Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Original Fiction Defector: All FDK (if any)

Since there aren't that many readers, let's consolidate any feedback here.

Nan

Woo-hoo! I've been in TU withdrawal... and I've been wanting to see this one for ages...

Okay, now that I've read part 1... you're right, not a happy beginning. Damned Jils. Why do I get the feeling that Thoroski is going to make them pay?

Waiting anxiously for part 2 and beyond...

PJ

Wait just a minute, you can't leave it there, get back here with the rest of it.



Janine

I noticed that typed manuscript on your desk the other day and I was kind of hoping you'd be posting something here soon

I like Thoroski. I don't like so much why he decided to change sides, though Oh well, it's nice to see this up here. Now, where's the rest?

Tara

And at what point do Our Heros show up? <g> One of the other stories implied that Lyn was involved here, too...

PJ

yay another update!!! I wasn't sure what your schedule would look like.

it's like meeting old friends again, after being parted for months lol.

Good solid part; more set-up but action, but it's good set-up.

And Mark saying "oh hell, you know the rest" made me giggle. The whole sequence usually makes me grin and this was the icing on the cake.

Can't wait to see where it goes from here.

PJ

No, that can't be it. I need more.
Please?

Janine

Famous last words...

But what happens *next*?? I'm trying to figure out how Thoroski gets mixed up in this, since obviously things are headed in that direction... I thought he was going on leave?

PJ

Ah, some things become clearer... and I suspect that good old Willie Parks is about to depart this mortal plane... good riddance. And if Thoroski wants to take out Arnie Paine, as well, I wouldn't object

It's fun seeing Greg & Gallagher, too. Looking forward to seeing how things get to where they're going...

PJ

Woohoo! Another section is up

Looks like Willie Parks about to get what coming to him

Janine

Yipee, A new one

But where's part #5???

It's been, like, two whole days...

PJ

I'll probably post the next part Monday. Jimmy's birthday was the 19th, and we're taking him to Disneyland on Sunday.

I'm glad you're enjoying the story. It only accelerates from here.

Nan

Have fun at Disney!

We'll be here when you get back.

PJ

Love how this one is going. Nice splicing together of the different players. Patty seems familier for some reason...

James

Thanks. I'll be posting the next part later today. First I have some errands downtown to complete.

James, you're probably thinking of Luanne, on Shallock.

Nan

Of course I remember Willie Parks. Patty's right, he's a real trenchcrawler. Just about as smart as one, too.

I'll have to keep an eye out for Dooley, next time I re-read Shell Game.

Anyway... so Thoroski's going to be on guard duty. Without Dooley, it looks like, so maybe it'll be someone who doesn't know Parks.

Looking forward to part 6. And, you know, since you made us wait so long for part 5, I think you should go ahead and post part 6 now

PJ
(how about now?)

I agree, she should definitely post part 6 now. I'm kind of tempted to sneak over there when she's not looking and grab the rest of the manuscript and read it again

Tara

Finally de-lurking again--

Thanks for posting part 6 so quickly. I got to read both 5 and 6 in the same evening, yay! I had not read any of your series before you posted part 1, but I really needed something to read one evening so I went ahead and read it, and now I am hooked! I have read almost every story that is less than 50,000 words, and I am trying to get to the others, but I'll have to wait until I have a weekend free because they're like popcorn or potato chips--once I start, I can't stop. Everyone wonders why I've been falling asleep at work all week, and I don't dare tell them it's because I've been reading your stories all night long. The only problem is the stories that still aren't posted--your public is waiting!!!!

I saw part 6 soon after you posted it, but my laptop was dying so I only had time to read it, not comment.. and then yesterday was busy... anyway... great section! I see Parks' reputation is going to be a bit of a problem <g> But hey, Thoroski's a resourceful guy; he'll figure something out.

Part 7, please??

PJ

Yay, part 7!

Glad to know that the Underground is sending in the big guns.

