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How would she explain what she had done to Martha and Jonathan, the people who had welcomed her into their family with open arms? How would she explain to them that she killed their only son? How would she explain it to Perry, Jimmy and the police? As far as they were concerned, the machine responsible for her misery didn’t work anymore.

How could she tell them what she had done?

How could she still go on?

She couldn’t even think straight. Her head hurt from the returning memories, the crying and the guilt. Her thoughts were turning ’round and ’round in her head.

What should she do now? Call the police? Confess what she had done? Would they believe her that she wasn’t responsible? Did it matter if they convicted her or not?

No, her life had ended anyway the second Clark’s life was over. It didn’t matter if she would end in prison, on death row, or if she was lynched by a mob. Her body might be alive but her soul had died.

Without Clark she was merely existing.

She was completely caught up in her despair never noticing a movement nearby.

“How was it?” she asked once he was completely inside.

“I…uh…” he stammered, wide-eyed.

“Clark?” she asked, concerned for him, stopping short of the hug she’d intended on giving him.

It didn’t take much to see that the rescue had deeply affected him in some way. His features were drawn tight. He’d gone pale. His eyes were wide and staring. His expression was haunted, like a man who’d seen a ghost.

“Honey?” she asked, more forcefully this time, putting her hands on his shoulders. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“A fire,” he said, his voice sounding far away, his eyes looking straight ahead, unblinking. “A grease fire,” he elaborated after a couple of seconds. “In a kitchen up at one of the campsites north of the city. You know the ones…they have all the little cabins and one big mess hall. I just…I can’t unsee it, no matter how hard I try.”

“Mike?”

“Hello, Clark. Nice night, isn’t it?” Mike smiled benignly at Clark, who immediately relaxed.

“Yes. I didn’t know you drive a cab.”

“It’s something new. How are you?”

“I’m fine, thanks.”

“That’s great!”

After a few minutes, Mike spoke again. “Just so you know we’re being followed.”

“A dark gray sedan?”

“Yes.”

Inside the cab, Clark gave the driver the address of the Fifth Street Mission. He did a double take as he recognized the cabbie.

“Mike?”

“Hello, Clark. Nice night, isn’t it?” Mike smiled benignly at Clark, who immediately relaxed.

“Yes. I didn’t know you drive a cab.”

“It’s something new. How are you?”

“I’m fine, thanks.”

“That’s great!”

After a few minutes, Mike spoke again. “Just so you know we’re being followed.”

“A dark gray sedan?”

“Yes.”

Clark chuckled. “That’s Lois, my partner at the Planet. She’s determined to learn my biggest secret.”

“And you’re going to tell her?”

“No! I’m going to give her another secret I hope is big enough to satisfy her.”

“Ah. Think it will work?”

“No idea, but I have to try.”

The rest of the ride was made in companionable silence. Mike made sure that it wasn’t too easy for Lois to follow the cab, while also assuring she didn’t fall too far behind. At the mission, Mike stopped his cab in front. Clark paid him with a generous tip.

“Thanks, Clark. Hope this works out.”

“I do too.” As Clark stepped out of the cab, he focused on entering the mission and promptly forgot Mike was his cabbie.

"Lois, you're naked!" Superman exclaimed.

‘Oh God, no, no, no!’ She cried out in her mind as she felt a moment of blind paralyzing panic. She forced down the panic with the iron determination that she had inherited from her mother. ‘What would Lois Lane do?’ She asked herself. Keeping her eyes closed, she cast back through her hazy memory looking for anything to explain her apparent predicament. Her last clear memory was the post graduation party that she had attended with her two best friends, Roxanne and Janet.

“Sleep does sound good.” She smiled. “Are you sure you still want to date a self-absorbed, judgmental, know-it-all that steals stories from her friends?”

“I have it on good authority she’s worth it.” He reached over to cup her cheek. “So, is it a date?”

She ran her hands up his chest until they were resting on his shoulders and whispered, “It’s a date.”

His smile spread across his face, and he held her gaze. “You won’t be sorry.”

She looked back at him with a smirk. “You seem pretty confident about this date. What if it doesn’t work out? What makes you think I’m not going to have a horrible time and leave?”

“That won’t be possible.” he responded with a twinkle in his eye.

“Pretty sure of yourself there, aren’t you, Kent?”

“I am.”

“Well?” She looked at him impatiently, walking toward him with her arms crossed over her chest with an irritated expression on her face.

“Well, what?” he asked, confused.

“Oh, for God’s sake, do I have to do everything myself?” She fumed, closing the distance between them. She reached up, cupping both sides of his face, pressing her lips against his in a fiery kiss. After what felt like an eternity she pulled away, “Now was that so hard?” Before he could respond she captured his mouth with hers once more.

“What would you undo, if you could?” he cautiously asked.

She focused inwardly. “Easy.” She leaned towards him, her eyes intent. “I’d go back to early afternoon and tell Clark that—” A heartbeat later, Lois lowered her red-rimmed eyes. “I can’t–”

She shrugged. “Well, it doesn’t matter, anyway.”

“It does to you.”

She surrendered to his quiet urging.

“I’d tell Clark…” she began slowly. “I’d tell him that I’m miserable without him.”

“But for right now why don’t you give Wanda Detroit a break and come to bed?” With that he closed the laptop and scooped her up in his arms, carrying her toward the staircase.

This whole time, I'd thought that Clark Kent was the underdog. That he won fair and square. But turns out I had no chance at all. Not when Clark and Superman were the same person all along.

I was competing with the man of steel.

And that's not even what gets me the most. It's that we've been friends for twenty years. All the time and effort and care that I put into that friendship, and for what? To be treated like this? To lose everything?