Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Challenge FDK: Chi, Beta (you can read my post here first, if you want)

sorry for the unorthodox posting methods. it's like this: i'm on the road. won't be getting in for another couple days. didn't even expect to be online today. the hotel, however, has a LAN that (as far as i can tell, and i'm really really hoping i'm right) is free for guests. on top of that miracle, my laptop's ethernet card (despite all previous evidence to the contrary) actually does work.

so, i'm surprised to be able to log in, and at high speed, too. not sure when i'll be on again, either. i figured it'd be easiest to post everything now, on BR day. besides, the story is best read all at once, imo. i just split it into parts for convenience. it's a long story for me (50k!) and i figure most people like to have their story parts a little shorter.

personally, i'm most fond of the ending, so if you just finished plugging along through the beginning, i want you to know that i think it gets better later.

anyway, let me know what you think. consider yourselves BRs. if you have any comments or suggestions, tell me, here or privately.

guess that's it for now. i'm going to go build me a TOC .

Paul

It's too late at night for comments that would require any brain power, so I just want to roll around in laughter for a bit.

/me joins Jen in That was great! And it actually made perfect sense to someone who hasn't seen/read Chi of Steel, so you can rest easy there.

Paul, this was great! Loved the way you poked fun at the more open plot holes in Chi of Steel. Now, if only the eps had had a *real* beta-reader of sorts, imagine how much better they could have been!

I enjoyed your little swipe at NK, too. And at Dan. And at Mike. In fact, the only thing missing was a general swipe at Herb, but I'll forgive you.

Thanks for posting this, and hurrah for all our betas!

Hazel, who loved the MS line too

LOL! Paul, you're brilliant. Twisted, but brilliant

PJ

This was brilliant!! and I'm only on part one.

one small edit thing:
**Perry had been meeting with his broker, preparing to invest in an overseas company that required bearer bonds. A hooded the if dressed entirely in black except for a pair of intricately carved metal .**

I'm guessing you meant to type "thief" rather than "the if".

I'm off to read the rest before leaving for work.

**Well, yeah... Wait, you can hear apostrophes?"

"What can I say? I'm just that good."**


thanks for this gem! The story was a pleasure to read.

ROFLMAO!!!


Wendy

Paul,

This is great! Not only is it a good fic, but you managed to fix some major holes in the story line. I laughed all the way through! I particularly liked it that you fixed the ridiculous Jonathan and Martha story line before it even happened. I mean, c'mon! "Men work."??? And I thought I would choke when you pointed out the flaw in the fact that the granddaughter was conveniently out shopping for tea when Lois and Clark decided they needed to talk to her. Too funny! I had wondered about that... Most of the other stuff I wanted to point out has already been mentioned, so I'll cut this short.

And don't tell Anna, but I loved the bit poking fun of Dan. Great job, Paul! You had me throughout the episode, erm episode rewrite. Oh, and I hope for your sake the connection was free.

Jana

P.S. Rivka, take it from someone who has seen the episode, Paul's version makes much more sense!

Very Silly. <g>Laura

I smiled all the way through this, Paul. The parts everyone else flagged but also the digs at magic, and , oh yes, - the moose.<g> You picked the perfect episode to 'rewrite', too - so many holes in that one.
Very clever, very silly, teriffic.

Carol

Coming to the party late, and everyone has already given my comments, LOL! Paul, this was so funny. The perfect episode to "rewrite" in this format ... it was almost like "MSTying" it but in such an original, creative way.

So many funny digs ... at Dan, at Mike, at all the plot holes in this episode. I think my favorite was the one at M&J's "silly sit-com bet" with the men's work vs women's work, and especially Clark telling his mom "Did you think I would invite you here and not stock up on food?" I never caught that one in the episode before, but you are so right! Clarkie finally grew up, LOL.

Very clever and original! Thanks for sharing it with us!

Kathy

P.S. BTW, and just for future reference, I think you could have broken the story up into only two parts -- people routinely post 30K sections on these boards (at least I know I have) so I don't think you have to worry about a 50K story being too long for less than four parts.

I thoroughly enjoyed this, Paul!

What a perfect rewrite of 'Chi'. I LOLed about the moose in the hair, the references to Mike and Dan and... well, just about everything.

Great story! I love the comments Beta made, especially when she realized she was a Mary Sue! Nudging Clark in all the right directions, even having him ask Lois out. Very good!

