Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Lois & Clark Caption Competition XVII

Okay, evil members... what can you do with this

Jose

--
Lois: If you think this is enough to make me fall for you, you are... absolutely right.
--

AnnaBtG.

That's definitely a good way to have people staring anywhere but at your face

Cris

Lois: "Superman... so it's true what Clark said... the suit *does* come off..."

-OR-

Lois: "My God, he's real, and he's *spectacular!*"

well, i was going to do something with "does the suit come off?" but i see wanda beat me to it.

so, uhm...

"are you lois lane?"

"er... yes."

"i am the supenator. i am from the future. your son sent me to stop an evil time traveller from destroying utopia."

"uhm, yeah. that would be tempus. we already took care of him."

"whom do you mean by 'we'?"

"me, superman, and h.g. wells."

"h.g. wells? but he is dead in this time. this does not compute."

"yeah, i know. aparantly he really did build a time machine."

"database updated. thank you for your time. this unit must now self-destruct to prevent contamination of the time stream." <stomps off, distant explosion>

"why does this stuff always happen to me?"

Clark Kent, noting that people tend not to notice eachother in this day and age, declares to Lois that he can walk into work stark naked and no one will even give a second glance. Lois, of course, knows that he is dead wrong but for some reason doesn't say so.

Lois: Cat!!! Your new toy, er... story's here!
---
Lois (reading the card attached): "Happy Birthday Princess, Sam". A humanoid, great! Next time he's gonna send me a flying cyborg with a flashy suit and a cape!
---
It's raining men...(well known tune)

Carole

*sigh* I don't know who you are, or who started the rumor, but I do NOT adopt naked men! Now go away! Go on, get!

Oohh really fun!!

Jose

*bow* Thank you, Jose.

Hrm, a picture, a picture, my horse for a picture. Ah, here we go. Let's try this one.



And to start you off:

Klein: Superman, you'd better make Lois wear that vest all the time!

Lois: "Okay. I'm in front. Superman, you're behind me, and Dr. Klein, you go behind Superman. Now dance. Come on, guys. Don't look so baffled... You could try a little here. It isn't *that* hard to learn to do a conga line..."

*g* It's late, sorry.... -Wanda

dr klein: ... and, if you get into a real emergency, i stocked the side pockets with double fudge crunch bars.

--------

dr klien: now, superman, you say the bullet embedded itself where? ... oh, i see... yeah. just come inside, then. i'll go get my gloves... <sigh>

--------

dr klien: okay, good. lois has her lead-lined vest on. that should protect the baby in case of any accidental kryptonite exposure. now, superman, i'm going to need to get some measurements so we can make the infant seat. we'll strap it on over the cape, so it won't accidentally cover the baby's mouth. of course, the tricky part will be getting the canopy right. we need that to be able to seal tightly or we'll have all sorts of trouble with the pressurization systems. oh, i do hope your aura will extend out far enough... well, it's a good thing we've got some time for testing. i hope. any idea how long a normal kryptonian gestation is?

--------

lois: i wonder why luthor was so friendly to you all of a sudden.

dr klien: friendly?

superman: yeah. he was acting very nice. even gave me a pat on the back.

dr klien: really? how odd. let me see... oh my. i didn't realize things had gotten that bad.

superman: what? what is it?

dr klien: there's a sign taped on your back. it says "kick me."

---------

dr klien: so, as lois is demonstrating, you can wear a cape and a bullet-proof vest at the same time! now, before we make one for you, let me see... how is your cape attached?

superman: uhm, dr klien, can i ask you a question?

dr klien: sure, go ahead.

superman: why do i need a bullet-proof vest? i'm invulnerable, remember?

dr klien: what? ... oh, right. <sigh> well, there's a couple days' work completely wasted...

-------

dr klien: oooo, wow. when did you put this gold "s" on the back of your cape? it's so... shiney.

...

superman: dr klien? hello? are you okay?

dr klien: ooo... shiney...

Clark (whispering): Why does she keep calling me "Dean"?

Bernie: It's that bump on her head---she thinks she's someone named "Terri Hatcher". Just play along.

----------------------------------

Bernie: See that guy behind us? He's really shy, but he asked me to tell you that he thinks you're cute.

Lois: How sweet! Tell him I said thanks...

Bernie: I didn't mean *you*.

--
Dr. Klein: I'm in love with this woman, Superman.

Superman: What? You can't! She's mine! Err, Clark's!
--

AnnaBtG.

Dr. Klein: So, Lois, I see you're wearing that special vest I had made for you.

Superman: She says it's for protection.

Dr. Klein: Protection? But that's not bullet proof, it's lined with lead.

Lois: (glaring at Superman) Exactly.

