Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: Happy Ending! or, Circle of Fate 14/14

Very nice, Nan. I wasn't sure how you'd handle this -- any scene with eight people interacting is tough, even without the emotional undercurrents.

Excellent way to sum it up. And lots of little hints about things that make me want to go back and re-read the whole thing <g>

The very ending seemed a little abrupt. I wouldn't mind a little more cuddling, or conversation, or something. Maybe something about how his memories of Lois have been getting a little fuzzy, and in his mind she was looking more Lori-like, or something. I dunno.

Overall, though, this was very satisfying and I loved this story. Get it up on the archive soon, please -- I want to get the whole file in one place for easier re-reading

PJ

That's why I asked for comments, Pam. I'm not completely happy with it and intend to take suggestions on how to improve it before it goes to the Archive.

Nan

Nan,

I don't know what you are worrying about. My wife and I think you've finished this story beautifully.

I look forward to seeing the whole story on the Archive.

SNL.

PS. I can't wait to the fo9kkow uo to find out what Lori has.

PPS, Now you've finished this story, when are we getting the next part of "Mother's Day"? You're keeping us waiting too long.

With best regards,

SNL

A great fan of your stories.

Nice wrap up

Jose

Very nice. Don't know how I would improve it.
james

I don't know who got in before I added a little or not. Anyway, I made a slight change, and would appreciate comment on how well it works.

Nan

I'm not sure how this was before the change, but I think it's just perfect. Absolutely and totally perfect.

Beautiful!!

Irene

I loved it Nan. Teared up on the train home and everything. Maybe I'm a sap but whatever

Great story overall!

~Liz

I guess there must be something very satisfying about knowing that you will be eternally with the person you love, your soul mate.

No wonder there was no weirdness or jealousy on Lori or Lois' part. To meet a future version of yourself, albeit WEIRD....and know that the man you loved will still love you...

It was sad thinking about Clark seeing his folks again....Very sad to know you're going to outlive everyone....even Lori, some day.

I think I would like to see a vignette of Lois packing up CJ's birthday present as an older woman, knowing that even when she would pass on, she would rise again as Lori.

Great story. Loved it!

I would have liked very much to see more emotion between Clark and his first family -- I expected more from the interaction with the woman he was married to for 50+ years -even if he's with her incarnation now, I still felt like that was cheated -- some thing like "I loved you all our lives, and I'm still loving you now, etc." BUT mostly, I needed more emotion between Clark and Martha/Jonathan and CJ and Lois. Seeing a parent who is dead in current time must be like reopening an old wound, and they were a bit too flippant to be believable --that would have been a highly charged emotional moment.

That being said, I loved this story and am *still* looking forward to more "Mother's Day".

Great story Nan.

Hmm wonder what's in the box for Clark, and why he can't open yet...

Guess I'll just have to wait for the sequel to find out.

Janine

Thanks for the comments, everyone. I've taken advice from several sources and made some revisions. I'd appreciate comments on them if you have the time.

Nan

Well, I've read it again, and this time it seemed to flow better, but I can't quite nail down where the changes are, which is the sign of a truly talented writer!

I was surprised by the lack of emotion as well, but we have to realize that several decades has passed since Martha and Jonathan passed away, and at least a couple has passed since Lois died, thus, IMO, lessening the impact.


And yes, , would be a perfect addition to this story.

James

Nan - this was fabulous - as always!!! I too would love to see Lois packing it all up and getting ready to give it to John. Can't wait to see what she packed for Clark [perhaps write the vignette and give subtle hints for us to try to guess and then, of course, reveal it fully in the next in this series [which I know there will be ]]. Just a thought.

I too would love to see an extended scene of pizza eating with Clark and his parents and Bernie and of course Lois.

Yay for Lois pushing Lori towards him - a potentially awkward moment for them quickly resolved. And yay for Lori telling Clark to kiss Lois!

I actually read this yesterday while my students were taking a quiz and had to come back and reread it today to absorb it all again. Can't wait to see it on the archive!

Carol [running back into her cave]

Nan

An excellent wrap-up! I love it and look forward to finding out what Lois packed for Clark.

Tricia

Thanks to everyone to took the time to comment. I very much appreciate any and all constructive criticism. It helps me to pinpoint weak spots and places that need further expansion or revision, and makes for a better story.

I hope people will re-read it when it hits the Archive. I have made several changes, that I think will be noticeable to people who read it the first day (not so much for those who read it the next day) and I think it improved the story from its original form.

Nan

Don't worry, I'll read it again -- probably many times As soon as it gets up on the archive, anyway... any guesses as to when that will be?

PJ

Well, I finished revising it and sent it to Labrat, so I guess it will be up as soon as she sends it to an editor and he or she gets finished with it, and it gets to the head of the line. How's that for a run-on sentence?

Nan