Hate Myself For Loving YouFolc4evernaday
Chapter 16
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Martha looked up over the rip of her coffee mug at the young brunette, gripping her coffee mug as if it held the answers to life’s greatest questions. The whiteness of her knuckles showed the anxiousness behind the calm façade she attempted to portray. A trait Martha had quickly picked up on from Lois Lane’s first visit to Smallville.
Martha set her mug down on the table in front of her and pointed to her mug. “Can I get you some more coffee?”
Lois set her mug down, suddenly aware of how tight her grip on the mug must have been, allowing the green and red ceramic mug to rest on the table. She looked up at Martha with her dark eyes, still holding back the boulder-sized weight that had yet to leave since her arrival just a few short hours ago.
Martha pointed to the backdoor where Clark and Jonathan had disappeared behind just a few minutes ago. “They shouldn’t be too long. Clark likes to try and help where he can with the heavy stuff on the farm ever since Jonathan’s back surgery a few years ago,” Martha spotted the nervous tapping of Lois’ leg as she stared into the coffee mug in front of her as if it would somehow save her. She reached her hand across the table, placing it over Lois’ hand to stop her from fidgeting. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Lois gave a noncommittal shrug and looked up at her with a heavy sigh, “I don’t really know where to start?”
Martha nodded, offering the young woman a smile as she sighed, “Well, I understand Clark finally told you.”
“Yeah,” She smiled, taking a sip of her coffee. “I’m still processing that revelation.”
Martha recognized the uncertainty swimming across Lois’ face, feeling a pang in her chest as she stared back at this woman that held her son’s future in the palm of her hand. She took a shallow breath as she tried to form her words carefully, “It was never easy for him. The lying. The secrets. Even as a child, he absolutely hated it, but it was a necessary evil in order to protect him…and our family.”
A warm smile spread across Lois’ face, “Martha, you don’t have to worry. I…” she stopped herself mid-sentence, finding her words before she continued. “You can trust me. I would never do anything to betray Clark’s secret.”
A weak smile fell across Martha’s face, and she let out a weak chuckle, “I know. He, uh, never would have entrusted it to someone he didn’t trust completely.”
Lois paused for a moment, biting her lower-lip and nodded, “I…uh, I guess that makes sense.”
Martha nodded, feeling nearly thirty years’ worth of tears threaten to push their way to the forefront of her mind and make themselves known. “Clark's always been alone.” She paused and looked back at Lois, “When he was thirteen and getting strong—really, really strong—he made up his own mind, he wasn't going to tell anybody.”
Martha grew quiet, recalling the painfully isolating teenage years of watching her son close himself off from everyone around him in an attempt to be ‘normal.’ “He said he wanted to fit in... But he never could, not really.” The tears fell down Martha’s cheek of their own accord and she didn’t bother trying to swipe them away. “It broke my heart, watching him have to hide so much; afraid held always be alone...”
“You know I do love him,” Lois responded with a slight crack in her voice as she reached her hand over to offer Martha a supportive squeeze on the shoulder.
“I know,” Martha let out a soft chuckle. “I’ve known there was something special about you since he first mentioned you.”
“It’s still so much…” Lois gave her a weak smile. “There are all these secrets and then there’s how I feel which completely contradicts what I would do or react if anyone else had lied to me like this. I just don’t know how to process this. Any of this.”
“It probably doesn’t help having your private life invaded either,” Martha commented, scooting her chair over.
Lois looked up, running her palm against her damp cheeks, “What are the odds of having two stalkers at the same time?”
“Well, you do live in Metropolis.” Martha reminded her.
“I just keep thinking ‘what if I’m wrong?’” Lois let out a sharp shudder. “I mean, I could be wrong. There could be a reasonable explanation for all of this.”
“Of course,” Martha said softly.
“I mean, she’s the Assistant District Attorney for crying out loud. Why would she stoop to stalking and threatening me like this?”
“It doesn’t hurt to check out the possibility, Lois,” Martha replied calmly. “I’m not saying she is the one behind this, but if she is given what you and Clark have shared with me, I would think this isn’t normal behavior for her. She obviously needs help. Help she won’t get unless someone does something.”
“Clark wants me to go to Henderson with my suspicions.”
“I’m guessing you don’t want to.”
“This kind of accusation could destroy her career.”
“If she’s as unhinged as you and Clark have said, then it could save her life.”
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Clark came to a stop after moving at super-speed to chop the old oak tree that had fallen across the creek on the end of his parent’s and Wayne Irig’s property. He let out a long breath, unsure what to make of the rush of rage and apprehension that was coursing through him. Even in his worse battles with Luthor, he had never been tested to this degree. On the one hand, he wanted to do everything he could to protect Lois – hence the impromptu trip to Smallville after discovering one of her stalkers could very well be someone they both had once looked at as a friend and colleague.
