Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Related Fanfic Quiz: Funny moments

Lois, what...happened to these carrots?”

“Oh, that’s not my fault. The recipe called for shaved carrots, but the grocery story must have been out, because I couldn’t find them anywhere. So I had to make a substitution.”

Clark’s jaw dropped and he sputtered for words.

“What?”

“Carrots don’t come already shaved. You have to shave them yourself.”

“Really? With what? How?” Ridiculous visions of her Lady Gillette razor flitted through her head.

Their eyes locked, and suddenly Clark felt compelled to say something. "Lois, will you marry me?"

The suddenness of the question took Lois back for a moment, but she quickly recovered and found herself saying, "Yes!"

"Cows don't like to be kept waiting when
they need to be milked."

"I guess not," Lois agreed, grimacing. "Nothing like a
deadline that protests loudly when you miss it!"

"So," he said, sounding for all the world like someone still having a
leisurely conversation over Chinese take out. Just a Kansas farm
boy, huh? "Are you shot at often?"

Lois smiled, unable to resist her chance to tease him again. "And
just what makes you so sure they're not shooting at you?"
He wasn't so easily thrown off balance this time. "Oh, darn. I
forgot. I never should have robbed that bank. Those Smallville cops
will track to the ends of the earth.

Scardino's stomach lurched in a way he hadn't felt in quite a while. In fact, he'd not felt anything quite like it since Lois had thrown him over in favour of that do-gooding boy scout, Clark K-

No, he thought. He wasn't going to think about that.

He concentrated on the woman he'd just spotted, felt that delicious lurch again, and decided that it was enough to say that he hadn't felt anything quite like since Lois. (Well, there had been the incident with a dodgy prawn vindaloo last month, but that had been less of a lurch and more of a roil, and Scardino was pretty certain that didn't count.)

"You know. You're the villain, you've got me tied up and you're about to dispose of me -- now is the perfect time to explain everything, since of course I'm not going to be able to do anything
about it."

Comprehension dawned. "Oh yeah, right, like on TV. Well, forget it. We're not characters in a TV show, and--"

He was interrupted by a whooshing sound as a streak of sound, light, and movement invaded the warehouse, zipping around faster than the human eye could follow. When the whirlwind ceased, Lois was standing free next to the chair, and Clark was chained in her place. In front of them both stood a young hero in a blue outfit with splashes of red and yellow. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and did his best to look stern.

"Oh, you saved me!" Lois gushed. "But who are you, stranger?"

The hero shifted uncomfortably, and mumbled, "Mo-om! Stop it." He squared his shoulders once more and stated firmly, "My name is Whirlwind, and I'm here to help."

"I'm not sure where he is, Perry."

"Liar," Clark replied.

Lois ignored him to continue to answer Perry's question.

Lois and Clark hadn't gotten through the door and been into the main ballroom more than three minutes before Jimmy Olsen, dressed as Robin, the Boy Wonder, sought them out and cornered them. "Whoa,CK, Lois -- nice costumes."

She gazed at him for a while and she noticed that his covers had been thrown
off. She knelt next to him and pulled the covers up a bit. Her hand traveled
further up to his face as if to caress him, but without touching him.

"I love you so much..." she whispered.

Clark opened his eyes wide. Despite the darkness in the room Lois noticed
this. She clapped her hand over her mouth, almost as if she had said
something wrong, or as if she were fearful of something. She suddenly got up
and drew back from him.

Clark stood up, seeing her reaction.

"I'm sorry... I wouldn't... I shouldn't--"

He was as oblivious to what was homing in on him, bearing down on him like a
Mack truck, as a blind rabbit grazing unwarily on discarded cabbage in the
fast lane.

The very next day, she fell from the observation deck of the Metropolis Planetarium. Up until Lois nearly died, it had been a wonderful night.

"Open manhole" and "STAR Labs break-in" had already been checked off. "Held at gunpoint", which had seemed like a pipe dream when she'd written it, had been made possible by Clark, himself. Lois checked it off with no small satisfaction.

"Next up, man-eating shark."

Anyway, this is Rat's Burnout (for which we are still waiting for a sequel! Nag nag nag!).

Looking at the still large stack of papers on his lap, Lois ventured, "And what else? I'm almost afraid to ask."

"Well, there are a whole bunch of different ones here that I'm sure you'd get a big a kick out of as I did, but it's not just the stories I find interesting--it's some of these authors. Take these stories, for example."

He handed Lois another large stack of papers. "They're written by some morbid guy named Grenade...no, Tank," he corrected, leaning over to verify the author's name on the top sheet. "I mean, what must his life be like to write such depressing endings for *fun*??"

"NOW, HOLD ON A MINUTE HERE!" he shouted, waving his arms.

Everyone in the courtroom stopped what they were doing, and turned to him in amazement. Even Lois looked surprised.

"Mr. Kent?" the judge asked with a roll of his eyes. "What do you think you're doing?"

"This is crazy!" Clark exclaimed, looking around to include everyone in the room in his comments. "How could you possibly have found her guilty? This episode has plot holes so big you could drive a truck through them!"

A science-fiction geek with a sense of humour? Stifling a grin, Lois replied, “Well, I’ve never danced with an evil interplanetary overlord before, so I guess I could give it a
try.”

Darth inclined his head. “I’m honoured.”

She went into his arms in an easy movement, and found him an excellent dancer. “They must teach you well on the Death Star.”

“Subliminal programming,” her partner deadpanned. “Uploaded to our brains every night as we sleep. The Empire doesn’t like wasting time.”

“Efficient,” she agreed. “Do they also pre-programme you to treat women as equals? Because if not I’m not sure that I can afford to be seen with you...”

“Women, equals?” Darth queried. She could hear his incredulous tone even through the distortion of his helmet. Actually, she thought, he had to be really hot under there, especially given that his outfit was made of PVC too. “That does not compute,” he said solemnly.

Lois rolled her eyes. “You’re supposed to be Darth Vader, not Mr Spock!”