Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Challenge who wants to play a 'game'?

Originally posted by Queen of the Capes:

There's evil in that fridge," Lois grumbled as she eyed the freezer, wary of the tub of Rocky Road that hid within.

Clark looked up from the newspaper and, upon seeing his wife glaring at the freezer, muttered, "Not again."

Ignoring her husband's grumbling like an old woman, she squared her shoulds back before declaring loudly, "There is evil, and I shall vanquish it with my spoon!"

"Been watching Charmed again, Honey?" Clark asked with a teasing smile.

Lois pulled a mock sterned face at him."You know very well that i don't like charmed, Mr. Kent"

"Then why did you make Clark & I sit through 14 hours of it with you last weekend?" Asked Mayson.

Lois upturned her nose at her 'friend' before replying, "It was revenge for making me sit through that 'Sex and the City' marathon last month."

Clark gaped at her, "it wasn't me who made you, it was Mayson, so why am I being revenged upon?"

She gave him a look that would have sent any regular earthling male to an early grave. "Because you offered her the TV when hers conveniently broke!"

"Lo' honey, didn't Clark tell you yet how he broke it?" asked Mayson as she sat down on Clark's lap, and started running her hands over his body.

Lois rolled her eyes just as the door to the third wife's bedroom creaked open and Lana padded out, yawning.

Clark leaned back in his chair, wondering what life would be like if Polygamy hadn't been legalized in 1902.

Lana combed her fingers through her blond hair and growled, "Mayson, you're in my spot!"

Lois rolled her eyes heavenward as she moved placed both hands on her hips, giving each of the 'lesser' wives the evil eye. "Excuse me, but we all know which one of us is the Alpha Female around here."

As the three began to bicker again Clark silently cursed Miranda and her Kryptonite enhanced pheromone compound.

He was relieved when the impending cat-fight was abated by a knock on the door.

Clark glanced through the door as he went towards it, "Did one of you invite Sara over?"

The figure on the other side of the door, however, was not Sara, but a curious little man in a bowler hat.

The world seemed to bend and shudder, and Clark was aware of being dizzy, behind him he heard a "swoosh" sound as Zara arrived home from a patrol.

Clark gave the man at the door an almost begging look, "Please tell me you're here in response to my advert - I don't think I can take having four wives any more!"

The man at the door seemed speechless, staring past Clark with a fixed gaze.

"Oh my, we do have a problem, don't we?" H.G Wells said before entering the house.

"My sympathies, ladies, on your, eh, shall we say lack of ... er... um... sexual activity with only a fraction of Mr. Kent at your, ah... disposal, and so I've brought several, very able young men to... ahem... ah... help you find, in the words of the immortal Mr. Jagger... satisfaction.... that is in the bedroom of course, if I may make myself clear, although I do understand that you may wish to enjoy these gentlemen in other rooms as well."

Mayson clapped excitedly before rushing into one of the rooms. "Satisfaction in the bedroom must mean he knows how to help me reorganize my closet!"

"No, no, no, Mayson, don't waste his time in the bedroom--you know his talents lie in the kitchen!" Lois exclaimed.

"Can any of them change diapers?" Zara asked excitedly.

Rolling her eyes her at the libido-challenged Zara and Mayson, Lois slid her fingers over the muscled chest of a tall, blue-eyed man who had strode decisively to her side, kissed him slowly, hungrily with the pent up frustration of lonely nights, then murmured against his lips, "Make love to me now."

"For once," the guy murmured against her lips with a voice that was slightly familiar yet somehow different, "I'm actually *glad* Herb dragged me along on a 'Tempus Hunt'."
Ten minutes later H.G. Wells was seen running up Clinton St. with three* scantily clad women in pursuit, yelling something about "faster then a speeding bullet".


(* Zara being Kryptonian also has superspeed)

Lois, having no idea who the three scantily clad women who had come after Wells were, shrugged, then turned to another of the men whom the time-traveller had brought with him, and said softly, "Patrick was amazing, and he's given me a desire for.... more," as she led him by the hand to her bedroom.
She gave him a seductive smile and fluttered her eyelashes provocatively, "I know there's another Double Fudge Crunch Bar in here somewhere, I just can't remember where I left it, so be a dear and find it for me."
"By the way," Lois purred, "I'm not exactly sure who you are, but you do seem to be of the Homo Sapiens family of the Kryptonium subgroup of the other-universe Clark Kent persuasion... and if my husband can have four wives, why can't I have at least two husbands?"
"I'm not sure that's wise," H.G Wells broke in, "surely it takes a super-powered being to handle more than one spouse."

