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T.O.G.o.M. for 2014
By Tank.

“Goodnight, Chief. I’ll have my story all wrapped up before the afternoon press run tomorrow. I just have one more source to check with on my way home.”

Without a look back at her boss Lois Lane hustled into the waiting elevator and left the building. Perry White stared at the spot where, seconds ago, his number one investigative reporter had been. His brow was furrowed and a frown was on his face.

“I just don’t get it, Chief.”

White glanced down at the young gopher, researcher, and photographer who approached from behind him.
“What don’t you get, Jimmy?”

Jimmy Olsen shrugged his shoulders. “Lois, I don’t get Lois. I mean she was closer to Clark than anyone yet, she just keeps going on like nothing has changed.” Olsen shook his head sadly. “I know it’s been months since Clark was killed by that gangster scum Clyde Barrow, but I still miss CK every day. How can she act like it was no big deal?”

“Now, Jimmy,” Perry White clamped his hand on the young man’s shoulder. “You know how Lois gets when things get tough. There’s no doubt that Lois was deeply hurt by Clark’s death, but dealing with emotional trauma is not something that Lois deals with very well. She closes herself off from everyone and just throws herself into her work even more.”

“But is that healthy?”

The older man gave Jimmy a sad smile. “Probably not, but what can we do? It’s Lois, and that’s the way she deals with crisis in her life. Clark was the only one she ever truly confided in. I couldn’t tell you if she’s had any subsequent conversations with any of her family about it since it happened.” White clapped the young man on the back. “All we can do is be there for her if she needs us.”

Jimmy Olsen nodded and walked off, continuing whatever errand he was on when he first stopped. Perry White stood and stared at the closed elevator doors for a few more moments until he sighed, then turned and went back into his office.

^^^^^^^^^^^^

Superman drifted high in the sky of Metropolis. He swept his gaze over the city that he had once thought would be his home for years to come. Alas, fate and circumstance had conspired against him to change that. Once Clark Kent’s life had been taken from him he had to alter his thinking. With no alternate identity to anchor him to the city he loved, he felt a duty to make a full time Superman more available to the rest of the country… and the world. He hadn’t been back to the Big Apricot in several weeks.

There had been a series of natural disasters in the Far East. A tsunami and a couple of earthquakes had occupied much of his time the last several days, and particularly nasty terrorist attack in Paris had garnered his attention. But for all the satisfaction he’d felt at helping so many people he still missed Metropolis and it was good to be back… if only for a short while.

Unconsciously his gaze found the apartment complex that Lois lived in. As it happened, he was watching just as she came home. He could tell by her posture, and her slow movements that she was tired. She’d probably been out canvassing the city and checking her sources for leads for her next big story. He missed that. She would get so excited whenever some tidbit of information lead to something much bigger. He felt an ache in his heart as his eyes followed her all the way into her apartment. She seemed to be doing well.

He had to admit that it had hurt him a bit when she had been able to bounce back so quickly from the loss of her partner. He knew she possessed an affection for him and considered him her best friend, but he’d hoped for more. Apparently that wasn’t true.

She had been distressed over his supposed death. She had thrown herself into bringing his killer to justice as he would have expected of her, but then once the case had been solved and the story written, Lois had moved on to her next story. From what he’d observed she had become a bit more introspective, and withdrawn, but then Lois was never a ‘sharer’.

He wasn’t conceited; he knew that Lois had had a life as a great reporter before he came along, but he’d thought that their partnership might have had a bit of a lingering effect on her. It had only taken her a couple of days to slip back into her old life. It hurt his pride a little to think that the loss of her partner had barely been a speed bump in continued pursuit of the next big story.

Of course, it wasn’t Lois’ fault that he had imagined they’d meant more to each other than she had. An extended sigh escaped from Superman’s lips. As long as she was happy, that’s all he ever wanted for her.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was late when Lois got back to her apartment, and she was beat. She’d spent way too much time running down that last source only to become frustrated by his refusal to confirm what he’d told her earlier.

She slammed the door closed behind her. She was too tired to worry about how this would affect her story tonight. She would deal with it in the morning.

Why was everything so much harder now? It seemed like so much more work to dig up the information she needed for her stories these days. Ever since… well, Clark always had a way to charm their sources with his ‘aw shucks’ naivety and general boy scout manners. Damn him.

Lois quickly changed into her sleep shorts and shirt and marched into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She stared at the reflection in the mirror. There were dark circles under her eyes and a few more frown lines graced her forehead. Luckily her bangs covered most of those.

She reached up and ran her fingers through her short hair. She had cut it shortly after… a few months ago. It wasn’t that she was looking for a new look, or that she thought she’d look better with a shorter do. She just didn’t want to deal with long hair anymore. She wanted a style that was easy. Something that she could wash, towel dry, and with a quick brush be on her way. At first she had tried to trim it herself but that hadn’t turned out too well and had resulted in hair that was shorter than she intended when all was said and done. Still, it just meant that it was that much easier to take care of. It’s not like she was out to impress anyone with her feminine wiles.

After going through her nightime routine, Lois went to her bed and pulled back the covers. She grabbed her notebook and slid under the sheets next to the bedside lamp. She stared at her notes for several minutes but they just blurred under the scrutiny of her tired eyes. With a sigh, she set the pad aside and turned off the light.

