I'm intriqued by this fad of new authors presenting tiny snippets of their stories to see if there is any interest. For future reference: we're interested. <G> There will never be a snippet posted that generates responses like, "Eh, no thanks. Don't bother posting the whole thing."
That said, I was definitely intrigued by this. I'm not sure what relationship this preschool has to Lois. It seems clear that we are meant to assume that this takes place as she is about to marry Lex at the end of S1. So unless this is an elseworld story, I'm not sure how she is connected to a daycare center. Or, perhaps she's not related at all yet, and daycare is to be part of the A plot. I'll be interested in discovering this.
You captured the teacher's weariness well, and the hyperactivity of toddlers. Overall, the writing is very good and I saw only a few minor errors (ibuprofen, not IB profen). Also, I have no idea what this means: "First, to Issaquah and the PCC." I'm assuming, by reading the following sentence that these are health food stores where one can by soymilk and wheat germ. If that's not right, or if there is more to it than that, you may want to add an explanation.
However, one thing that did catch my attention is that this woman seems to be solely in charge of 17 children, which is most definitely illegal. She needs to have a *minimum* of one assistant if she has a class this large. Laws on the number of children per caregiver vary from state to state, but it's generally something like one care provider for every three infants, five toddlers or eight preschoolers. You can certainly stretch this, given the fact that we have to make our own laws for Metropolis, but there is no way there could be a class with one teacher and 17 toddlers. My advice is to either give her an assistant or two (perhaps assistants that aren't very helpful if you want her to be doing the bulk of the work) or knock the class size down to seven or eight. Trust me, seven or eight toddlers is more than enough to frazzle a teacher.
One final comment/question. I'm a little nervous about the title of your story. If this is going to be a dark story or deathfic, you probably ought to let us know ahead of time as there are a number of people actively avoid stories like that and would be rather upset to read one unwittingly. Actually, given the fact that upon reading that title, I *assumed* it would be a darkfic or deathfic, you might want to post an assurance that it's NOT one of the two if, indeed, it's not.
Also, out of curiousity, how long do you expect the story to be and how far along in the writing are you? I'm just curious because I don't read stories until they are completed, and I'm wondering how long I'm going to have to wait.
Looking forward to reading more!
Annie