Stiffening, Lois said, "You're fantasizing again, Mr. Wells, but the fact is that my needs, both sexual and emotional, haven't been met; nor, by the way, am I an animal to be *handled* by some misogynist creep like Clark 'sleeps around' Kent, super powers or not."

Surprised, and wondering just what kind of universe he'd gotten into *this* time, Wells turned to Clark who merely snorted and said, "Ignore her; she can't even cook."

"Hey, just because you can't handle a little spice in your life, Kent, doesn't mean that you get to knock Lois's cooking, because I for one have no complaints," Dan Scardino said having overheard the conversation upon exiting one of the bedrooms.

Having just entered the the room after saving 1000 people on a sinking cruise ship, Zara said, "Wells, why did you bring all these amazing men for us if you didn't know that something is terribly wrong with Clark Kent; if your didn't know that in fact none of us has had sex with the being that calls himself Clark Kent, and who I now suspect, and I think you must too, Wells, is not really Clark Kent at all but a Troglodyte Shapeshifter?"

Hardly had Zara finished speaking than "Clark Kent" suddenly turned into a green (almost Kryptonite-green!), slimy, eight-armed, six-eyed, and, if you are into that sort of thing, one rather kissable mouth (and two not so kissable). The being was unclothed, and you could see that between his legs was... nothing.

"So that's why we've never had sex!" shrieked Lois. "What have you done to my husband, you monster?"

Mayson, cuddling with Dan on the sofa, looked up and said, "I wonder if the monster ate Clark Kent?"

No sooner had Mayson said that did the green critter turn an even more disgusting shade of green and began to make some rather loud and disgustingly rude burping noise, and the next thing anyone knew there was a sadly mostly clothed Clark Kent sprawled on the floor covered in a green gelatinous ooze; getting up and trying to wipe away as much of the gunk as he possibley could from his eyes, Clark looked around the room in a daze, "Lois, Honey, I had the craziest dream last night about -- Mayson, arent' you dead?"

Before Mayson could answer, Lois threw herself down on the floor beside Clark and hugged him, green gelatinous gunk and all, while gushing:

"Oh Honey, I'm so sorry; I should have known that something was wrong; I just thought that you were a very, very, very patient man - and a womanizer too, of course!"

Daintily stepping over Clark's slime puddles, Lana, pink pompoms in hand, opened the front door, saying, "Did you know that cheerleading is a great way to meet guys?" as she left the apartment.

Frowning, Mayson muttered to herself, "So that's why your ravishing me never felt anything like 'Sex And the City' and 'Desperate Housewives' (sorry about the time loop) seemed to promise me it would - so instead of waiting in vain for bedroom fireworks bestowed on me by Clark Kent, I think I'll make a career out of defusing car bombs instead!"

Zara reached out and pulled Lane off Kent, tossing her on to the sofa, shifted into super speed and pulled Kent into a deep kiss.

As Herb walked in the room, he gasped.

"But Lana! I thought we had something special together... Does this mean...?"

"Wait Herb! Lana went out so that must be..." He wasn't able to finish as 'Lana' flew through the wall.

Which was a load bearing wall and, as the ceiling started to collapse, faster than a speeding bullet, Clark Kent leaped on the nearest chair, raised his incredibly strong, powerful, breathtakenly muscled albeit green slime-covered arms and, like the mighty Atlas, held up the ceiling, thus saving the apartment building from collapse.

"Everybody get out," he shouted over the sound of coughing and plaster from the walls and ceiling falling on to the ground and Clark plus the others.

"Wait," Lois shouted, "maybe that wasn't Zara masquerading as Lana, maybe it was a Troglodyte Shapeshifter masquerading as Zara masquerading as Lana... and why did she fly through that wall anyway?"

"Lois, please just get out, achoo." Lois looked up at him in surprise, "Did you just sneeze?" Clark nodded as another sneeze took over.

"Clark" collapsed to the floor, his skin turned green and sloughed off his bone, leaving a mass of rotting stinking goo and titanium bones.

"He's a robot," Lois cried, "a robot who is allergic to - well, something! And my husband has been kidnapped!"