Just a note, this part probably brushes the PG-13ish line. Those two...
Previously:“In my mind, it wouldn’t matter what we did, because we’d be together. I had this vision of walking you home – all the way to your door, even though you’d probably tell me you didn’t need me to – and just before you stepped inside your apartment, I’d reach for you, like this.” He transferred the towel to his other hand and stretched out his right hand, just grazing her cheek. She stilled at his touch, every muscle suddenly frozen at the contact of his skin. “I’d look into your eyes, trying to convey everything I was feeling that I couldn’t put into words. And then, I’d lean down because I couldn’t wait one more second to feel your lips against mine. Our first real kiss,” he whispered, and his eyes flicked down to her mouth.
Lois stared at him, drawn into the imaginary world his words had painted. She pressed her lips together, feeling their sudden dryness. It felt like all the moisture in her mouth had drained down through her arms to coat her palms. She slid her tongue quickly across the seam of her lips, swallowing hard as she watched his eyes follow the movement. Had he left the stove on? It was suddenly hotter in the kitchen.
All this talk about kissing was bringing up some memories she’d thought she’d buried months ago. The last time he’d kissed her had been in the honeymoon suite, and it came back in a rush now. She remembered the hard sensation of his body pressing her into the mattress, contrasting the softness of his lips. The gentle touch of his hand against her cheek – like it was now – even while his mouth devoured hers. That timeless moment when her own lips had begun to tentatively respond and explore against his. The fact that it had all been over far too quickly.
And if that one hasty kiss had left such an impression on her, what would a real kiss from him be like? The impulse to find out hit her with such force she grabbed at the edge of the counter to keep her balance.
“Go ahead,” she blurted out.
He dropped his hand, his confusion clear in the furrow across his forehead as he tried to process her words. “What?”
“That kiss,” she whispered, unable to help herself. Her voice had suddenly gone hoarse. She tried to clear her throat. “The one you imagined… go ahead. Try it.”
==========
And now, part 3:He was the one who looked flustered now. “Lois, you don’t have to… I mean, I didn’t ask you here… for that. I wanted to spend time with you, sure, and I can’t deny any more how I feel about you…but believe me, you don’t have to – ”
“It’s okay. I – I want you to. Try it.” Even as she spoke, her mind and body warred with each other. She really did want to kiss him again. But kissing your best friend when you weren’t exactly sure how you felt about him? That was a recipe for disaster.
Lois turned her head, closing her eyes briefly as she gathered herself. How had she gotten here? This had not been in the plan. Hadn’t she told herself that she wasn’t going to spend much time here tonight? That she was going to talk him out of thinking he was in love with her? When had it turned into this?
She was going crazy. That had to be it. The insanity of the last two months had finally broken her. She was the one who’d told him just this afternoon that she didn’t have romantic feelings for him…. and yet here she was now, only hours removed from that conversation, standing in his kitchen and asking him to kiss her?
She had to get back on track. She squared her shoulders and tilted her chin towards him. “I mean, it’s just a kiss, Clark. Maybe it’ll be awkward and weird, and all it’ll do is prove that we’re not attracted to each other and that we’re better off just being friends.”
That seemed to shake him out of his stupor, and he laughed out loud at her statement. “That is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard you say, and believe me, I’ve heard you say some crazy things.” He paused, probably trying to decide if she’d lost her mind. She stared back defiantly before he finally put down the dishtowel on the counter and reached for her with both hands. Her heart jumped when he grasped her elbows, gently pressing his thumbs into the tender skin at the inside crease. “But okay, Lois Lane…. let’s find out if we’re just good friends,” he said, the gentle amusement in his voice evident as he pulled her towards him.
Then he dipped his head down, looking into her eyes all the while. Everything seemed to be moving in slow-motion; she tilted her face upwards, towards his, and she realized with a start that the anticipation of his lips on hers was making her knees strangely weak. She reached out a hand to steady herself, but quickly realized her mistake when she bumped into the hardness of his stomach muscles at his midsection. Her fingers fumbled, looking for a place to hold on, finally grazing a belt loop around his waist and securing there. Her eyelids fluttered closed because he was suddenly so near to her that everything had become fuzzy.
The first brush of their lips was soft, almost cautious. There was a certain reverence to it, the ceremonious crossing of a line; this was for real. Clark Kent was kissing Lois Lane. The thought shook her, but not in the way she imagined it would. Instead of panic, there was peace; instead of apprehension, there was an eager awareness. His lips clung to hers for the briefest of moments, and she caught her breath at the sudden slide of feeling in her chest and stomach.
But she didn’t even have time to savor the gentle touch before he was pulling back.
