Chapter Four
It was finally hitting me. All at once, I might add.
I was not dreaming. This was not some odd trick being pulled. This whole thing was real, this queen was my mother, I had a sister I knew nothing about, I’d been given a maid and, let us not forget the most important part, my first crush was on a man named Griffin who was now forbidden from seeing me, I suppose.
Great. Just great.
Oh, and courtiers really were poison from an adders tongue, whatever that means.
“Milady Sabriel, may I express that my greatest joy is to have you back home safely.”
“Lady Sabriel, will wonders never cease? You are twice as lovely as your family.”
“Lady Sabriel, may I inquire what you think of our fair capital?”
“Milady, would you care to tell me of your time away from Xeniasasa, and where it was? Morrisdale-beyond-the-sea, perhaps?”
“They all be fools, doth thou agree?”
“What?” I blinked, smile fading. A young woman around my age or slightly older smiled at me.
“The courtiers. Fools.”
“Oh, yes.” Someone was talking to me. Someone was talking to me without mentioning my, ah… ‘time away from Xeniasasa’, how I knew nothing of the customs or the people… It was enough to nearly make me weep in thankfulness.
“I noticed you were getting more then your fair share of attention. It seemed only fair to rescue you.” The lady smiled, holding her hand out, palm up. “I am Lydia. Born and bred Xeniasian.”
I nodded back. From the corner of my eye I noticed servants cleaning up the remains of another statue, and pulled my emotions back from the surface. This control was getting harder and harder to do.
“Sabriel, if you haven’t guessed. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lydia… um, if you don’t mind my asking, why did you switch from… ah…”
“Archaic speech? Don’t worry. The only ones to continue talking that way are the advisers and elders. Xeniasasa was one of the last to relax, as far as verbal conversation goes, but…” Lydia waved her hand, and I noticed tiny scales on her palm. I nodded, attempting a small smile, only to sigh as another statue met its doom.
Harder to control and extra sensitive, my powers… the last thing I really needed.
“Lady Sabriel?”
“Hm? Oh, sorry, Lydia. Lost in thought for a moment, I suppose.” I hugged myself, sighing. “All caught up at once, you know.”
“You were not on this world.” She sounded so calm… I wasn’t half as… used to it? Relaxed about it? Anyways…
“No. I wasn’t.” I looked away.
Lydia seemed to hesitate. “Lady Sabriel, if I may give advice? Don’t expect perfection.”
And with that cryptic remark, Lydia left and walked halfway across the room to talk to someone, and more courtiers came to fill the air with pleasant words hiding their venom.
I could, I decided, handle being a princess, but why courtiers? Why?
0O0
‘I spoke a total of’ I paused to think, before putting pen to paper again ‘eight words to her, and she spoke eight words to me. Sixteen words do not make a conversation!’
My room was ready for me, including a few of Mizuiro’s cast offs that might fit me well enough until I had my own dresses. Kiel was… somewhere, just out of sight, while I wrote a letter to Griffin. I had no hope of mailing it, but it did make me feel better.
‘What makes me so special, Griffin? Why am I the one with the powers and the secret history? I never wanted any of it, and…well, the only good thing I can come up with from having these powers would be meeting you. I felt better, because you made me feel a little bit… normal.’
I sighed, and brushed the tip of the feather across my chin. Out of ink… I dipped the tip of the quill into the jar that was filled with the stuff, and scrawled my name.
My desk had to be my favorite thing in my room at the moment. Even with all the draconic things. It looked like the one in my home on Earth. Slightly battered, dark-honey-colored, and more drawers then a family of seven would know what to do with. Probably why I chose it.
I opened up the lid, and placed the letter inside. It would be safe there, as would any other letters I wrote to Griffin. I set the pen, more of a quill, really, down and capped the jar. Everything was put away in its place, and I sat back.
“Kiel?”
“Yes, Lady?” Kiel seemed almost to appear out of thin air, and I jumped. There was no way I was going to get used to that.
“What do princesses do, anyway?”
Worry could be saved for later. Like, when I was eighty.
Maybe I should have worried, because Kiel started talking about princess-ly duties. It… sounded like math class, actually, with all those rules.
