Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Challenge Journalism 101: Things *NOT* to ask the professor

Alright, this loosely fits into the fanfic category. Then why am I putting it here? Well...this is where you come in. Is there a question we forgot? Add it! Come on...It'll be fun!

This is how it started and it has only grown from there:

So I’m sitting here in Journalism class and I’m trying to pay attention, and I am, but I have to cover my mouth with my hand to hide my huge grin. And I also have to keep my hand there so I don’t say anything stupid. So, after class, I came up with this list. I shared it that night with Paul on IRC and asked him to come up with some as well, him being one of my favorite comedians. All I have to say…I’m *so* glad Paul is not in class with me! Then, after that, I was trying to figure out just where the heck I should post this thing. I asked Sas tonight in IRC...and after she came up with a few questions of her own , we decided this should be a challenge. So here you have it…

Journalism 101: Things *NOT* to ask the professor

Sara K:

• Can I cover a dog show? Why? I just want to see if it's really all that bad. Uh...Where did I get that idea? Never mind.
• So, hypothetically speaking, if a criminal mastermind masquerading as a wealthy philanthropist was running a crime syndicate and you needed proof to bring him down, how would you go about doing that?
• Do you ever go on stakeouts? If yes, what usually happens?
• Can I call you Chief?...Please?
• Have you ever won a Kerth? Huh? Oh...I mean a Pulitzer? Kerth? Never mind what I said about that.
• Does anyone ever say stop the presses?*
• If you had a male partner that you were attracted to, would you tell him? Or would you be afraid he'd take advantage and try to steal your senior investigative reporter position?
• What brand of lock-picking equipment do you find most helpful?
• So...can you partner me up with that cute guy over there? Why not? I already have a slogan picked out..."The Hottest Team In Town.” What do you mean, ‘no’? Fine. But I’m not happy about it.

Paul aka HatMan:

• So, if I get kidnapped, and tied to a chair with a bomb under me... that's a good thing, right? Means I’m on the right track?
• If this is the press room, where's the apple cider?
• Where's the best place to keep your notes so that the bad guys won't find them, and won't destroy valuable property looking?
• Which is better? Getting a page one story, or two page twos?
• What's the best way to deal with a rival journalist? Mace, blackjack, or a false lead?
• What do you do if you're in the middle of a break-in and find out that the owner doesn't have dogs, as you were prepared for, but lions instead?
• When do we get the lock-picking lessons?
• Can I really use the staff photographer as my own personal gopher?
• What's the best strategy to defend my break room cruller?
• If a source asks to be paid with food instead of money, is that really weird?
• Is it true that the more unreliable a source looks, the more likely he is to have vital information?
• If I can only fit one more class into my schedule, which should it be? Grammar and writing, lock picking, escape artistry, or acting and disguises?
• Is the Watergate Hotel really the best place to meet a source? After all, no one would think to look there, would they?
• If I’m in a parking garage, on foot, and someone tries to run me down with a car, is there any particular reason I should run up the lane instead of between the parked cars?
• How many tape recorders should I carry around with me? If they search me and find one, will they stop there? Or should I assume they'll find my back-up, too, and have a third?
• If I’m hanging upside-down, being lowered to my certain doom in the big press machine, what's the best way to hit the big red button to stop the presses? My shoe or my tape recorder?
• As an intern, I’ll start on the obituaries, right? So, should I start practicing with friends, coworkers, or enemies?
• Where *do* you hide the bodies?
• What's the best way to make friends with the gruff old police sergeant?
• What are some good alternatives to "you'll never get away with this!"?
• What's the best way to skip the "mood piece" and "human interest story" stages?
• If you're looking at a whole row of abandoned dockside warehouses, how do you pick?
• How can I make sure that bomb debris will stick to my hair in the most exciting and attractive way?
• If we're part of the 4th estate, who lives next door?
• If there's a screaming crowd running away from something, what's the quickest and best way to get past them to the story?
• Once you develop the instinct to do that, how do you manage to cover marathons?

