Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK - Wrong Clark (213/???)

Wrong Place, Wrong Time, Wrong Clark TOC can be found Here

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Sounds like they're slowly moving forward on the intimate front. In the meantime, Lois STILL believes he arrived on Earth (AN Earth) as an adult and not a mere babe. I did think that her dream was kind of cognitively similar to the NK arc (at least at the end). While she has no residual memory from the NKers arriving, I'm guessing the loss of Superman to war is universal.

Hi, Christina, thanks for commenting.

There may have been some allusions to the NK arc in this part, but they were purely on my side not the characters. Neither of them have any memory nor any knowledge of the NKers.

Lois was trying to rationalize Clark's reason for leaving Rach-El without having all the facts. Since he's so brave and strong (as Superman), perhaps he was leaving for war or mandatory selective service (a logical reason -- in her opinion -- for any young man to become intimate with a woman before leaving for a non-specific time). Krypton is a completely different planet where people fly, therefore Lois's fantasy rationalizations don't have to actually be... rational.

I really need to get to the FDK-FDK-FDK sometime soon…

“Huh? Oh…Lois?” a woman’s voice answered before exploding in a fit of giggles. “Stop it, Clarkie! Don’t you see I’m on the phone?”

“Mayson…?” was the only thing Lois could whisper back into the phone before the receiver fell from her fingers.

No, everything’s not all right. Your girlfriend/fiancée/work wife just had a fit of horniness and needs something to take the edge off.

/cocks eyebrow/

Need. Want. What’s the diff?

Funny aside, “The NeedWant” is the name of the town’s watering hole / brothel in SciFi-Channel’s Defiance.

CLARK: One thousand polar bears and one. One thousand polar bears and two.

Really? Into the phone? Hmm… In case someone’s listening in!

And he ain’t interested in taking the edge off.

So he wouldn’t presume?



Maybe she should invest in a bat? I hear they make specially coated ones in Smallville, to help even with naughty farmboys who climb into Sheriff’s Daughter’s windows.

Wouldn’t it be awkward if she accidentally shot Lex Luthor through the closed front door?
NIGEL: Very awkward, sir. And I just stepped aside after jimmying the lock for Mr. Luthor, too.


CLARK: I can’t say that I have seen Mr. Scardino. No, that scorch mark on my balcony has been there since last summer. A barbecue accident. My girlfriend can’t cook, you know?

Indeed A Metro Club Escort shouldn’t be seen taking walk-in customers.

But he wasn’t trying too! Hence the knocking instead of staying quietly outside like Ralph would do.

‘I missed you’?



Well, she *really* does *need* him.

Him calling her in-heat?

/stares at blank wall/

So he did bring protection?

A completely new meaning!

What? It’s a scientific term for what Superman does.
Dr. KLEIN: And now, would you please do you spin-thingy so I can measure the strain it takes on your clothing?



Don’t think so. He’s not smart enough.
CLARK: Ugh? Ba-na-na? Ugh?

SPENCER SPENCER: No need to speculate. You can read all about it in our next month’s issue. Complete with pictures (only slightly airbrushed).

/starts coughing/

MAYSON: Don’t care.
CAT: No.
LOIS: Oh yesssss!

Well…some things do need to be spelled out.

Awwww…it’s a ‘Honey, I’m home!’ homage from the fifties. Lois really does make a fine housewife. Maybe sometimes a bit desperate

To dance at the edge of the volcano.

Yes, because she wasn’t interested in playing with a pet octopus.

NOR:

Let’s see…what else did he ‘forget’ to tell her? Superman. Virgin. Curse. Cat knowing. Lex. Alternate dimensions. Time travel. Did I forget something?

‘it’ missing?

Some time later…
LOIS: “I meant it was so fast. Can you do it slower?”
CLARK:

But it’s such a nice piece of workmanship!



LOIS: 66!

Actually, there’s quite a lot of people who change in the same room where they sleep, spend their waking hours and also use the facilities.
LEX:
KYLE:
NIGEL: <dead, right?>
MRS. COX: <witness protection?>
MIRANDA: <dead>
TONI: <dead>
Dr. BAINES: <dead>
Hmm…okay not so many people after all…

Really?
LOIS: /marks failing grade on paper/

Oooh! He found a new way to get out of an intimate situation with Lois!

Maybe Lois could be there, too, wearing a silk kimono and hanging off Superman’s arm during the deposition, just to make sure Mayson understood that he was taken?
MASYON: Good, that means Clark is available…

Yes. Such discourse will certainly help raise Superman’s standing in Mayson’s eyes. Also, he’s trying to distract his girlfriend from what he’s going to do with his female associate.

Also, won’t she be cranky if she only gets 45 minutes of sleep that night?

Across the city?

But audacity would, I’m guessing.

The first one would be more like lead to Lois’s Kryptonite. And the second one, well, poor thing, she’ll never get a win that way.

GRAVITY:

Actually, does that mean he’d be allowed to do those sorts of things with other women, too?



Also, Lois accepted this way too happily. Something’s afoot.

Michael

Darth Michael: Thanks for reading and commenting. Sorry this is so late.
CLARK: I knew I shouldn’t have let Jimbo move back in.
JIMBO: What are you talking about? I only *borrow* your apartment when I need privacy. You’re usually OUT.
EW: Actually, *this* Clark was never attracted by Mayson. He has a Lois-track mind.
CAT: /holds out hand/ See, told you! Pay up!

