Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Challenge Challenge: Boring Fanfics

Are you skilled at blah? Do you have a talent for the humdrum? Can you write prose that would make even the most steadfast fan fall asleep?

Then this challenge is for you!

Write a boring fanfic.

No need to be longwinded, but the more tedious, the better. Any repetition of themes done ad nauseum is also a bonus.

Ready? Set? Go!

Er... why?

Interesting, unique, and somewhat amusing request, but... why?

Paul

(Clark opened the phone book, hoping to find Stephanie Wong's number. He flipped to the Ws and started reading.

"Wong, A (219)555-3476. No, that's not it. Wong, Amy (219)555-8721. No, that's not it. Wong, Aron (219)555-2298. That's not it, either...")

LabRat

*snicker*
If you want to read boring fanfic, there's more than enough available.

AnnN. (won't give recommendations)

You know, Paul, that really did not meet the challenge at all. As Labby's reaction (and my very similar one) attests.

Tsk!

LOL, PAUL!!!

Rach

*Hangs head in shame*

I tried.

I'll figure out this "serious writing" thing some day...

Paul, still wondering... why?

Paul, you piffle so beautifully.

c

Clark was speaking to his child. "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z and that is the alphabet. These are numbers 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10" In came Jimmy. "Let us watch television child" And so they did. And that is how Utopia was created.

Hey, this is my level of writing ability!!!

Ralph came into work and sat at his desk. He turned on his computer and sat down. He then tapped his pencil then leaned back into his chair. He was so comfy he feel asleep. Since it was Ralph, Perry sent him home.

The end.

**Now** if it was Clark instead of Ralph, I'd find this tiny paragraph still entertaining. Sigh.

K. That wasn't even funny.

Paul, I was sort of being facetious. I wasn't looking for actual fics, but SuperRoo and Jensguy got it about right.

I wanted to see if people could come up with short, yawners that were kind of funny.

I have a weird sense of humour. I admit it.

Paul, Jensguy and Roo:

That's a fun challenge, Capes!

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

ROTFLMAO, Jensguy! And Roo -

LabRat

Always a pleasure Labster! And for that nice applause, you shall be rewarded. I'll send the only good looking one off of Desperate Housewives round to your place in the morning.

Have fun;)

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

Yes, I do mean Teri Hatcher.

*cough*

Unless I've missed something I don't think Teri is her type.

Dave

ROTFLMAO! Erm...yes. The hazards of a non-gender specific nick.

That cute guy Teri's character dates in DH would definitely be more my style, Jensguy.

Or Clark, of course. I wouldn't say no to Clark being dumped on my doorstep, tied up with red ribbon.

LabRat

Sorry Labster, I'll get the guy Teri's character dates in DH delivered soon. Oh, and if you've no use for Teri, I'll swap you her for Dean Cain, who's been delivered here by mistake.....

P.S; How was I suppossed to know the Labster was female?

Through her amazing intelligence, wit and diplomatic skills.

(Oh, and it's in her profile )

Dave

Oh yeah, good point.

LOL! Thanks, Dave - cheque's in the mail.

You couldn't. <g> Choosing a non-gender-specific nick inevitably means on occasion you're going to be mistaken for the wrong gender. That's my problem, no one else's. If I wanted to ensure it didn't happen, it'd be on me to make sure I used a gender specific nick.

LabRat

People thought I was a boy for a while.

Thanks for the for the paragraph. HEHE.

Lois Lane settled down in her hiding place, waiting for the meeting between the two crime bosses to begin. After while she fell asleep. When she woke up it was morning and everything was over.

The End.

Nan

Nan, given your talent for complicated A-plots and closed mysteries, that was funny.

You should call these Tranq endings...as in, they are so boring they'll tranquilize you....

And I could go on, but I think that's enough.

~Toc

Toc, I don't know what category this falls in, but I absolutely love it!!

Maybe you should consider entering that 'Dark and Stormy Night' competition... I can't remember its name, but somebody else might.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

My first thought was....being concerned over the lack of stars that could happen on a clear night in New Jersey. I'd be sad w/o stars.

Then I realized I am overtired and that was a lame thought and should go to bed.

G. Night.

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the grand opening of the new city courthouse! I'm pleased that you could all be present for this historic event."

Lois yawned and leaned over the armrest to look at Clark's watch. "Only 3:05," she muttered. "How long do you think he'll keep talking?"

"Probably until they forcibly remove him from office. In 2008."

