Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Off Topic Valentine's Day Article by K Callan

February - Love Month

As a result of her books and classes, K Callan is asked a lot of questions about agents and ways into the business, how to survive all the rejection, wondering how to attract an agent, a job, wondering what to do. So this is a place in which she'll write on topics that actors at varying stages of their careers might like to read about.

I know there are those who think actors are all in love with themselves already and that may be true of some, but my experience is that usually actors are short on self-love. Otherwise, why would they put up with so much rejection?

So in the interest of all those who need a bit of a nudge from an “authority figure” or at least “someone older” to indulge in such hedonist behavior, let me encourage you to show a little love for yourself during this month. They say ‘it takes three weeks to make a habit,’ so perhaps a month of Self Love will change your life.

The most loving thing you can do for yourself (and therefore for all those around you and the universe in general) is to think of your body and mind as your most precious possessions. If you don't take care of these precious gifts, who will?

I'm currently in the throes of the terrific book (or in my case CD): Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, which may be a chick book, I'm not sure. I would hope that a guy could read/hear the book and get something from it. Another book that I would translate into encouraging self-love is an older book called The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.

More of a six month course than a regular book, I will not describe The Artist's Way, but will just say that all my life I had wanted to go to Ireland but had no one to go with. About 3 days before I finished the book/course, I went online and got a ticket to Ireland and was there, alone, twenty-four hours later. At the time, I don't think I knew it was because of the book, but in time, I was able to see the way the book had changed my consciousness enabling me to buy the ticket.

In case the idea of delving into a book to get your love motors going doesn't appeal to you, let me give you some different thoughts that might move you along the road anyway.

Our business requires so much energy of every kind just to survive, that it’s imperative to keep filling up your energy well. Alcoholics Anonymous and similar groups have a word that helps: HALT. They suggest that being too hungry, too angry, too lonely, or too tired encourages bad decisions. Those are certainly states that bring out the worst in me. So, big drag that it is, I try to make sure I'm well fed, take a 20-minute deep breath when I'm angry, interact with others regularly, and sleep appropriately.

All of these things involve great psychic energy. If you get too far down before you begin to put these plans into motion, it takes even more energy to commit to bringing yourself back, so getting into good food, nutrition, and emotional nourishment habits now will save you more energy and pain in the end.

People in many walks of life experience the possibilities of rejection every day either from family, love objects or work, but actors pray for the possibility of rejection: an audition. It’s such a plus to finally get an audition that if/when you don't score, there’s got to be a letdown. At some point in your career, you might be lucky enough to have many auditions a week, particularly if you do commercials. When you have many auditions to go on, there’s only so much energy to invest in each, so the let down isn't so great, unless of course, you have twenty auditions and no jobs to show for it. That hurts.

Having just one audition where you've invested not only your time, creative energy, vulnerability, and hopes can not only be disappointing and painful, it can deplete your energy source. If you're living a daily life that replenishes your body and mind, you have some energy banked and are more able to roll with it.

Although at one point in my life, I meditated twice a day for twenty minutes, I haven't managed that discipline in the recent past. But if I can manage five minutes a day, I seem to feel a difference. I'm not as pulled along by extreme emotions. I spend time each day being grateful for all the blessings that I have: health, family, people, career, living in this country, the list goes on and on. The more time I invest in noticing all the blessings I have, the less time I have to even think about things I don't have. I usually do my gratitude list while I'm taking my daily hour walk. That way I do two things at the same time.

A friend who had a close brush with cancer says she was taught that if something toxic is in your system, exercise moves it out. That toxicity can come from your emotions as well as bad food, drink, infection, etc.

Even if you can't make the commitment to go to a gym, meditate or practice yoga, it’s not that hard to roll out of bed, dress, and be on the street in five minutes for a twenty minute walk.

I realize that working every day complicates these kinds of plans, but people always manage to find a way to do what they want. If you were madly in love with someone who wanted you to walk with him/her every day, you'd find a way. Maybe not after the relationship cooled, but at the beginning, so think of this the beginning of a love affair with yourself. Just a month, how hard can it be?

Other ways of nourishing your psychic energy include reading inspiring books for a few minutes before sleep, seeing uplifting films and plays, doing something for others, hanging out with positive people, keeping a gratitude journal. These days we have the opportunity to help our fellow artists by joining the WGA picket lines.

If you have any nourishing ideas or habits you'd like to pass along, I'll share them with fellow readers, so please write. Also, any topics you'd like me to address in next month’s column, please write.

And from me to you: Happy Valentine’s Day.

Actress-author K Callan began writing her series of show business reference books in 1986 because, after many years in the business, she still did not know the answer to the question: If every agent in the world wanted you, how would you make an intelligent decision?