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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3 |
Cast of Characters (required by this silly beast of a crossover)
Perry White. . .Perdalf the Grey
Jimmy Olsen. . .Jimli
Lois Lane. . . .Are-We-There
Clark Kent . . .Flyer
Ralph Spagoda. .Boring-More
Cat Grant. . . .Leggy Lass
Polyskitzodia. .Poppin Take
Psychotropia . .Marry BrandaBuck
Lex Luthor . . .Sore-man
Franklin Stern .Elround
LabRat . . . . .Froyo (primary author/scrollbearer)
Bobby Bigmouth .SamSmart GamePlan
A/N – This came to me after reading a tortured twisting of Boromir’s speech referring to writing a research paper on the Web. Boromir’s face and posture at that moment has become a meme, with captions such as “One does not simply talk to a girl” or “Well, I feel stupid, Frodo – apparently you can just walk into Mordor.” I hope you enjoy it reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
A huge nod of appreciation goes to LabRat, who graciously agreed to appear in this fable. I promised to treat her with respect, and I hope that comes across as I intended.
Let the comments begin!
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 2
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 2 |
  As a huge LoTR fan, this was hysterical to me! Nice job. And thanks for the list of who's who. I missed a couple, but that might be because I'm recovering from a stomach bug that knocked me out for a couple of days. Flyer! Bwhahaha!
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
I'm still laughing at "writing himself into a coroner" This was hilarious! I loved it! I'm not the biggest fan of LoTR (I know... blasphemous words coming from a nerd...) but I still understood the references and I know enough to be able to figure out the characters. Except Bobby Bigmouth! That tripped me up. I think having the main character's name be Sam and his be "SamSmart" confused me a bit lol. (Although the name Samsmart is a great twist on Samwise). Lois and Clark's names cracked me up, too, along with their behavior here. Funny little ficlet... and it serves as a not-so-subtle reminder that there's things I need to archive, so double-whammy. 
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3 |
Hi, DC! Sorry you've been ill. And Flyer, of course, was a twist on Strider (for those who may not have gotten the allusion), because Clark can fly, of course.
Mouse, I'm glad you liked the "coroner" line. I needed to repeat it so FoLCs wouldn't think I'd just mis-typed "corner" in that first sentence. And to clarify: the main narrator is Sam Spade from Dashiel Hammett's "The Maltese Falcon." Think of a taller Humphrey Bogart with a much bigger hat (not nearly as photogenic, of course) and you have me. Glad you liked the Lois and Clark analogs.
Remember, y'all, written feedback costs the reader so little yet is so valuable to the writer.
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069 |
OMG! Terry, this was so good! Flyer’s jaw dropped. “Do you mean that the scroll might be stolen by Sore-Man?”
Everyone else put his or her index finger over his or her mouth and forced air through his or her pursed lips. “Shh!” they all said to clarify their gestures.
After a long moment, Pergalf turned to Flyer and intoned, “That name shall not be spoken here.”
Flyer lifted his hands to either side. “Okay, okay! How Luthoresque for him to have a name we can’t speak aloud.”
Boring-more sighed as if he was tired of Flyer getting all the attention. “How can we fight one whose name cannot be mentioned?”
“You mean Voldemort?” blurted Jimli.
“No, you dunce, the forbidden name spoken by Flyer!” As Boring-more sharply turned his head, his long, straggly hair ended up in his mouth. He paused to spit it out. “Pffft! Pffffffft!” Then he shook back his hair – in slow motion, yet – as if he were a L’Oréal shampoo model. Instead of making him appear impressive, he closely resembled a rock drummer who’d barely survived the 60s.
Froyo stepped toward him as he was fighting his hair. “Fear not, friend Boring-More,” she said. “The tale is fully formed in my mind. All that is wanted is to transcribe it to the scroll and deliver it to the Archives.” She smiled glowingly. “It will be the perfect fanfic.”
Elround stepped forward. (That group is starting to get really close to each other, I thought.) “Boring-more does state the truth, as much as I hate to admit it. There are many dangers along the way. Beside the crafts and treachery of the one whose name will not be spoken in this place, you would face the FDK-Hai, those ready to rend the tale to its smallest bits, or the Sorry-Man, the tall, white-haired wise man turned evil who is in league with the other whose name so closely resembles his own.” He took a step closer to the stump and reverently lifted the scroll with both hands. “Yet I have confidence in this company, this Fellowship of the Fanfic. I believe that, with wisdom and perseverance and a bit of unreasonable luck, you will win through to the Archives with the Perfect Fanfic.”
Boring-more shook his head in exasperation. “One does not simply write the perfect fanfic. Its paragraphs are guarded by more than just capital letters and careful punctuation. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the Grammar Nazi is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with metaphors, allusions, clichéd plots, and labored descriptions. The very words you read are a confused jumble. Not with ten thousand beta readers and a hundred General Editors could you do this! It is utter folly.” Sorry to quote so much, but honestly. I. Died! Especially at Boring-More's L’Oréal hair sweep and "FDK-Hai".
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3 |
Thanks, BJ. I appreciate the chuckles, although I do hope you only died metaphorically.
If anyone wants to borrow any of my muses, they can be tempted by chocolate, film noir settings, or alt-versions of the L&C universe. Of course, your mileage may vary, and I caution you not to swallow the eggs whole.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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