And then it happened.

Just like every night, she was so exhausted she should have just been able to drift off in moments, but she couldn’t. Instead her mind dragged her back to that awful night; the night that had changed everything. How dare he let himself die. How could he do that to her.

She knew, intellectually, that it was irrational to blame Clark for his death, but she couldn’t get past her anger. Didn’t he understand what his death would do to her? What his death would do to everyone?

He was her partner, and her best friend. She’d never really had a best friend before. She’d never had a real partner before. And she was pretty certain she never would again.
They had worked well together. It took a bit of time, but she had come to accept that together they were better than they were apart. There were even those moments where she allowed herself to think that she and Clark could be something more… something more than just friends. Perhaps they could be partners in more than just work.

But those dreams were over. Now she was back to being just Lois Lane, solo investigative reporter for the Daily Planet. Everything was just like it was before Clark ever showed up in Metropolis. Even Superman was gone.

Well, he wasn’t completely gone. He did show up on occasion to handle some major disaster or spectacularly villainous plot. But it wasn’t like you could look up into the sky and see him on a daily basis. He didn’t call Metropolis his home anymore. He had decided to share himself with more of the whole world now.

She didn’t know why he had decided to do that, but she had a suspicion that it had something to do with his friendship with Clark. She could tell his passing had hurt the Man of Steel too.

Funny thing was. Lois didn’t really miss Superman. She missed Clark.

Lois slammed her head back into her pillow but she knew that her own mind wasn’t through torturing her yet. She closed her eyes, but the images of Clark falling to the floor next to her with that shocked look on his face continued, as they did every night.

She knew that there were those at the Planet who didn’t understand her reaction. They thought that Lois was cold, and that she hadn’t really cared that much for Clark given how she seemed to move on so quickly and easily with his passing. It certainly hadn’t been easy, but Lois wasn’t the kind of person to sit around wringing her hands in hopeless misery. Clark was gone but she was still here. What else was she supposed to do? The police never found a body and his folks never had a funeral, nor a ceremony of any kind. Without a body and lacking a formal declaration of death she was sure that all of Clark’s estate, including his insurance and other beneficiary papers would be locked in limbo. Why did some people think they were immortal and not prepare for the unthinkable; if only to save their loved ones the grief of dealing with all their undirected affairs?

Shortly after that night, Lois had put together a will, and other directives concerning whatever assets she’d leave behind. Some would say, given her proclivity for getting into dangerous situations, that she should have taken those steps long ago. Apparently Clark hadn’t.
She missed him so much.

Lois was well aware of the so-called stages of grief and she had certainly experienced the initial shock and denial of what had happened right in front of her that night. She even spent some time blaming herself for Clark’s lunkheaded behavior in putting himself between her and Dillinger when the creep made a pass at her. She managed to get over that because she knew Clark, and Clark couldn’t help but act that way. It was who he was.

What she never was able to get past was the anger; the anger and betrayal. He died. He died when he knew that she needed him, that together they could have been something special. Instead all she had now was a job, and a lonely apartment to go home to every night. How could he do this to her, how could he leave her? Damn him.

She wanted to hate him for what he had done. She wanted to curse his name and wipe his memory from her mind forever. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t because she didn’t hate him, she couldn’t hate him.

Her eyes snapped open. She couldn’t hate him because… she loved him.

Suddenly the dam broke. She hadn’t shed a single tear since the first night of the shooting but now tears began to pour from her eyes and deep heart wrenching sobs wracked her body. Oh god, she loved him. She loved him like she had loved no one else her entire life and he was gone. She would never be able to experience that fairy tale, happy ever after ending that she just now realized would have been possible with Clark.

Tears streamed harder and faster down her cheeks. She had trouble catching her breath. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have not realized what had been right in front of her until it was too late… until it was gone.
She was startled from her delayed devastation by a tapping at her window. It took a couple of moments to realize what that was. Mostly it was the shadow of a man hanging in mid-air outside of her apartment that brought her around to coherency, but it didn’t help her confusion.

She stood and shakily walked to her window and pulled back the curtain.

“Superman?” She pushed the window open and stepped back as the brightly clad figure floated into her bedroom. “What are you doing here?”

“I was passing through on a quick patrol and I heard you crying.” He looked uncomfortable. “Is everything alright?”

Lois walked back over and sat on the edge of her bed. “Superman, you, of everyone else in this world, should know that everything is not alright; that it will never be alright.”

He took a step toward her, his face a mask of pain. “Is there anything I can do?”

She shook her head. “No.”

The tears started to flow again and even though Lois hated to appear weak in front of others, she couldn’t stop. Between sobs she began to confide in Superman the epiphany she had come to this evening. At some point during her tearful confessions he had sat down beside her and put his arm around her shoulder.
When she had finally reigned in her emotions to just an occasional hiccup and had wiped her cheeks dry with the palms of her hands she was able to look up into his face. A face that wore an expression of shock.

“Oh, Lois, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I never realized.”

Now Lois was confused. “Didn’t realize what?”

The superhero stood up and stared at his feet. She could see that he seemed to pull himself together, like he was getting himself ready for an unpleasant task. He turned toward her.

“I need to tell you some things.”

Fin.