"Clark Kent of the Daily Planet" he answered in his usual cheerful voice. He listened to what the caller had to say. In an instant his smile disappeared, and his face became a mask of horror. Oh no, something really was wrong. Terribly wrong.
"Yes, I understand." he said in what could only be described as a monotone whisper as he slowly put the phone back down on the receiver.
This is a nice scene, as well.
You write both humor and intensity equally well. However, this is a bit disjointed without the rest of the story backing it up. I suggest you make this part one of however many parts to give yourself the opportunity to flesh it out a bit more.
I also recommend the use of a beta reader. I find it gives me a ton of confidence knowing that someone has already read through it who will tell me what parts I need to rework (not saying you need to rework any of this, but I usually need to) and what parts are already working.
All in all, I'm finding this a solid beginning, particularly for a first post.
And now for some fluff:
I always wondered why Arielle gave up her life in the sea. I mean, her father could have turned Eric into a mermaid, couldn't he?
Because who would watch a movie or read a book entitled, "The Little Merman"
Also don't forget to put the "The Longest Five Minutes" in the box for the title at the bottom of "Flashbacks".
Elisabeth