It wasn’t enough. That was her only thought, and it was that thought that propelled her forward, sealing their lips more firmly this time, as if to catch the feeling again. She didn’t have to wait for his response; gone was the hesitancy of a moment ago, and in its place, she felt his enthusiasm. His hands left her arms and came up against the sides of her face, cradling her gently, in contrast to the increasingly firmer pull of his mouth on hers.
The ground shifted beneath her feet, and her mind went blank at the sheer pleasure of his kiss. She held on to his waist, anchoring herself to him. His lips moved over hers with a rhythmic confidence, and she couldn’t help but respond. This was like the first times he’d kissed her; that same powerful sweep and sense of rightness about it, that same familiarity that he really shouldn’t have – but he did. She’d felt this kiss not twice before, but a thousand times in her mind and in her dreams. He was kissing her like he’d always had the right to kiss her.
And always would.
She felt herself let go, not thinking about anything but the way she felt in his embrace. That sense of security was back, the same way it had been when he’d held her up on the landing, but now it was magnified a thousand-fold. She felt safe and loved… and very, very warm… and all she wanted to do was get closer.
He was the one to pull away first, dragging his lips across hers, though he didn’t go far; it was like he couldn’t seem to find the strength to separate them completely. “Lois?” He murmured her name softly, searchingly. He was still so near she could feel the whisper of the word against her lips.
Her eyes were still closed, her tongue reaching out to trace her well-kissed bottom lip. God, he was so close. He’d said her name, hadn’t he? What was he asking? Why wasn’t he still kissing her? If she just leaned forward a little more…
“That didn’t feel like just friends to me.” The words were husky and seemed pulled from him, but it was enough to snap her back to reality.
Friends. Right. Their “first real kiss” experiment. And… she’d just melted in his arms. Oh, no. This wasn’t good. Her cheeks felt hot, and now she could feel the rise of panic in her chest. She opened her eyes and jerked her head back, trying to look anywhere but his at his face. “I –” She cleared her throat. Why couldn’t she seem to get her voice to work? It couldn’t be because he’d just settled his hands on her hips, could it? She could feel the warmth of his touch even through her shirt and the denim of her jeans. ‘Get it together, Lois!’ she thought viciously. If she wasn’t careful, he was going to know. “That was – I mean, that could be just – f-friends,” she stammered.
“What?” He sounded shocked, and rightly so. Lois took a deep breath, fixing her eyes on his throat. She put her hands on the upper part of his arms, intending to move him back a little. She faltered as soon as she touched him, though, struck by the play of his muscles as they flexed to keep her within the circle of his arms. He was so strong. And well-built, too. She loved his arms. Fascinated, she rubbed her palms gently across his biceps, shifting her body against his as she did so. Being this close to him felt… amazing. She heard his quick intake of breath in the silence, and in that moment, she realized that he was still waiting for her response.
Hurriedly, she rushed again to cover her reaction. “I mean, friends can be a little bit attracted to each other…right? It doesn’t mean that they do anything about it. In fact, it probably makes sense with us, because we work together. And we’re friends. Close friends. I mean, we get along well, we’re around each other all of the time, and we spend a lot of time together outside of the office…” She knew that she was babbling, but the longer she talked, the longer she could put off dealing with what had really transpired between them. “And besides, you’re an attractive guy, and I’m an attractive woman, at least some of the time, not counting super early in the morning, because who looks good then, anyway? – and so it’s just biology, really – that happens all the time. Not that this has happened before, with us – well, maybe when we were in the honeymoon suite, that was a good kiss, but it doesn’t have to mean anything –”
“Lois.”
His voice was low, and something in it stopped her stream of words. Oh no, he was going to talk now. They were going to talk about how he had… and how she had just… and how they had… “So really, we could be just friends,” she finished weakly.
“Really?” He cocked his head, looking unconvinced. He studied her for a moment, and she squirmed a little under his gaze. He seemed to decide something then, and his face took on a more determined look. The tone in voice had changed when he spoke again. “So I’m supposed to believe this flush on your cheeks…” His right hand came up to her face, and he ran the backs of his fingers against the soft skin of her cheekbone. “…is just from the temperature in the room?”
That same hand dropped to curve around the back of her neck, the tips of his fingers just brushing her hairline, tilting her head up so she looked at him again. She couldn’t help it; she shivered at the deliberately sensual touch. “And back here, where your skin is damp and hot, that’s from… what, the exertion of washing the dishes?”