I settled down to listen, focusing on Kiel’s voice. She was starting in on a princess’ role in trade negotiations when I was saved by Mizuiro.
“Sabriel? Mother wishes to speak with you now, privately.”
“Oh?” I looked up, and blinked. Mizuiro had an odd look on her face, like she’d eaten something sour and was trying not to show her distaste. I wondered what that meant, even as I stood up. I glanced over at Kiel, saw she was already gone, and shook my head. “Lead on, then.”
Mizuiro nodded, but waited for me to close the door before walking. I followed.
“I’ll be there, so don’t worry.”
Was there something to worry about?
“If mother comes off seeming cold, she doesn’t mean it. You have to understand, Sabriel, this is the first time she’s seen you in years. And… well, she has powers that need constant control.”
And… that would explain all the looks mother… no, she didn’t feel like my mother, really… the Queen had gotten on her face when I was destroying all those statues, even if I didn’t mean it.
“Like mine.” I didn’t ask, it was just a simple statement. Mizuiro nodded.
“Yes, like yours.”
And we didn’t talk until we reached the Queen’s chambers. For some odd reason, there were butterflies in my stomach doing the tango. I told them to settle down and squared my shoulders.
“What are we waiting for?” I asked. Mizuiro shrugged and knocked.
The doors opened. I was reminded suddenly of the gate that the first Mavni had pulled me through, on Earth that opened without aid from human hand. I fought away a chill, told myself I was being an idiot, and did my best not to remember that Griffin wasn’t here to protect me. I had Mizuiro, which was almost as good… even if I really wanted Griffin.
Mizuiro entered first, mostly, I believe, because she knew the woman we were about to talk with.
The Queen’s chambers were tasteful coral and an odd, copper color that looked metallic in the light from the large window. Several chairs were set out around a table with a… a tea set. Granted it looked more expensive than any from my Earth home, but still. It wasn’t what I had expected to see set out. For a visit, no less.
I felt a brief moment of panic where a vase near the door wobbled, at the thought that Xeniasasa was something like old England where they drank tea until they floated away. I shoved that thought away, determined that, if worst came to worst, I would just sip and keep any distaste to myself.
No chance of that, with my powers, but I would do my best.
The Queen sat in one of the chairs, nodding us closer. I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly to try and calm my nerves. At least nothing had broken yet, that was always a bonus…
“Mizuiro, Sabriel.” And then the Queen smiled, just a little bit, like she didn’t know how.
Like I smiled.
Like it or not, this woman had given birth to me and did hold claim over me. I smiled back, and took a seat across from her, Mizuiro to my left and her right. I folded my hands tightly in my lap and told myself not to stare.
She stared at me, instead.
“How do you… like your rooms? Is the view to your liking, Sabriel?”
I took a moment to respond, thinking about ‘the view’. I had one of those large windows that took up the entire wall, and could see almost all of the Xeniasasa shoreline. Boulders and sand and the pounding of the waves… it was actually quite nice, and beautiful when the sun set, I would think. “It is nice. My rooms are nice. Mizuiro helped me to pick out furnishings.” I gestured to Mizuiro, who nodded.
“All I did was keep her from going overboard over the dragon things, mother. Other then that, I didn’t have to do anything.” Mizuiro lifted an eyebrow, and I blinked. She could do that?
“Ah? Well then… Oh! Yes, I suppose… help yourself to some tea.” The Queen gestured at the tea pot and I barely held back a grimace. I had a sudden, horrifying vision of me taking a sip and that vase near the door meeting its demise.
“Thanks.”
Was Mizuiro being sarcastic? I glanced quickly over at her, the question almost to my lips… before I paused and swallowed it. Now was not the best time for that.
I nodded to the Queen, and picked up a tea cup. Mizuiro poured me some tea, and I could barely hold back my surprise at the light purple color. But I held it back, fortunately.
Conversation was stalled, and I for one thought of nothing to say. What could be said, even if I were to say what I felt?
I didn’t even know what I felt.
‘Thanks for throwing me away, anyways, and I really appreciate your sending away my only friend even though I care for him a lot, by the way, I don’t like tea’?