"Our previous courthouse was a landmark of the city, serving for 200 years as the center of all legal events in Metropolis. Regrettably, last year's fire destroyed that building and forced us to consider where and how to rebuild such an important building."

"He managed to use the word 'build' three times in a single sentence, Clark! Don't mayors have speech editors or something?"

"Since my election as mayor, I have been dedicated to improving Metropolis in every possible way without increasing taxes. We've seen new hospitals, schools, government buildings, and public services opening all over the city. We've seen roads being built and repaired. We've seen more jobs being created."

Lois gave him a fierce glare. "Plus higher crime rates, *higher* taxes, and more government officials taking bribes."

"Hush," Clark said, trying to suppress a grin.

"Oh, like you couldn't hear him over me if you really wanted to."

"Actually, I'm trying to block him--and you--out so I can listen to a TV show in the next apartment building."

She gave him a hrrmph and folded her arms across her chest.

"You're seeing your tax dollars at work today, citizens of Metropolis! This courthouse will allow you to complete legal processes, from changing your name to filing for bankruptcy or divorce! It will allow you to stand trial for offenses, and to sue when your rights as citizens have been trampled upon! It will preserve your rights as citizens of this fair country! In fact, it will also be used as a polling station during our next election so that citizens living in the center of Metropolis will no longer have to go as far as the police station to exercise their rights as citizens!"

"Citizens, four times," Lois said. At a glare from Clark, she mimed zipping her lips.

"Courthouses are one of the most important buildings you can find in this city or any other. Courthouses are a direct symbol of our government and how it works for us. Today, thanks to your tax dollars and our local government contractors, we have a new courthouse! And now, please welcome our honored guest, Superman, who will be doing the honors of cutting the ribbon!"

Lois turned to Clark, who was slumped in his chair, softly snoring. A tiny dribble of drool ran down his chin.

"Uh, Clark," she whispered, shoving at him. "You're supposed to be doing ribbon-cutting."

"Oh, right," he said, ducking under his chair as if to grab a dropped pen, then scurrying out of sight and reappearing at the edge of the stage.

"Congratulations on your new courthouse, Metropolis," he said, cutting the red ribbon in front of the courthouse doors.

"Gee, odd, that," Lois whispered, knowing he would hear her. "I would have expected a stream of excited citizens rushing in to file bankruptcy, or divorce, or change their names. Or something.

"That's the problem with courts. They're... boring."

Hehe!

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Ticandtoc: That was hysterical! Poor, poor New Jersey! Susan

Thanks!

I've got seven pages of that stuff. I was er, bored... one night and was trying to write the worst, most boring, badfic version of Clark's arrival on earth.

I call it something like How It All Began (The Babble Version). The whole thing's full of useless repetition, completely irrelevant information, and absolutely no conversation.

~Toc

Seven pages of absolutely no conversation, Janet? I can beat you on that one. I think CC counted eleven pages...


Wendy

I'm dying to see this badfic, Toc! Seriously!!

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Okay, you asked for it! I just posted it in the fanfic folder, and I'm dedicating it you, AnnaBtG.

I never thought this little... diversion would see the light of day
but I'm happy you want to see it.

~Toc

Meerkat I liked your take.

Oh I wish I had superpowers sometimes. What a great escape at times like these.

Yet even listening to TV still could not end the snore fest.
Good job.

TLAT

*steps into view*

boring? Oooo! I can do boring! And tedious! And there's a good chance of bad!ficness(as you can tell in my butchering of grammar and spelling)!

--

Lois Lane, award-winning journalist, stood in line at the grocery store. It was currently the only one open, and it had taken her fifteen minutes to be next in line. Of course, the little old lady in front of her proved to resemble the stereotypes Lois tried to avoid with her hunched shoulders, glasses secured to her neck with a thin strand of beads, and purse clutched to her chest.

And oh yeah, the several dozen cans of animal food crowding the counter.

The cashier began to slide the cans over the scanner one at a time, the assembly too cluttered and assorted to simply count and divide.

beep

beep

beep

There was a pause as the cashier couldn't get one of the bar codes to be read by the machine, so she had to manually type in the UPC code.

Finally it went through with a resounding beep.

beep

beep

beep

Turning to the magazines that lined the endcap, Lois picked up one of the tabloid rags. The headlines SUPERMAN HAVING TORRIDAFFAIR WITH ELVIS' ALIEN DAUGHTER made her grimace. Last week he’d been having an affair with her. The week before that it was Bigfoot.

