Lois & Clark Fanfic Message Boards
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#28031 02/24/06 11:05 AM
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 221
Hack from Nowheresville
OP Offline
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 221
!!!

Ahem. Just had to get that out of my system, sorry.

Terry, this was brilliant. *Brilliant.* Everything — the writing, the sudden plot twist (which I had been kind of warily expecting, but almost didn't dare trust in the feeling — I couldn't wait to see where you would take your readers!), the cliffhanger ... everything! I won't elaborate any more because I don't want this to be a spoiler for anyone if they haven't read it yet.

And, by the way, did I mention your writing?

This, in particular, got me right *there*:
Quote
She really, really didn’t want to die. There were so many stories still waiting to be written, so many bad guys waiting to be exposed, so many evil schemes awaiting her investigation.

And Clark was waiting for her, back down on Earth.
And this is an amazing description — so vivid. You've (and apologies in advance to the terrible artistic pun) painted pictures with words:
Quote
The room was ablaze with light. To Lois, it looked like a warehouse drawn by Salvador Dali, with everything that wasn’t tied down or strapped down or magnetically attached to the wall slowly bouncing along the floor or drifting past the walls.
Love love *love* the Dali comparison. It's so perfect and you can just see this room in your head.

So. Fantastic chapter, Terry. Fan. Tastic. Can't wait to see what happens in the next installment!


~ Crystal

"Not all those who wander are lost." — JRR Tolkien
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 451
Beat Reporter
Offline
Beat Reporter
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 451
Holy cow! You really know how to twist knots into one's stomach! These can't be called plot twists. I think I'm having plot whiplash! dizzy

So much here to comment on!!

Quote
Carrie was the killer. Lois was reasonably certain of it. And she had to let Karen know what she’d learned.

She punched the code for the security office. After a moment, she heard, “Prometheus Station Security, Sergeant Walker speaking. How may I help you?”

Lois took in a breath and put her finger on the transmit button, but froze in place when she heard the all-too-familiar ‘snick-snick’ of a semi-automatic pistol being cocked. She slowly turned her head and saw a dark-blue pistol clasped in a woman’s small hand, a hand which was covered by a white latex medical glove.

The woman whispered, “Turn off the comm panel, Ms. Lane.”
Oh dear!
Quote
By the time you reach the habitat level, you’ll be traveling at well over a hundred miles an hour, and that’s simply not survivable. But if I hit you hard enough, you won’t know about it. You probably won’t feel the impact at the bottom of the spoke whether I knock you out or not. And they won’t be able to tell one little bruise from all the other messy parts.”
OMG, Clark, fly into orbit and save her!!!!!!! eek
Quote
“Why did you kill Claude?”

She dissolved into tears. “Don’t you know? Don’t you understand? He was supposed to marry me! He was supposed to be my husband! He was supposed to help me raise our child! But those women polluted him! They twisted his mind and his heart! They wouldn’t stop chasing him! They wouldn’t leave him alone! He was a great man but he wasn’t perfect! He had so much love to give! I wanted all of it but I couldn’t take it all in! I wasn’t – I wasn’t enough for him by myself! I wanted to be but I couldn’t! He was – “

Whoa! What had Carrie said? Their child? Oh, boy, this just kept getting more and more interesting.
I'll say! So much more to Claude... and I really like they way you're telling it - with him dead, and a deranged ex with his blood on her hands. That's one way to tell him to stop sleeping around.
Quote
He – he laughed when I said I’d marry him! He said there were too many truly beautiful women in the world for him to – to tie himself to just one! To plain old me!”

“But you had two abortions before. What was – “

“Those other men? Ha! They were weak. They were soft.” Her voice gentled. “Not like Claude. He was so – so perfect. He was smart and sexy and funny and I could listen to his voice all day.”
I feel bad for Carrie (even though she's a killer and killed that cute couple)! She really cared about him, even though she seems to understand on some level that the man was a complete cad.

And you've left us with a gun firing which means that you have to come back PRONTO and fix this!

MORE SOON!

~NICOLE smile

Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,627
Pulitzer
Offline
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,627
WHAT?!

That's all I've got.

JD


"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 605
Columnist
Offline
Columnist
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 605
Hi Terry,

This revelation is very well written, and I'm glad to see that the person I suspected turned out to be the murderer. smile

However, there is still another few parts to this story, so could there be even more plot twists?

You have really upped the tension in the latter stages of this part. I'm on the edge of my seat wondering how Lois is going to get out of this one.

And the way you end! Come on, get back in here and post at once. wink

Great part, Terry.

Yours Jenni

Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
T
TOC Offline
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Offline
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
T
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Terry, did you notice that in my feedback on part six of this story I warned you not to let things get all too impossibly scary, or I might have to read the rest of your story with my eyes closed? Well, I think I did at least half-close my eyes while I read this part, which definitely made it difficult to concentrate on niceties like the craftmanship of your writing, your ability to calculate exactly when to spring the next heart attack-inducing plot twist on us, and your ability to drag out and drag out an already unbearable scene until its scare factor is... well, unbearable. In general, I was covering my face with my hands as I was reading and just peeking between my fingers. Got to thank angelic_editor for pointing out the brilliance of your description of the zero-gee Daliesque warehouse, because when I reached that juncture of your story I was just generally taking cover and had no energy to spare to concentrate on things like interior decoration.

