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Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
So sorry for being late! We've just finalized plans to be moving out of state, so getting ready to put the house up for sale, planning a yard sale, saying goodbye to family members -- and an ear infection on top of all that -- has left me dreadfully behind. Please know that even though I haven't replied to your feedback yet, it means a LOT to me, so thank you! Also, big thanks to groobie for helping me out with some wording near the end of this chapter, and of course to KenJ and Morgana, as well, for their fabulous beta-ing job! Doctors Irons, Faulkner, and Hamilton are owned by DC, not me; and the robot idea is also DC's, so that didn't originate from me either, though I take full advantage of it here (this is where finally getting to read through all the comics gets me  ). Oh, and to make sure this is the longest A/N I've ever left, I swear I didn't realize the reference to the Vorlon/Shadows questions in this chapter until just now!! I guess there are far worse things than Babylon 5 to stick with you subconsciously!  Thanks for reading, and I hope you all enjoy -- this was one of my favorite chapters to write!
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 911 Likes: 2
Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 911 Likes: 2 |
Oh goodness, I hope that things are calming down for you and your infection is healed. Thanks for posting, and we do understand RL comes first. What a beautiful chapter! Clark likes that these scientists, hunched in their small room over tables and desks and blackboards full of figures and variables and plans, call him Mr. Kent. Yes! They understand him! Scientists who are more likely to understand equations and data understand Clark. Maybe because they spend so much time as Doctor?  He is Superman now, and letting himself contemplate anything else is just going to be too painful when he is inevitably disappointed. (Letting himself remember what it is like to be Clark Kent, without Superman wrapped around his ghost, just makes it harder to be content with who he is now.)  “Why?” he asks, almost petulantly. “This decision affects all of us--why can’t I ask you what you want?”
Martha turns to look at him, then, and he is taken aback by the fond smile she wears. “Because you always ask that, honey, and for once, we want to be the ones asking you. What do you want?” James, Jonathan and Martha all on the same page! Knowing Clark has to make this decision, has to verbalize what he wants to make it work.  He does not look back. Instead, he looks forward.
To a new life. A new beginning.
An old name.
He has faced the world a thousand times as Superman (his pieces of imperfection). It is time he faces it, for the first time, openly and unabashedly as Clark Kent (the whole that will make all the fractured pieces of himself beautiful and worthwhile). Clark is BACK! Yay!!  Wonderful, beautiful chapter! Looking forward to the next installment, whenever RL allows.
Cuidadora
"Honey, we didn't care if you were a Russian or a Martian... You were ours... and we weren't giving you to anybody." ~ Martha in Strange Visitor
"A love that risks nothing is worth nothing." ~ Jonathan in Big Girls Don't Fly
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Wonderful. We all know what happened on the roof now.
But ... what thought processes led Lois from 'this conversation' to 'handing her notice in'? And we all still want to know more about the press conference, and how does it affect Lois ... and ...
More. Don't be late next time. In fact I think you should purposefully by early. Really early!
KatherineKent/Victoria
Lois: "You put up with me for the same reason I put up with you. It's because I'm completely in love with you."
Clark: "And I love you ... Did we just make up?"
Lois: "I think so."
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,393 Likes: 1 |
Wow. This was so worth the wait. I can definitely see Clark espousing the philosophy given at the end. (And how interesting to contrast his views about Superman being his imperfect part with what the general population would think.) Feel better soon and I hope the move goes smoothly. Victoria wrote More. Don't be late next time. In fact I think you should purposefully by early. Really early! You know, if you were to post the rest of the story now, all at once, that would be one less thing you would have to be thinking about during your move. To paraphrase a song from Man of La Mancha, I'm only thinking of you!  All jokes aside, though, as eager as I am to read more, I will certainly understand if RL gets in the way of your planned posting schedule. Joy, Lynn
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Wow... What an amazing chapter. Clark coming to understand himself. Know who he is. Know what he wants. I loved every part of it. The conversation with the doctors. The conversation with James. Martha and Jonathan--and all that they are as parents. And finally finding out what happened on the rooftop. James hesitates for only an instant before those wise eyes crumple and become the wide, shocked eyes of a young man, hurting and afraid and so much more affected now than he was when Clark found him unconscious and bleeding to death on a cold, grungy floor. “Because I miss CK!” he cries out, his voice too loud, echoing through the hallway, piercing against Superman’s super-sensitive hearing. “Because I want Clark back more than anything, and this is the only way I can see that happening.” I am blown away by the honesty in this paragraph  . “Who do you want to be?”
The words hit him like weapons. Not Kryptonite, but like…like darkness, like the antithesis of sunlight, like a sucking void that steals away energy and life and replaces it with weariness and vague pain.
