Hi Terry!
And Clark knew that neither of them had slept much the night before. He’d heard her thrashing around, trying to get comfortable in the bed without much success. The noise had subsided around four in the morning, and he’d napped on the couch off and on since then.
Oh dear. Did she practice for their honeymoon? Well, separate honeymoons, given how Clark is of the firm believe that a marriage is not to be consummated until the High Priest of Rao blesses the union?
He couldn’t tell her that he loved her – she couldn’t or wouldn’t return that love.
Yeah, he needs an updated copy of the Lois Manual for Kryptonians.
She loved him – like a brother.
He had to tell her about Superman. And he had to do it before they left for City Hall.
/checks boxes for 'he's not going to tell her' and 'it will all blow up in his face'/
Post-coital bliss is often recommended. He might even accidentally reveal himself after he has revealed himself and Lois might not care at that time.
She’d made it clear that he wasn’t to say anything important that he might think she wanted to hear.
LOIS: I meant that He. Loves. Me! Not something like that he flies around in underwear. Men! *Super* men!
CLARK:
He couldn’t imagine her not wanting to know.
LOIS: I *don't* want to know. I just want to have the right to be mad at him for not telling me before we got married.
I’ll need to get my birth certificate from my safe deposit box once the bank opens. I thought I had it with me.”
Superman could help with that. He's really good at getting into bank vaults during closing hours.
“It’s in my lockbox under the floorboard.
/imagines Lois rolling her eyes/
CLARK: What? It's lead-lined so even Superman won't be able find it. And the floorboards so tightly fit, you need invulnerable fingernails to pry it open.
We can just keep on splitting the checks fifty-fifty.”
He eats more so he should pay more. (and yes,I know it's an expression
)
CLARK: No, I'm good. Do you have *any* idea what chocolate costs these days? Or hot water?
She soaked a towel with her tears but managed to suppress the sobs. To hide the redness in and around her eyes, she took extra time with her makeup and her hair. She might feel like crap today, but she was going to look good.
Awww, the happiest day of their lives. They most definitely are a match made in hell on earth.
No, she berated herself. You don’t just care for him, you love him. And you can’t tell him, either by word or deed. And you can’t let him lie to you about it.
I wonder if they ever considered relationship counseling.
MARTHA: A good slap over the back of their heads should be enough.
I don’t want you to tell me anything you think I want to hear.
He probably would want to get this in writing.
Apparently Clark hadn’t made any more effort than she had. He wore one of his older sport coats with unmatched slacks and no tie.
Yes, but he's the black dress suit with the blue El-crest underneath?
Or maybe strangling herself.
CLARK: Funny, I had no idea she was into auto-erotic asphyxiation.
The only remnant of it was a fading fear of being wrapped up in something – probably the sheet she’d fought with as she was waking up – a something that impressed her as being something else altogether.
SIGMUND FREUD: Ja, ja, I see. This something is very likely a deep seated desire to make love to a male presence in her life. So, Fräulein Lane, you say you are getting married to the lead reporter at your newspaper? Sehr interessant. Ja. Hmm...
and I still can’t get used to the ramp where the steps used to be. I nearly tripped on it yesterday morning.”
Must be the heels.
“It’s not that. I mean, it’s not just all that, and I haven’t seen the ladies’ room.
Always covering for the CCTV equipment he's installed there, huh?
RALPH: My idea!
The men’s room looks like something on a spaceship.
*nods* Just a couple of tubes sticking out of the walls, huh?
Cat grabbed Jimmy’s arm and yanked him along with her. “Emergency! Come with me right now!”
“What? Where are we—”
Ooooh! Cat's gotten an itch and needs any man to scratch it. Even cousin Jimmy will do in a pinch.
She felt him stumble for a moment but she yanked him back to his feet and kept pulling. Something was wrong, badly wrong, she just knew it. And somebody had to fix it.
Right. She knows they're undercover and she also has a romance-radar. Okay, let's be gracious and agree it's a 'romance' radar, okay? Anyway, she's noticing their not-smiling faces which doesn't compute with the amount of will-they-won't-they that Cat has observed in the past.
It was like walking beside an angry porcupine.
LOIS: I *knew* I shouldn't have used that much hairspray.
No – not angry. Not really sad, either, or scared or frustrated or – he didn’t know how she felt.