Saskia:

• When do you start believing weird dressed guys talking about time traveling and parallel universes?
• Is it okay to fall in love with the biggest flying story in history?
• What's the fastest way to dump your partner?

_____

* Some one actually *did* ask this in class, and no, it wasn’t me <g>. The professor said she’d seen it once in her 7 years of reporting. It was during the whole “hanging-chad-who-the-heck-is-really-the-president election.” And it turns out it’s not so funny, it costs tens of thousands of dollars everytime they press that big red button. And *yes* there really is a big red button!

HUH?

Roo, Sara explained you can actually yell 'Stop the Presses!' On the modern machines, there's a red button that stops the presses. To get them going again, and all the time that goes by in between, it costs about 10,000s of dollars. So you see why it doesn't actually happen anymore. Only in cases of huge emergencies do I know it's still being done, as I've been told during my internship at a paper.

Saskia

You missed the asterisk at the start, Roo, which linked back to here in the post:

It took me a little bit to work it out too. <G>

LabRat

So if this is a challenge, what are we supposed to do, add more questions to the list not to ask?

Oops! Sorry guys! Look, Sas, that's what you get for making me post this at 4 in the morning. Anyway, thank's for explaining for me Sas and Lab.

Sara (who still feels a little loopy from lack of sleep )

• Which conference room is mine?
• Does my expense account cover damage to my apartment when people I'm investigating shoot missiles through my window? What about removal of bomb debris or concrete from my clothing?
• What's the best way to refuse an assignment? Will you accept "I wasn't in the mood"?
• How much money is alloted for bail per year?

~Toc

Sorry I am a little confused. (what else is new)So is this just a challenge for us to add to the list or can we write stories dealing with these questions?

- Laura

Nope, Laura, just add a question of your own... like THIS!

Wanda's Submissions:
1. At what point do I get a cool nickname like, say, "Mad Dog Detroit"?
2. Which chapter in the text deals with Lois Lane's Three Rules ?
3. When I want to pick a lock, is a hairpin or a credit card preferred?
4. Where should I shop for costumes for undercover operations? ...Do they carry anything in the way of a yellow chicken-like leotard? What do you mean, where am I going undercover??

--"Mad Dog" Detroit (It has a nice ring to it)

I woke up about an hour ago and decided I'm spending way too much time chatting to FoLCs, based on a particularly weird dream. But I just can't stay away. <g> So here:

• Does it make me a bad reporter if I can't recognize a superhero in disguise? What do you mean, too much comics??????
• So if I get buried alive along with some dead guy, and it turns out he isn't... well, what does the book say about that?
• Is it true that Editors-in-chief can't yodle?
  
  This one came from Kaylle:
• So, if I were to smuggle illegal arms into Africa - hypothetically, of course... how would I go around doing it? <g>

Julie

Toc, Wanda, and Julie!!!



Don't be sorry, Laura. I meant for this to just be something of a list to be added to...like "You Might Be a FoLC if..." but if you have a story idea stemming from these questions, by all means, write it!!! I'd love to read it. If not, feel free to add some questions.

Sara (who's impressed, and slightly embarrassed that Paul managed to come up with at least twice as many questions as she did in the same amount of time :rolleyes: )

What? Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Oh yeah? /me makes note to tie Julie to the ficus and make sure she gives us all the sordid details later...

LabRat (chuckling over these suggestions, too. Keep 'em coming.)

Lab, if you want details, I;d have to kill you after I tell.

Julie <g>

lol, Sara. Nice sig. I'm honored.

on the new ones, guys. Those are great!

Speaking of new ones...