And fun to see Smythe jumping on Thoroski <g> I knew he was an Undergrounder, from a different story, but wasn't quite sure why he wasn't picking up on Thoroski's plans. But if he couldn't read him clearly, that explains it. And he's a smart boy to take the risk, because if Thoroski disappeared in anything like suspicious circumstances, everyone would be investigated.

I sympathise with the stunner hangover; last week I had a migraine that lasted for two days and ended up puking my guts out, so I can report that it really really is miserable.

So... part 8?

PJ

Part 8--great! I am wondering how far they will have to go into the hospital before they find out that Lyn is no longer there?

Hee, love it when there are competing rescues! Reminds me of Cops & Robbers. Poor Mark & Alan, going to all this trouble for nothing... <g>

And Thoroski's going to get her off Corala the same way she got onto Corala -- sweet! He and Greg do make a good team. Now, how is he going to return her to the Underground so he can sign up? Well, silly question, I guess -- Greg will know. Still, I expect it'll be fun to read.

As always, looking forward to more...

PJ

Hehe, so close and yet so far.

I can't wait for the part 9

Tara

Nan,

I don't mean to nag... well, okay, maybe I do... but it's been two days since the last part and I'm having such a frustrating day that I'd really like a new section to enjoy just about now.

PJ
(how 'bout now? )

I would, Pam, but it's been such a busy two days that I only have a page and a half typed. My washing machine quit, among other things, not to mention the cat threw up on the router night before last and I didn't even have internet access for most of yesterday, and this afternoon is Jimmy's bowling day. I'll do my best, but I can't promise to be done with the next part today.

Nan

Well, okay, that might be worse than my bad day Hope you get it all sorted out promptly, if only for your sanity's sake.

PJ

Yes! Part 9 is up!

How could you leave it like that get back here with the rest of it


Please?

Janine

Edit:
woops sorry didn't read earlier comments, hope everthing works out

I've gotta stop reading comments before checking if the new part is up Good stuff here, but of course the best part was at the end, when -- as we knew would happen -- Alan discovers that Lyn is gone. But the cliffhanger is when -- as we did not anticipate -- a Jil showed up! Will he recognize them?? Will Alan's shielding hold up? Enquiring minds want to know... but seriously, take care of your RL stuff first.

PJ

Man, time flies when you are taking classes and trolling for jobs... 4 parts are up already!

Downloading now for later enjoyment...

James

Wow, Park's is not only hated, but lucky, too.

Too bad for the rest of the universe...

Does he ever get his just rewards?

James

Lol, James. Mr. Parks is still needed for the story, but rest assured he does get what is coming to him.

Nan

So, you're going to post the next part today, right?

Tara

More soon please?

Pretty please?

Janine

with a cherry on top??

I only have 4 pages done. I hope to post it on Sunday.

Nan

Yay! You posted...

I was hoping Alan could evade the Jil, but am not a bit sorry to see Griffen join the Jil-killer club And they bluffed their way out of the room, so that was good.

Glad to see that someone recognized Thoroski; I'd wondered about that when he passed Revolthvor's car.

Poor Alan, what a crack on the head! Good thing he had someone along who *wasn't* linked to him...

Sometimes I tell Mark & Alan bedtime stories to my kids <g> (suitably edited, of course) and my daughter especially liked the bit in Mines of Kuloghi where Alan gets hit and Mark blacks out. She thought it was hilarious. Can't wait to tell her that it's happened again, times two!

PJ

Y'know, the only thing I don't like about this story is that it got me hooked on the series. After reading the latest chapter, I had to get another "fix," so I read one of the few Terran Underground stories I had not read yet and went to bed three hours late. <Yawn> So it's your fault if I can't stay awake today. (Coffee? Where's the coffee? We'd better not be out!)

Thanks for the FDK so far.

The next part is going to be a little delayed. I'm in the middle of my annual accounting of my brother's finances, which, may I say, is a pain in the you-know-what.

I'll have the next part up as soon as I can.

Nan

Yay, more Defector!

