It hit her during dinner.
There they were, digging into some lovely fettuccini Alfredo that Clark had made, sitting comfortably on the sofa, when Lois dropped her fork as she remembered something she had seen in the journal.
Shelby came over to inspect if anything had dropped by Lois’ feet for her. Lois absently shooed the dog away, picking up the fork and took it to the kitchen, a disturbing thought beginning to form.
She wanted to see that journal again. One of the symbols she had seen amid the pages and pages of oddities… had looked just like the symbol the Blur had been leaving all over Metropolis lately. It hadn’t registered at the time, as she had been quickly overcome by her strange dreams. But now, looking back, she couldn’t help asking herself why Clark would have a journal that referenced the Blur?
“Lois? Are you okay?” Clark asked from the living room.
“Yeah, fine Smallville. Just getting another fork,” she said absentmindedly, still standing in the dark kitchen holding a new fork as thoughts churned through her head like a minefield.
Again, flashes of memory came back to her. Something about the red sun being turned yellow again, and Clark being able to defeat Zod…?
The pieces were there, like parts of a puzzle, yet she couldn’t quite fit them together into the proper mosaic. What did it all mean?
She was taking longer than she should in the kitchen to fetch a new fork, and Clark was asking for her again.
“I’m right here, Smallville!” she said irritably, coming back into the living room. She knew that Clark knew something about all of this that he wasn’t telling her. She wondered if that’s why he was being nice to her… maybe it had nothing to do with their sometimes-flirtatious relationship… maybe—maybe he was trying to get answers as well.
Lois, who never was one to back out of a fight, decided she’d face this head on. She knew that Clark knew something… about the Blur at least, if not about her strange three weeks and subsequent flashbacks. And that tantalizing possibility sent her back to the sofa, reaching for the remote to put it on mute, getting Clark’s attention.
“Clark, can we talk?” she said, sitting on the footstool in front of him, ostensibly blocking his view of the television. “You weren’t watching that anyway, right?” she said, waving behind her in the vague direction of the television.
“Sure, Lois. Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m fine… well, sort of fine. I mean—“ she took a breath to calm herself. She looked at Clark, her best friend. She trusted him implicitly, yet she was now starting to see that there was more to Clark Kent than met the eye. Again, she saw the hero in her dream and tried to reconcile him to the man who was keeping something from her. She let out another sigh as she braced herself to talk to him.
“Clark, I need you to be honest with me,” she began calmly. “I saw that journal in the loft… The symbols… “
“What jour—“ he began, but she raised her hand to stop him from spinning a lie.
“Please, Clark. I know what I saw… and one of the symbols was that of the Blur,” she said steadily, searching his eyes for confirmation. “What I want to know is---“
“Lois---“ he began at the same time, an ashen look of panic beginning to settle across his feature.
“Let me finish,” she said and after a moment, he nodded in concession. “Why do you have the Blur’s journal?”
“The Blur’s---“ he began, seemingly confused.
She set aside both of their plates of fettuccine, as Clark was done eating and she no longer had an appetite. “Did you take it from him? You know who he is, don’t you? And you kept that from me!” she said, pointing her finger at him. “How could you, Clark?”
“Lois—I—“
She crossed her arms, clearly upset. “I mean, I understand we need to protect his identity. And I wouldn’t want to put him in any danger, but Clark—there have been plenty of times where I could have used your back up in defending the Blur!” She paused and sighed, calming just a bit. “I guess I should give you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you were just protecting him like you try to protect m---“ She cut herself off hastily and shook her head, coming to her point. “But why do you have a journal that clearly belongs to the Blur?”
Clark gave her a long look. She could see in his eyes that he was debating what to tell her. “Well---he gave it to me.”
Her eyes went wide. “So you do know who he is!”
She watched as Clark’s cheeks flushed red and he shrugged. “Well, you know how important keeping his identity secret is…”
“Yes, but Clark! That journal---it was fascinating! A whole language, a whole culture—it was as if-“ she paused in her thoughts and then looked at Clark, thinking better of what she had to say.