• If a tree falls in the forest, should I check underneath it for endangered species?
• If the world was to become a global utopia in which there are no major conflicts and everyone is happy, I'd pretty much be out of a job, right?
• Hey, I've got this list of questions I'm putting together. Could you take a look at it and see if I missed anything?
• What do you mean this class isn't about writing diaries? Next you'll be telling me engineering has nothing to do with driving trains... *
• If I have a secret identity, and that identity does something newsworthy, is it ethical for me to write the story myself?
• If it is, can I grant myself an exclusive interview?
• If I can, do I have to talk to myself out loud before I can quote myself?
• Hypothetically speaking, if my secret identity gets called to fight evil on another planet, do you have any tips for how I should cover for myself?
• Hey, I'm stuck on a bit of homework from last week. Can you help? I need to know how to take the integral of this second-order multivariable equation...
• If I'm walking home after work, and I happen to witness a major police shoot-out or something, and I call it in... Do I get overtime for that?
• If I'm kidnapped during the course of an investigation, is the time I spend as a captive considered "on the clock"?
• If I get kidnapped, shot at, tied to a bomb, or otherwise physically threatened on a weekly basis, can I put in for hazard pay?
• What if I'm assigned to cover a dog show? Can I get hazard pay for that? ... I could be bored to death! Or, depending on the show, I could injure myself laughing. Or I could start laughing and be injured by the other spectators. ... Okay, fine, but what if I'm seriously allergic to dogs?
• If my very sexy partner and I are put up on posters around the city as part of the paper's ad campaign, will that hurt our chances when we go undercover?
• If my partner and I are sent to jail for refusing to name our sources to the police, would going back to work together after we get out be considered a parole violation?

* The engineering/trains joke is from Peter Venkman in the Ghostbusters animated series, who once mentioned that he'd taken a year of engineering before realizing...

EDIT: Just came up with a couple more. They're kind of stupid, but I want to get them out of my head.

• This thing cost how much? I thought we had the right to a free press!
• Oh. That kind of free. ... So, if it's supposed to have freedom, what's it doing locked in the basement?

Paul

(And no, Sara, I have no idea how I come up with these. How do you write those hilarious journal entriest, which were some of my favorite early fics? Or, for that matter, fics like "Whever you will go"? I've never been able to get the hang of writing stuff like that...)

- If I'm partnered with a guy for almost two years, and I don't realize he's actually the superhero of the city, does this mean I'm not a good investigative reporter?

I may be back with more

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

A couple more:

In case I get bitten by a radioactive or genetically engineered spider, do you have any tips on how to keep my day job, go to college, and save the city at the same time?

Can I get paid extra for bribe money for anonymous sources? (Or food, as the case may be?) Information isn't free anymore, you know.

Can I have fries with that?

If i'm a natural born trouble magnet relying on my instinct, does this means I'll get my press ID faster? Slower?

Are being lucky in the relationship department and being a good scoop hunter somehow related? If yes, could you say 'no'?

What's the maximum chocolate and Double Fudge Crunch Bars ratio allowed in a newspool? does it apply to any staff desk drawer?

Can I have extra drawers?

Do you take a cyborgmaking dad, a AAA-lunatic-overbearing mother and a man(h)eater sister, as disqualifying factors to enter your journalism school? You don't, right? Right? What d'you mean 'are you insane'?!

How can I persuade the scientific community to classify chocolate as the ultimate Ace-reporter-instinct booster? What d'you mean I can't use my reporter status to get my way?

When does the Master courses in 'Lame excuses' start?

Can my cooking and sewing inability blow my cover as a perfect housewife? And as a Superhero pygmalion?

Can my cooking ability blow my cover as a Superhero?

Do I have to be Earth born to work for the Daily Planet? Or does any planet apply?

Ever heard of a newspaper called Daily Krypton?

If all my crime related sources want to meet in the part of town name Suicide Slum, do I still have to shield them? or is it just a name?

What's the current cheese of the month?

Where can I get a Great Deathdangler Club VIP member card?

If I date a second-rated-prize-award-stealer-and-so-called journalist, almost marry the wealthier crook in history and moon-eyes on a superhero, is it a step up or does that make me a lunatic that needs urgent therapist help? What if I'm allergic to therapists?

Can I make it to the top as a reporter when nicknamed Mad Kitten Lane?

--And now the lousier ones, if such thing is even possible:

How do you pick up a proper cover name?

Do I have to be an olympic champ, to make a good investigative reporter?

Is there such a word as 'chumpy'?

How do you spell 'galaktikly stewpid'?