“Who do you want to be?” James asks, for the third time, as if the question is simple and the answer clear.
As if Clark has the luxury of choosing.
“When you know,” James continues, (so oblivious to the impact of his own words; so insightful that he turns his back to offer Clark a chance to flee gracefully), “then you can give me your answer." James-Is-Awesome. Completely. How he walked that line--of being Clark's friend, of being Clark's ally. But also, by pushing Clark...just when he needs to be pushed the most. "I’ve gotten used to being Superman, Mom. I like being Superman. He can save so many people and he doesn’t have to lie and he…he’s above it all. He can’t be hurt.”
He regrets the words as soon as he hears them and realizes, too late, what they sound like. He hunches his shoulders, waiting for his mom to grab him or smack him, to lecture him, to remind him of all the times he has already been hurt. But she does none of those things, and when he looks, hesitantly, back over his shoulder, he sees her standing stock-still, frozen, her expression so full of pain that he feels an instant surge of adrenaline. Such a huge statement for Clark to admit. He's been through so much, lost himself as 'Clark', and now has found safety in the 'disguise' he lost himself to. Big...the implications of these last few months. “Clark!” she snaps, and despite himself, Clark feels like smiling. She almost sounds like she did before his secret ruined everything between them. “You can’t--you can’t just grab me like that! You’re not supposed to connect yourself to me anymore, that’s why I left. Didn’t I do enough damage last time?”
The question twists a cold, sharp blade through his gut, but Clark ignores it. If he does not have this conversation now (if he does not make himself actually voice the words that have been festering inside him), then he never will. And then, no matter what decision he makes, no matter whether this last, desperate chance works or not, he will still only be living a half-life, trapped and haunted by might-have-beens and could-bes.
“What?” he says, matter-of-factly because that is always the best defense against an irritated Lois Lane. “You’re allowed to upset my life for months at a time, but I can’t upset yours long enough to have a conversation with you? A conversation, I might add, that you yourself said I needed to have.” Big pat on the back to Clark here--he put Lois in her place, stood his ground, and most importantly, put himself finally first. Clark lets out his breath in a heavy sigh. “Do you have any idea how many conversations I overhear in a day? Hundreds. Thousands. All the bad and all the good, ugliness and kindness in balanced measures. But through it all, in so many whispered confidences and private confessions and public arguments, you want to know what they all have in common? Everyone, every person in the entire world, looks into the mirror and sees their tiny pieces of imperfection rather than the beauty of the whole.” He can’t help himself; he steps closer, looks down at her. He feels…calm. Relaxed. Sure in a way he hasn’t been his entire life, and he wishes that he could take a piece of that confidence and instill it in her so that she does not have to look so lost. “Sometimes,” he breathes, “I think that that is the greatest tragedy of all in this world.” Powerful. Beautiful put, and so sadly true. Loved this! He has faced the world a thousand times as Superman (his pieces of imperfection). It is time he faces it, for the first time, openly and unabashedly as Clark Kent (the whole that will make all the fractured pieces of himself beautiful and worthwhile). It's so inspiring when someone knows what is right, what is true, and takes that leap--goes for it and chooses, maybe not the easiest path, but the right path that they need to take. 'Inspiration' at it's best . Completely wonderful! Laura Hope you are feeling better--and good luck with the move. We moved across two states to a new home last year (with two little kiddos, with two cats ). Lots of work. Thinking about you  .
Last edited by LMA; 09/30/15 01:41 PM.
"Where's Clark?" "Right here."
...two simple sentences--with so much meaning.
~Lois and Clark in 'House of Luthor'~
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Posts: 1,685 Likes: 1
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,685 Likes: 1 |
What a wonderful chapter! James' insightful "Who do you want to be?" and his mother telling Clark that he already knows. Great stuff! Gives me chills! And we finally see some Clark's feelings in that rooftop conversation. Love Lois admitted her weaknesses to Clark.
Now I'm dying to see how you pull off the next chapter with Clark and Superman together.
Joan
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Joined: May 2011
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 2 |
Read this in dribs and drabs throughout the day on my phone. So, I apologize for the shorter than usual feedback.
How is that that you can make me cry even during the hopeful, more heartwarming chapters?
"Who do you want to be?" Chilling. Every Clark in every universe has probably asked himself that question - especially as a teen when his powers were manifesting. Will he be Clark? Will he be Superman? Will he be a force for good? Will he use his powers for evil? Will he never use them at all?
I'm glad we got to see more of what transpired on the roof. And I'm glad they hashed out a few more things between them. Clark needed that, to fully convince himself that it's okay to go back to being Clark.