“It’s as if what, Lois?” Clark quietly prodded, his blue eyes searching her brown ones.
The memories were back… Zod… an alien race… Clark---
“The Blur isn’t meteor infected, is he, Clark?” she asked quietly.
“Why would you say that, Lois?” Clark said, and Lois could hear the false levity in his voice. “Obviously someone with his powers—“
She shook her head. “He’s an alien… I know, because I’ve seen them in the future.”
~\S/~
Those words hung between them for a long time.
Clark felt like he was teetering on the edge of a precipice. Lois was so close to figuring it all out. It was as if he was taking a peek over a forbidden fence, seeing how Lois would react to learning he was an alien.
As she looked at him, Clark had that sensation that he got sometimes with Lois that she could see right through him. Part of him wanted her to see through him—not only would be easier to ask about her visions-- He needed to know what would happen in the future…But another part of him thrilled at the idea that Lois could accept him-- all of him-- if she knew the truth.
However, he couldn’t seem to get the words to form, oddly fascinated by watching her put together what she did understand.
“Just tell me it isn’t Zod,” she suddenly breathed, horror written on her face. “I couldn’t bear it to learn that Zod was really the Blur,” she shuddered.
“No, it’s not Zod,” he quickly reassured her.
“Wait, you know who Zod is?” she asked fearfully. “Clark, what else aren’t you telling me?”
Clark stared at her another moment, debating how much he wanted to skirt around the truth and yet still answer her questions. “Zod… he---well, he comes from the same planet as the Blur,” he began cautiously.
She looked at him, a newly determined look on her face. “Clark—I know it’s dangerous to know who the Blur is—but these visions--- Clark, what if I’ve seen the future? We have to stop what’s to come. I have to tell the Blur about what I saw—he’s the only one that can save us, don’t you see?”
“Lois—“ he said, pained, his conscience torn. Telling Lois the truth, he realized, would put Lois at too much risk, and he wasn’t willing to do that. With her knowledge of the future and knowing he’s the Blur, both Zod and Tess would be after her in no time.
“Can you tell me what you saw?” he asked gently. “I—can get the message to the Blur,” he bent the truth once more, the words feeling like Kryptonite in his mouth. He felt like he was manipulating her, and he thought he’d had enough of manipulation over the last few years with Lana. The last thing he wanted to do was perpetuate the cycle.
She nodded, moving to sit next to him on the sofa. “The memories are becoming clearer, each time I—black out,” she began.
“Tell me.”
She nodded and got comfortable on the sofa, taking a pillow onto her lap, not looking at him.
“The sun is red… and there’s a tower that I think Tess built,” she began in a subdued tone, closing her eyes. As she spoke, Clark’s arm came around her, gently stroking her upper arm, encouraging her to continue, and she leaned into it, his strength bracing her to face the strange images of her mind.
His close proximity made her throat tighten with tears. She had needed this confession. The headaches were not present, and she relaxed as she relayed what she remembered about Zod and Tess.
“…And then… you were there,” she almost whispered, emotion catching in her throat. “You—you told Zod to take your life for mine,” she opened her eyes and turned to him, both of them surprised to find her eyes wet with tears.
“Lois, it’s okay,” he whispered back and pulled her into his arms for a hug.
Lois, who rarely cried, wept on Clark’s shoulder, partly for the terror of what may come, and partly because she wished that Clark of the future was with her now. A Clark who could love her…
But she didn’t think he was ready for love yet, still licking the wounds that Lana had left behind.
She sat up a little, the tears subsiding, and she wiped her cheeks. “But Clark, the worst part of it all was—the Blur was dead,” she said with finality, tears choking her speech once more. “That’s why he has to know what I saw—maybe he can---“
“Lois—he wasn’t dead,” Clark interrupted at her distress, but then stopped, realizing he couldn’t explain without telling her the truth—that a red sun would take away his powers.