Um, no. Somehow, I didn’t think so.
I eyed my tea, held my breath and took a sip. Paused, blinked, and looked at the tea some more.
Finally: “Hey, this is pretty good.”
Mizuiro looked at me as if I’d lost my mind- being the recipient of such confused glances from my schoolmates, usually for saying yes, I had done the homework, it was easy- I grew to ignore them- and then took a sip from her own tea.
“She’s right!” Mizuiro sounded surprised, blinking and looking over at the Queen. “What did you put in it?”
I looked up as well, cup halfway to my mouth. Was it poisonous? Was I going to die for drinking it?
And why did the vase just shatter? It… wasn’t me… was it?
“Why do you suppose I had anything put in it?” The Queen sounded a little angry, eyes narrowing at Mizuiro. Mizuiro, for her part, shrugged.
“Because it tastes good. The tea you serve never tastes good. It always looks and tastes like mud. What happened?”
The Queen closed her eyes and sighed. “I didn’t make it this time.”
Mizuiro got another odd expression on her face. “You are never cooking again, if only to avoid killing anyone.”
I opened my mouth, forgot what I was going to ask, and looked down at my tea again. Mizuiro must have somehow sensed my confusion because she leaned over to me, something that was disrespectful to the Queen, and whispered, “Mother is a terrible cook” to me.
“Oh.” Well, that was something that was different. I was a passable cook, and through some stretch of imagination, even a good cook. Then again, it was either learn how to make something edible or starve, with mother, the one that raised me, away at work, trying to make ends meet.
Mother… Was she all right? Who made dinner now, and who packed her lunch? Was there someone to wash her clothes… no, she couldn’t afford any help. What if she was cooking and cleaning her own food… would she give herself salmonella or something? I had to… no. No, mother would be fine. Who had taught me how to cook, anyway? Mother had. Not at all like the Queen. Who was also my mother.
I was just going to give myself a headache from this situation, wasn’t I?
I took another sip of tea, determined to stop thinking.
It… didn’t work. The Queen crossed her legs at the ankles, tucked them closer to the chair, and turned to me. “Tell me, Sabriel, how are you really feeling?”
Mizuiro rolled her eyes and sighed. This was why she had looked like she’d eaten a lemon? Attempted mother-daughter bonding? Somehow, though, I had the feeling that this… wasn’t why. A prelude, maybe, but not the actual reason.
I stared at my tea, lips tightening. I watched the tips of my fingers turn white as they pressed harder against the china. How did… I feel? She wanted to know how I felt? I’d let her know, then! And she would regret asking me!
“I feel,” I said, keeping my voice on an even level, “like someone snatched me from my home, dragged me through the woods, became my friend and was forbidden from seeing me. I feel,” and I looked up, only to see the Queen recoil, “like someone wants me to be something I’m not. I feel alone, and despite my denying my emotions- yes, I have them, and I’d rather I didn’t!- I’m slightly frightened. What do you want from me?”
All the tea cups shattered into fine fragments, and the tea pot melted. I clenched my hands, and stood up.
“Why did you send me away? Did you not want me? I was a child! A child! And now, you want me back. Well, guess what? I all ready have a mother, and that’s not you!”
I spun around, doors slamming open. I was blinded by fury, things breaking in the wake of my passing.
I did not know this woman. Nor, I decided, did I care to know her. I had a mother. And though I loved her, I was also her maid. Here, I wasn’t. All children must leave home eventually, and it was apparent that I would never return to Earth, no matter what I wished.
I hadn’t found out what made Mizuiro upset. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. I knew… nothing. What did it matter?
I pushed my worry over my mother away, far away, to the furthest corners of my mind. I would stop worrying over mother. I would not stay up late tonight thinking about her.
If only life were that simple.
0O0
If I had known what was going to happen, before I was ready, I might add, I wouldn’t be worried over why the Queen and I had no connection, no relationship, or about my mother. If I had been thinking, I would have known why.
If I had been paying attention, I might have been better prepared.
Not everyone wanted a stranger to inherit the throne, after all.
