TOC for links to previous parts
Previously:Lois didn’t notice as another tear trickled down her cheek. Suddenly the stresses of the last week overwhelmed her. Instead of unleashing her anger, the floodgates opened. She dissolved in a deluge of tears and sobs.
At first she cried for the Planet. She cried for Perry’s retirement, and how she would miss her mentor and surrogate father. Then she cried about missing the clues about Lex and Ordinary Guy. And even how blind she’d been to Clark’s caring and—yes—love.
As her tears continued, she realized that she wasn’t crying just for her own pain caused by someone else or for a fictional television or movie character’s pain.
For the first time she could remember, Lois Lane was also crying for those she had hurt.
The two men she had hurt deeply.
She was crying both for Ordinary Guy—the man who wore Superman’s suit—and for Clark.
Overwhelmed with that realization, her torrent of tears continued.~~~~~~~
Lois slowly stopped sobbing, drying her tears.
After a few minutes, she realized she had needed that emotional release. Now she felt tired, but renewed. Taking some deep breaths, she felt the overwhelming need to take charge of the situation.
So what could she do to fix this?
Well, first of all she could apologize to Clark. She realized she was out of line to ask him to contact Superman for her. How? Clark was always very forgiving. She could explain that she was surprised and once again jumped in without checking the water level. He knows she does that regularly. She would also tell him her epiphany that she needed him in her life.
She hoped that Clark would agree to do what she should have suggested the first time Clark told her that he was uncomfortable about Lex. Together they would investigate Lex and find out his secrets, and if there was anything illegal in his life. With the Planet gone, they’d find a way to get the evidence and figure out where to publish it later.
Lois switched on LNN, where they were saying that Superman had left the scene of an apartment fire some time ago. He was amazing in the video they showed of him rescuing a child. He cradled the child as if she was the finest antique porcelain. It looked as though he was softly whispering to her, probably words of comfort. Then he gently turned her over to her parents and the paramedics. When the LNN crew tried to get a quote from the child, there was a momentary flash of anger on his face before he resumed the neutral mask of Superman.
Was that the key? That Superman not Ordinary Guy was the mask? No wonder he was hurt when she confessed her love to Superman after having brushed off Ordinary Guy in the past!
If Superman were coming back to her apartment, he probably would have already arrived. Lois asked herself if she wanted to face him tonight. No, she realized she didn't think seeing him tonight would help. Did she need to see anyone tonight? She wasn't ready to face Lex. What about Clark? Yes, she needed to talk to him about both today and Lex as soon as possible. She had to try to make things right between them.
Lois washed her face, re-applied her makeup, brushed her hair, grabbed her purse and keys, called for a cab and then headed out the door to wait in the foyer. She needed to face a certain mild mannered reporter tonight. This wouldn't wait until tomorrow.
~~~~~~~
The Superman emergency when he left Lois was a fire in an apartment building. He rescued everyone including two firemen who had been trapped. There were no deaths or serious injuries. The fire seemed to have started from faulty wiring, although arson could not be excluded. Superman’s findings were inconclusive, so he left the investigation to the fire department.
Speaking with the fire chief, he made sure there was nothing more he could do at the scene. He told the chief that he needed to be elsewhere, so wouldn't be speaking to the press.
With the Planet gone, it was just too painful to talk to reporters right now. And after his emotional roller coaster with Lois as both Clark and Superman followed by his efforts fighting the fire he was exhausted physically and emotionally. The press would just have to deal with his absence. He had no patience for the LNN crew rudely clamoring for his attention. They were the only press there anyway.
And because Luthor owned LNN, there was no way they would get an exclusive from him.
Ever.
He gently lifted until he was out of camera and human sight, and then changed direction to rocket towards Lois' apartment. Hovering over her apartment, he scanned it. She was still in the living room, but now dressed in a shirt and slacks. She was sobbing, and it looked like she was going through an entire box of tissues.