“How do you know?” came the inevitable question.
“Because---because I just don’t believe he could be, that’s all. Lois, how do you know this wasn’t just a dream or some manipulation by Tess?”
“Because it was real, Clark. As real as you and I---“ her mind flashed to an image of her and Clark, making love and she felt her cheeks flush red. “It was real, Clark,” she breathed.
He nodded, believing the raw emotion he saw written on her face. After all, he knew the power of the Legion ring better than anyone. But what scared him was the fact that Lois now believed these images were really of the future. It was only a matter of time before she figured out his secret.
For himself, he was beginning to think it wouldn’t be so terrible if she knew. She accepted the Blur for who he was… but if she had that knowledge, she would be in greater danger than ever.
“Here, Lois. Just take it easy, okay? Let’s watch a movie and take our minds off things.”
She nodded, still shaken up by her confessions and still curious about the Blur’s journal in Clark’s possession.
Clark settled back into the sofa, and Lois made herself comfortable as Clark flipped through channels.
“How about Lethal Weapon?”
“Sure, give me an action flick any day over visions of aliens taking over the Earth,” she joked, an attempt to lighten the mood.
As they watched the movie, they slowly drifted towards each other, until Lois again found herself in the crook of Clark’s arm, which he had slung over the top of the sofa. She settled in there, by his side… until she finally drifted to sleep.
~\S/~
Lois couldn’t believe the events of the day. Clark, willing to die for her. Ollie and Chloe coming to their rescue. And the utter animosity between Chloe and Clark. None of it made any sense. All she knew was that she was in a new world, defined by new rules… and new emotions.
Clark obviously cared for her more than she had known. Their comfortable flirtations had barely skirted into romantic territory, except for the almost-kiss before Lana had showed up at Chloe’s wedding. But this new Clark---he took her breath away with the intensity of his emotions.
After escaping with their lives from the former Luthor manor, the crew had settled into an abandoned level of apartments, just below the old clock tower for the night. It was one of the few places left in the city where the Kandorians hadn’t taken over. Lois had talked with Chloe for a few minutes alone, trying to understand the mistrust she had developed for Clark. Chloe had been vague and unreasonable, hinting that if Lois could only understand one thing about Clark, she would know why Chloe was so upset. Yet Chloe had refused to divulge that one thing, making it impossible for Lois to understand how her farm boy partner could be responsible for an alien invasion.
So Lois decided to go to the source, and talk to Clark.
She found him in his own room, wiping the blood and sweat from the day off his face, his chest bare to his waist as he leaned over a bowl of water. He looked like a warrior from a time long ago, doing his ablutions in the golden radiance of the setting red sun.
He was so beautiful. Despite whatever had transpired between him and Chloe, Lois knew he was a good man. And he had defended her against Zod. That moment in the library, more than anything, gave her the courage to come to his room tonight.
“Are you okay?” he asked quietly when he saw her standing in the doorway.
"Define okay," she said in a strained voice, the stress of the day showing. "So far today I've traveled through time, fought a flying alien and almost got my head chopped off." Lois closed the door and made her way over to Clark. "But, despite all those things, one thing I can't believe ... I can't believe you and Chloe aren't friends anymore."
Clark turned away from Lois, maybe hurt at the accusation he found in her eyes. "I turned my back on her," he said, seeming to struggle with some emotion. His next words were layered with tears and regret, throwing Lois’ heart into further confusion. "Lois, after you disappeared, I couldn't be around Oliver or Chloe. It reminded me of you and that hurt too much."
Lois didn’t understand where his strong emotions were coming from, but she felt drawn to him in a way she had never felt before or at least, had never acknowledged. She quietly made her way over to him, watching him carefully.
"So, I left ... and trained myself to fight Zod."
"Clark," she whispered, coming closer to him. "What did you mean about having a history with him?"
