Haha, loved this! Not familiar with the REddit-tradition, but I had a lot of fun reading along!
So, in this regard:
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u/BlindPassenger
I think there are two major points that have to be considered here.
One is that you said that this secret of yours is potentially dangerous knowledge, and that, more precisely, your GF would be in danger as soon as she is aware of that information. Now, I don't think that makes a lot of sense. BEcause, see, knowledge of secretive stuff is only then risky when A: the perosn in the know can't keep their mouth shut or B: someone else is aware that perosn knows what they know. So, you said you trust that perosn completely, which implies she would not tell your secret to anyone, and you also said you haven't told anyone else. Therefor, I don't see a possibility how knowing that secret would bring any danger to your GF since no one else would know something in what she knows has changed. The only person who MIGHT be endagered thorugh this step would, in fact, be YOU...that is, if you have doubts your GF will not spill the information...which means you either don't trust her as much as you said, or you're a coward in this regard. So, YTA.
The second thing that comes to mind is the question of relevance. Because naturally, everyone has a right to some privacy, including some personal stuff that you don't necessarily have to tell people, not even your partner in some cases. However, I'd say (and that's just my opinion maybe) that only goes so long as this "secret" of yours is simply about you and will not influence the relationship of you two. As in, the question you have to answer in this regard is: Does the secret have an effect on how the GF will feel about you in a major way? And more importantly, will "the secret" affect your life and relationship together in some form? Because if the latter is the case, your GF absolutely needs to have the right to decide on her own if she can deal with that baggage in a relationship. It's a decision SHE has to make for herself, you can't just decide for the both of you that she is "the one", propose, then, say, she agrees, and then later come up with, lets call it "additional conditions". So, if it's that big a secret that will have a major influence on yor potentila life as a couple, then, again, YTA.
That said...Now she apparently already knows, and said no. I think that's fair if the secret is really that big a deal. Now, what you have to find out is the following: Did she say no because she's mad that you didn't tell her...or did she say no because the secret, itself,made her reject you? Because in the first case, you might still have a chance to get things fixed, although I'm sure it'll require lots of hard work and some groveling from you. But if it's the second, you might just need to accept that a relationship for you two is not meant to be an dlive with that reality. It will be better for the both of you in the long run.
And that's my two cents.
PS: Did I read that correctly that she died and came back...somehow? WTH is going on in your lives? Like seriously!
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Uh, hope I did that correctly...And sorry for the long rant, but that was the perfect opportunity to get some of my frustrations out there.
