Lois & Clark Fanfic Message Boards
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#276140 07/04/17 04:44 PM
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
OP Offline
Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Comments here! sloppy


Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,393
Likes: 1
L
Pulitzer
Offline
Pulitzer
L
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,393
Likes: 1
Hi Mouserocks,

What a fun story. And what is this world coming to? You wrote a WAFFy piece, and I've been mulling over the beginnings of a WHAM-my story that I thought would probably be too depressing for most readers, but that I thought that you, specifically, would appreciate. (It's not a death-fic, but it does discuss a very serious topic.)

Thanks for posting this bit of WAFF. smile

Joy,
Lynn

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,702
J
Merriwether
Offline
Merriwether
J
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,702
Oh I love it! So sweet. Right up my alley.


Superman: I hear you've been looking for me.
Lois: All my life.
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025
Pulitzer
Offline
Pulitzer
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025
AWWW!!!! You wrote a WAFFY!!! laugh Love it!


~ Folc4evernaday

Jodi Picoult - You might not write well every day, but you can always edit a bad page. You can't edit a blank page.
https://loisclarktribute.com
Subscribe on YouTube
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142
Likes: 2
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Offline
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142
Likes: 2
Wait, are you a clone? A WAFFy writing clone?

So glad to see you posting, and fluff at that! Love it!!!

Great little story. The perfect read for this lazy July 4th. Lois and Clark sure are lucky to have each other.


Battle On,
Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon

Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 173
Hack from Nowheresville
Offline
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 173
So this little vignette was perfect for today. It was a slow day for me, too; a lazy, too-much-dessert and too many hamburgers kind of 4th of July. I've been Lois-and-Clark-ing my days away here lately (in a way that only a teacher on summer break can) and I've fallen back in love with my favorite show (it was that darn pic of Dean and Teri back together in Australia that did it). Anyway, all that to say that I'm so glad to see that after so many years, people are still posting stories and giving life to these characters. I love it!

Specifically, I loved that I could see all this happening. Lois's boredom, Clark offering to get her coffee, her checking him out as he walked away ... speaking of that, this para had me giggling:

Quote
She followed his steps with a glare, until her eyes found his posterior, and her gaze softened. A wry smile turned at the edges of her mouth as she appreciated one of her partner's better assets. God, he looked good in his tailored slacks. How she'd overlooked him for the better part of a year, she'll never know. Pheromone-Lois had seen it, why hadn't she?

What she'd give for an ounce of Superman's x-ray vision.


Ha, Pheromone-Lois. That's great - I've never heard it described quite that way, but it makes total sense for her to think back to that situation in that way! Made me smile.

I wasn't completely sure what season we were in until you had Lois mention Lex and the room go a bit quiet, people stopping their work to look at her. Love the way you had her do it boldly:

Quote
"I said," he met her gaze head on, "maybe everyone's just burned out. The city might need a break after, you know...."

"After what? After Lex? You can say it."

She felt a couple of other stares landing on her at the mention of the name, and she crossed her arms and jutted out her chin proudly. He was her fiance. Heck, he was nearly her husband, had Clark and Perry not stepped in when they did. Even then it'd taken her longer than she was proud of to admit the truth to herself, so if anyone had the right to bring the man up, it was Lois.


Yup. This is Lois. She messed up, but she's not backing down. Wanted to note, too, that this para made the end - when she tells Clark her true feelings towards him - believable for me. You can tell by the way that she throws Lex's name into the conversation that she's made her peace with what happened and she's ready to move on... in the form of Clark Kent wink

Coolest thing for me in this story? I love that we get to see the first time they go back to Centennial Park after... well, everything. That's something I never thought about, but I love that you did it here. I thought the double-meaning "What are we doing here?" question was great, too.

Their conversation was really well-done here, too, in particular this line from Clark:

Quote
"It's not your fault. If anything it's mine." She risked a glance at him, only to see his hurt directed at himself now. "I thought I could handle being just a partner with you, or just a friend. But turns out it's harder than I thought to just... turn off my feelings."

It makes sense that it would be hard for him to slide back into that friendly, partner role after laying his heart at her feet, regardless of what he said to her to take it back. I like that you had him bring it up. One note on that line I quoted, though - I had to reread it (and the lines preceding it) a few times before I realized that it was Clark talking. Maybe it just needs a speaker tag before you have her glancing at him? I like that it's from her POV and she can see the hurt on his face, but I was confused for a second. (Could just be me reading this at midnight, though!)

The kiss was terrific (my favorite part of any story involving these two!) and I liked how you had Lois wanting to play a little hooky now that their feelings for each other were out in the open. All in all, it was a great vignette - thanks for posting! I really enjoyed it.

Tracey smile

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
OP Offline
Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
wave Thanks everybody!