He moved again, this time trailing his knuckles over her collarbone as his touch descended to her chest. He opened his palm against the V neck of her shirt, resting his hand just below her throat. She couldn’t help it; her eyes slid shut and she moaned softly. “And here?” he asked her, his voice rough in response to her action. “Where I can feel your heart racing and your breath quick and uneven… why’s that, Lois? Because we’re such good friends?”
She could barely concentrate on his words; her traitorous body was aching now, begging for that touch in a thousand other places. His hands, his words, the hushed, intimate tone that accompanied them… she couldn’t believe she was still standing. This was her partner? This was the man she’d worked beside every day for nearly a year? How could she have been so blind? She didn’t want to believe what was happening right now, but in some weird way, it all made sense. He knew. Of course he knew. He knew her better than anyone else in the world, and he could read her across a room full of people… why should it surprise her now that her body’s response was no secret to him?
She swayed towards him again, still under the spell of his words. Her throat felt scratchy as she tried swallow, but succeeded only in pulling the hot air around her into her lungs. She wanted to tell him that she didn’t recognize this feeling, where the atmosphere was thick and yet she couldn’t get close enough… but it wouldn’t have been true. She’d felt it around him before, but only in sparks and flashes before she’d run away from it. It was scary then.
It was scary now…
…but the flame was so, so enticing, too.
“Clark...” She heard her own whispered plea, but for what? Was she pleading with him to stop… or pleading for more?
She didn’t have to worry about the answer to that question. She heard him groan what sounded like her name, but because her eyes were closed, she never saw him coming. All she felt was his hands press against her cheeks a scant second before his mouth was on hers again in a hard, swift kiss that seemed to dissolve her insides the moment their lips came in contact.
She gasped, but it was swallowed up in his urgent need to get closer to her. She could feel the difference in this kiss; whereas their first kiss had held a loving intensity, this one was decidedly sensual. His tongue licked lightly under her top lip, asking for more, and her mouth fell open for him without hesitation. Her whole body seemed to sing as he took the liberty she gave and drew a more intimate taste of her. It was maddening; it was insane.
It was perfect.
Without conscious thought, she mimicked his motion, touching and tasting him the same way, needing to possess that knowledge about him. She felt the counter behind her as he pressed his body into hers, filling all the spaces that just seemed made for him.
Stopping never occurred to her, maybe because nothing in her life had ever felt this good. She fell harder into him, loving the way he felt against her. He dropped his arms to wrap one of them around her while the other cupped the back of her head. One kiss fell into another, and another, and all she could do was clutch at his broad shoulders as his lips slanted over hers again and again.
In the end, it was her own eager moan that set alarm bells ringing in her ears. Lois turned her head, abruptly breaking the contact between them. She sucked in a breath, trying to even the suddenly hurried rhythm of her breathing.
“What – what are we doing?” she panted, half in disbelief at the situation. What had begun as an experimental kiss had suddenly turned into this deeply emotional, unexpectedly physical experience that was making her question everything she’d ever thought about her relationship with Clark Kent. It was a dizzying turn of events, her head spinning as she tried to make sense of what had just happened between them.
He seemed to be having trouble focusing as well, his own breathing heavy. “I think… we were kissing.”
That wasn’t what she meant at all, and they both knew it. “Clark! We’re friends and… and we’re partners. This – ” she waved an arm, indicating their embrace – “this whole thing would – would never last. We work well together, and we get along really well, too. Why can’t we just leave it there?”
He was quiet for a moment before looking deeply into her eyes. “Maybe because we’re not just friends. You feel it, too, don’t you?”
She didn’t know how to answer that. What she felt for Clark was all jumbled inside her, rolling around like waves in stormy sea; something was there, clawing to get out, but she couldn’t put a name to the feeling. She knew that it was way more than partnership and way more than friendship. He was right; she did feel it – whatever it was. And it was terrifying.
“I- I don’t know,” she stumbled. “Maybe… but I just – I mean, I never thought...” Lois dipped her head and averted her gaze. It was too intense to continue to look into his eyes… and maybe if he couldn’t see her eyes, he would never know she wasn’t telling him the whole truth.
He ran his hand down her arm, nudging her gently. “Lois.”
She couldn’t look at him. In answer, she tipped her head forward and allowed her forehead to rest against his chin, letting out a shuddery breath as he held her. “What is this, Clark?” she asked softly.
“What?”
“This thing between us… the way I feel when you touch me. I don’t want it to be there, but it is. It’s so confusing.”
He moved back and used his index finger to tip her chin back up so he could see her eyes. “I know it feels like that to you, but it’s not confusing to me. And I’ll tell you why.” That same finger slid up and stroked her cheek again, but it was a soft, comforting touch rather than a seductive one. “Lois, kissing you, touching you, being close to you… it’s just another way for me to show you how much you mean to me. Whether it’s just a casual touch at work to show you I’m backing you up, or a hug when you’re upset, or a kiss to let you know how beautiful I think you are… they mean the same thing to me: they’re physical representations of how I feel about you.”
