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Joined: Aug 2005
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Well, Sara, I approached this chapter feeling wary. A bit like Lois after she has had her heart broken: does she really dare to trust someone again?

This part is good. Very well written. The angst, fear, anger, guilt and raw emotion is gripping. The scene between Lois and Elle is so intense.

Next time, I may let my guard down more, and allow myself to be really carried away by the story.

Ann

Joined: Mar 2005
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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Posts: 484
Ahhh, this is *much* better than the last one. :p Thank you for resuming the *real* story. smile


Don't point. You make holes in the air and the faeries escape.
Joined: Apr 2003
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Hi,

Great part. thumbsup You better not kill him, I like this couple.


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"They said I can go in and see Clark now... Will you be okay?"
Yes! hyper

More ASAP, please.

MAF hyper


Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 364
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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Posts: 364
Just to let you know I am catching up...scared me there with that Tank ending razz

Geeze girl your killing me but I am glad to be back and following your story smile

~Lois Lane Wanna Be


"Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen Hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Continue to learn.
Appreciate your friends.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is."
~Mary Anne Radmacher
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 221
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Posts: 221
Lovely part, Sara. As Ann already said, it's v. well-written. Elle's trepidation jumps off the screen.

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Elle nodded even though Lois was no longer looking at her. This was like waiting for the jack to pop out of the box. That bleeding music setting nerves on end with every note. Elle hated that; the damn thing surprised her every time, and listening to Lois on the edge of some kind of epiphany reminded her exactly of that.
Such a great comparison!

And this:

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Lois's eyes were focused somewhere in the distance, and Elle had a funny feeling that distance ran all the way to Africa as opposed to the section of wall over her left shoulder.
*loves*

Oh, and can't forget this:

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... her finger had pulled the trigger, and she could still feel the ghost of the gun's recoil against her palms. The sound echoed in her head. And the sight ...
Gorgeous writing. So much emotion that puts readers right in Elle's head -- it's just fantastic.

I'm so glad you're continuing this story!


~ Crystal

"Not all those who wander are lost." — JRR Tolkien
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 77
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
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Ahh…you see, when you post the real parts of the story, your old buddy Em is nice and happy. Much better than last week when I just about had an aneurism with your little Tank ending. Heh-heh. Just kidding. Well, mostly at least.

Anyway on to the REAL part 29:

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If only she could have... punched him or something. Spit in his face. Made him suffer for everything he'd done to her. If she could have stood face-to-face and told him that he hadn't won. That she'd survived.

There was no chance of that now, though, and the disgusting irony of it all was that she was going to be the one to clean up his mess for him. There was still work to do. Lots of it. Research. Evidence. Investigating.
I see this as an interesting characterization of Lois. I can certainly identify with the desire to strike back and exact some sort of revenge on Luthor. She doesn’t dwell on that lost opportunity for very long, as she immediately recognizes the opportunities of the investigation of Luthor’s now crumbling empire. Throwing herself into work is what she does best.

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Lois was surprised to find she didn't envy the woman that. As much as she would have loved to exact her own revenge, killing someone just...
This again relates to the above commentary on Lois’ character. She would like her opportunity for revenge, but that revenge does have its limits.

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Elle shuffled back another few steps... and felt something hard at the back of her legs. How on earth had she retreated all the way to the chairs against the wall already? She didn't have to wonder any longer what a mouse felt when cornered by a cat. She tried to edge back further and ended up sitting, with a very intimidating Lois looming over her.
Or how a cat feels when cornered by a “Mad Dog.”

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Elle swallowed. "I did." And it wasn't something she cared to remember. Ever. The sickening thud of the bullet hitting his chest, the echo of the shot reverberating through the warehouse, the dead silence the second after. She hadn't been able to scour the images from her head, either, no matter how much soap and water she'd used to scrub her hands clean.
Your wonderful gift for vivid imagery strikes again.

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The panic came flooding back and clogged in her throat. Lois. Clark. Tangled on the floor. Crying. Bleeding. And Lex. Laughing. Taunting. Raising the gun. Aiming at Lois.
The short sentences punctuate the intensity of the flashback beautifully.

I’m so glad to hear that this story has several parts to go yet before ending. There is still so much to address, and I am eagerly awaiting the next parts

-Em


"But my experience is that as soon as people are old enough to know better, they don't know anything at all."

-Oscar Wilde, "Lady Windermere's Fan"

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