He had barely asked before flying her out here as a safety precaution. He knew they had to go back. Neither of them had packed anything, and Superman couldn’t just disappear for days …or weeks.
The deep sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach screamed at him to do more. He needed to do something, but with so little pointing him in the direction of the ADA, he knew a single wrong move could push what appeared to be a very fragile Mayson Drake further across the edge. Something he wasn’t comfortable doing – especially knowing it was Lois Mayson had in her crosshairs.
Mayson.
Could Mayson really be behind the threats Lois had been receiving? The thought seemed preposterous. The Mayson he had known was a kind hearted person that held everyone to a higher standard – even Superman. Imagining the fierce defender of justice to not only stoop so low as to become a criminal herself but to be the source of the pain and turmoil Lois had been suffering through since the stalking and threatening notes had begun. It seemed so completely contradictory to the Mayson Drake he knew. Or thought he knew.
“You missed one,” a voice came from behind him.
He jumped, startled, and relaxed when he saw Lois standing a few feet away from him, pointing with her foot to a long branch that had fallen on the other side of the creek. “Hey,” he offered a weak smile and set the axe down, opting to take a break rather than finish the last branch.
“So, no crop festivals…” Lois observed, leaning against the bench he was seated at with a smile. “No crazy Bureau 39 agents…”
“Nope, just a normal day in Smallville,” he grinned at her as she took a seat next to him.
Lois gave him a sad smile, “Your parents are really wonderful.”
He nodded, smiling back at her, “They’re the most incredibly patient people you will ever meet.”
“I can only imagine what it must have been like growing up here.” She observed quietly, looking over her shoulder at the creek behind them. “This place has a calming effect you can’t really find in Metropolis.”
“Yeah, but don’t let the quiet fool you. If you come here in the evening during one of the festivals, it can get a little crazy.” Clark grinned, recalling some of the memories from his adolescence.
“Why is that hard to imagine?” Lois chuckled. He gave a silent shrug, and she pointed to the old rope hanging from one of the trees that hung its branches over the creek below. Just a few feet away from the rope was the old board wedged between the rocky cliff. “What’s that rope for?”
Clark let out a soft chuckle, recalling some of the memories of swinging across and sometimes into the creek during his youth. “Smallville is just like any other place. Community gets together around the holidays and can put on a great party.” He grinned to himself, “May not be as fancy as some of the ones that get thrown in Metropolis, but they’re still a lot of fun.”
“Well, Metropolis can put on some pretty lame parties,” Lois observed
“Hmm, so can Smallville.” A reminiscent expression crossed his face, and he pointed to the rocky ledge on the corner of the creek. “In the summers, we used to dare one another to see who could jump across.” He pointed to the board where the old rope that had been used to swing across looked to have seen better days. “I used to pretend to fall with the rest of the group…”
“Must be hard to fall when you can defy gravity by flying,” Lois raised an eyebrow at him.
Clark shook his head, “I didn’t start flying till after high school.”
“Really?” Lois gave him a half-smile.
“Really.” Clark nodded with a shrug of his shoulders. “I didn’t start developing any of my powers until Junior High.”
“I guess that makes sense,” Lois reasoned aloud, tapping her hand on the arm of the bench.
“What?”
“Nothing,” she said, “I’m just…realizing how many little things I never thought of…or thought to ask…”
“Well, I told you before…Superman is just a disguise,” he responded softly.
“I’m starting to see that,” Lois said, turning toward him.
A silence fell between them and as tempting as it was for him to fill the void with the burning questions that had been nagging at him for days he opted to let the silence continue. Something seemed to be stirring within her. He could practically see the wheels turning in her mind as she sat there quietly.
“I’m sorry,” Lois finally broke the silence.
“For what?” his brow furrowed in confusion as he stared back at her.
“Everything.” Lois gave him a weak smile. “I didn’t handle the whole ‘sharing a secret you’ve never shared before’ thing very well.” Clark reached his hand over and placed a hand over hers, unsure how to respond as she continued to ramble. “I was so focused on this one – completely necessary - lie you had told and trying to come to terms with it and forgetting everything else.”
“Like?”
“Like maybe I know you better than I give myself credit for?” Lois shook her head in dismay. “I don’t know. I guess I could chop it up to bad relationships or my childhood, but when you get down to it, I just didn’t handle any of this very well.”