LOIS: /coughs/ No comment.

A) Lois doesn’t want to have to travel all the way to Krypton for some noogie, and B) she doesn’t want to do it in public.
LOIS: Well, not *that* public.

So, which is the Need and which the is Want? /bats eyelashes innocently/
NEED = Required
WANT = Desired
LOIS: You’re not actually supposed to GO to the Arctic to count bears, Clark.

Or it’s the middle of the night and her thoughts go straight to her tongue without censure. One of the two.

CLARK: /holds up finger to interrupt/ Technically, that would fall into the WANT category; so YES, yes I’m interested in that. Should I? Not on Lois’s life!

SHERIFF MAX: We’re having a sale on them this week! Only $5!

Actually, that sounds like a good premise for a short story. You could set it during ‘I’ve Got a Crush on You’.

My only question is what Scardino was doing on Clark’s balcony?

Business has been slow since the club closed.

Different kind of getting off.

CLARK: Um… it’s not? I’m sorry, something must have gotten lost in translation.

That’s NOT what either of them meant!
LOIS: Oooh! Thanks. I forgot about that birthday gift from Lucy last year. Strangely, this year, she only sent me batteries. Hmmm.

Lois isn’t so far gone that her wants have turned into needs.
LOIS: I’m not?

No, him assuming that she required Superman’s services to… um… perhaps I should phrase this differently. Uh… let’s see… that he assumed that she couldn’t get herself out of trouble… er… rescue herself?

Apparently, ER isn’t familiar with the non-booty booty-call.
MEN EVERYWHERE: So, like phone sex?

No. He doesn’t have pockets.

CLARK: I keep forgetting this wouldn’t be our first time.

A quick non-scientific poll shows that 9 out of 10 scientists prefer not to use the term “thingy”.

(translation) CLARK: What do you mean you’re no longer in the mood?

LOIS: I’m not blonde!

LINDA: Sadly, no.

Being that Clark is good at being literal.

Actually, I was going for politeness not any allusions to Wisteria Lane.
LOIS: Dad! Don’t tell me I have another sister out there?!

Ooooh. A virgin sacrifice!
CLARK: That would have to be a ‘born-again-virgin sacrifice’.
LOIS: Sold!

LOIS: I wasn’t?

-- Continuation of response to Darth Michael’s FDK --
While EW may have making an obvious reference to Nor and his cronies, neither Lois nor Clark knows anything about NK, so Kal-El was battling some unknown factor in Lois’s dream.
LOIS: Duh! He flew off and didn’t take me with him, so how would I know what kind of force he was dealing with.

EW:
LOIS: Yeah! What else?

CHING: No, we NK’s prefer to make out dead.
EW: Ooops. Thanks. Fixed.

Well, if he satisfies, that’s all that matters, right?

It is, isn’t it?! That’s why so many people keep trying to sell it to unsuspecting suckers.

Clark really should watch out or one of these days Lois is going to take him up on one of these offers he makes. Oh, wait, she did with the spin-thingy. My bad.

That’s the right one!

Nigel and Dr. Baines are dead. Toni was alive the last time Cat went to interview her. I’ll have to double check to see if she was knocked off after that. It’s been a long story. Mrs. Cox is in “protective custody” not “witness protection”. They’re smart enough not to let her out on her own recognizance.

But he does do it a couple of lines later.
LOIS: /changes grade to B- for delay in sweeping her off her feet./

LOIS: /on telephone later/ Hello, Smallville Bat Company? Do you have any of those green spiked bats left?

LOIS: Ooops. That backfired on us, didn’t it?

MAYSON: Superman’s such a cad.

DP STAFF: Strange, Lois has been really nice today, despite the dark circles under her eyes. Hmmm.

Well, I don’t have them ALL the way across the city from one another, since they always seem to be walking over to each other’s apartments. Only about 10 city blocks. Anyway, if he can hear a call for help across the city, why couldn’t he hear his own alarm clock?

We are talking about chicken-feet Alt-Clark here, you realize.

You mean, Lois would use Kryptonite against Clark to have her way with him? She hasn’t reached the desperate stage yet.
DAN: Call me when she gets there!



LOIS: No.
EW: No.
CLARK: Actually, it’s quiet safe for me to do those things with other women. I just don’t to.
LOIS: /telephone/ Hello, Smallville Bat Company? Could you up my order to 2 bats, please?

Wow, it’s almost as if you’ve read the beginning of Part 214 before it was posted! Nah. EW’s getting predictable again. /sighs/ Need to come up with another fun twist.

Thanks for the giggles!

CLARK:

CLAKR: But it *helps* so much more!

Oh boy. Clark might be in trouble if he shows up.





Maybe he…offered to pay Clark for the pleasure of dating Lois?

Wait, she never opened the gift?

/imagines innocent Lois/







RALPH: She had a head?





CLARK:

Uh-oh?

Indeed!

Umm…yes?



Yes.

CLARK: It worked. She no longer thinks I’m a criminal!



Because they all sound alike?

CLARK: So, no nookie, then?





Oops?



Michael