His fatigue immediately forgotten in his concern for Lois, he quickly scanned the rest of the apartment, hallway and areas surrounding her building for hidden dangers. He released a breath he didn't realize he was holding when he found no immediate threats. His fear for her safety diminished.
So what was bothering her?
Had he unintentionally been harsh and despite his best efforts been cruel?
What'd I Say?He reviewed their conversation quickly, but couldn't be sure what might have caused her to cry. He hoped he hadn't been unintentionally cruel or unthinking.
Hearing her cry so desperately tore at his heart. How could he help?
Then he heard her whisper, "Oh, Clark, I'm so sorry."
What? He started to lose altitude from shock, and then quickly floated back into position. She was apologizing to Clark even though he wasn't there? Why?
He knew he wouldn't get any answers floating out here. But he also knew Lois. She didn't like to show her vulnerability. He doubted she'd want Superman to see it. Clark on the other hand, had seen her vulnerable before, and she had accepted his comfort.
And he was covered in soot and fumes from the fire, which
Clark couldn't explain. So a shower and clean clothes were needed first.
As he headed towards his apartment he heard a cry for help. A woman was being mugged and it looked like her assailants had more in mind than simple robbery. He quickly subdued the assailants, found a policeman to arrest them and flew the woman to the emergency room. He then gave the police his statement.
Next he flew home and showered quickly. He spun into a clean suit and casual Clark clothes. Then he spun back into Superman, locked the balcony door behind him and headed towards Lois.
Pausing in mid-air, he realized he needed a reason for Clark to show up at her apartment tonight. Well if nothing else he could express regret for his earlier behavior. While he wouldn't apologize for or take back his declaration of love, he could apologize for not easing into it more gently. For trying to go from friends and partners to something more, which was unexpected and too abrupt. She probably felt like she'd been pole axed, especially with everything that had happened in the last week—the Planet bombing, Luthor's proposal and his own behavior. He could tell her had been an idiot… or a lunkhead. She would buy that at least. And maybe even laugh with him.
That might work. It was certainly better than some of the lame excuses he'd given her on the fly when Superman was needed. Or maybe he'd come up with something better later. Or not. Or maybe she wouldn't ask why he stopped by.
Who was he kidding? This was Lois Lane! He couldn't be so lucky.
With at least a plan, even if it wasn't a brilliant one, he headed for her apartment. Out of sight and hovering above her apartment, he was surprised to see her in front of the building getting into a cab. Had he taken that long?
Where was she going? He sure hoped it wasn't into Luthor's arms. He felt the need to discretely follow her. Metropolis and the world would have to wait tonight. Superman and Clark were on a mission to protect Lois.
And then his super-hearing kicked in. Lois gave the cabbie his address! For the second time, he lost altitude from shock. Gathering his wits, he realized that since he was here, he could still discretely follow her cab and make sure she arrived safely.
~~~~~~~
Lois climbed into the cab and gave the driver Clark's address. She settled into her seat. The cab's radio was on, which was unusual. The driver sheepishly explained that there was a marathon of Elvis tunes on this station, and this hour they were playing his and his wife's favorite one. Lois said it was fine.
A commercial ended and the DJ said, "Next up is one of Elvis's most popular songs. Originally recorded by Elvis in 1956, it was released as a single with 'Hound Dog.' Both reached #1, the only time in history both a single and its backside song reached #1. He sold over 6 million copies of the song by 1961. It became a staple of Elvis's live performances until his death in 1977."
Pausing dramatically, after a moment he asked, "Are those enough clues for you to recognize 'Don't Be Cruel'?"
The song began and Lois found herself listening—really listening—to the lyrics. She soon was quietly humming along.
After the song finished, the cab driver turned off the radio and spoke, "Thank you for indulging me in that trip down memory lane. 'Don't Be Cruel' was my wife's favorite song."
"Was?"
"Yeah, She died a few months ago."
"I'm sorry for your loss."