Tara

Read this earlier today -- yay! Nice long part this time. I was glad to see Lyn wake up; I was looking forward to her "meeting" Thoroski for the first time. Hee, she bit him. You go, girl! <g>

Laughed when the TU guys realized that Lyn was aboard the Leviathan, but somehow in friendly hands. Of course, Alan's thinking of Greg Smythe, but hey, close enough.

I'm wondering if Dr. Gallagher is going to play a part in this story. Also wondering what they plan to do with Revolthvor.

Good discussion, btw, on why the Jils don't retaliate more.

As always, though, reading this part makes me crave the next part...

PJ
(who should be studying for her Accounting final right now, but somehow isn't)

Dr. Gallagher's conversion comes in another story: Volcano Island. Hopefully I'll get around to it fairly soon.

Nan

That would be nice That one's a good one.

Tara

Sure, Tara, make us all jealous, since you've seen these before... have you ever thought of helping your mom type these up?

PJ

Tara has two small kids and one on the way. She probably has no more time than I do <g>

Actually, she *did* type up some of the stories onto the computer for me. She did that monster, "Slave Race" before she was married, so all I had to do was edit it, as well as several others. She's promised to scan some of the other typed ones for me, as a reader has offered to convert any that are readable into Word format for me. As soon as I can get them out of storage, I'm going to take them over to her and have her do it for me. We have them in the storage units because of the danger of wildfires here. Some of those stories have no duplicates anywhere, so we didn't want to risk them getting burned up.

Nan

Well, if there's anything I can do to help, let me know, because I'd be happy to. Mail me some photocopies? I'm not otherwise employed these days...

PJ

You wouldn't believe how long it took me to type Slave Race up, lol! I'm not that slow at typing, either. I'm not the fastest, but I'm not too slow--about 70wpm or so. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time to sit here and type like I used to. I have a 5 year old son and a 3 year old daughter and one on the way, like Mom said. It keeps life interesting.

I'm going to take the scanner over to Mom's later today to scan one story that there's only one copy of to for someone to try to convert it to text. With any luck, that'll work well and Mom'll be able to start editing it and posting it soon It's one I haven't seen, only heard about, so that should be interesting.

Tara

Yay! Part 12 is up!



Can't wait until Parks gets what he deserves.

3...2...1... Contact! Parks is like a bad penny, but this time he's not getting away unscathed, if at all... I'll just bet Sven was glad to see Kev. But not as glad as Lyn was to see Mark, I'll betcha! I was hoping that was them when the patrolmen showed up Poor Sven, thinking he'd failed... but luckily for us, that mistaken impression didn't last long.

More, more, more! (whenever you can manage it, anyway)

PJ

It's always good for the bad guy to get what he deserves.

Bye bye, Parks, the world will not miss you.

More, soon!

Tara

And I'm now very curious as to what Smythe said to Lyn during that silent moment, before she said she didn't know him. It looked like she recognized him. And then I remember that nobody but Smythe's boss knows what his real name is, and... anyway, I'm all curious.

PJ

Janine

That poem had me rolling, too.

But then I'm sad that it's over.

Seemed kind of rushed, though. Not that I wanted gratuitous details of Parks' demise, but as it was I had to re-read to figure out that the corpse at the end was him... oh, well. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

Looking forward to the next story... kind of like how a crack addict wants the next hit...

PJ

James here.

Sorry for not keeping up on the FDK, but I am only getting on the boards about once a month. Too many other things to do, like finding work.

Glad to see that there is justice in the your universe, Nan.

BTW, I have one complaint to vent. Having read your stories, it has forever changed my thought processes whenever I say the phrase 'Hey baby.' to Elisabeth as a term of endearment. The second it comes out of my mouth, I think of Mark Linley in particular and Shallock in general. Had to share that with you.

James

I'm slow, but eventually made it to the game. I wanted to let you know how clearly that you wrote this. I don't remember much about Parks or anything about Dooley, and yet you so clearly re-introduced the characters that it didn't matter. You also did it in such a way that it didn't seem redundant in the parts that I did remember.

Thanks for continuing to play in this world.


Elisabeth