Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Off Topic The mysteries of attraction (or Why, Oh Why????)

This is from today's USA Today.

Isn't this man a darling? Drew Peterson, 54, is suspected of having something to do with his former (and 23-year-old) wife's disappearance. Now this man, 54, is engaged to another 23-year-old. Isn't he disgusting? And what do the 23-year-old women see in him? Where is the barf emoticon?

Ann

Well, I have to say that I'd be wary of trying people in the media. Peterson may be suspected of all manner of things by the US police, but he's never been convicted, far as I know. In fact, the police seem to talk a lot about his guilt, but seem to have so little evidence they haven't even brought charges, let alone tried the man.

There's a huge degree of difference between a suspect and a criminal. Simply because the police say someone is guilty of something don't make it necessarily so. That's why we have trials and juries and evidence. And until this man is tried and convicted by a jury on solid evidence, he's innocent and entitled to make as much out of his life as he can, just like the rest of us.

Some sobering of thought and a degree of caution about leaping to judgement might occur when thinking about the family of JonBenet Ramsay, whose lives were ruined by the police telling everyone for decades that they killed their daughter, whispers, speculation and people who knew nothing about the case beyond what they read in the papers sending them hate mail. It was only recently that the police accepted that they had been entirely wrong and they had no involvement.

So, for myself, I tend to go with hard evidence - not media smears from a press and police who have a vested interest in finding a scapegoat in the absence of a real trial.

As for the age difference - again, I can't comment on their relationship because I know nothing about it. If they have a genuine love and affection for each other and within the obvious legalities, I say who the hell cares what ages they are? If they're happy together, good luck to them.

There are far too many people in the world trying to find reasons why people can't be with the one they love.

LabRat

I can't comment on the story. However, I learned long, long ago that I can't make any comments on couples and age differences. Not when my step-mother is 5 years older than I am. People love who they love, age be damned.

Labby and Karen are right. You can't just go by the age difference. It might gross out some of us, but I've known some men in their early 50's who've married women in their late 20's or early 30's, and most of those seem to be solid marriages from my viewpoint (which is, of course, that of an outside observer).

And you can't condemn someone because of media reports. If we did, then the Duke lacrosse team members who were falsely accused of raping a woman two years ago would be rotting in jail right now. But her her story was proven false, the prosecutor who went after those innocent young men has resigned his post and has been judicially punished, and the reporters who "convicted" the accused in print and on the air have lost a great deal of credibility. Being accused of something does not mean that the accused is guilty or even involved.

And the age difference isn't a major factor either. As long as both parties are legally of age, and assuming there are no other legal entanglements, there's no moral or legal reason for them not to marry.

But in the case of Drew Peterson, Ann has a valid point. Not only is he a "person of interest" in his previous wife's disappearance, that woman was his fourth wife. At least one previous wife died under mysterious circumstances, and as far as I am aware he can't legally marry his fifth wife yet because - according to him - his fourth wife Stacey is simply a runaway. He would have to divorce Stacey to marry number five, and that's difficult when there's no way to notify the wife of any impending legal moves. And that would be true whether she's dead or just in hiding.

Whether he's a very careful killer (he's an ex-cop who knows how the police operate) or just a man who drives women to run away and hide from him, I would think that he'd be alone for the rest of his life. But he must be some kind of charmer, since this girl knows what the media reports have said about him but she's obviously involved with him anyway. I would think that the notoriety alone would have put her off.

He doesn't look like a charmer to me. But then, being a man, I just don't understand women.

Thanks for defending me, Terry. Obviously I wouldn't have posted anything about this if Drew Peterson had simply divorced his wife, 23, and married another 23-year-old. Live and let live, I agree... but if one of Peterson's former wives has disappeared and another one has died, then maybe we are talking about a man who is not just marrying women much younger than himself, but maybe he's also bringing every other wife of his extremely bad luck!

Ann

He doesn't 'look' that charming to me. Personally, I'd be a little leery of marrying someone who'd had 4 previous marriages where the wife died or disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Whether he did it or not, I wouldn't want to become mysteriously vanished wife #5, kwim?

Tara

If I'm not mistaken, haven't they re-examined the body of his late wife and declared it a murder at this time?

