Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Feedback - Cheese of the Month - Part 3

Loved it! Loved it!! Loved it!!!

Poor Clark! Great characterisation of a very angry Lois. Love her regurgitation of all the bad excuses that Clark has given her.

More? Soon? Please????

Irene

Loved how Clark used Lois' obvious love for him to buy him more time. Must have been some kiss.
This is great!

c

Is it just me, or are these sections way too short?

I think my favorite bit was where Lois noticed that the "L" of her name is forming in Clark's mouth but doesn't give him the chance to say it <g>

So, is she going to find him out, or will she have to wait til he shows up in the evening?

PJ

See, I would have just told her. A quick "Lois, the important thing I had to tell you is that I'm Superman and I have to go right now to rescue a derailed train," would have done just fine. That way he's kept his promised to tell her the important thing, and he's provided a reason for his quick departure. Honesty and keeping promises are always a good idea. Mind you, "I love you," is pretty honest, too.

BTW, I have no idea who Vanna White is, so the comparison meant nothing to me. It's worth considering whether you want to include references like this, knowing that they'll always be meaningless to at least part of your audience. Better, sometimes, to use more generic descriptions.

Yvonne

Same here.

I loved this part!

Andreia

Yes, as usual, I still haven't found the free time to catch up with this one - sorry, Susan! And, as usual, when I'm intrigued by a new story but have no time to read it, I read the comments folder instead as the next best thing.

So, just had to comment on the Vanna White thing, because I have the completely opposite viewpoint on it. I love this kind of thing. I actually do know who VW is, but there are often non-UK references in stories that elude me. This used to be a source of frustration for me, but the advent of the internet changed all that.

Now, if I hit something I don't know in a story, I just Google it. And I love that. I've learned so much trivia, found out so much interesting information that way over the years, that I might never have explored otherwise. So it's a source of great fun for me these days, this kind of thing and I'd be deprived of a great source of entertainment if they were deleted from stories.

Just a thought, from a different perspective, to confuse the heck out of things.


LabRat

I'm with Yvonne. Clark took precious seconds away from the rescue to kiss Lois and say "I love you, Lois Lane." He could have taken the one extra second needed to say "I'm Superman." Lois, being Lois, would have found out about the train and known he wasn't lying and that he really was committed to telling her the truth.

Still, love the story - and I too think the sections are too small.

See, maybe he wants to be around to control her reaction when he tells her? After all, if he has to rush away immediately to a rescue, how does he know what she'll do? Okay, he knows Lois well enough by now to be confident that she wouldn't splash his secret identity on the front page of the Planet, but what if in her shock - and anger at being deceived - she says something she shouldn't in the hearing of someone else?

Even if she's more disciplined than that, by leaving her alone with the revelation he could be giving her lots of time to stew and come up with lots of reasons why she's really angry and disappointed in him. I'd think that he'd prefer to stay around and draw off her anger and take the time to explain everything properly. Just MHO!

Another great part, Susan - but I have to echo Pam and Jeff and say that these sections really are way too short! :p

Looking forward to the next part...


Wendy

I believe that one of the major factors that usually leads Lois to anger upon the revelation that Clark is Superman is the anger she feels towards herself for not having figured it out. It insults her intelligence and pride as a top journalist to have a huge story slip past her undetected. Not that she'd publish the story, of course, but the fact that she was blind to the story in the first place. I'm going to give her a chance to investigate Clark and see where that path leads.

I didn't think about the global perspective on Vanna White. Wheel of Fortune has been around so long that she's ingrained in American culture, and I like the visual image I have of her in my head of the little hand wave she does when she's showing off a prize. How about this line as a compromise? "She threw open the door and gestured as Vanna White would, a game show hostess offering the room's seclusion as if it were a prize." That allows those who know the gesture I'm referring to to capture the visual image, but would others follow along with the meaning.

Sorry the parts are short, but it's the FAQ's fault! It says that you're likely to generate more posts on a short story by breaking it up...I guess it's working! Maybe I'll be nice and post the next part in two days instead of three. Susan

I give Clark credit for stepping up and telling Lois that he loves her before he runs off. Plus he makes the promise that he'll explain everything that night. At least Lois knows there is an answer for her in the near future.

Lois, who is so in character, decides that Clark's profession of love and promise of an answer for his excuses isn't satisfied. She's going to investigate. Go Girl!

Susan, I personally don't think that
will work because it takes the reader away from the story.

It's an interesting problem. Vanna White has become a popular culture icon over the last fifteen years (or more) in North America. She's the gorgeous blonde who does nothing but turn letters on the game board and show off prizes. Gave vacuous a new name.

But explaining the reference seems to take away the strength of the metaphor you're trying to make. At least I think so. Would I say the same thing if it was a UK or Aussie reference? I'm not sure. But I'd be curious to know who this Vanna White was.

Oh well, I think I've been no help whatsoever here. Think I'll go read Nan's Circle of Fate

gerry

YES!

Where's the rest? I am at college two days and thought it would all be posted now?

~Lois Lane Wanna Be

Hmm... we need to edit that, I think!

PJ

Thanks for your input, Gerry. What do others think about the Vanna problem? Any solutions? I personally liked it best the way I wrote it, but I'd hate to allienate the rest of the world - the U.S. does that all by itself without my help (end political commentary). Susan

Susan, you didn't alienate me. I just drew a complete blank on the image, when you clearly wanted to paint a very vivid image. I think your modification works, speaking as someone who *doesn't* know the lady in question, but I think it would read even more smoothly if you left her name out completely. Sorry! I imagine for those who know her, the opposite is true - leave in the name, omit the explanation.

But this is a tiny point and not really worth getting hung up on. The story is lovely, even if I still want to beat Clark over the head with a big stick for not telling her. I don't buy Wendy's damage limitation argument, because he causes just as much damage by not telling her. Don't mind me, though - this kind of thing always brings out the worst in me. I'll shut up now and just enjoy.

Yvonne

Hi,

Great part.

Just caught up with this story, and I'm loving it!

Regarding VW: I didn't know who she is, but I didn't mind the comparison. I just visualized a very 'majestic' gesturing towards the room. And I have to agree with Gerry: correcting the reference in that way is just a throwoff.

Also, I'm with Wendy on telling her vs. not telling her he's Superman; I can't imagine him telling her and then dashing off for the rescue. He'd be so stressed anticipating her reaction that he'd probably run up against a wall or something No, I think he would like to take his time explaining everything, so this part worked perfectly for me

Eagerly waiting for the next chapter!
Anna

You could solve this kind of dilemma by putting in an author's note either at the start or end (if you want to avoid any potential spoilers) of the story. Just a short couple of lines explaining who Vanna White is. I've done that before and I'm sure other authors have too. "For those not in the US, Vanna White is a gameshow hostess..." etc.

But, if a reader really doesn't understand a reference like this, is it really that much of a hassle to quickly Google it and find out? It seems a shame not to when the technology is there at your fingertips, and authors can't accomodate all nations/peoples with their references, all the time. I think if I was so curious about a reference I didn't understand that it took me out of the story I'd be intrigued enough to look it up.

LabRat

Ahhhh

I'm laughing one second and then completely engrossed and excited to see what will happen the next.

The characterization is perfect

~nicole

Great part! Ditto to what they said. More soon. Laura (midnight your time huh?:-) Laura