And now, for a BR comment.. *ahem* might want to use a spell check. I noticed a few dropped letters, such as "pointe" instead of "pointed". I didn't keep track of them all, that's just the only one I can remember right now.

Paul, what an amazingly clever bit of fic!

Loved the moose so much, still laughing.

CC

Thoroughly enjoyed this Paul
merry

wow! this is much better than i was expecting! you liked it, you really liked it!

when i wrote this, i was pretty sick. the writing was going pretty slowly -- i think it about a week, maybe more -- and things felt kind of forced sometimes. i was constantly going back and forth between the fic and the script, going through everything scene by scene (except that i decided to write the whole thing from l&c's perspective, which let me cut out some material... but then i had to figure out how to add the relevant stuff back in so the story would still make sense). it was just dragging along. in the meantime, i was trying to think of what other stuff i could add in -- it's not easy to think of a good typeo to put in on purpose, and i didn't want to repeat the same gag too many times, either. far from writing itself, like most of my stories do, this one had to be prodded along every step of the way, and i had to prod myself to keep at it, too.

by the time i was done, it felt big and clumsy, with just a few gags forced in. i was still feeling sick, too. then, with the holiday and everything else going on, my BR barely had a chance to get back to me (i don't think it's my place to expand on that, but suffice it to say i'm amazed she managed to read the story. i can only put it down to dedication above and beyond). i had no idea what to expect from my readers.

let me tell you, seeing what you folcs had to say here was a very pleasant surprise. you're laughing and enthusiastic and saying it's original and... it's more than i'd dared hope.

anyway, i've now rambled on for a while, so i'm just going to respond to a few specific comments...

hazel said:

actually herb's not the only thing missing. i'd meant to add in a throw-away line at the end -- something to the effect of "I have to go see a mad scientist about some cloning research..." -- but forgot all about it when the time came. oh well. maybe i'll put it in for the archive version.

as for herb... uhm... well, you see.. he was in there, really he was. he just, uh... went back in time and edited himself back out. ... yeah, that's it. glad you forgive me for... uh, letting him get away with it.

joy, thanks so much for posting after part 1! that was especially good to hear, and then you came back and posted again! thanks!

also, thanks for this:

yes. that was my spell-checker. it did that somewhere else, too. i fixed the other one, but missed that.

jana said:

you got it. i won't tell anna. anna, if you're reading this, i didn't say anything. also, i suggest you skip reading jana's post and the bit i just quoted. you'd probably be bored.

oh, and yes, jana, the connection was free, thanks.

karen said:

thanks, karen. i did use spell check, and it found even more errors than usual. i was kind of surprised by some of them. like i said, i wasn't feeling well when i wrote the story. unfortunately, spell check can't weed out misplaced words ("pointe," for example, is a ballet term which means to arch your feet in more or less the way you would when walking on tiptoe. i learned it from my mom when she was explaining the old "pointe and flex" gym exercizes), and my BR, who ordinarlily would have caught those errors even if i'd missed them, had her own difficulties.

i'll check back over the fic before i send it in to the archives. thanks for pointing out the problem. i'd appreciate it anytime, but it's even more apporpriate for this one.

anyway, if anyone is still reading, i'm out of specific things to say. doesn't feel right, especially considering all the great comments here, but i can't think of anything to add. i can only say "thank you" so many times before it gets old. i'm just thrilled that it went over so well. thanks to everyone who took the time to let me know how much you enjoyed it.

Paul

Oh that was adorable, Paul! You are so creative and sooo funny!

I loved:
ROFL! Correctly identified indeed!

Sherry

hey sherry. i'm really glad to hear you enjoyed it, and i appreciate the general compliments, too. thanks for posting.

Paul

Paul

I'm sorry that I'm so late here.
This is absolutely fabulous.

Tricia

hey, don't apologize for being late. it's never too late for comments. besides, this is great! every time i think that's it, someone else drops by! this folder is the gift that keeps on giving.

thanks, tricia! i'm really glad to hear you enjoyed it so much.

Paul

Hi Paul!
Just found time to finish this.

I admit that, at times, it was difficult for me to follow what exactly was happening (sorry, I was really sleepy... not because of your story, of course!!), but I still liked it very much.

I especially loved Beta's comments. Her (?) first appearance had me ROTFLOLling, thinking 'how inspired!! Definitely something Paul would do'.

