Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Related The "Beta" Test -- What Kind of Beta Are You?

Oh, definitely. But never really for this fandom, that I remember. The worst fic I wrote was for Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the first fandom other than Star Trek that I wrote fanfic for).

There's a reason I'm not a beta reader. <g>

lol, Shayne. It was your piece that gave me the 'guess the author' idea. I read it and thought - yes, that's Shayne writing.

c.

No, no, no! Say it isn't so! Those are my two favorite words to write! My two favorite words in the English language. I live to write those words! I never allow myself to write them until the moment when I can put down my pen and say, "Thank god, that's over!" I'll never be able to write another word if I can't type 'The End.' It will destroy the writing experience completely for me

(Okay, I'm joking. Sort of - as Carol and Gerry can certainly attest since they have received emails from me that say simply: I just typed my two favorite words )

But one thing I do like about having 'The End' at the end of a story is that when I read those words, I know that my computer hasn't somehow only loaded half of the story (if those words aren't there, I usually end up clicking 'refresh' several times - just to make sure). And I know that there is no need to wait for the sequel (although the author might later decide to write one). But at least I know that the story is not 'To Be Continued.' That, in the author's mind, this is a completed story.

Anyway, those are just my thoughts.

ML

You could always do what the old newspaper writers used to do and end it like this:

- 30 -

Ok here we go...


Lois was in love with Superman.[Ok, stating the obvious like this only works if we are in Lois' head and she is narrating things sothat we see everything from her perspective - if this is not the case please remove it.] She also licked "liked" unless this is an N fic Lex Luthor. He was a hansome "handsome"if you are talking about good looking man "hansom" if you are talking about a horse drawn carriage but never "hansome" and please specify which person this refers to. Superman or Lex or someone else? man and took he nice places change to: he took her to nice places. How can she decide? "How could she decide?" and also what is she going to decide - you have given us three statements - she likes Superman, she likes Lex and one of them is handsome and takes her to nice places - but you haven't made clear what she is deciding between. <new paragraph here> Sadly, Lois thinks "started to wonder if"that she will never choose "she would ever choose". <new paragraph here> Then their is "there was" - you are describing something that has already happened and that concept is called 'using the past tense' a knock on her door. <new paragraph here> It's Clark! "It was Clark!" <new paragraph here> Come in Lois said, and he did. Whole sentence must read: "Come in!", Lois said. He did. <new paragraph here>"Lois, I love you!" Said Clark. said Clark <new paragraph here> This made Lois happy. Again, not in keeping with the fact that this probably should be from Lois' point of view - it should be something like: "A thrill of happiness rushed through her at his words." <new paragraph here> "Clark, I love you too!" She said. There are only two people in the room having this conversation so there is no need for the "she said " bit to be put in. <new paragraph here> She frowned. "She frowned, suddenly." "But also Lex and Superman." But also Lex and Superman what? "But I also love Lex and Superman." <new paragraph here> "Well I am Superman." said Clark. He spun into his costume to show her. <new paragraph here> Lois giggled. "Are you Lex to?" "too" and also by now surely Lois should be frothing.

No said Clark. Only a superman who loves you! "No," said Clark. "Just a Superman who loves you." No exclamation mark because if you were to say this in real life, your voice would become softer and lower, this is a sweet quiet moment. Every time you write, go back and take out all the exclamation marks till you are only left with a third of the original amount of them that you put in.


Problems: Tenses, spelling, confusion of point of view and narration. No discernible style to story. Story itself is technically a story but does not serve to hold a reader's interest. Please expand and elaborate - a series of events and actions does not constitute a plot unless one can successfully allude to the development of a character or relationship via the events and actions.

Cheers, The Little Tornado.

I'm about to do a different sort of exploration and focus on the first lines of the badfic to look at the places where the main content problems lie in my opinion. I'll be using Shayne's version of the lines to look at how he worked through those issues. This is really bare bones so I might miss a lot of stuff, but I thought it might be interesting to dabble.

First, the lines to refresh the ol' memory:

and Shayne's rewritten version:

Most of you mentioned something along the lines of how bare the original passage was. I believe PJ mentioned needing depth and detail, if I'm recalling right, to contextualize the characters in concrete surroundings. Several people also pointed out that there were moments where some more direct expression of Lois' thought processes would enhance the fic. I think this boils down to the old adage: show, don't tell. I'll be going back to that.

To begin with the badfic-- I'm actually okay with the blunt "Lois was in love with Superman." The problem, I think, lies in the next line, "she also liked Lex." My feeling as a reader is that the latter undercuts the first to the point making both sentences read rather awkwardly content-wise. Between love and like, there's no contest, right? So from the get-go Lois' internal conflict doesn't seem quite as compelling. Let's look at how Shayne worked through this:

Obviously, we have what PJ mentioned, let's call it, a physical context. And notice, Lois is looking at a ring. Immediately that sets the stage for a more dramatic internal conflict. With a ring we are meant to think of a proposal (she's wearing it, has she accepted? we wonder anxiously) which adds a certain urgency that wasn't present in the first passage. Check out the actual question too, which emphasizes how self evident her choice is. The successive lines will show us why and build up Lois' internal conflict even more:

Compare this to:

I'm not too keen on "nice" as an adjective, since I don't feel it's descriptive enough here. However, that's not my main problem with this part. It is rather, that I come off feeling that the language in this statement trivializes Lois' inability to chose. After all, it isn't that he's good-looking and takes her to nice places, (which incidentally makes her come off a bit shallow) but rather what that means.

Shayne nails that one in the head explicitly by having Lois look to what Lex "represents." Then you have gradiose statements like "everything she'd always wanted," which all but blare out that Lex is The Right Choice (tm).

What I find most effective in Shayne's version here are the last lines--"the kind of life most women only dreamed about," followed by "There were a million other women who would do just about anything to step into her shoes." Why do I find these two lines effective? The first tells you straight out how coveted this lifestyle is, but the second plays it out. It's not just that these women want the life, it's that they would "do just about anything" for it. Further, since these statements are couched in Lois' pov, in these short sentences we are shown just how valued Lois percieves this life to be. So through this statements, we also end up with a better sense of Lois' character--what she *thinks* she wants. The juicy part is getting to the bottom of this, since we're constantly getting clues that there's more lurking there.

Let's go back to the original:

In the original, we are told that Lois "likes" Lex, my problem with the juxtaposition of like and love aside, the development of this moves to the concrete things he can offer her and even the exposition of these is lukewarm (again I'm refering to the use of "nice" and "handsome" in this context where we need to know what about this choice is so hard). So when we reach the question, it carries little punch. The conflict doesn't build; it stays flat throughout.

Compare this to Shayne's version:

Notice that he doesn't tell us directly that she's having trouble choosing. Rather he has it play out for us through direct thought. Here, I think the statement hinges on "ordinary." I see this as contrasting to "excitement" the word Shayne had Lois use to describe the life Lex offered her. We approach get to the good part-- as Lois begins to untangle the mystery, the narration puts us right there with her and this keeps us reading.

Tornado said:

Ultimately, I think this is due to the narration's failure to dramatize or show us Lois' conflict.

If I were content beta-ing for this person (which is what I do mainly for those people I beta for) I'd tactfully say something along these lines and provide a series of questions throughout.

Ick, pardon the length,

alcyone