If in the same day I get abducted by aliens, thrown out of an airplane, tied to a nuclear earth-air missile, transported in another dimension, held at point blank range by a resurrected Public ennemy N°1, washed out of my memory, and hanged out of a flagpole does that mean that I should get a social life or that only risk takers make Ace reporters?


Carole

Paul - )

- Is it natural for a reporter to keep coming up with weird excuses to leave in the middle of something, or should I investigate it?

AnnaBtG. (who is enjoying this thread very much and may contribute with more later)

• Once I move out of the dorm and have my own place, how large a display case for Kerths should I buy?
• Who should properly get top billing in a front-page byline, an ace reporter or an incognito superhero?
• Can I use my travel allowance to buy my partner chocolate, since I'm saving my employers' money by... um, making my own flight arrangements?

~Toc

Okay. But you asked for it...I have the feeling that you're gonna regret it in a minute. Well:


If I go to a costume party in Gotham City, dressed as Superman. And one of the guests is colour-blind. D'you think he'll mistake me for Robin?'

Do you have a smoked-doors-phonebooth in this class? Why? Er...just in case...

I took the liberty to install a leaded safe in my dorm, I hope you don't mind?

When you say 'watch the King Live', do you mean Larry's or is the King really alive?

How do you spell 'Tifanny'?

Can I be considered a source, if I channel with ancient gods in order to help a famous reporter tandem solving a mystery and eventually saving the world from another Biblical flood? Hum? Of course they're both alive and sane...well...

Can you define 'guys'?

If journalism is war and I'm sent on battlefield by my magazine as war correspondant. Can we consider that the opposite is also true? That war is journalism? <-- I know. I Shouldn't have. But I couldn't help it. I can't.

Carole

Now that you mention...

- Can you define 'babe'?

See ya,
AnnaBtG. (who's having a great time reading all these replies!)

I have a hypothetical question. Let's say I was a reporter, and, hypothetically, I decided to get involved with something on the side to supplement my income -- a car theft ring, say. This is hypothetical, you understand. If the police were to catch me at my hypothetical illegal activities, I'd be able to show them my press badge, tell them I was working undercover, and get away with it, right? Hypothetically.

Okay, maybe those weren't *that* funny, but they were a great source of amusment for me. As is the fact that "niche" seems to be one of her favorite words.

Fine, I'm done babbling, I'll get on to the real reason I'm posting. Paul asked, "If we're part of the 4th estate, who lives next door?"

I personally wasn't sure what he was talking about, but he explained it the best he could. Well, tonight in class we went over chapter 15. Lines from the introductory paragraph:

I just thought I'd share.

Sara (who is admittedly easily amused )

Glad to help, Sara.

about not quoting yourself or writing about yourself in the 3rd person.

But, hey! Now we have an answer to one of our questions!

Q: If we're part of the 4th estate, who lives next door?

A: The king.

Wait a sec...

Reporters are the fourth estate. The ones working for what the general populace now calls tabloids are probably on the outer edges of that estate. Kind of camping out in the back yard of the estate, one could say. Next door is the king, right? So... Is that why they're always writing about Elvis?

Paul, desperately in need of sleep

So, I know this thread is long dead, but I just had to revive it. Why? Well, our journalism class went on a field trip to the Arizona Daily Star. I was giggling like a dork on the way there because I was so excited (yeah... I was driving by myself, don't worry ). And when we got there, I had to bite my tongue because there were a few questions I wanted to ask.

• Can I take a quick peek inside the EIC's office? Why? Uh... Want to see if there's any Elvis pictures in there.
• Can I press the big red button? Please? Just for fun?
• So... Where's Jimmy?
• So do you just call this the "newsroom"? Or do you sometimes call it the bullpen? (Yeah, not that bad, but I was still embarrassed to ask. )

Sara

- Do you have a storage room with at least a window?

- Is it really necessary to have a driving license to be part of your editorial staff?

- WOW! Nice newsroom. Can I say ‘stop the presses’ or ‘freeze’ maybe?

