Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Off Topic How To Mend A Broken Heart?

Today my boyfriend and I broke up. The day before my birthday. Some birthday present huh?

So I was wondering if any of you had a good way of mending a broken heart? I really could use some good advice right about now.

Thanks!

Later Days!
Andie

Awww!!! Sorry, Andie!!!

Lots of chocolate ice cream works for a little bit, at least. ***hugs***

Sara

Time, andie. That is what its going to take. Your not going to wake up tomorrow and snap out of it. And it's sad, really. You will learn and grow from this. It will make you a stronger and wiser person. It sucks right now. And it will take time to move on...But you will. (((((((Andie))))))) Hang in there girl. And email me anytime you need too.

Rach(who is willing to track down this guy and bite some sense into him <eg>)

Lots of friends taking you out on the town and telling you he's not worth it.

Don't lose heart, Andie. I broke up with a long-time boyfriend years ago (who I subsequently realised I'd have had a hellish life with) and one week later met my soulmate and husband of (almost - 25th Anniversary next year) 25 years.

You never know what's out there. And as my old gran used to say, "If it's for you, it won't go past you". Something which has always comforted me through the disappointments in life. I've found more than once through the years that something I was desperately sorry I'd missed out on turned out later to have been the wrong choice for me anyway and something better and wiser came along to replace it. With which I've been far happier than I would have been with my original choice.

LabRat

So sorry to hear about your heartache. Give yourself permission to grieve.

Your friends are all going to say how awful he was and how he wasn't good enough for you (how true!) but at the same time, you have genuine feelings that need to be respected.

Grieve but keep yourself busy enough that you're not wallowing. Talk about how you feel, but not to the point that there is nothing else that you're talking about.

In a week or two, this would be an excellent time to develop a new hobby like exercise, crafts, cooking, etc. - something that really, really interests you that you can get passionate about.

And if you find yourself sinking into a really black pit of feelings and you can't get out, talk to a professional!

I'm not going to wish you a happy birthday, because I know it's not going to be one, but I will wish for you to have many better days in the future.

All the best,
Irene

Mending a broken heart mostly takes time, I think. Let yourself grieve; even if the guy wasn't worth it, you had dreams about your future (realistic or not) and those are all smashed now. You've lost something precious, and you have no idea what will replace it. Last time something like that happened to me, I cried a lot, and I prayed a lot, and eventually God brought me through it. (There's a chorus we sing at church that I love now -- "He has turned my mourning into dancing; He has turned my sorrow into joy." Definitely been true for me.)

It helps to keep busy, too. Anything's better than lying in bed all day thinking of everything you've lost. Do things with friends -- and think about volunteering to help people somehow. It gives you perspective to realize that other people have hurts, too, and when you care for them, you're helping yourself at the same time.

And if you need to, talk to a counselor. If depression gets a good hold on you, you're going to need help to break free; it's not a sign of weakness or a character flaw, it's a brain chemical thing.

May all your future birthdays be much better than this one!

PJ

It's hard to lose somebody you care about and you have every right to feel bad for a while, Andie. You get interested in other things and you get from day to day, and after a time you start to realize that it doesn't hurt so much anymore. And eventually the day will come when you discover that he doesn't mean any more to you than that stranger walking down the sidewalk ahead of you.

If you can make yourself good and mad at him, that doesn't hurt either. After the first shock has worn off, you'll find, too, that there are other guys out there, and that one of them is just what you need to help forget about the last one. It may take a while, but it *will* happen, I promise, so just hang in there.

Nan

cheer up, andie! this is really awful, but you'll emerge stronger and smarter.

i think for situations like this, the outisde-in method is probably best (at least in my experience).

first, let yourself be sad and let all the grief and negativity out. incidentally, a lot of creative people like artists, musicians, writers, etc. come up with their best work when they're grieving. and i know you're creative because i've seen your vids and i absolutely love them. i'm not saying you should necessarily start making videos like a madwoman, but just let your unhappiness seep out of an outlet somehow.

the next part is the most fun - pamper yourself and satsify all your superficial cravings! finances-permitting, go on a shopping spree, get spa treatment, eat lots of good food...here's a good time to turn all the focus on yourself because for the first time in a while, you could be your first priority. eat a lot of good food at the very least, if the shopping and getting spa treatment aren't feasible. i don't care what people say - those things really work in cheering a person up. but don't forget to let the people who love you dote on you and cheer you up! they're the live reminders of how many more other wonderful, worthy people there are in your life.

and the last part is probably the most important - getting past the emotional and mental issues. reflect on maybe why it didn't work, what worked well, where you could be more careful next time, and just gain some wisdom from the situation, because everything is a good learning experience. understand you're an awesome person and that now, you're free to move on to better things (and guys).

i really hope you feel better!

chriscy

Thank you all so very very much!

Your advice was wonderful! And I'm sure to use all of it in the days to come. Thanks for the support, I really needed that right now and you guys are great!

I'm feeling a little better today, I went out dancing and to a fancy resturant.

I think my biggest fear was being single again and being alone...but then I realized its not a crime, and sometimes its good to just do things for you. Thank you all for helping!!

Later Days!
Andie

Give me his name and address, I'll have him beaten to a pulp.....

On a more serious note, just use something else to block it out. I find chocolate helps, as well as listening to a lot of loud music to vent the frustration and anger.

Just remember everyone on the boards is here for you if you need us, day, night, or George Bush time. That's when the little hand is on the 13 and the big hand is on the 666.......