Placing the rag back in place she picked up the TV Guide.

Hmmm. What’s playing on tv this week? Thumbing through she found an ad for some new series about housewives. Peering close at the tall brunette in the picture promoting the show, she wondered how Clark would take it if she grew her hair out like that.

Paging through some more, she noticed that the SciFi channel was having a movie marathon. Reading through the titles she noticed they were mostly the poorly made ‘Mutated Spider Takes Over Hong Kong’ types of movies. They were entertaining enough to watch if one was bored. In fact, just the other day she had watched one about a snake in an Antarctic prison. Granted, she would normally have turned the channel after the first fifteen minutes, but there was something about the main character.

Sighing, Lois put the Guide back and checked on the status of the pet food. The cashier was almost done, and Lois set out her own soon-to-be purchases. Toothpaste, deodorant, a couple books, pens. More stuff followed by food. Junk food for Clark, healthy food for her, and a happy medium for them.

And cheese.

However, the little old lady was not done. Pulling out a jar of coins that had been hidden in the cart, she began to count out the amount of money needed.

Groaning, Lois removed her never-would-be purchases from the belt and handed the basket to the cashier. “I’m going to be late for work.”

Walking out of the store, she called her husband. Forty seconds later they were in their room.

After her little adventure, she needed to play hooky.

--

Outside the store, the little old lady cackled evilly.


Soo, did you drool from boredom? DO I need to try harder?

Was it too short?

That was fun, Catherine!

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Boring? tedious? Why are you guys calling me by my nicknames! They were supposed to be a secret thing!

Anyway... Here's my tedious, non-BRed-on-purpose piece.

Thank you for being there.

Lois is in trouble. Lois locked herself out of her apartment late at night while taking the trash out. Lois leaves the trash in front of her door and goes to a phone booth on the other side of the street. From the phone booth, Lois calls the locksmith. Jimmy shows up because he is now fixing locks for extra money. Jimmy fixes the lock and Lois thanks Jimmy. Lois enters the apartment carrying the trash in. Lois goes out a second time to take the trash out. This time Lois brings a heavy book to prevent the door from closing again. Lois finally throws the trash out. Lois goes back in to sleep. Lois goes to work in the next morning. Lois gives a card to Jimmy. Jimmy opens the card and the card says 'Thank you for being there.' Jimmy gives a card to Lois. Lois opens the card and the card says. 'Service charges are $50.'

The End.

MDL (who's telling the readers who are still here. 'Thank you for being there'

Woohoo I won! mine was so boring i havent received comments!

MDL

Sorry, MDL, but you didn't win. Here's a comment:

Lots of fun!

(I don't know why I didn't spot this one earlier.)

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Superman sat down. He was tired after a long night of saving idiots who couldn't be bothered to not be in danger. It was then that the woman entered his appartment using her key. He made love with Lois as Superman.

He woke up. She was beside him. He stumbled out into the alley in pain. The girl asked if he was OK, did he need help? He bit her as his soul disapeared into the ether.

Angelus was back...

*CB falls out of her chair, giggling like mad*

Baaaaaaad!!

So I started to write something for Paul's Title Challenge (the one where we have to write a fic titled "The Super Market"), but what came out was so tedious and hideous I thought it would be better to post it here.

Feel free to provide tomatoes.

The Super Market

“Corn-flakes, check,” Lois mumbled, taking a box from the shelf, then glanced at her grocery list. “Now for the toilet paper...”

The toilet paper was at the other side of the super market. She walked across the crowded hallway and picked up a package of ten rolls. This should do for a while.

“Toilet paper, check. Next is orange juice...”

The orange juice was in the same aisle with the cornflakes. She went all the way back there and picked up one carton, then gave it some more thought and picked up another.

“Orange juice, check. Now where do I find toothpaste?”

The toothpaste wasn’t far from the toilet paper. Back again to the aisle with the hygiene products to pick up a tube.

“Toothpaste, check. Now...” She checked her grocery list again. “Right... some Double Fudge Crunch Bars...”

That was the easiest thing to remember, since she often made trips to the super market just to get some of those. They were in the aisle behind the corn-flakes and the orange juice.

And on she went, reading the grocery list and traveling around the supermarket to pick up the needed items.

The End

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Oh, this challenge is great. I especially liked Catherine's contribution. Who is that crazy old lady!