“I think you’re being a little hard on yourself, Lois,” Clark said cautiously. “Yes, I would have preferred a better reaction, but I didn’t exactly approach the revelation with kid gloves either. Plus, my timing could have been a lot better.” He took her hand in his. “Crazy psycho bomber on the run, resurrected criminals popping up all over Metropolis…”
“That and all this stalker business. It feels like one disaster after another…” Lois admitted with a shake of her head.
“We do seem to attract disasters,” he remarked with a smirk. The space between them remained unbearable as he watched her toy with the hem of her t-shirt. He wanted more than anything to just gather her up in his arms and never let go, but he knew he had to let her work through the inner turmoil on her own. Drawing her to him too soon could cause her to pull away and put them back where they had been just days ago.
“Well, it probably didn’t help things when you started sparring with Lex Luthor before the ink was even dry on your debut article.” Lois winked at him, shaking her head. “I thought I was bold.”
“Where did you…?” he shook his head, knowing already where she had heard about his confrontation with Lex Luthor. “How much did she tell you?”
“Oh, you know some here and there.” She gave him a sheepish grin. “So, are you planning on keeping the old costumes for posterity or just backups in case you need to change identities?”
“What old costumes?” he felt the heat on the back of his neck and swore he could feel his ears burning.
She scrunched her nose up as she seemed to be recalling something and then spun off the description of his many, many rejected suits before deciding on the suit. “Green spandex, leopard spandex, and some hat with wings on it…”
“Oh, noooo…” he hung his head in shame, feeling the burning sensation cover his entire face. “Remind me to toss that box into the sun later.”
Lois let out a giggle, “So it’s not for posterity?”
“No,” he shook his head in embarrassment. “I didn’t even know mom still had those.”
A soft chuckle escaped the back of her throat, and he heard her let out a long sigh, allowing the silence that had once been there before to fill the voided space between them. He cast an uncertain gaze in her direction and found himself met with an anxious-ridden expression as her hand gripped his.
“Do you think I’m overreacting?”
“What?” he frowned, looking back at her in surprise.
“I mean, I don’t have any real evidence that points at this being Mayson.” Lois elaborated softly. “I’ve got a newspaper that was found in Mayson’s office, but who knows if that was her that scribbled on it. Anyone could have put it there.”
Clark let out a quiet breath, letting her finish her rambling before he spoke up. “Lois, someone very smart once told me that the obvious answer is almost answer is the right answer.”
Lois smirked back at him, “Maybe that person didn’t know what they were talking about.”
“She’s always right,” Clark frowned, placing a hand on her shoulders. “Do I think you’re overreacting? No. Do I think Mayson did this? I don’t know, but I’m not willing to take any chances right now.”
Lois nodded, running a hand through her hair and brushing the stray strands out of her eyes. “We can’t hide out here forever.”
“I know,” Clark nodded to her, feeling the unbearable heavy weight against his chest. “I’m sorry. I know I probably should have talked to you before flying you out here. I…panicked.”
“I wasn’t exactly arguing either,” Lois flashed him a brief smile. She let out a long breath, turning to Clark. “How exactly do we prove or disprove this theory that Mayson is behind the ‘I hate you’ threats?”
“Well, I guess for starters we talk to Bill Henderson,” Clark placed a hand on her shoulder. “I know you don’t want to take this to him, but …”
“But what if I’m wrong?” Lois cut him off, shaking her head.
“What if you’re not?”
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Detective Ryder looked down at his notebook, staring at the name in bewilderment as he took a breath and then turned his attention back to Mayson Drake. Her hand tapped repeatedly on the corner of her desk as she turned her chair from side to side, nonchalantly barking out orders on what the police department should or shouldn’t do in regards to the McCarthy case. Her latest order left Ryder unsure how seriously to take anything she had said. He tightened his jaw, setting the notebook aside and leaned forward, folding his hands on his lap as he prepared himself mentally on how to approach this latest development.
“Mayson,” he let out a nervous cough, eying the uneven movements from side to side she made as he spoke. “I understand you’re trying to do your job here, and I can empathize that it must not be easy at times juggling so many spinning plates…”
“I can spin my plates just fine, detective,” Mayson sniffed with an aggravated shrug. “I just don’t want to waste my time charging Ms. Scott with such a weak case…”
“With all due respect. Ms. Drake, the charges against Ms. Scott aren’t exactly up to you,” Ryder snorted back. “She was instrumental in smuggling known criminals out of prison and very well could be much deeper in this than we all realize.”
“Has she given you anything?” Mayson countered, tossing her head from side to side with a mocking tone.
“No,” Ryder sighed.
“Let her go.” Mayson snorted, shaking her head. “We’ll charge her when we have something.”
“But…”
“Ryder, we’ve got bigger fish to fry.” Mayson pushed a file across the table to him.