Beautiful story. Keep writing
See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Hi Paul,

Thoroughly enjoyed this! I loved the way that Beta 'fixed' the epiosde, and all the Beta's comments were spot on. Your story had me , so thank you very much. The Mary Sue realisation at the end was perfect!

Loriel

wow. i decided to hold off for a couple of days before responding to anna, just in case someone else dropped by. was just thinking last night that it had gotten a bit longer than i'd meant and that i should post, but i was kinda tired, so i left it for today. so, i was just coming over to do that, and here's a new post from loriel. cool! good timing.

anyway, thanks for posting anna and lauriel. i'm really glad to hear you both enjoyed the story so much.

as for the question of beta's gender, i dunno. i kinda thought of beta as female, probably because most, if not all, of the betas i've worked with have been female. still, i made sure to leave it ambiguous. there are male betas out there. heck, i've been one myself. so, even tho i'm leaning towards "female," i prefer to stay neutral.

in any case, while i'm writing, i'll mention that i still haven't gotten around to editing this one for the archive. since i'm planning to hold it for a jan upload anyway, i'm not too concerned. i am planning to get to it soon-ish, tho. we'll see how it goes. i'll be in florida for the next couple weeks, so i'm not sure how much i'll really be at the keys (no pun intended, for once).

thanks again for posting! i've said it before, and i'll say it again: this thread is the gift that keeps on giving. all for a story i wasn't too sure about in the first place, too.

Paul

Paul, I'm so glad this comments thread got pushed to the top. It reminded me that I hadn't had a chance to read this yet.

Oh my...

If you're not uploading to the Archives until January, does that mean you won't be making it eligible for this year's Kerths?

Terrific job.

Kathy

hi kathy. thanks for posting! i'm glad you caught up with the story, and that you enjoyed it so much. always great to hear.

as for your question about the kerths... no, it won't be eligible this year. a january upload will make it eligible for next year. thanks for asking, though.

in case you're wondering why, it's because of archive upload rate.

there's usually a flood of submissions at the end of the year. for one thing, it seems like more stories are written in the late fall... weather getting colder, people staying inside, kids back at school, whatever other factors i'm not coming up with. there are also usually a bunch of xmas stories. add in the last-minute submissions of older stories (writers taking stock at the end of the year and realizing they haven't sent in a story or two as well as writers rushing for the kerth deadline). so, things are just busy. the GEs have to deal with the flood of stories, and the readers have to try to keep up with all the new stories on the boards plus the flood hitting the archives each week.

by january, however, things generally taper off. there's xmas/new year's break, so writing slows down, and all the xmas stories and last-minute submissions have been taken care of. january archive uploads can be kind of sparse, sometimes only 2 or 3 stories a week.

they tend to pick up again in feb, with valentine's day and whatever stories were finished in january after the break.

so, when i write a story late in the year, i usually hold it for january. it means a little less work for the busy GEs in dec, a little more on the page for the readers during the january lull, and a little more attention for the story itself since it has fewer stories being uploaded with it. as for the kerths, last year was the first time i was even nominated. besides, it'll be eligible for the following year. if it's good enough, hopefully it'll still stand out in your memory when you look through the eligibles list a year later (and hopefully you'll take the time to refresh your memory before you nominate).

so, there's my long-winded answer to a question you didn't really ask. oh well. :rolleyes:

anyway, i should get going. i have to leave early tomorrow morning, and i still haven't packed... <sigh>
thanks again for posting, kathy!

Paul

Paul,

I am in awe of the way your brain works. How did you ever come up with this title? I love these types of plays on words, and you really are a master at it. Very well done.

The story itself is hilarious, and wickedly clever.



Well, I liked it right from the beginning, but I do have to admit the ending is pretty good. All together a fun story to read.

- Vicki

hi vicki. thanks for posting!

i'm glad you enjoyed the title. you're the first to comment on it. getting a triple pun (my first, i think) was a happy accident, but i'm rather proud of it, none the less. i'm not sure where it came from. it just kinda popped to mind and seemed perfect.

(for those of you wondering, the title can be read either as an introduction of the character "beta" to the episode "chi of steel" or as a notation that this is the "beta" version of that episode. also, by serendipitous happenstance, "chi" and "beta" are both greek letters, although "chi" is pronounced differently.)

thanks also for your comments on the story in general. the reactions to this story have been so much better than i expected, and it's so great to still be getting comments on it.

oh, btw, the story is currently being GEd, so look for it soon at an archive near you.

Paul