Lynn: Wh-wha-wHAT?! shock Post it, post it, post it! You know I enjoy anything with a dark twist. angel-devil

JackieK: Thanks so much! Glad you liked it. sloppy Was going for sweet but sometimes it's hard for me to stick the landing there, you know? Sometimes you look up from the keys and *poof* three characters are dead. goofy

folc4evernaday: Don't get used to it. I like my WAFF to come out of left field jump and thanks sloppy

DC: What? No. No clones here. Why would you bring that up? peep *hides jar of frogs* Ahem. If anything, there's a possibility that I have an evil twin. Or a good twin? Hmm... Maybe she wrote this story. I have a reputation to uphold. devil

Tracey: jawdrop wow! your feedback is notworthy So glad you enjoyed this lazy little ficlet. I wanted to toy with the summer break between seasons-- so much action happens during the season, I thought maybe it'd justify a little slow-down in the summer heat. (It's hot where I'm at, but at least it hasn't been 110+ degrees hot this week.) Also I didn't exactly know where I was going with this when I started writing it, so I'm glad you thought the motivations, et. al. were clear and consistent.

Plus wallbash I totally see what you're saying about that line-- def will rework it for the archives! sloppy

wave - Mouse


Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
OP Offline
Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Secondary comment here to say how sorry I am for littering that last post with maybe too many emojis. It looks like I was writing a story for Highlights magazine. Yeesh. In my defense, it looked better in UBB code. goofy


Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,661
Likes: 10
Pulitzer
Offline
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,661
Likes: 10
This has got to be a clone. Mouserocks doing waffy? What an awesome change of events! If you feel the need to write more stories like this, please don't hesitate. Believe me they will be much appreciated. Besides, it's summer, leave the heavy stuff for winter!

So glad to see Lois meeting the relationship problem head on, like folks do in real life. Kudos for them playing hookey, every once in awhile, ya gotta take some time to feel the breeze on your face and the scent of flowers in the air.

In any case, I was in definite need of a touch of romance yesterday and this little very story fit the bill perfectly. Many thanks!


Morgana

A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 911
Likes: 2
Features Writer
Offline
Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 911
Likes: 2
Lovely WAFFY story perfect for the holiday and hot weather. Love Lois's self-awareness, and her awareness of Clark's feelings. thumbsup


Cuidadora

"Honey, we didn't care if you were a Russian or a Martian... You were ours... and we weren't giving you to anybody." ~ Martha in Strange Visitor

"A love that risks nothing is worth nothing." ~ Jonathan in Big Girls Don't Fly

Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 247
Likes: 10
P
Hack from Nowheresville
Offline
Hack from Nowheresville
P
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 247
Likes: 10
This was great. I love how you capture Clark's worldview, how he sees and values the little things. It's a bit of a theme in the series, remember the window scene in the townhouse? It makes me think and remember all the little things I value. Thanks for that, cause it's so easy to forget. I also love his boldness when he kisses her. No hesitation or even warning, just doing what they've both wanted for so long. Great story, thank you for sharing with us!

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069
BJ Offline
Top Banana
Offline
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069
Oh, that was so sweet. I understand why they were both scared in the show and that's why he took it back and then she decided not to share her feelings and then they danced around each other for another six months or more .... (it's probably more like real life that we'd like to admit), but I really liked how Lois confronted Clark about taking back his declaration. Such WaFF!

Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,332
Top Banana
Offline
Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,332
What I liked the most about the story was how the two leads attacked the relationship problem in a mature fashion rather than the immature way they do it in most fan fiction. Sometimes restraint is the advisable approach but many times restraint was just an aside for lack of confidence that both of them showed in just about every other aspect of their lives.

Great story! Sorry but I tend to just ignore your angsty/WHAM ones...

Mike


Create all the happiness you are able to create.
Remove all the misery you are able to remove.

Jeremy Bentham

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
OP Offline
Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Morgana: Thanks! Glad you liked. I'll post the WAFF when it strikes me, of course. Or rather, if it strikes me (actually it's been hitting me more often lately, must be the lazy sunny afternoons). Your comment on saving the drama for winter is duly noted. wink

cuidadora: Thank you! Tried to stay in Lois' head the whole time, glad her awareness came through. dance

PuffyTiger: wave HI! I don't know if we've met yet, so hello! Thanks for commenting. I love that scene, and it's one of my (albeit many) reasons for loving Clark-- Lois needs that sort of grounding in her life.

BJ: Yeah, I get why they did it slow like that on the show (heck, I've been there even, def. got some IRL similarities). Lois' confidence was shaken after Lex, Clark's confidence was shaken, and it was too early to get them together for real for ratings' sakes, but I wanted to play with a bit bolder versions of them in this timeline.

Mike: laugh LOL! Totally fine! Everybody's got a preference. If it helps I'm trying to steer a little bit further away from angst and more towards drama? Although that might just be the evil part of me saying it's not dark enough... it's all subjective. wink Great point about their confidence in everything else, it's a good way to kind of highlight their awkwardness in some sense to have them both be "bad at relationships" but I think you're right in having their confidence levels match their reactions.

Thanks again everybody!


Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain

Moderated by  Kaylle, SuperBek 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5