"Thank you. After hearing that song as a teenager, she took it to heart. She made it her life's mission not be hurtful or cruel. She was the only person I knew who had people like grocery clerks and receptionists go out of their way to help her. We had 25 years of wedded bliss because of it. She insisted we follow the Biblical edict to not go to bed angry, and we never did. I'm so grateful she was that way. When she passed in her sleep there were no harsh words or thoughts between us. Only love."
Lois found her eyes tearing as she softly said, "That's a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it." She thought that she also knew someone who people went out of their way to help because he was kind and cheerful first—Clark.
"You're welcome. It's the best instruction I ever received. Well, here's your destination."
Lois paid him with a generous tip. Tipping generously was something she rarely did, but Clark would do automatically. When she had first watched him leave a generous tip, she thought he was naïve. To her surprise, she found that his smile and kindness plus a generous tip actually got him better service the next time.
She looked at the cab driver's name and made a mental note to ask for him next time she called for a cab. Then she got out of the cab and climbed the steps to Clark's building. The driver waited for her to get safely inside. A bit of old-fashioned chivalry she didn't often see in Metro cab drivers. With a wave of her hand, she acknowledged his kindness as she entered Clark's building.
Once inside, she paused and reflected on what happened in the cab. Was the key to lifelong commitment forgiveness and working together, never staying angry at each other overnight? Could it be that simple?
Lois thought about her mother who held onto hurts, her temper and hard feelings for years, as if they were badges of honor. And what did that get her? A broken marriage, two estranged daughters and a never-ending battle with alcoholism.
Was that who Lois had become? Someone who was unable to forgive and forget mistakes in others and herself, learn from them and move on? Someone who had forgotten how to show kindness to others?
Thinking about other mothers, she couldn't imagine Martha Kent holding onto grudges like Ellen Lane. Although she thought even Martha would likely make the exception of people who threatened her family. She would bet if Jason Trask were still alive, Martha would not easily forgive him for nearly killing Clark, Jonathan, their neighbor Wayne and Martha herself. She smiled to herself at the vision she suddenly had of a furious Martha defeating Trask with farm implements. She'd bet on Martha any day.
She shook herself and determinedly headed for Clark's apartment.
As she stood in front of his door, she became more anxious.
Would Clark want to talk to her? What if he wouldn't even let her explain?
This was Clark. He always listened. She had to believe he would listen and hoped he could forgive her.
After taking a deep breath, she steeled herself and knocked.
She heard movement behind the door, and footsteps coming closer. The door opened, and Clark was there. In a black polo shirt and dark trousers with rumpled hair. He had a quizzical look on his face.
"Lois?"
After swallowing she replied softly, "Hi Clark. Can I come in?"
"Sure," he cautiously replied. Moving out of her way, he ushered her into his apartment, then closed and locked the door.
She took careful steps down his stairs, and slowly turned towards him. She seemed to lose her voice, and suddenly began to shake.
"Lois!" In an instant Clark was by her side, ready to support her. He wasn't sure if he should touch her or not, so stood next to her. He quietly asked, "Would you like to sit down? Do you want something to drink?"
She nodded yes, and let him steady her by taking her arm, guiding her to the sofa. As Clark went to get her a glass of water, she thought only he would be the perfect host just hours after she had broken his heart. She blinked back tears as he handed her the glass of water.
Clark sat down in the chair. In this seat he was close enough to be supportive, but still kept some distance between them. He sighed inwardly as he realized a few weeks ago he would have sat next to her, gathering her in his arms.
As she got closer to Luthor, they lost their closeness until the final remains were shattered this afternoon in the park. As he watched her sip her water her shakiness gradually decreased. She took some deep breaths, and focused on her glass. Her heartbeat was racing when she came in, and it gradually slowed. After a few minutes it was only slightly faster than normal.
He had no idea what to say at this point, so decided patience was the answer. If necessary, he would find out if super-patience could be another of his powers. He sat back in the chair, and adjusted his body language to be as non-threatening as possible. And as Clark quietly waited, he mentally recited his mantra "Don't Be Cruel" in multiple languages.
