Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Not all handicaps keep one from skating (heart problems come to mind).
Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
I wish! My bank has security doors, and my keys set them off every stinkin' time!
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
I buy hot dogs in packages of eight . . .
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Probably because your hair isn't trying to defend itself.
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
As a doctor friend of mine put it last week, "May I never think I am done 'practicing' and have learned everything there is to know about medicine!"
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
You need to buy better lemon juice!
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
There's a reason he's not investing his own money . . .
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Wishful thinking?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Too heavy -- the plane would never get off the ground.
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Raw wool, with the lanolin still in it, repels water. Sheep have built in slickers!
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
Actually, since peanuts are NOT true nuts -- and some people are allergic to peanuts but not tree nuts, while others are allergic to tree nuts but not peanuts -- this is a legitimate warning.