Prickly?
She looked like she’d rather die than marry him.
To be fair, two failed marriages in less than a year and before she's even thirty. That's not going to look good on her Tinder CV.
The oldest of the other three women smiled at Lois for a moment, then tilted her head as her smile faded into apparent concern.
Is probably thinking that Lois is either pregnant or marrying for a greencard and the guy's a creep.
“Lois!” Cat called out. “Congratulations, girl! You finally got him!”
Wonder if Clark's listening.
Cat took Lois’ arm in hers and gently guided her away from the office door. “Hey, Jim, why don’t you try to calm the groom down? I want some girl time with the bride.”
Does that make Cat and Jimmy the maid of honor and the best man? And don't they usually hook up in b-rated wedding comedies?
“Sure, Cat. Just be careful how much you tell her.”
Jimmy worried Cat will scare Lois off by having 'the' talk with Lois? I guess the 101 Things to Try on Your Honeymoon, by Cat Grant might be a tad intimidating for some brides. But I bet the couple in the judge's chambers would be interested in getting a signed copy?
Lois’ eyes flashed with a hint of the old fire. “Maybe I have to get married, Cat. Ever think of that?”
So no, I don’t believe there’s a chance in Gotham that you’re pregnant.”
Ooooh! ‘Gotham’, nice one!
Lois sighed. “It’s – complicated.”
He's a Kryptonian prince and unless he's already married, his birth wife will be able to lay a claim on him. Oh, did I forget that any pre-existing condition doesn't count if the pre-existing wife ceases to breathe before the Kryptonian ceremony commences.
“Complicated like in page three, line fourteen?”
but instead of floating among the clouds he looks like he’s about to get lynched.
Oooh! She knows! But she's also insensitive - They're. In. Public!
CLARK: She *knows*?
CAT: Huh?
“It’s for the act! We’re locked out of a lot of family venues if we’re just living together! We have to earn a living and we can’t do it without the marriage license! Now do you understand?”
Cat took a slow breath and let it out just as slowly. “Yes. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions.”
“It’s okay. I probably would have done the same thing if our places were switched.”
To be fair, it's rather easy to assume that Cat's gotten pregnant by accident.
CAT: Hey! I'm a pro. I know what I'm doing.
“Annulment, huh?” Cat’s head tipped to one side and frowned. “Is Clark on board with that?”
Of course he is. Didn't you see his bright smile?
CLARK:
Lois looked back to Cat. “I’m not. Not one bit. And if you tell him that I really will clobber you.”
Ooooooh! Say, if Cat told Jimmy and Jimmy told CK, would that still hold up in court as Cat telling Clark?
Clark glanced at Lois and shook his head. “I really wish I could explain it, Jimmy, but I can’t. It doesn’t involve just me and Lois.”
Oooh, he is talking about the third person in their marriage. Lois's lover.
Especially since I know you don’t believe in open marriage.”
No, he'd be fine if Lois invited Superman into her shower from time to time.
Clark nodded. “Of course I do. I’m not that big an idiot.”
Yeah, about that...
Or maybe she was flipping from one emotional extreme to the other because she was bipolar and had never told him about it.
She could also be experiencing issues often said to be related to certain days of the month and particular chromosome configurations. And on an unrelated subject, I wonder what Clark's going to say when she shows up with a black teddy that evening to kiss him good night.
Whatever. It was too late to worry about it now.
Yeah, this is going to be awkward!
If someone had asked him about the ceremony later, he couldn’t have said much because it went by too fast for him to register it. He was just glad that Lois was smiling and that Cat and Jimmy seemed cautiously happy.
To be fair, if this had been an intentionally real marriage, he'd probably be in the same state of mind. Good thing they have photographs to commemorate the happy moment, huh?
It was more than a friend kiss or a sister kiss but a bit less than a lover’s kiss.
So, lips slightly parted but no tongue?
And it was long enough for Jimmy to get three different angles.
Oh boy. I'm taking this, there was no tongue only because Lois didn't wish to spend her honeymoon in the city jail for public indecency?
And be sure to listen close when she finally does talk to you.”
Considering this will be her screaming when she finds out he's wearing red underwear, listening closely might not be medically sound.
Jimmy lifted his camera and called out, “Okay, you two, say ‘wedding night’.”