"Let's just say I made some mistakes," he said, turning back to face her, his words laced with self-recrimination.
Lois didn’t understand why he blamed himself for their current situation. All she could see was Clark who was known for being guilt-ridden over the silliest things, seeming to take the weight of the world upon his shoulders, a burden she didn’t think he deserved. “Clark, stop beating yourself up,” she said, no longer able to watch him berate himself when all this couldn’t possibly have been his fault.
"You're not alone in this. The truth is, we could all die tomorrow," she said, tears constricting her throat. She didn’t understand how she ended up here, in this time and in this place, but she knew that whatever happened, she wanted to hold onto the way that Clark had looked at her this afternoon. The way he was looking at her now---like she was his whole world.
"Lois, I died when you left," he whispered, his voice strangled with feeling.
She stepped closer, daring to lay her hand on his chest, emboldened by the acceptance she read in his eyes. "I'm here now," she whispered as he leaned down to kiss her.
Lois didn’t know if they would have more than this night together with Zod on their heels, but Clark’s lips touching hers filled her with need, and she tasted his as well. If he thought he was the only one that could save them from Zod, then he would need strength to see him through tomorrow’s fight. And she intended to give him that strength.
Lois leaned into the kiss, letting him take her as he may as instinct took over. She would be what she could for him tonight, and as women have for centuries, she would make love to him in the hopes that the love they created would be enough to buoy him to fight the darkness to come.
As Clark kissed her, she felt a connection to him to her toes, one that she had never imagined possible. Kissing Ollie had never been like this, all consuming and all enveloping. She felt Clark’s fingers on her shirt, as he suddenly ripped it open. As their passion grew, Lois felt desperate to get closer to him; she needed him as much as he seemed to need her. Her own fingers roamed over his chest, and she only absently wondered why she had never noticed how well built he was before. She knew he was strong, but feeling the planes of that strength taught beneath her fingers was another thing all together.
He had been through so much, and this much more vulnerable Clark touched her heart in a way she never thought possible. She would be his solace tonight, and whether or not they survived this world, they would forever have this moment between them, a meeting of destined souls that was in the wrong time and place, yet felt right all the same.
Somehow, they found themselves on the bed, wrapped in each other’s arms as each sought to kiss, hold, feel. Lois marveled at how gentle Clark was, despite all of his strength and urgency. At one point, he looked in her eyes and smiled, the look of openness and love there searing her to her soul. This moment, out of time, a glimpse of the future, would remain with her forever, no matter what the dawn would bring.
~\S/~
The next morning, still wrapped in each other’s arms, Lois woke just as the red streaks of early morning sunlight lay across the floor. Somehow, during the night, after their passion had subsided, she had ended up spooning Clark, protecting him from all the blame he laid on himself, and shielding him from the dangers that would surely come.
Lazily, she reached over him, her fingers dancing over the planes of his chest. The unease of what was to come today would not abate, yet she was surprised to feel comforted by what she had shared with Clark. She had meant to offer solace, and yet she had found it in his arms for herself. But she knew it could not last… Zod was still at war with their planet…
Restless, yet not wanting to wake Clark just yet, she slid from the bed, taking a sheet with her. The cool cotton of the sheet contrasted with the warm rays of the early morning sun. She made her way to the balcony, looking out across a Metropolis that she no longer recognized, a place that was no longer home.
Welcomed, yet unexpected, she felt Clark’s arms come around her waist. She melted into his touch, memories of their night together sending sensations of pleasure rippling through her body.
She felt his breath on her neck as he whispered huskily, “I wish we had more time.”
She reached up to touch his jaw, turning in his embrace as her eyes met his. Yes, they both wished they had more than just this moment. They leaned into each other, kissing, sharing an echo of the passion they had created the night before.
This moment might be all they would ever have…
~\S/~
Lois had fallen asleep sometime during the last hour of the movie. Her head was cradled under Clark’s arm, her breathing quiet and steady. Clark shut off the TV and turned slightly to look at her, yet carefully, so as not to disturb her slumber. He reached over to brush her hair back from her forehead as he studied her face.