Glad all is well with you. Good luck with the move. We moved 5 times in the first 2.5 years we were married (including to a new state), so I understand how busy and stressful it can be.
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Joined: Apr 2011
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509 |
Thanks for posting during this hard and trying time. Good luck on your move.
It's so great that James and the Kents make Clark choose what's best for him! He's always doing what's best for everyone else; it's about time he consider what HE wants out of life. Not even Lois let's Clark choose what's best for himself; she always makes this decision for him. I don't know how many people will believe that Clark and his family has been allowing Superman to use Clark's identity (wondering how he's going to spin that story), but the robot will have be just enough different so that criminals think twice about using Clark's friends as Superman bait. I wouldn't be surprised if they tested Clark once or twice or thrice (or more) just to make sure. Does the robot Superman fly or just the hologram?
So, Clark didn't tell Lois what he's about to do. Fitting, since she didn't tell him that she was about to out him. Will she and Perry think that this slap to their faces (and the DPs) will make them even? Won't Lois being "wrong" about Clark tarnish her reputation as a reporter, Perry's reputation as her editor, and the DPs reputation for publishing said article? Or is he going to say that they were in on the switcheroo the entire time?
Interesting that Lois excuses her actions by believing it would be better that she outed Clark before Trask could. I don't see how that was better when Clark wasn't in on the whole revelation. Perhaps it is the knowing that she wasn't any better than Trask that made Lois force her hand in writing her resignation.
Emotional journey, but I haven't expected any less since reading your first story. What twists do you have for us during these last few parts, I wonder.
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
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"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3 |
Whoa. A-K, you still rock! I'm blown away by your ability and facility with the present tense in this story. I wasn't sure that anyone could maintain the tension throughout the entire tale with all the points of view you were using, but you're doing it masterfully. And your thought bunnies are still on point and still move the dramatic story forward, even when you show the characters being pulled out of focus by them. For example, this: “Who do you want to be?” James asks, for the third time, as if the question is simple and the answer clear. tells us what James' mindset is while showing us Clark's whirl of confusion about himself. And the discussion between Superman and Lois on the roof of the Planet was, without a doubt, one of the most painful things anyone has ever inflicted on her. But it was, for this tale, totally and completely necessary to vocalize her pain and explain it to Clark's satisfaction. She had to get it out of her head so he could help her carry the weight of her guilt and so he could show her how to lay it aside once and for all. After all, it's no less than she's done for him. Wonderfully presented, wonderfully handled. I'm sorry that we're so close to the end, because reading this story has been a highlight for me each week. Yet I'm glad, too, because these two people need to be released to be themselves again. Lois must be the Planet's top investigative reporter. Clark must be her companion and best friend and protector. Superman must have a place to go and a person to be while he's not saving the world, and he's finally figuring out that he can't be Superman 24/7/365 without paying a terrible price, one that would eventually bankrupt and then destroy him. They're so close, yet so far away! Look how far they've come, separately and together, yet look at how much farther they must go! You've opened their minds and hearts to us, A-K, and you've done it so well that we don't realize it unless we lift the hood and trace the circuitry down to the power source. This is a beautiful tale, beautifully told, and I can't wait to see it win a Kerth in the spring.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,082 |
Oh, thanks for the shoutout! The pain Clark feels at the chance being offer to him is heartbreaking - knowing how much he wants it, needs it, and yet still too vulnerable to opening himself up to the possibility, to the very real chance that he'll be hurt again in a way he won't be able to recover from. “Who do you want to be?” James asks, for the third time, as if the question is simple and the answer clear.
As if Clark has the luxury of choosing. Clark has been taken from him. He can't choose to stop being Superman. He's being given "choices", but there's really only one choice to make, needs to make, has such a hard time admitting he wants to make.  “Even if people don’t believe it, they will pretend they do. For your sake. And maybe even for theirs, so that they can have Superman’s voice back. So that they can have Superman back, the way he should be. The way he is meant to be.” Sure, "Magic's Greatest Secrets Revealed" seems like a show you want to watch, but then afterwards, as you watch other magic shows and automatically see what you're not supposed to notice, you start to wish you hadn't been spoiled, that magic still exists. “So what?” she asks, bitterly. “Yes, Trask said that he’d tell the world about you, and maybe I justified writing that article by telling myself it was better if I did it instead of him. But it doesn’t matter. It was only a very small part of the reason, and I can’t pretend otherwise. I can’t just lie and say that my motives were purely altruistic.” I really like that she doesn't accept this out - she's willing to own up to her mistakes. He has faced the world a thousand times as Superman (his pieces of imperfection). It is time he faces it, for the first time, openly and unabashedly as Clark Kent (the whole that will make all the fractured pieces of himself beautiful and worthwhile). Sniff, sniff...so beautiful! 