Tank (who doesn't know how the gentle folcs are able to retrieve and post pictures like this but it's fun to check them out)

Klein: "No, Superman. Lois is right. The cape completely covers the stain. But I wouldn't eat there again if I were you..."

Oh, wow. I deliberately didn't look at this thread for a few days so that I could react to everyone's responses at the same time. Maybe I should have spread it out a bit, though... *giggles*

First, I have to comment on some of these, just because of the thoughts in my head.

*boogies with Wanda, Superman, Klein, and Lois*

Paul, first, *giggle*, *wince* and *PoInG*... do you happen to read Sluggy Freelance?

Queen of the Capes, your second one..

Anna, whoops!

Tank, *snicker* Makes me wonder what Superman has been up to!

Elisabeth, I have to agree.. Things I really shouldn't even try to think about.. oooh, the imagery.

Oh, wait, I have to pick the next person up. Um... Tank! you're up!

To find a picture, check out http://www.loisundclark.de, and scroll down. The titles are in german, but you can click on them to get pictures. (Staffel 1, Staffel 2, etc)

Sorry, I couldn't resist to play along, but I don't do the picture thing. I'm an old guy who barely knows how to log onto this site, let alone manipulate things like captured pics.

Anyone else want to take a shot?

Tank (who apologises for not being clear in his other post that he can't do pictures)

I'll post a pic, but Tank, you still have to choose the winner in the end!




Julie

Absolutely couldn't resist.

Sluggy Freelance

Perry: "What's he doing?"

Lois: "Don't speak too loud, Chief, he says that the sound waves could take down his card castle."

Inspired by 'Well, I'll Be A Kryptonian's Uncle' by Paul-Gabriel Wiener:

--
Perry: Why is Clark searching my Elvis collection?
Lois: He got this crazy idea that he may be his uncle, and he's looking for evidence.
--

AnnaBtG.

sluggy freelance? don't remember ever hearing of it before you mentioned it here. still not quite sure what it had to do with which caption, but.. <shrug>

speaking of captions... let's see what i can come up with. been pretty tired today, so no telling what these are really like, but hey, could be fun...

----

perry: what's going on?

lois: shhh. i think he's using his super hearing to try to track the bad guys.

perry: okay, but what's with the outfit?

lois: i think those last few shots hit him harder than we realized...

superman: be vewwy vewwy qwwiet. i'm hunting supah viwwans. heheheheh.

----

lois: hey, what's that?

perry: what's what?

lois: that, in your hand! don't point it at me! why are you pointing it at me?

perry: lois, what's going on?

lois: put it down! i don't want to know the square root of pi cubed!

perry: lois, what are you talking about?

lois: don't point it at me! just don't point it at me!!

perry: okay, i'm pointing it away. there. now, you want to tell me what this is all about? it's just a pencil...

lois: i'm sorry, perry. i've just been jumpy about writing implements since that whole incident with the pen nearly blowing up my brain.

perry: oh. right. well, uhm... i'll just go get you a tape recorder, then...

Perry: I swear, that's Elvis!

Lois: Perry, you've had a long day; let's take you back to your office and you can have a nice, long nap...

Clark (in background): Wisemen say only fools rush in for I can't help falling in love with you!
Perry: Is Clark feeling okay?
Lois: Oh you know how it is he got exposed to red kryptonite and he thinks he's Elvis.
Perry: Well get him to stop not only does he sound terrible it's also an insult to the King! That husband of yours is no Elis impersonator even I do a better job!
Lois: Don't worry I'll take care of it! Clark? Clark Honey? I know you love me and all but that song is best saved for an occasion where NO-ONE can hear you!

There's a character in Sluggy named Kiki, who is a hyperactive ferret. She likes shiny things, and is often distracted by them. She can also go into Ferret Shock due to shiny things and easter eggs. ;-)

---------------
And now for something different:

Perry: What in the world...?
Lois: Don't worry, Perry. I was told they reduce stress and don't eat much. I'm hoping these tribbles will help Clark...

Okay, I was told that I was supposed to choose the winner, and it's been a few days so...

I pick, er, wait maybe not that one... perhaps... no, let me think about it some more... I know, how about, no, hmmmmmmmm.

Okay, since I was a fan of the Warner cartoons growing up and the Bugs - Elmer dynamic always worked for me, in honor of my childhood I choose... Paul's tribute to Elmer Fudd!

Take it away, Paul

Tank (who should learn his lesson and not get involved in things he doesn't know how to do)

oh, thanks, tank! glad you liked it!

so, i guess we need a new pic then, huh? okay, how about this one?



Paul

Lois: "Superman, can you taste this and tell me if it's okay like this?"

Superman: "You made that, Lois?"

Lois: "Yes, why?"