“What’s this?”
“What does it look like?” a smug expression crossed her face.
“Absolutely not.” He shoved the file back to her.
“I have a case,” Mayson argued, tightening her jaw as she added smugly. “Unlike your Medical Examiner, I actually have evidence for these charges.”
“I had evidence when I locked Melissa Scott up too.” Ryder countered.
“Yes, the suicide murder conspiracy,” Mayson rolled her eyes. “Pining over your witness isn’t going to make the case stronger.” She pointed to the file, “You can’t build something that isn’t there. But this is a clear case of obstruction.”
“I thought you guys were friends.” Ryder snorted, taking the file in disbelief.
“Things change,” Mayson said with a shrug.
Ryder stared at the warrant that had yet to be signed by a judge just yet. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Let me know once Ms. Lane is in custody. I want to be present when you question her.” Mayson instructed.
“If Judge Thompson signs this.”
“He will.” She responded confidently.
“Well, until he does, the Metropolis P.D. isn’t making any moves on this.” He instructed her.
“Just keep an eye on her, would you?” Mayson narrowed her eyes. “I don’t want to see you lose another suspect in custody.”
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The crowd around the small town square where a makeshift open town square theater on the lawn had been setup had brought a small crowd. Accompanied by the entertainment of a classic action thriller and the local town’s residents had a small potluck of drinks and snacks and a small bonfire setup to keep everyone warm in the cool air.
Lois reached her hand over, allowing her fingers to wedge themselves around Clark’s as they watched the final scene of Dirty Harry threatening Scorpio with the infamous line of, “You've got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’” Dirty Harry held his .44 Magnum up for good measure and let out the mean challenge of, “Well, do ya?”
The infamous shots were fired, and the closing credits rolled. Lois looked over her shoulder, turning to Clark and smiling to herself when she saw the relaxed expression on his face. She had noticed it on their last visit as well. How laid back, Clark appeared to be and just…different in Smallville. She had brushed it off as him just being at ease with himself but knowing now what she knew regarding the brush with Kryptonite from her conversation with Martha earlier and how that contributed to him having the weight of the world lifted off his shoulders the difference in his demeanor seemed to be something to be met with caution.
“So, what did you think?” Clark asked, helping her stand up from the picnic table they had been seated at.
“I’ve seen Dirty Harry before,” Lois grinned back at him.
“I was referring to the drive thru you claimed never to have gone to before.” Clark shot back with a smirk.
“It was nice,” Lois admitted, looping her arm around his as they made their way through the small crowd around the town square.
“Not exactly what I’d planned, but still a fun night.” Clark gave her a sheepish grin. “I suppose we just need to quit making any plans for fear of the universe squashing them to pieces.”
Lois nodded her agreement as they made their way back from the town square. “I wouldn’t say that exactly…” she ventured cautiously. “I mean, technically you didn’t say where we were going. We did go somewhere out of town.”
Lois felt a flutter in her abdomen as he leaned in close. A quiver ran down her spine as the cool wind blew against the back of her neck. The night had not been what she had expected and most certainly wasn’t anywhere near the grand plans Clark had been boasting about before. Yet despite that, it still had that magical pull that seemed to envelop her whenever she was around Clark. That undeniable force that pulled her to him like two opposite magnetic pulses unable to pull away from one another.
The movie had been an added treat even Clark hadn’t known it was going to be showing. They had explored the creek and strolled around town and found the bonfire at the town square and settled in for a surprise showing of Dirty Harry. As low key as the evening was, it just seemed to be the perfect way to end the day.
Her worries over Mayson and what to do with the threats remained silent as she focused on exploring the small town with a new set of eyes. No longer feeling like an outsider intruding on a strange place she’d never been, she found herself examining Smallville as something much more. The place that brought out Clark and Superman as one. Back at the Kents, she had had the unique pleasure of seeing him let his guard down – really let it down. No cape. No glasses. Just Clark.
The stories from when he was younger from both Clark and Martha helped fill in some of the questions Lois had had – yet been too afraid or just unwilling to ask before. Now she found herself wavering into familiar yet uncharted territory. The deep intoxicating feelings that had been suppressed for the last few days continued to nag at her, and the more time she spent with him the harder it was to deny how she felt. How she really felt.
The late night of way too much food and connecting with some of the residents in a setting that wasn’t tainted with the memory of Bureau 39 left a broad smile on her face. The smell of the fire ablaze and wood burning reached her nostrils as they turned the corner, approaching the crowded parking lot where they had flown in from.