After a few minutes, Lois found her voice saying, “Clark I’m so sor-sorry!” She looked at the floor, not able to face him.
Clark gently replied, "Lois, I don't understand. What are you apologizing for?"
Lois took a steadying breath and replied, “I was selfish and unthinking to ask you to get Superman like that, and well, I hope you can forgive me. I didn’t realize how hurtful that was, but I do now.
"I asked you to get Superman because it's the easiest way to get a hold of him without screaming for help in an emergency. He's never told me how to contact him for non-emergencies. I guess that should have been a clue that he isn't as close to me as I thought. I realized afterwards how inconsiderate I was of your feelings."
Clark was surprised at her insight. He didn't know what to say about that. He certainly couldn't tell her how close Superman was to her right now. Now was not the time to divulge that secret. He was afraid if he said anything, it would be a smart remark about how she never seemed to care about his feelings before. No, he wouldn't go there. That would anger her. After all, she had come to him.
He took a few deep breaths. When it seemed as though Lois had nothing more to say just now he decided to respond. He gathered his thoughts, and then softly said, "Lois, I believe you're sincere and accept your apology. I will do my best to forgive."
Lois winced as the implications of his words sank in. This was not something that could be fixed tonight with a simple apology. She then tentatively asked, "Are you mad?"
Taking a deep breath he said, "I was. Not now. Now I'm disappointed, and hurt."
"Oh. That's worse than mad, isn't it?"
"Lois, I don't know. For the first time in my life today, I confessed my love. And you told me you want to just be friends. I've never done this before, so I don't know what to expect. Do you understand I need time to work this out?"
"I guess so."
Suddenly needing more space between them, Clark got out of the chair and walked to his balcony door, looking out at the balcony. He took a few deep breaths before steadying himself.
He turned to Lois and then said, "I want to apologize to you, too. This afternoon I was abrupt and took you by surprise. I realized afterwards it came out of the blue. And maybe you felt ambushed or cornered. That was never my intention, and I'm sorry."
She shrugged, "Yeah, it was a surprise. Maybe we've both been reacting to events. Thank you Clark. I forgive you."
Clark nodded and continued, "Before you came over, I decided I was going to apologize to you. So I am glad you're here." He paused and then asked, "Would you like coffee? I also have cream soda or can make tea if you prefer."
"Coffee is fine."
Clark went into the kitchen and started the coffee maker. He steeled himself for whatever Lois wanted to discuss. His mother had sent some chocolate chip cookies home with him this afternoon, so he put several on a plate to serve with the coffee.
While the coffee brewed, Clark put the plate of cookies and a stack of napkins on the coffee table. Turning towards Lois he said, "Those are Mom's chocolate chip cookies. Help yourself."
He went back into the kitchen, poured two mugs and fixed them the way each of them liked. He brought them back, set them on the coffee table and sat down.
Lois took a bite of her cookie saying, "Mmmm, these are wonderful."
Clark just nodded, and sipped his coffee.
"I came over to apologize, and because I need your help, Clark."
Looking into his coffee mug as if it held the answers to the universe's puzzles, he quietly replied, "Lois, I'll help you if I can."
She stood up and began to pace. "Clark I did a lot of thinking tonight. Superman made me realize a few things, and I thought about how little I know about either him or Lex. Then I began to think back about my encounters with you and both of them.
"I realized I felt manipulated."
She saw Clark grimace and then quickly elaborated, "Oh, not by you. By Lex. I've been reacting to events instead of doing my job. Will you tell me everything you know about Lex?"
He sighed and said, "Lois, I'll tell you. The problem is, I don't have hard evidence to back up much of what I have to say. Evidence against him seems to conveniently disappear. Much of Superman's evidence is in conversations that were not recorded, and he can't confirm them with, as Perry is fond of saying, 'Hard Facts!' Superman and I have combined our information, so some of my information is mine and some is Superman's."
