Warning: Please apply protective covering to your computer if you are prone to spit-takes. It's time for the Best Comedy Quiz (Kerth Quiz #4)!
SPIFFY DISCLAIMER THINGY! All the stories featured in this quiz qualify for the Best Comedy, but this quiz is not a stamp of recommendation for nomination. There are other stories which qualify for this category, but this quiz only covers 10.
Recommendations for other eligible stories are *very* welcome and encouraged!
QUIZ RULES: Two points for getting the story and author from the quote; one point for getting it from the excerpt. Specify which is which, or you'll automatically get one point instead of two. Open hard drive and archive, *don't* forget to snip the excerpts in your replies, and don't forget the spoiler space when you post in the replies thread.
The DEADLINE for entries for this quiz is Friday by 11:59 p.m.
More elaborate quiz instructions can be found
here. Please post your answers
here. Good luck!
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Quote #1:
"What?" shouted Clark. "No! You can't do a humor column there! Besides, you don't speak German!"
Quote #2:
"It's okay," the woman who had thrown it, whom Lois was fairly certain was blonde, said. "She looks too easy anyway."
Quote #3:
This time, I started at the top floor. It'd be easier to work my way down, Rudy told me, instead of hauling my loot to the roof and back.
Quote #4:
"It beats what you're wearing. I'd get arrested any day rather than be caught dead in," she paused and waved her hand vaguely at Lois, "whatever you call that ensemble. I'd guess it was your boyfriend's but since you don't have one, I'm at a loss."
Quote #5:
"Clueless like a 'coon 'bout to be road kill. Not that we would, of course. The man's a taxpayer."
Quote #6:
Thus, if anyone must bear the blame for this colossal spelling blunder, it is, in fact, the members of the 24th century Smallville History and Spelling Society.
Quote #7:
She smiled. It reminded me of a barracuda. "I bet you could post it in the n-fic folder, huh?"
Quote #8:
She sank back into her chair. “We can’t escape. If we stay, we’re burdened with their secrets and their whacked-out life styles. If we go…well…I don’t even want to think about that.
Quote #9:
"You're right," Tempus admitted, sending Wells an almost pleading glance, which was even more unsettling than anything else. "I wanted you to take me back into our reality. On my travels through time I stranded here; my time-machine broke and now I can't get back," he explained unhappily.
Quote #10:
"Yes!" her husband exclaimed just as Lois got the lock opened and threw open the door.
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Excerpt #1:
Jimmy held his stomach for a moment as he belched. Have to cut out the late-night pizzas, he thought. Especially when taking a cab to work in the morning. That was just inviting indigestion, if not full-fledged ulcers. It wasn't just the weird music that was bothering him. The cabbie was driving as if he rarely got behind the wheel and was used to moving much faster.
Excerpt #2:
Lois shook her head at him. She had to admit, she *had* done okay for herself. Well, sort of. She had lost, but she still blamed her skirt for that. Besides, she thought, as she looked down at the envelope sitting in the center console, Lenny had come through for them. She may be covered in mud, but they would have a headline on the front page in this evening's edition.
Excerpt #3:
You get used to jail after a while. They gave me a new cell this time, and I was able to scratch a line for each dull, miserable day that went by. By now I was on a first name basis with most of the guards and half of the inmates. My sister wrote to tell me about the new love of her life, with a note that my nephew was getting into trouble.
Excerpt #4:
"Lex Luthor driving around looking for some tail? No wonder the cops wouldn't listen when you tried to explain who you were." Lois shook her head in amused disbelief. "So what, he puts on a wig and a fake moustache and goes out in some beat-up old Toyota looking to pick up chicks?" She snorted derisively. "Please, Cat, like that man would need to pay for sex. And if he did, I'm fairly sure he wouldn't go for some random girl off the street."
Excerpt #5:
At the Global Positioning and Imaging System Headquarters in the Pentagon, a hundred or so operators and controllers were doing their job guiding planes, buses, and cars to their destinations using up-to-the-minute satellite photo and video footage.
Excerpt #6:
She is forever immortalized and remembered by having given her maiden name as her adoptive son's given name...and it was misspelled. This is not because she did not carefully check the paperwork she filled out; she did. It is not because her husband did not carefully check the paperwork; he did. Unfortunately, the paperwork they filled out was not the determiner of the child's name but rather the version made by the county clerk they provided the paperwork to.
Excerpt #7:
I tried to splutter something that can't be spelled. "Let's stay on task, okay? I'm talking about the idea you gave me without Trope knowing about it. When I had trouble with the ending, she came in and gave me something just totally – it was – " I tried to say something else unspellable.
Excerpt #8:
“I’m sick of bailing him out. The looks people give me at parties when he runs out or he stands me up at restaurants. Or when he leaves and never returns. I’m tired of coming up with excuses for him. Last week he bailed on my mother! My mother! Now she’s thinks he’s a lost cause and she keeps referring me to her divorce lawyer,” Lois Lane Kent complained to the people surrounding her, seated in a circle of folding chairs.
Several highly attractive women nodded sympathetically while clutching their coffee cups.
Excerpt #9:
"I should have known this was a trap," Wells said through gritted teeth as he looked into the eyes of the man who had called him. "I should have known that it would be you," he added angrily. "Whatever it is that you've got on your mind – forget it. I'm not going to help you." Trying his best to look more impressive, Wells folded his arms in front of his chest as he had seen Superman do it. Given that Tempus was sitting on a park bench, slumped down and obviously out at heels, his gesture had quite an effect.
Excerpt #10:
Having found her keys, she stopped, closing her eyes and giving herself a minute to let the day's tension drain from her body. The lights she'd seen coming from inside the brownstone as she'd driven up told her that Clark had already made it home. Before she entered, she wanted to give herself a moment to let go of the day so that she could just enjoy her husband.