She found herself studying his face while he spoke, and the earnestness in his expression brought a wetness to her eyes that she tried quickly to blink away. She’d never had anyone describe their feelings for her in that way. How could this incredible man be in love with her? It seemed ridiculous, but yet here he was again, laying his heart bare a second time in a matter of hours. She didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve him.
It was wonderful… and completely overwhelming. Mostly because she was fairly sure now that he wasn’t totally wrong about there being something more to their relationship. She’d been trying desperately to keep him in the friend zone of her heart for the past year, and she’d almost had herself convinced that she didn’t feel passion in his presence.
But tonight had proven that she did, in so many ways. The scariest thing of all was that it wasn’t just physical.
His sense of truth and justice matched her own, and their shared passion for investigative journalism was what had first brought them together. But, as they’d spent more time together, she’d come to rely on his passionate defense and staunch protection of her every time she’d gotten into trouble. He’d made turning to him a natural move whenever she was upset or afraid. She depended on him when she was in pain; wasn’t it natural that he’d be the sole source of her pleasure, too?
For in the past few minutes, he’d smashed the last barrier in her heart, the one she’d erected to convince herself that she wasn’t attracted to him. His kisses had simultaneously broken her and put her back together. She was both physically and emotionally attracted to this man, and there was no denying it any longer.
But now what in the world was she supposed to do with that information?
She stumbled her way out of his arms and made her way over to his couch, though she didn’t sit down. “I just don’t know what to do. I was planning on coming over here to make you realize that you weren’t really in love with me… but all you’ve done is made me wonder if I’m the one who’s wrong. It’s just so strange, thinking that you love me, you know? I mean, can you imagine us in a relationship? It’s weird to even think about!”
He took a few steps in her direction, but seemed to realize that he needed to keep some space between them right now. He rested one arm on the back of the dining room chair. “Maybe it’s because you never let yourself think about us like that – as a couple.”
“Don’t you see?” She whirled back around to face him. “I couldn’t. You’re my partner, my best friend. You’re the person I turn to when things go wrong and the person I know will always have my back. You’re the partner I bounce ideas off and the annoying guy who edits my copy… but you’re also one of the only people I know whose opinion truly matters to me.” She was pacing now, wearing a path between the cushions and his coffee table. “So how could I let myself imagine more between us? Do you know how much it would hurt me if things went wrong? Do you know how much it would hurt if I couldn’t have you in my life anymore?”
“Yes.” He answered quietly, finding her eyes unerringly from across the room. “I do know, Lois. I know that feeling, because that’s what I’ve been feeling for the last month while you’ve been dating Luthor.”
She pulled in a sharp breath as he spoke, realizing that he’d been living what she’d described. And she’d done it to him by dating Lex. The thought of hurting him like that knocked the wind out of her, and she sat down heavily on the couch, not even realizing at first that he was still talking.
“That’s why I’ve been so jealous of the time you’ve spent with him. And it’s not just him – even though there are other reasons why I don’t like the guy – but just knowing that you were spending time your free time with someone else was hard for me. It made me realize that I didn’t want to be by your side just at work. I want to be by your side all of the time, in everything.”
He stepped toward her again, and when she met his gaze, he took it as a tacit sign that it was okay to come nearer. He spoke in soft tones as he neared the couch, finally coming to stop crouched down by the coffee table so he could look in her eyes. “Lois, tonight was what I’d always imagined dates with you would be like; I’d get to ask questions that maybe I couldn’t ask while we were working and get to know you on a deeper level. I want to know the person that you don’t show to the rest of the world. I’ve seen glimpses of that woman, Lois, and I’ve just fallen more in love with her.”
It was still weird to hear him say ‘love’… but surprisingly, the more he said it, the more she was starting to believe it. But… did he even know what he was getting into, wanting to be with her? She wasn’t the easiest person to have as a friend, let alone a romantic partner. She’d heard that enough times in the past. “But will you still love me a week from now?” she asked, voicing a long-hidden relationship fear. “What about a year from now? Ten years? I can’t imagine anyone loving me for that long. You know my reputation at the Planet – I tend to throw myself into crazy, dangerous situations in pursuit of a story, and you’ve worked with me long enough to know that I can be crabby and irritating and opinionated and headstrong, and –”
“And brilliant,” Clark interrupted. “And passionate and caring… and completely amazing,” he finished for her. “Yes, Lois, I know you can be all those things. Those things make you who are, and I love who you are. I will for the rest of my life. And no, I can’t prove that to you right now. You have to let me prove it… minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. But I need that chance.”
