just knock? It was so inconsiderate, and *so* like him. Reality has't got anything on Lois Lane. She exhaled, trying to get rid of the painful heavy lump sitting on her chest. A sudden, petrifying thought occurred to her - had *he* felt like that, like there was nothing beautiful left - because of her? Had he hurt like this - because of her?
<Oh, Clark...>
<Maybe he's *still* hurting like this because of you...>
She swallowed, shook her head. It wasn't possible. Not after six months of nothingness. He... he was fond of her, yes, maybe, but he didn't... he couldn't. Not really... surely? Experience, the greatest of all teachers. Oh, and the somebody monologue was the crowning touch.
I do know you, and I know you wouldn't lie... at least to me...most of the time...
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 451
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 451 |
Oh, Sara... I don't even know what to say. I know I've already scared you with lots of comments on this (and btw, *I* got the better end of the deal by far!)... just re-reading it here, you've got me - mouth hanging open, speechless, in complete and total awe and... Well... this is just absolutely amazing! You have the ability to break my heart with these little devices you use and re-use, from Lois's childlike moments, where she assigns all her feelings names (ie Lois's Patience) to her recollections of lonely conversations to no-one. Would you like a highly fattening, artery-clogging, nutritionally worthless snack item, Clark? Isn't it amazing what somebody with a bellybutton ring and a voice box can do these days, Clark? Can I get you a high-sugar, high-saturated-fat, fully-caffeinated cup of coffee, Clark? You realise at this rate you're going to develop diabetes before you're thirty, right, Clark?
Clark? Right?
"...Clark?" ... Wow. You take something that seems so light and layer it, weigh it down... with loneliness, with her fear of going on without him by her side, with her dependence on him, which she never wanted to have, with her razor sharp pain at how quickly he was torn away from her... to the point where she's talking to thin air almost expecting it to answer her back, so accustomed she is to his constant presence  As if the gods were listening to her disjointed thoughts and growing tired of her babbling, the heavens suddenly opened. She stood there for a second or so, shocked into silence as the rain assaulted her, beating her head and shoulders with angry fists. This description is wonderful - of the heavens opening up, the rain coming down... and just that the rain would (to her) be assaulting her, beating her with angry fists... It's so fitting for the way her thoughts have been moving. Ever since Clark "died", she's been beating herself up over it, angry, grieving, guilty and now he's back and she still has let time slip by and she's imagining that even the rain is fed up with her, beating her up over everything. As if Clark has nothing to do with their fate. She doesn't let him take any of the blame, not after everything. And the whole scene here, it's breathtaking and so sad, the descrription is so wonderful I can just picture it in my mind - her hovered on his doorstep, an emotional, scared wreck, and the heavens opening up, intensifying those feelings... SOOO amazing I know a lot of people here have used the word "raw" and I'm going to have to too. This honesty, her thoughts, the candid truth, how it's emerged out of this tragedy and then miracle... you've created something wonderful by exposing Lois's raw emotions in the face of these recent experiences and you've done it in such a creative, wonderful way. And at the end of this part, her facing the very clear truth, the proof, of how much he loves her... well, I can see why you made Dave cry (sorry, Dave, I had to <g>)... Facing it after everything that's happened so painfully recently... Yes. Oh, yes. She did know that Clark Kent loved her. No matter how much she tried to rationalise it away, no matter how she tried to make it unimportant, she knew he loved her - with a certainty that was petrifying in its steadiness.
All the little things he did for her spoke for themselves. Unspoken avowals of love in the cups of coffee, the jelly doughnuts, the supportive hand on her shoulder as she pounded the keys of the computer in a desperate effort to squeeze the story in before deadline. The look in his eyes when she made him laugh, that warm sparkling appreciative... thing...
And then the big things - the unspoken understanding that flitted between them, the shirts she'd ruined with mascara after a particularly poignant scene in whatever movie she'd forced him to sit through, the way he'd tried to teach her how to cook, the way he hadn't strangled her when she'd nearly burnt his kitchen down, all the times he'd saved her life. Weak and prostrate on the floor after her ordeal with Mr Makeup, how his arms had been around her, his large hand cradling her head against his neck.
Big things he'd done for her...
Like when he'd challenged a dangerous gangster for her.
Like when he'd stepped in front of a bullet for her.
Like when he'd died for her.
When he'd died for her.
A misty veil rose quickly in front of her eyes and her breath caught in her throat. Suddenly she couldn't breathe, something was tearing at her lungs and scrabbling wildly at her chest and oh god, it was happening. She was choking on her own grief. ...  Sara, this is absolutely mind-blowing stuff and I hope you know that. Fantastic, amazing and oh-so-much more. Can't wait for the rest ~NICOLE ps- Okay, so you got me on the "speechless" thing - I can usually find *something* to say <g>
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 385
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 385 |
Um... wow ]
Death: Easy, Bill. You'll give yourself a heart attack and ruin my vacation.
Meet Joe Black
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 686 Likes: 4
Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 686 Likes: 4 |
Heh...for me it was more like "Another TOGOM story? WHOO HOO!"
But then, the only one I have up so far, was one of those too, so you can see why my mind would go there.
This is absolutely beautiful so far. It is just so perfectly Lois in every way. I loved her reaction when she first saw Clark...just brilliant!
Can't wait for more.
Spike: "There's a hole in the world...feels like we ought to have known."
-Angel
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