- Are there any barber, library, book store, MD, video rental shop, dry cleaners, Chinese restaurant, French bakery, 24 hours-a-day and 365-days-a-year opened FedEx or postal service that are exclusively specialized in delivering anything “cheese of the month” related, nearby? Just checking.

- Can I source the says of an old irish lady as newsworthy? Even if she believes in dwarfs, elves, has an invisible leprechaun for a pet friend and practically lives in Tir Nan Og?

- So where’s Clark Kent? I could really need a super-typinp-help on this sto…oops!

- Do you accept loaded food containers as excess luggage on domestic flights?

- How long can you hold your breath?

- If my fiancée ends up gagged and chained to a bed. And I accidentally triggered a time bomb by trying to set her free. And we just have a few seconds left before explosion and she starts playing ‘mime-the-mystery-phrase’ in order to save the world’s peace and future…d’you think I should tell her to hold that mood or indulge her and play along?

- How many times does it take to switch from ‘rookie’ to ‘senior’ reporter? And from ‘rookie’ to ‘top banana’?

- Let’s say I have to investigate some fire-obsessed gang called the Toasters. And I end up dancing in a club in a really feathery chicken outfit. Should I ignore my colleagues’ jokes about chicken ‘Mad’ nuggets?

- Do you think Elvis somehow related to Superman and the House of El?

- Let’s say I’m a superhero with a secret identity who can put anything into orbit if he feels like it. Got the picture? OK. Now, considering my partner’s favorite lines is “when pigs fly”. Do you think she’d give me a break if I discretely throw a pig in the air to prove her right?

- I’ve got a scoop! Superman really exists!! He’s part of the national witness protection program and goes by the name of Bob Parr. And Lois Lane, she’s really Elastigirl. What d’you mean by ‘you watch too many Disney’s’ and ‘true, verified facts’?

Lousy, I know, but I needed a break.

Carole


PS: well, if you were at the Astar, ever tried asking Jimmy himself? He seems to rate good in the weather department. And you can even email him <jk>.

Very funny, Carole!! These are the ones that really made me laugh!

ROTFL!!!

Sara

Eats all the time? He's been dead for 7 years.

Not this Jimmy Stewart, Rivka:

"Jimmy Stewart is KVOA's Chief Meteorologist and forecasts the weather for the Eyewitness News Five, Six and Ten o'clock newscasts..."

KVOA Channel 4 News

Sara

Glad you liked those, Sara!

ROTFL!! I just had that vision I couldn't get rid of : Clark tossing a pig in the air and it gets me ROTFL. Especially when I imagine the poor animal's reaction: flap, flap, flap...Groiiiink?!!!

And there's also the reaction from people down there:

'look! It's a bird, a plane'
'No, it's just a pig who jump off plane without a parachute. Impact in 29, 28, 27...'

It could make a terrific gag, indeed. Well, after you, Sara!

Carole (who might think of putting it in a no-riming and completely insane poetry)

Rivka, I think the Astar's one is a kind of Alt-Jimmy Stewart that gives online weathercasts. I mean, can you picture Scaramouche in Arizona? or Stewart Granger as a mild-mannered reporter?

Oh! Huh, I should have realized . . . we have a (white) radio host named Michael Jackson around here.

Just because I couldn’t let it die :

- Do you have a Fortune cookies vending machine ?

- Are you pro or con partnership ?

- Do you work better solo ?

- Note : it’s a tricky one but, If I say ‘Frankenstein’, you instantly think : cyborgs, fiancée, doctor, fiction, movie, living-dead or Sam Lane ?

- Do you like sports ?

- Despite flags and primary colors, what does the colours blue, red and yellow inspire you ?

- D’you think I should tell our EC that now photographs do it digital ?

- Do I really have to cover whatever-ville Corn Festival, dog shows and swimsuit contests ? I mean what are rookies for ?

- Do you think you can handle this : a cloudy day in Metropolis ? <----- sorry, I couldn’t resist.

- Do you know last Elvis story ?

- Can you say MXZPLT backwards? Sir...where have you gone ? Okay, pals. Today’s class is over <eg>.

Not very funny. Yeah! you can tell, I needed a break.

Carole