Clark gave her a sheepish shrug, “Sometimes it gets a little crowded.” He pointed to the hill a few feet away. “Looks like we can probably duck behind that old tackle shop by Muriel’s and head back.”
Lois nodded, following him up the hill. Though she still knew many questions would continue to hang in the air until they returned to Metropolis, indulging in the small town charm for the evening and forgetting her worries had an appeal to it that she couldn’t deny. It seemed as if every day brought another disaster or another ‘gotcha’ moment that left her wondering if they would ever catch those responsible for their misdeeds. Taking a moment to relax and enjoy the quiet company with Clark had been a welcome reprieve.
They reached the end of the hill where the old tackle shop was, and indeed there was hardly anyone around, allowing Clark the perfect cover to change. A chuckle escaped her lips as she watched Clark duck between the back building and shed to change into his Superman uniform. When he came to a stop, reappearing in front of her in the red, blue and yellow suit she’d come to know so well, she asked him, “Do you always change in alleys like this?”
“Anywhere secluded,” he responded, scooping her up in his arms. “You ready?”
“I guess,” she let out a soft sigh. “This was a lot of fun.”
“I’m glad,” Clark responded, leaning in to cup her cheek. For a brief moment, she wondered if he would try to lean in and kiss her, but just as quickly as his hand moved to her, it disappeared and she found herself in the clear night sky with wind blowing through her hair as they flew back to Metropolis.
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Amir Muunour looked to his security detail as the glass doors behind them closed. The visit to the states was one that had to be done with extreme caution, given the current uprisal in his country. An uprisal he would soon have under control once he got his hands on the formula of Dr. Wilder. Still, bargaining with a woman over price and delivery seemed to be such a wasted effort given how easily he could take what was his – at least when his feet were planted on his country’s soil.
“Mr. Muunour, this way,” He was directed to the dark town car that awaited on the curb with a driver standing by the door, ready to open the door for them as they approached.
“Mr. Muunour, welcome to America,” The driver spoke, and he reached behind him to open the door, jutting his chin out in recognition as a smile spread across his face.
Amir Muunour looked around the dingy streets, unimpressed as he took his seat inside the town car, “Yes, well let’s get on with it. Metropolis General Hospital.”
“Yes, sir,” The driver tucked his dark hair behind his ear and moved to the driver’s side of the town car. “Metropolis General Hospital?” He clarified, to confirm the destination.
Amir nodded to the driver and looked down at his briefcase as the driver took them to their destination. In the first file, he had the complete profile of both Dr. Katherine Wilder and Claudette Wilder, the two women that held the keys to his future.
‘Soon,’ he told himself. ‘Very soon.’
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The curtains billowed in the wind as Clark landed on the balcony of his apartment. With a soft brush of cold air, he blew the balcony door open and flew inside, holding Lois to him with a protective embrace as they entered the apartment with caution. Though it was only Lois’ apartment where the threats had been made, he still wasn’t taking any chances.
“Thanks,” she smiled back at him as he changed out of the Superman suit and back into the t-shirt and jeans he’d been wearing earlier. “You sure you don’t mind me staying here? I mean, I can get a hotel or something…”
He held up a hand to stop her, “Lois, it’s fine. I would feel a lot better having you stay here than at a hotel.” He let out a long breath. “We’ll figure all this out in the morning. Talk to Henderson and see what we can find out.”
“Right,” Lois nodded, shaking her head. “I guess we do have a crazy stalker and serial bomber to stop.”
“Yeah,” he reached a hand over to cup her cheek. He pointed to the couch behind him. “If you need anything, I’ll be right out here.”
“I can sleep on the couch.” She offered, trying to argue.
Clark floated a few inches off the ground and stretched himself out on his side, shaking his head. “I can sleep on the ceiling if I want.” He grinned back at her.
Lois raised an eyebrow, staring at him, floating in the air in front of her with bemusement. “You sleep on the ceiling?”
“Sometimes,” he shrugged. “It’s comfortable.”
“Compared to what?” her brow furrowed in surprise, trying to understand the logic.
Clark shook his head, “I’m also invulnerable.” He let out a long sigh. “Seriously, take the bedroom. It’s been an exhausting few days. Try and get some rest.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” he floated back down to where he was standing in front of her.
He stared at her for the longest minute of his life, contemplating if he should say or do anything more. Every fiber of his being wanted to end this ridiculousness of tip-toeing around one another and say what he really felt. They had been growing closer, but were they close enough to where Lois felt like she could trust him again?
She stared back at him for what felt like an eternity before leaning up and brushing her lips against his cheek, whispering a kiss before murmuring a quick ‘goodnight’ to him. An internal battle of what to say or do ensued as he watched her disappear behind his bedroom door.
TBC...
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