Yeah - Michael, they have. They exhumed her body and looked at it with fresh eyes, declaring it murder, but I don't think it ever went any further than that.

I gotta go with Terry on this one though I was quite certain Ed Smart had something to do with Elizabeth Smart's disappearance/presumed death and how glad I was when she was found alive a year later.

I don't think the 23yo thing is a cause for concern [though it would be if it was *my* 23 yo daughter ], but the 4 previous marriages, the missing wife [he can file under abandonment or whatever after a year], the wife who died under mysterious circumstances later declared murder - *that* concerns me.

Carol

Carol, he can file for divorce with abandonment as grounds (depending on the state), but she still has to be served with notice of the legal action pending against her before it can proceed. There are - again, depending on the state - ways to get a divorce without the abandoning spouse being legally notified, but that's a separate procedure. I'd hate to be the judge or either attorney in that filing.

And the waiting period differs from state to state. Louisiana, for example, just recently (within the past ten years or so) abolished its archaic state legal code based on Napoleonic law and adopted the English law guidelines. That meant, for example, that if one spouse died, the other spouse did not automatically inherit the deceased spouse's assets. Any surviving children had to legally relinquish their claim to them first. Even today, getting a divorce is not as easy as moving to Vegas for six weeks - unless...

Wait, doesn't Peterson live in Nevada? If so, problem solved! He's good to march down the aisle again.

Ann, I made the statements I did because I do agree with you about this guy. I don't know that he's guilty of anything except not being able to stay married, but all those ex-wives (one dead, one "missing") makes me wary of him - and it ought to make the prospective Mrs. Peterson #5 wary, too. But then, a lot of women marry men who are in prison for violent crimes - some of whom are serving very long sentences - so I guess logic doesn't apply in affairs of the heart.

That's what I meant, too.

A point my colleague Arnost Rusek likes to make is that some women like criminal men because of their badness, so the fact that those men are in prison is attractive in itself. It proves that those guys have the reckless, brutal qualities that those women are looking for.

Why would it be good to be reckless and brutal? Arnost says that those qualities can be regarded as an expression of strength and power. Those men don't back down. They go for what they want, and it takes a lot to stop them.

Some women want to have sons who are like those men - sons who go for what they want and take what they want, and who don't back down. The women want that kind of sons because they hope that their sons will 'go for' a lot of women and impregnate a lot of women and give their mothers a lot of grandchildren - well, that is what Arnost tells me. Arnost also emphasizes that the women aren't consciously thinking in terms of grandchildren when they want sons who are 'strong'. But, he says, a whole lot of grandchildren is what it really boils down to.

Anyway, the best way of getting brutal and 'strong' sons is to have sex with brutal and strong men. And that, Arnost says, is why so many young women love brutal and criminal men.

(Similarly, men who are notoriously unfaithful and who have a lot of affairs and marriages in their past are attractive precisely because of that. Their successful womanizing proves that those men can attract a lot of women, so if a woman can have a son with such a man, the son may prove equally irresistible to other women.)

After Arnost said that to me, I have begun paying attention to these things. I have to admit that Arnost seems to be right about certain women, who do seem to adore the worst and most brutal kinds of men. What I personally find most depressing is women who love men who have been found guilty of murdering their former wives. I mean, goodness - these men have already killed one woman, and other (young) women are going gaga over them?????

Honestly, all of you FoLCs - is there anyone here who would be happy if their (young) daughter was engaged to be married to a man who had already been married four times, and one of his wives had been murdered and another wife had disappeared? Would you be happy? And wouldn't you wonder what on earth your daughter was thinking?

Ann

Ann - yes I would be... disturbed if it was my daughter, for lots of reasons in this situation.

Terry - the article I read said he could file after a year in... Ohio? Whatever state he's in.

First article that popped up on the Google search:

Desertion for at least one year is grounds for divorce under Illinois law — though Peterson, as the divorce petitioner, would have to show he wasn't at fault for causing his wife to leave, Leving said.

It also says he proposed to Stacy while still divorcing Kathleen.

Carol

There are all sorts of people out there who marry murderers sitting with life sentences or on death row. That's something I could never understand but those types of people exist.

It could very well be that this new 23-year old is one of those attracted to his notoriety.

On this, I very much agree with you Ann.