Wow TicandToc. I seriously think you win this challenge. I will admit I don't usually read the author's intro paragraph or so at the start of a story- so I was a little shocked when I read your story on the archive. Especially since I loved cloud nine. I was wondering what was going on- but didn't want to make anyone feel bad by asking why this story was so horrible- what if you had thought it was good, etc, etc. And then I read this thread. I immediately recognised the New Jersey paragraph and went to double check it was the same story. Then I saw the intro and felt pretty silly.

I love the boring stories here- but after reading the thread first- they're kinda funny in an odd ironic way, and I've been laughing at how random they are. Since I didn't read it before I read TicandToc's, I have to say that was the most horrible story- it actually made me give up on catching up on my reading and go to bed- which is why I didn't see this thread till today (this is the first free time I've had since I read that fic and gave up- my classes are getting a little nuts in prep for seniors graduating- even though that's not for about a month)

Congratulations that was a truly boring story It deserves the Tranq ending title- literally

~Toc

Brilliant, guys!


LabRat

I haven't been reading this thread, since boring fanfics seem... well, boring, you know? But Paul, I'll take your take on boredom any time:



Yes, where among the A's, Amys and Arons will you find Stephanie, Clark? I'm surprised you were able to flip to W before you started looking for Wong. Wouldn't you expect to find Wong tucked in somewhere between Aidan, Anderson, Armstrong and Arriaroggio?

So, Paul... why? Why this challenge? Probably because that was the only way someone - hi, Capes! - could make you write about Clark and the phone book. And Jensguy... thanks a billion for letting Clark have a child, so he can teach his kid the alphabet (and hopefully learn it himself while he is at it)!

By the way, Jensguy, I rather loved your fic about - how do I put it? - slightly, hmm, not exactly G-rated Superman. But, eh, who the heck (who the heaven?) is Angelus?

Ann

Angelus was the name that Angel used when he was an evil vampire, before his soul was restored and he became a good vampire.

Jensguy's snippet was a parody of the eventful moment in Buffy The Vampire Slayer when Angel slept with Buffy and - because of a gypsy curse - promptly reverted to being Angelus and pure evil.

LabRat

Glad you enjoyed, Ann.

Why the phone book? Combination of two things, actually.

One was an old episode of Batman: The Animated Series . The Joker takes over an auditorium with gas grenades. His girlfriend/assistant assures him that she can keep them occupied easily enough; with Joker's "high octane laughing gas" in their systems, they'll laugh at the phone book! She pulls out an actual phone book and starts reading the listings in a bland monotone. The audience cracks up.

That scene made an impression on me. "Phone book tired" became a new benchmark for me. It describes the state of being so loopy from lack of sleep that you might just laugh at the phone book.

The other thing that came into play was a throwaway line from one of my favorite silly/"guilty pleasures" movies, Hudson Hawk . There are two very bored security guards sitting in the monitor room. Having nothing better to do, one of them has taken to perusing the phone book.

"673 Wongs in the phone book," he tells his partner.

The other hmms thoughtfully. "Helluva lotta Wong numbers."

It's stupid, but it's fun.

Anyway, when I tried to come up with something boring yet strangely amusing, the two scenes popped to mind and kind of naturally went together. So, that's why Clark is reading the phone book, and why he's looking through all of the listings for Wong. All of which took much much longer to explain than it did to write the original thing which, really, was just a throwaway tag-on to a confused post.

As for Angelus... I see Lab managed to cover that while I was writing the rest of this (that preview window is so helpful sometimes), so I'll leave it at that.

Anyway, thanks again for the FDK, even if it was just for a stupid gag I'd all but forgotten. It's always good to know I've made someone laugh.

Paul

Ah! Thanks again for sharing, Paul. (And thanks to LabRat, for enlightening me about Angelus.)

But - Paul! I loved the joke about all the Wong numbers. Thanks for telling me that little snippet. It's just a little extra fun for a Swede. Not that Swedes in general have any trouble pronouncing the letter W correctly, but it is nevertheless true that W doesn't exist in Swedish except as a decorative letter used to prettify the graphic looks of names beginning with a V. Which is to say, too, that W in Swedish is always pronounced as V, because W in Swedish is V....

Anyway. I remember a Swedish kid who did have a bit of trouble with his pronunciation, and after learning how to pronounce "w" in Engligh, he sort of got hung up on that letter and insisted on pronouncing it wherever he saw it. So the word "wrong", for example, he pronounced as "w"-rong. I can just hear him talking about all those "w"-rong Wong numbers....

Hey, this explanation was so long and boring that I think I deserve some sort of prize for it, don't it?

Ann