She trusted him. And he knew that with Lois Lane, her trust wasn’t to be taken lightly.
Yet look at all the ways he had betrayed it, either through lies or omissions of the truth. Yet since she had unburdened some of her heart to him tonight, she seemed to be sleeping more peacefully. Maybe the horrors of a world overrun by aliens—his people, he was loath to remind himself—maybe those dreams didn’t haunt her this night.
He should get to bed---or better yet, to the Fortress. Maybe Jor-El could fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle Lois had laid out for him. That is, if his Kryptonian father wasn’t angry with him for rejoining human society. The Fortress had been quiet since his return to the Planet…
The idea that he shouldn’t belong in normal human society grated on him; he didn’t like the idea of being above others in order to protect humanity. In fact, when he looked back on his life so far, he thought he had been happier and more successful at protecting others when he felt human, when he lived and loved right alongside them.
And especially with Lois.
Even as the Blur she accepted him, no questions asked, because she knew he intended to do the right thing. She had no idea though, how much her belief in the Blur helped direct his moral compass. He often found himself asking, ‘Would Lois still see the Blur as a hero if I did this?’ And if the answer was no, he would always find another way.
He didn’t remember a specific moment when he knew that Lois was meant to be more than just his friend.
Maybe it was an accumulation of little moments, that all added up to a person and a connection that he realized he didn’t ever want to live without.
Maybe it had been one of her quirky comments that she’d say at an uncanny moment, cutting through his self-doubt.
Maybe it was the way she never gave up on any of them, even when she was frightened for herself.
Maybe it was the way she trusted him, even when she was angry with him, like she had been tonight.
Maybe it had been the way she had let him hold her after she had broken up with Oliver and had cried on his shoulder.
...or the way she had let him hold her while she cried on his shoulder tonight.
It was past midnight, and they both had to be at the Planet early tomorrow. But he couldn’t bear to leave her out here on the sofa, alone in the drafty living room.
There were three rooms upstairs, including the guest room that had been her room once upon a time. He didn’t want to wake her, though. If she had managed to keep Zod at bay in her dreams, he wanted to let her sleep.
So, as gently as he could, he scooped her up in his arms, her head lolling towards his shoulder. Had he never noticed how beautiful she was, especially vulnerable like this in his arms? She snuggled in closer to him, and he thought she whispered his name, a quiet sigh on her lips.
Clark carried her quietly up the stairs as he entertained all sorts of thoughts about Lois in his arms he had never let himself think about before.
Besides the wayward thoughts that holding a soft, vulnerable Lois had conjured, he wondered what would happen if he told her he was the Blur? Would she still trust him? Or would that trust be ruined from all of his lies over the years?
And, if she did accept him, was it selfish of him to want to tell her? Would she be put in danger by virtue of having that knowledge?
He sighed. He couldn’t tell her, as much as he fantasized about unburdening his soul to her, he couldn’t do that to her.
He stepped into the guest room, the light from the hallway shining the way to the bed. Suddenly, her eyes drifted open.
“Smallville?” she asked, still half asleep.
“I’m here, Lois. Go back to sleep,” he whispered, laying her down on the bed and tucking her into the covers.
She unexpectedly reached up her hand to cup his cheek. He was so startled by the movement, that he didn’t flinch, but just watched her to see what she would do.
“I wish we had more time, too, Smallville. But we’ll always have the memory of last night,” she murmured, her eyes half open.
Clark had no idea where that sentiment had come from, nor the rush of sensation her feathery fingers had on his senses.
But her hand just as suddenly fell onto the covers, just as her eyes drifted shut and she fell back asleep.
Clark left the room quietly, standing in the doorway, watching her sleep.
Maybe it had been tonight.
Maybe it was this moment that made him realize the truth.
Maybe he had known all along…
Clark loved her.