But, there were a few details that even I couldn't help enjoying. The first thing that had me sort of giggling, even though I was recoiling from it in horror, was you WHAM warning! Yes, because of the way you wrote it:
Quote
**-- Warning --**-- Warning --**-- Warning --**

WHAM alert! WHAM alert! WHAM alert!

**-- Warning --**-- Warning --**-- Warning --**
The way you wrote this, Terry, definitely made me hear a metallic, tinny, computer-generated voice coming out of loudspeakers everywhere on the starship Enterprise! Particularly the very old, campy Kirk and Spock version. I could imagine three "alert levels" here, yellow alert, red alert and WHAM alert. Yellow alert means you should be on the lookout for danger, red alert means that you should be prepared to fight, and WHAM alert means that you only have a few minutes to renew your life insurance policy!

One more thing that fascinated me about this chapter was, of course, Carrie Hillman. I'll say, Terry, Carrie is certainly only a few crumbs short of a full biscuit. On the other hand, a friend of mine, Arnost, who is an incredibly well-read, intelligent, kind and caring person who is also such a dedicated Darwinist that you have to laugh at him sometimes, would just have loved Carrie! Arnost would have explained how Carrie's behaviour is governed by the demands of her genes, and her genes want her to procreate, to have children, thus making her genes multiply. But, according to Arnost, not only do Carrie's genes want her to have children, they are even more interested in her having grandchildren! As many grandchildren as possible, in fact. So what does it take to have many grandchildren?

Well, this is how it works according to Arnost. If a woman realizes that a man is promiscuous, then she is quite likely to want to have children by him. Now, why would she want that? Doesn't she realize that this man is probably going to abandon her? Sure she does, but she doesn't want to live with him, to spend her life with him. No, she wants his children, pure and simple. More specifically, she wants his son. If she gets a son by this man, and the son turns out just like his father, then the son is likely to flitter from flower to flower, from woman to woman, and impregnate several of them. Some of these women may abort, but others may choose to keep their children, again perhaps hoping they will have a son who is just like his father... And lo and behold, what have we here? Perhaps a whole truckload full of grandchildren for the woman who managed to get a son by a promiscuous man!

So you see, Terry, Arnost would insist that Carrie isn't crazy at all, but just governed by the wishes of her genes. From his super-Darwinistic point of view, it actually makes perfect sense for Carrie to kill Claude, the promiscuous father of her child, too. After all, she doesn't really want to marry him, even if she is trying to fool herself into thinking that she does. After he has impregnated her, he has done his part, and she may as well eat him up, like the Black Widow her mate.... Actually, it isn't quite like that. But, Arnost would point out, Carrie doesn't want Claude to go to other women and have children by them. Because Claude's other children are going to be competing with her son(?) for the access to women's wombs (sorry for being so direct), and Carrie wants as few competitors as possible for her son. So it's better to kill Claude than to let him move on and father other children. Oh, and it probably made sense for Carrie to abort those other children she had been pregnant with, because the men who had fathered them weren't sufficiently promiscuous for their offspring to be likely to give Carrie a lot of grandchildren. So, you know, it just wouldn't really be worth it to carry those babies to term and deliver them and feed them and clothe them and house them for a minimum of eighteen years. Ah, well, Arnost, this is an ugly picture of humanity. I can't totally buy it, even though you have managed to convince me that some women probably do react just like that!

Interesting, Terry! Let me extend Arnost's thanks to you. Otherwise, I thank you for making Lois so heroic and capable, even though she really should have been more careful, and she shouldn't have confronted Carrie without backup. And then I must be a little angry at you ability to fool me into thinking that Karen Vukovich was the murderer, and I must commend you on how perfectly you made it make sense that Carrie was the killer.

Well, Terry! There are three more parts to go. If you make something really bad happen to Lois, then I'll.... Well, I'll.... Hmmm, I'm going to tell you that I really, really, really, really don't like it!!!! How's that for a threat? Aww, Terry. You can't do that to me!!!!

Ann

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 689
Likes: 5
Columnist
Online Content
Columnist
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 689
Likes: 5
Took me a while to get caught up with this one, but as Dr. Who would say this was

FANTASTIC! Just an amazing installment.

I can't say I actually suspected Carrie, but she's definitely cookoo for Coco Puffs!

The saddest thing of all is that she's murdering people over a slime ball like Claude! wink

Anyway, great part...so glad I read it when you have chapter 8 already up cause that cliff hanger is just evil!

*goes off to read chapter 8*


Spike: "There's a hole in the world...feels like we ought to have known."
-Angel
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
Offline
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Hi,

Great part. hyper


Maria D. Ferdez.
---
Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF

Moderated by  Kaylle, SuperBek 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5