This was posted on a writer's email loop I belong to. It's notes that a woman took during a
Mars-Venus type writers workshop, where a panel of male writers spoke at length to an audience of romance writers about how men think. I thought these notes were interesting and worth sharing. So for what it's worth...
The View From Mars
Any argument presaged with a statement to the effect of "This is how men (or any other arbitrarily selected group) think" is, of course, doomed from the outset. If we assume that a person is more than the sum of his or her parts, then the calculus of personality indicates that o single trait, such as gender,
or set of traits, no matter how comprehensive, can serve to define an individual. Human characteristics, therefore, are not absolutes, and can only be discussed in relative terms. In other words, it only makes sense to discuss
masculine traits as they compare to feminine traits, bearing in mind that not all men are particularly masculine and not all women are particularly feminine.
Dominance:
From the masculine point of view, it is better to be in charge than to be right. After all, what good is it to be right if you're not in charge?
The Glass Ceiling:
The masculine point of view does not hope to receive the rewards it deserves, rather it pushes for all it can get. If it receives the reward, obviously, it was deserved.
Title IX:
The masculine point of view does not ask if it is allowed to play. Rather, it says "Try and stop me." As with property law, it is much harder to evict someone who is present than to keep them out to begin with. (Not sure I
understand this one)
"Relationships":
The feminine point of view believes in spending resources to build relationships. The masculine point of view believes in building relationships
to receive resources.
Emotions:
The masculine point of view is that someone must be in charge. Therefore, if you are not controlling your emotions, they are controlling you.
Fighting Fair:
From the masculine point of view, it's only a fair fight if they're playing by your rules. Changing the rules so you can win is only natural.
Competition:
From the masculine point of view, competition is the natural state of affairs. You can't win if you don't play.
Aggressiveness:
Nothing good comes to those who wait. The masculine point of view is that if you want some reward, you have to go get it. Anything in the way of getting what you want is merely an obstacle to be overcome.
A. Men are problem-solvers. They rarely:
* 1. Ask advice.
* 2. Admit to being wrong, apologize, admit to not knowing the
answer.
* 3. Stop to ask directions.
* 4. End sentences with questions. So they don't say, "It's a nice
day, isn't it?"
* 5. "I'm not sure, but...", "maybe", "sort of", etc.
* 6. Respond to direct commands that are not issued by a boss or
other "ranking" figure.
B. Men speak directly. They rarely:
* 1. Begin sentences with "Could I?"/"Should I?"/"May I?"/"Let's..."
* 2. Phrase ideas with questions. "What would you think if we were
to..."
* 3. Mask thoughts. Instead, they tend to be blunt.
* 4. Use euphemisms.
* 5. Use expressive adjectives like gorgeous, wonderful, fantastic;or diminutives like tiny or droplet.
C. Men see conversation as a way to relay information. They rarely:
* 1. Listen emphatically without giving advice.
* 2. Ask questions just to keep a conversation going. Men regard
questions as requests for information or problem-solving.
* 3. Punctuate a speaker's monologue with "agreeing" noises like "Uh
huh," etc.
D. Men repress emotion, except for anger. They rarely:
* 1. Discuss emotional needs openly.
* 2. Show emotion (except for anger).
* 3. Cry.
* 4. Have many "intimate" friends.
I'll think twice before I have Clark describe Lois's body as "delectable."