"Okay. I'll keep that in mind."
Clark took a long sip of his coffee and gathered his thoughts. "It all started at the White Orchid Ball…" He described every encounter with Luthor and each suspicion both Clark and Superman had, starting with Luthor greeting Clark with Alexander's sword at his throat during the White Orchid Ball and ending with the bombing of the Planet. Not only did he describe the events, but he also described why he believed that Luthor was responsible for multiple deaths starting with Commander Laderman and also for injuries and destruction of lives and property.
She sat in stunned silence for a few minutes, processing what she had heard. Shaking her head she said, "And I thought I was the city's best investigative reporter. How could I miss so much?"
"Lois, you can't blame yourself. Luthor is very good at protecting and cultivating his image. Perry was fooled. And he was an investigative reporter before either of us was born. Think of all the employees, legitimate business associates, reporters, detectives and others who were and are still fooled. The only reason I was initially suspicious was because he confronted me at the ball with that sword, which got my attention. He let down his guard with Superman, because he was a rival and an obstacle to his evil empire. And he's made a special effort to court you and to hide his nefarious dealings from you."
"Is that everything?"
"I think so, although most of it is without proof. I have a file on Luthor, although I suggest we don't start on that until tomorrow."
Lois sat mulling over everything he'd said. She realized it was not only the things he said, but also the way he said it. Never had she heard such vehemence in his voice. If anyone could find the good in someone, she thought it was Clark. Yet in his description of Lex's involvement, it was clear that Clark believed Lex was a criminal mastermind and evil. She shuddered, wondering just what Lex had done to evoke such a response in Clark. Was it the culmination of months of interactions and events? Or was there something more personal involved? Before tonight if anyone had asked, she would have said she knew Clark better than anyone else. And one thing she knew was that he didn't hate anyone. Apparently he did hate Lex. She hadn't seen the depth of his feelings until tonight.
"Clark, why didn't you tell me about your research? Never mind, I probably wouldn't have listened. Well, I'm listening now.
"Why is this so personal to you? What has he done?"
He realized this was dangerous territory. It was personal, but mostly because it was personal to Superman. That made it personal to the man under the suit, but Lois didn't know he was Clark. He took a moment to think about his answer. Maybe he could make it personal if he approached it right.
"The hardest thing for me is the children he's hurt. You remember Amy Platt don't you? Now she'll grow up without her daddy. Not because he died in an accident or from an incurable disease, but because Dr. Platt was murdered trying to save the space station. He died a hero, yet his killers tried to discredit him and make it look like suicide.
"Luthor admitted in front of Superman that he knew Metamide was dangerous and probably deadly, yet he still tried to convince the kids to take it. Lois, he was involved in experimenting on innocent children! There was no one looking out for those kids. At the very least there should have been informed consent by a legal guardian, even if court-appointed.
"And what about the clone? He was child-like in many ways. It was Superman not the clone's 'father' who was with him when he died. He was in pain and there was nothing Superman could do. His so-called father knew about his suffering.
"Superman is convinced the clone was created to destroy Superman, to kill him and then probably destroy his reputation. Who had the money, the access to technology and the hatred of Superman to do that? Lex Luthor is the only one that comes to mind. How could anyone create a child even if he physically looked like an adult and then stand by while he suffered without trying to help?
"If he's responsible for the Planet bombing, think of the families of all the employees now out of work. Maybe I feel for these kids partly because I'm adopted. I know the pain of not knowing who your biological parents were, and worse why they left you.
"I don't trust Luthor. And frankly it scares me to think about how close the two of you have become, and whatever he really has planned for you. You're one of my closest friends. Yes, Lois, I take this very personally."
He got up from his chair, took his mug to the kitchen and carefully placing it in the sink before he shattered it in anger. Then he stalked over to his balcony door. He tensely stared out, opening and closing his fists. Never before in one sitting had he unburdened himself with the events of the past few months. He could feel the anger coursing through his body. He needed to get control. When he felt the heat going to his eyes, he slammed his eyelids shut. And pretended to continue staring out at his balcony with his back to Lois.