You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie.
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 217 |
This chapter was one of the best written. You made an interesting twist with this exposition of Clark double identity. I wished we had more and a more balanced approach of people's perception and reaction to the news.
Waiting impatiently for the last parts.
I hope you are feeling better and your moving out is not too complicated!
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Joined: Jan 2011
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Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Wow, such an overwhelming response! At the risk of sounding just a bit too mushy, I just want to say that it's a joy to have so many people still reading, long after I thought I'd have scared everybody away! You have all made a stressful year have so many good points, reading your feedback and getting to see the story afresh through your eyes! Thanks so much for your encouragement, for being willing to go on this what-if journey with me, and for your patience when I miss my posting dates! You're all the best! Such great praise, Supesfan! It's been a painful, LONG journey, but I'm glad it's been worthwhile! Thanks, cuidadora! This chapter was one of my absolute favorites, especially the conversation between Clark and his parents. They do understand him and know that he needs to choose this himself. Didn't quite make 'early,' KathareneKent. I'm delighted to see so many questions, though; I'm always afraid of tying things up too early and having no one interested in the last chapters. Thanks, Lynn! I hope the move goes smoothly too -- we just have to wait for our house here to sell! Clark's thoughts at the end of this chapter came unexpectedly, but once he thought them, I found them perfect. (I do love when the characters do all the work of thinking through things themselves.) James. Ahh, what to say about James that I haven't already? I just really love him; he's been maybe my favorite thing about this story. He is so honest, isn't he, LMA? Your last paragraph about the inspiration in someone knowing what's right and going for it...absolutely beautiful. You said in one sentence what I've had to take an entire story to try to say! Ooh, nice, scifiJoan -- always a compliment when I hear that my writing gave chills to someone! Hope the next chapter doesn't disappoint! No problem, DC; any feedback is good! Yes, the 'who do you want to be' question probably is one of the most important for any Superman/Clark! I think I've addressed it in pretty much every single one of my L&C stories, so I know it's important to me! Moving is stressful, so I'm glad I haven't had to move nearly as much as you!! You're right, Virginia - Clark and his family and friends will probably never be entirely safe again. Nothing will be able to go back to exactly as it was. Bad things happened, and there are consequences, one of the reasons Clark wasn't sure he wanted to risk it, but in the end, I think CLARK KENT is worth it. A few more twists to come, but hopefully only good ones. What a delight to read your feedback, Terry Leatherwood! This was such a scary story to sit down and write, and terrifying to post, but your feedback has made it all worth it! I'm so glad the suspense works even with this very experimental writing style! Love how you phrased that about Lois getting her guilt out of her head so Clark could help her lay it aside, how they are each helping the other do what they themselves were helped to do (wow, that was a confusing sentence; you said it so much better! ). I'm sorry to reach the end, too, mainly because I want to make sure I do justice to everything here, but like you, I want to see them happy. We'll see how much can go back to the way we know and want things to be! Thank you so much for your support and your belief -- we'll see about the Kerth! You know better than anyone, groobie, that I really thought this story would show how harsh and merciless the world can be to uncovered secrets, even incidentally, but it has turned out to have undertones of how the world will also try to help some secrets stay covered -- and that was more of a surprise to me than any of you! So true about his choices! Well, Annalina, at one point groobie wanted to write a spin-off story about Cat and her reaction to Superman's secret being revealed, that would have had a lot more to do with the people's reaction to this news -- you'll have to ask her to see if she'll write it. Unfortunately, I could only tackle a story of this magnitude if I kept it strictly compressed to this small group of people at the center of it all. Anything more would have been too overwhelming! And I'm glad this chapter turned out so well -- it was my favorite to write! Thank you, everyone!!!
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,082 |
Well, Annalina, at one point groobie wanted to write a spin-off story about Cat and her reaction to Superman's secret being revealed, that would have had a lot more to do with the people's reaction to this news -- you'll have to ask her to see if she'll write it. Ha! Funny she'd mention that, isn't it? I saw the whole story in my head, but there's no way I'm putting it side by side with yours. It would pale in comparison!
You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie.
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2009
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I understand it would have been a lot to tackle.
Maybe Groobie you'll feel like it at some point. ;-)
I really loved the story because we don't see often in fics those sides of Lois and Clark's characters. I am thinking about this mature "James" who doesn't act like a kid but like a man with initiative. Or pushing Lois to reveal the secret because she's hurt and mad.
Clark: "They are not old stories, Lois, just new angles" (1x03)
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