She believed him, then. She believed all of it, because she knew him. Perhaps unconsciously, she’d been watching him for the last year, and, repeatedly, he’d proven himself worthy, not just of her partnership, but of her friendship... and now, maybe more?
She had to find out. He’d bared so much of himself tonight, and in turn, he’d made her realize that her feelings for him weren’t quite as clear as she’d once thought. She knew now that her reaction in the park today had been more about self-preservation than it had been about him. Clark was right; she’d never let herself think about a possible relationship with him… but she knew now that those feelings deserved to be explored.
Not right at this moment, though. Not when her head was still spinning, both from their deep kisses in the kitchen and the romantic things he’d just said to her. Obviously, there was more to their relationship than she’d ever dreamed, but with everything that had just happened, she found herself wanting to take a step back; she needed time to think, because her body and mind were on two separate pages right now. A part of her wanted more of those drugging kisses; this time longer, slower, deeper even than the ones they’d just shared. Kisses where she couldn’t think, ones where she was blind to everything thing but his hungry touch.
But the other part of her wanted things to go back to the way they were, before he’d kissed her. She wanted him to tell her that none of this was real, that the last half hour – this whole day – hadn’t been anything but a figment of her imagination, and she didn’t have to deal with any of it. She felt pulled in two different directions.
“I just… I have to go, Clark.”
His face dropped immediately. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “It was too much again, wasn’t it? It’s just… I can’t stop sometimes when I’m talking about how I feel about you – ”
“It’s not that,” she interrupted. “That was… really sweet. No one has ever felt that way about me. And all those things you said… what happened tonight…” she blushed as her eyes skittered back to the kitchen, “…it made things both a lot clearer and a lot more complicated. Do you know what I mean? I just… I need some time to think.”
“Yeah, okay. I get it.” Nodding, he reached for her hand and stood them both up. They stood awkwardly for a moment, each unsure how to end the evening. It was Clark who spoke first. “But look, now you’re leaving before dessert. And here I made this delicious Salted Caramel Chocolate Tart, too. I mean, leaving before chocolate – are you sure you’re Lois Lane?” he said, obviously trying to lighten the mood.
She gave him a weak smile. She appreciated the gesture, but her emotions had been on such a ride tonight that she couldn’t manage much more than that. She watched his face fall a little, and she immediately felt the urge to make it better. Lois tightened her hand on his, catching his gaze. “Maybe next time?”
There was a pause, then, and something passed between them as they looked at each other. “I’ll hold you to that,” he returned softly, stroking his thumb against her skin.
Even standing next to him was testing her resolve. Had she just promised him a next time? She had to get out of here, and the quicker the better, preferably before she did something crazy, like throw herself back in his arms and forget about everything except the way he made her feel. Lois slipped her hand out from under his and quickly made her way to the door, her legs shaky as she climbed the stairs. She could hear him behind her as she grabbed her coat and purse.
She felt his hand brush her elbow as she reached for the door. “Lois –”
She stopped and turned, but moved her arm away quickly, not wanting to re-establish a physical connection with him. The last time he’d touched her, she’d ended up pressed against his kitchen counter and not minding it in the least.
Thankfully, he didn’t reach for her again. “I hope you aren’t sorry that you came.”
“I’m not.” She wasn’t lying; the evening had been enlightening, to say the least.
“Can we… talk again soon?” The words were hesitant, and she could hear the unspoken sentiment in them. He wanted to make sure that they talked again before she answered Lex’s proposal.
Lois knew that she had to talk to Lex, but she also knew now that she couldn’t say yes to his proposal, even though she’d been considering it just this morning. She wasn’t quite sure what her next move was going to be by any means, but she did know one thing: “I’m not going to accept his proposal, Clark. I want you to know that. In the back of my mind, I always knew that it was too soon, anyway. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but what I do know is that I can’t say yes to him.”
He let out a breath. “Okay.” The word was heavy with relief, though she could tell he tried to mask it as best he could. “Just promise me we’ll talk more? And I mean, just talk… not anything else….” He gestured toward the kitchen before nervously running the same hand across the back of his neck.
“Okay.” She agreed quickly, not wanting to delve back into their conversation of what seemed to happen when they got close. “We will talk. Soon. I promise.”
He leaned around her and opened his front door. “Good night, Lois.”
“Good night, Clark,” she returned softly. She hesitated just a moment before she slipped quietly into the dark night, thankful for the rush of cool air that swept over her still-heated cheeks.
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tbc