He concentrated on his mantra, reciting "Don't Be Cruel" over and over in multiple languages. Gradually he felt the tension leaving his muscles, and he could cautiously reopen his eyes.
Lois looked at Clark. His anger was palpable, coming off him in waves. He kept his distance from her, and his body language was also protective, distant. After helping her to the sofa tonight, he made no further effort to touch her. Sitting in the chair instead of next to her on the sofa, she could feel the distance between them. In his eyes she had seen the depth of his pain. She longed to hold him, to share his pain.
What? She did?
Yes, she admitted to herself that she did.
To her shame she realized again how she had hurt him today. In his body language if not his words he projected that he was protecting himself from further hurt by her.
How well she knew that feeling! Her father, Paul and Claude had each in his own way broken her heart and then stomped on the broken pieces.
And hadn't she done just that to Clark? Unintentionally maybe, but the results were the same. He had been the one to get under her barriers, to reach the real Lois. And she had repaid him by arrogance, barbs and breaking his heart today.
She took a swallow of her coffee, gathering her thoughts. This was more urgent than investigating Lex. And she was the one who needed to fix this. Up until now Clark had always been the one to make things right between them. Lois Lane never apologized or backed down. She didn't want Clark to turn into the cold impersonal workaholic she had been when she first met him. No, he was too compassionate, too full of life. After all, he made even boring stakeouts fun. She needed to fix this, and find a way to start healing his heart.
She was the only one who could do this.
And Lois Lane never fails!
She would fix this.
How?
Lois puzzled over what to do. Finally, she got up and stood next to Clark. Gathering her courage, she softly said, "Clark, we need to talk. Not about Lex, but about something else I discovered tonight. Will you come back and sit down so we can talk? Or do you need some more time?"
Clark looked at her and replied, "I'll be there in a bit. I just need a few minutes more."
"Okay." And Lois quietly walked back to the sofa.
It took Clark a few more minutes to compose himself. When he was ready, he walked back to the living room and sat in the chair again.
"Go ahead, Lois. I'm ready to talk."
She turned and faced him, looking sincerely into his eyes.
"Well, tonight I thought about what you'd said, and also what Superman had said. I thought about how my future could look, and made a startling discovery. Clark I don't want to marry Lex. Actually I'm not sure I'm ready to marry anyone right now. I can live without Lex and Superman, but I realized I want—no need—you in my life."
Clark was stunned. "You do?"
"I don't know if that means love or not, but I'd like to find out. If you're agreeable that is, and can wait for me to figure it out."
"Lois, I have waited my whole life for you. Right now I’m not ready for marriage either. I think we both need to discover things about each other and ourselves before we make that commitment. I'll wait for you if you wait for me. We can go as slowly as we need. Just don't shut me out of your life."
She shook her head no while saying, "I won't." Then with a tremor in her voice, softly asked, "Can we start with a hug?"
Silently he nodded, stood up and opened his arms as she simultaneously stood, launching herself into his waiting arms. She clung to him as he gently enfolded her. Once again tonight tears silently tracked down her cheeks. While she couldn't verbalize what she felt, it felt right and her heart sang, recognizing him as her lifeline.
Initially startled with the intensity of her embrace, Clark relaxed in the moment. He gently held her, rocking back and forth while slowly rubbing circles on her back. She relaxed into his embrace and her tears slowed until they stopped.
They forgot the pain of the last weeks, giving each other comfort. Lois felt and Clark heard their hearts beating in synchronization.
Both recognized how right it felt…
Like coming home.
Only better.
TBC
Comments welcomed and go here.
Author's Note: Some dialogue adapted from "The House of Luthor" written by Deborah Joy LeVine and Dan Levine and from "We Have A Lot To Talk About" written by John McNamara.