I wonder if shots of Lois and Clark looking nonplussed makes a good wedding photo.
Surely she wasn’t thinking about – no, of course not.
So, she got that same far away stare she had when he opened that door to his hotel room all those months ago and she thought that he was naked?
Although the shots of them kissing didn’t convey friendship as clearly as Clark had expected it would.
Well, it could be a beneficial friendship?
And somehow, in all the excitement and bustle, he never asked Lois what she and Cat had discussed in the hallway outside the judge’s office.
Proper use of protection during the honeymoon phase.
She stood still, played with her fingers for a long moment as if she were waiting for him to say or do something, then she said, “Thank you.”
Ooooh, she wants to be carried over the threshold. Clark! /slaps him over the head/ Your manners!
She waited beside the door until he entered, then she locked up behind him. “You’re not still putting a key under the planter outside, are you?”
“No, you finally broke me of that old Kansas habit. Now I just hang it on a nail above the door.”
Lois looked shocked for half a second, then she laughed nervously. “Not bad for an adlib. Remember it so we can use it in one of the routines. It might get a chuckle or two.”
Yes, it does. It's even funnier when the audience thinks that Lois is just making sure there will be no Jimmy-interruptus to their honeymooning and can't be 100% sure if Clark's straight or not.
She looked, sounded, and behaved as if she were nervous about something.
Wedding night. It's her first time with a man that's not French.
Or, rather, she had to be worried that he expected there would be traditional nuptial activities
Hey, no annulment if there was hanky-panky!
“Well – I – I know we said no – uh – no – physical contact once we’re married – but I thought – I mean – I know guys expect that kind of thing on the wedding night – and I thought you might—”
“No. I don’t.”
That should hurt her. A Lot.
Her shocked look was back, along with an open mouth and a pale face as if she hadn’t seen the sun in months.
No, it's more from the slap to the face.
“I’m sorry, the sandwich is good but I’m not hungry now and do you want the bed tonight?”
Oh boy. So, she giving him the privacy of his bedroom so he can have a wedding night? On his own.
He’d hurt her. How, he didn’t know, but he had. Maybe he could find out tomorrow.
Yeah, she's going to be bitchy in the morning.
Or he could just go find some Kryptonite to swallow. It might make him feel better.
Clark had to have known what she’d offered him.
Professional caretaking, Kryptonian style.
A guy just doesn’t turn down a chance to climb in the sack with a woman – any woman – unless she utterly disgusts him.
Maybe someone should tell her that he spends a *lot* of nights with Superman. And all those showers. I guess someone needs to explain things to Lois.
He’d fooled her with that kiss. She believed that it had started his train of thought down the track she’d wanted – or, at least, the one she thought she’d wanted – to travel with him.
It has. He will spend a lot longer in the shower this evening.
And he hadn’t even let her tell him that she was more than somewhat in favor of the idea. He’d derailed her without leaving her any hope at all that he’d change his mind.
Maybe Cat should have gotten her that black teddy as a wedding present. And instructions on how to use it to shortciruit his brain. There's also the pheromone incident. Lois should remember that he both told her he would give in to her after a daylong assault on his senses and that 'maybe' he's not attracted to her after all. It's an inconsistency and a mystery to be explored. One really should lock those two in a sauna.
Maybe he just wanted to have sex with a woman he really loved.
She's completely ignoring Cat's words of wisdom, isn't she?
it was probable that he’d strictly limited his collection of bed partners.
Yes. There's Superman. And that one time in Nepal, when he met that Gotham billionaire.
If she didn’t disgust him, didn’t make him want to follow Lex to the street from his balcony in Lex Tower, then the only other possibility was that he simply didn’t love her.
Or he's gotten performance anxiety.
What else could he have been trying to say?
Oooh! Oooh! Pick me! Pick me!
It didn’t matter now. They were married in name only. They were husband and wife for the sake of the investigation. And as soon as they broke the story, she could let him go find a real wife. She’d take the legal blame, if there was any.
LOIS: Yes, Your Honor, I so much disgusted him, he would run away before I even started to undress. Consummation just wasn't possible under these circumstances. ... What? No, I never tried to seduce him after we were married. I only do that sort of thing when I'm drunk. I mean, no I did not try such a thing!
She could almost hear the word ‘Coward’ coming out of the glass.
The usual fun!
Michael