Superman: "Oh. Ehm... I eh... be right back. I've... got to go, well, save someone. Yeah, that's it, I just heard a scream for help. So, I'll be right back!"

Saskia

Superman: Hmm, hair gel is not supposed to feel like this...
Lois: Hmm, salad dressing is not supposed to taste like this...

Julie

--
Superman: (thinking:) If I knew that Lois's salad was the *reward*, and not the *penalty*, I would have never agreed to take that bet about 'who can stay longer under the water' with Perry.
--

AnnaBtG. :p

P.S.: ROFL, Julie!

Superman, thinking: "Oh my God!!! Lois is cooking!!!"

Jose

Lois: Lets see, pistachio icecream, pickles, mustard...Clark, could you be a dear and go get me some anchovies?

Clark: Lois, is there something you'd like to to tell me?

Lois: He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not...Oh pooh I wish Superman would love me this game is not fun.
Superman: Ugh! When will Lois see beyond this stupid suit Mom you're gonna pay for getting me into this mess with this suit. I hate being chased by women!

well, been about a day and half since the last caption, so time to pick a winner. reviewing the captions, i'm surprised to note there's nothing there about clark showering in the suit. then again, i'm not sure what you could do with that, anyway.

so... winner. that would have to be... (drumroll please...) (er... i said drumroll...) (ahem?) (<sigh> it'll have to do...)

the winner is julie!!

good one!

so, you're up!

Paul

julie? hello? julie?

Thanks, Paul! You really liked my caption?

Sorry I'm so late - I'm bad at checking back! I probably wouldn't have even noticed if Wanda didn't tell me. :rolleyes:



Let's see what you can do with this!

Lois: *Next* time, Jimmy, why don't you *buy* post-it notes instead of trying to make your own using paper and super-glue?!

-----------------------------------------

Lois: "To operate Jimmy-tron 2000, press button in back..."

------------------------------------------

Lois: First of all, Jimmy, toupees are not "cool". They are, by nature, very uncool! Second, they are especially uncool if you forget to take the tag off!!

---------------------------------------------

Alas, without his contacts, Jimmy is very nearsighted.

Lois:Thanks for lending me your head Jimmy.
Jimmy: Cool, i can see some words on this side.

jimmy: here, lois, i got that paperwork you wanted.

lois: great! thanks, jimmy! oh, but i'll need to sign it... can i use your forehead?

jimmy: what? oh, sure, i guess...

jimmy thinking: it's worth it. little does she know that hidden in that paperwork is a statement that the signer will repaint the cheif's office any color he wants, even if it takes the whole weekend. once she's signed it, there's nothing else she can do. this'll be great...

lois thinking: this is fun. little does jimmy know that i'm signing his name on this paper...

----

lois: okay, you look a lot different than the last jimmy. that could be a problem, but luckily, i've got it taken care of. let me see... good, perry isn't looking. now, if you'll hold still, i'm going to tape this picture of the old jimmy to your head...

----

lois: okay, now close your eyes...

jimmy: okay.

lois: you're not closing your eyes.

jimmy: yes i am.

lois: no, you're squinting. i can tell.

jimmy: no i'm not.

lois: okay, i'm going to hold this in front of you, just to be sure.

jimmy: fine, whatever.

...

lois: okay, ready?

jimmy: yeah, sure.

lois: voila! the floating coffee cup! suspended in mid-air by nothing more than the power of my will! be amazed!

----

jimmy: hey, lois, i've got a riddle for you.

lois: oh?

jimmy: what's the difference between a baby and a norse god?

lois: what?

jimmy: the baby is in a diaper, but the norse god is in asgard!

lois: uh-huh. well, i've got one for you, jimmy.

jimmy: yeah?

lois: knock knock.

jimmy: who's there?

lois: big heavy clipboard.

jimmy: big heavy clipboard who?

<thwack>

jimmy: ow.

Lois: "Okay, who put the Superglue on my notebook???"

Jimmy: She was supposed to put it on her desk! That way she wouldn't find out that I doodled on her Superman interview notes... Argh!


Wendy

Jimmy: It's a treasure hunt!

Lois: Jimmy, you're not supposed to tape the clues to your forehead..

Lois: "Dr Klein made this device. Apparently it makes you have x-ray vision like Superman!"

Jimmy: "Ooh! Can I try?!"

Lois: "Sure, let me help you put it on... there..."

Jimmy: (drooling) "THANK YOU, Dr. Klein!!"

--
Lois: Jimmy, you fool! These are not the papers I asked! Don't you see it? Don't you?
--

AnnaBtG.

Well, since this thread is showing no life in the last couple of days, I guess I should choose a winner.

And the winner is... damdadam.... Karen!



Take it from here.

Julie (who had tp type this message with one hand)